Body, Mind and Nerves (Joint - Training)

[Taiyo]

Taiyo's training under Mitsuru had been going well, yet he could still not keep his senses attuned to his own strength and speed. Often times when he would go forward, his own senses failed him at the moment of a strike. Taiyo was fast and strong of body sure, but his mind could barely process the information being given to him. Visual information, sense of smell, and hearing all were delayed when compared to his physical movement. Sure he could predict his own slash, or when he jumped forward in a quick motion. Yet those meant nothing when someone could stop the motion between those movements and see it. Taiyo felt like he was in fast motion half the time, visuals blurring when he went to strike at the dummy and so he had to tune his physical attributes to his own senses.

Currently he stood in the academy training yard, slapping a training dummy with a wooden stick over and over again. His sword colliding with the solid wooden dummy hard enough to leave dents in it. Yet his stance was awful, his grip weak, his swings a very revealing fact he was a complete novice with the sword. Sure he could smack the dummy hard enough to do damage, but the flaws in his technique made it impossible to utilize his full strength. Taiyo was still afraid of his own power, afraid to hurt someone, to break something and get in trouble. He didn't want to inconvenience anyone or hurt anyone, yet he was more afraid of the fact he couldn't trust himself. 

How could he when he had always had monstrous strength compared to those around him. Shutting a door to hard caused it to turn to splinters, stomping his foot left holes in the floor, and if he squeezed to tightly... Taiyo shook the thought form his head, that dark thought was not something he wished to entertain any longer. So he renewed his training, yet with no one around to correct him... was he doing it right? Was he standing right? How did he know the right path when he couldn't possibly understand how to be a swordsman. He didn't want to hurt people, he didn't want to kill anything... but there was hollows out there that were killing people. 

If he didn't fight them with this strength... then was he any better than them? If he didn't help knowing he could help, was he any different by letting them kill? Yet fear gripped his heart, terror of the idea of taking a life. Even as his sword struck the dummy, it was a horrible noise in his ears. The sound of a strike made his skin crawl... How could he possibly be a swordsman like this? Some part of him faltered then, and he lowered his head. How could he...possibly be worthy? 

Yet in a brilliant flash, his families smiling faces flashed in his mind. A bright ray of sunshine in that dark sea of doubt and despair. A brilliant light that illuminated his heart and he began to strike the dummy once more. He didn't have a choice, there was no other path but forward. Even if he failed a thousand times over, he would stand a thousand and one times! He couldn't rest until he was capable of giving them the safety they deserved!

[Kaen Youji]

Despite running the busy life of a Vice Captain once again, Kaen always tried to find time in his life for two things. The first was general recreation. Going off and exploring distant reaches of the Rukongai, meeting new people, trying out new eateries, and just enjoying his life. The other was to make occasional visits to the Shino Academy and see the new students. Some of them might end up serving in the Seventh Division, and others Kaen may be sent off on assignments alongside. It helped to get to know some of them ahead of time, so here he was.

There were a few in the training yard as Kaen approached, most relaxing between classes. Let people enjoy themselves. Let them relax. Take the little moments in life to enjoy its splendors, even if that "splendor" was simply kicking back with a friend on the soft grass. Kaen's interest today was in anyone who was actively training right now. Even he admitted that a Vice Captain of the Gotei 13 simply dropping in and chilling with you, could be a bit weird. He got a bit more leeway for interacting with Shinigami training-- that seemed much more reasonable and was usually a bit more appreciated.

Not that Kaen was openly showing off his identity as the Vice Captain. Even now, he often felt reluctant to wear his rank openly. He may be Vice Captain, and he may have had the skills to justify the position, but it still sometimes felt like he was simply filling the Empress's shoes-- a feeling he did his best to push past, to be the strongest Vice Captain for Squad 7 that he could be. But he was at least very clearly an officer of the Gotei 13, and the cross scar on his cheek suggested, one that had seen at least some action. Some Shinigami might have been able to identify him by sight alone, but if they did, they did.

One Shinigami hopeful was clearly putting in work. His blows against the training dummy were making tremendous resonating sounds, and they came with startling rapidity. Kaen's ears drew him to where Taiyo was practicing against the dummy, and Kaen frowned at the sight of it. He was very fast-- that was certain. One of his newer officers, Yuna Xiao, was fresh from the Academy herself, and though Kaen considered Yuna much faster than most Academy students he'd seen before, this man put her speed to utter shame. That he could strike so quickly, and with so much force spoke volumes of his physical abilities. And yet... While Kaen wouldn't call himself a master swordsman, even he could see the flaws in the man's technique. His strikes were sloppy. They jankily shifting from one cut to the next, rather than flowing in a natural rhythm. His stance was flimsy. It seemed buoyed only by his impressive physique, but that was hardly enough.

"Slow down. Stop." Kaen instructed the student, barely holding back a line to suggest that Taiyo was embarrassing himself-- the student didn't need to hear that. The Academy was about building Shinigami up, not tearing them down. Constructive criticism was fine, but there was no reason to be mean. "Mindlessly hitting the dummy isn't any use. You have to strike it with purpose. Unless you're trying to give your arms a workout, and if that's the case, you should be improving your technique at the same time." He advised. "It's very apparent that your strength and speed are the least of your worries right now."

Kaen took a deep breath. "Sorry. Introductions first. I'm Kaen Youji. I occasionally volunteer to run some of the classes at the Academy here." He commented. "Bladework isn't my specialty, but I can probably give you some pointers. How long until your next class? If you've got time I might be able to give you a hand. Maybe even give you a chance to flex your strength against someone your size. So-to-speak at least." Kaen commented, taking a glance up at Taiyo who stood nearly half a foot taller than the Vice Captain. "If you want the help that is. If you don't want it, I can take a hint. I'll go find somewhere else to kill time." He added.

[Taiyo]

Taiyo was about to strike the dummy a final time when someone came up behind him and spoke up. Taiyo had been so focused on his "training" or rather this sloppy attempt to learn that he didn't sense or hear this person. So the moment he spoke up, Taiyo being the bundle of nerves that he was suddenly brought his wooden sword down so hard it splintered into pieces in his hands as he shrieked in terror. An unintelligible curse of his own making mumbled from him as he placed a hand to his chest panting. Thankfully he did catch what his new arrival had to say, the poor man panting as he tried to calm himself down.

"Y-Yes... I am Taiyo Kodomo, a new arrival to the academy."

Taiyo would then bow in respect to the person who he assumed was a full blown shinigami given he was not wearing the instructors outfit. Taiyo was ashamed that someone had witnessed his flailing at his failed attempt to train... but he didn't know where to start yet. He had only arrived very recently to the academy and martial training hadn't truly started.

"I have time! Please any help would be appreciated!"

Taiyo's earnest desire for any progress was apparent given he was now on his knees, forehead to the ground, and hands near his head. He didn't know what this man had to teach him but any progress was better than whatever he was doing before. He felt very pathetic, but at the same time he was keen to at least begin the journey to where he needed to be! After a moment however, Taiyo would stand back up before rubbing his arm nervously.

"I have an hour or so. My class is delayed because the instructor had to do something. So I thought I'd try to do something... anything really to get stronger. I've... never touched a sword before in my life. I was a merchant before this so.. I never really got into fights. But I am a quick learned!"

Taiyo said the last bit with conviction, his hands balled into fists and eyes wide, leaning forward as he spoke. He was so invested in growing in strength, or in martial prowess he didn't care what he learned so long as he could learn SOMETHING.

[Kaen Youji]

Kaen raised an eyebrow at the trainee’s shriek of alarm. That… was new. Whoops. He’d probably need to apologize for startling him. ”Eheh… sorry about that man. I didn’t realize you were that focused.” He stated taking note of the splintered weapon.

”Well you sure did a number on both of these didn’t you?” He commented. ”Im used to seeing students mess up the target’s and mess up their training gear, but it’s not as common to see them break both at once.” He mused aloud. He let the student introduce himself with a grin. ”Good to meet you Taiyo. It can be tough starting out. Guessing you’re probably relatively fresh from the land of the living too?” He inquired. ”If that’s the case, I really get it. Coming from your world, swordsmanship probably felt like the sort of skill you’d never need, right?”

Kaen’s eyebrow spiked a bit higher at the next moment though, with Taiyo begging him to teach him. ”No need for begging. I offered already didn’t I? Relax. I’m not about to start screaming at you and I’m not the kinda guy who’s offer to help and then walk away.” He replied. ”You’re way too tense. Relax. It’ll help with your blade work too.” He advised. ”Anyways you’ve started learning swordplay right? Think about those lessons. Start with your technique, and everything proceeds from there. From what I was seeing you were just wildly hacking away. Breathe. Think. Focus.”

Kaen took a step back. ”if you’ve started learning already then tell me what you know to start with. Then tell me what you’re struggling with. We’ll start from there and work onwards.If your basics aren’t strong there’s no point in moving on to more advanced ideas. Everything in martial arts, sword or fist or bow, begins with the fundamentals. Everything is built on those. You have the floor Taiyo.”

[Taiyo]

Taiyo was grateful for both the fact the man wasn't upset about the equipment but also that he was going to help him train in someway. He was then asked if he was fresh from the land of the living to which Taiyo could only shake his head as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He had lived as a soul here all his life, born and bred here in the after after life... He wondered if that was going to be an issue when the other simply changed to asking if he had any experience whatsoever. To which Taiyo blushed a bit before shaking his head no yet again.

"I do not... I have no experience at all with swords. Never learned a stance, nor how to squeeze the blade. My father was a shinigami here, and my mother a waitress. They raised me in Rukongai and there I stayed all my life. For reasons of my own, I decided to be a shinigami here for my children and their future."

Taiyo looked to the school then, pondering about the future as he considered the academy. He had was sure they would teach him everything he needed to know in due time, but Taiyo was ready to go and had energy to burn. Sure he was lazy most of the time... but for the first time in a long time Taiyo was feeling motivated and the best way to use that was to train right now. Returning his attention to Kaen, he would begin to explain his knowledge on swordplay, which was limited to near nothing at all. He had watched his father practice before, holding a sword in his hands to swing at the air over and over again for hours on end. His father was not exceedingly strong from what he remembered... but he trained for hours like that. Taiyo was simply mimicking that behavior on instinct.

"And that is the extent of my knowledge... which is... well near nothing in retrospect. I know I will learn things from the academy... like how to stand and proper form... but I thought taking the intuitive now would work... but all I did was look like a total fool."

Taiyo's final words were... discouraged. He must had looked like a complete and utter fool standing there striking a dummy like some robot. Taiyo knew nothing of war, of fighting or of harming another living being. Even when a drunk assaulted his store once, he simply took the beating until he struck a woman in his presence. Only then did Taiyo remove him by force by simply throwing him out. Yet violence in his life had been few and far between thankfully.

"I... am not like my father. I am at odds with my own strength. I loath conflict, I despise the thought of harming another living being. But There are those out there who would do harm to another for their own sake. Hollows took my wife and child from me... I will not idly stand by and watch anyone else suffer such a fate. Even if it turns my stomach, I will learn to defend those who cannot defend themselves, even if it tears my insides out! I must get stronger..."

Taiyo felt like a complete and utter basket case, like he was fighting the wind from blowing. He fought the very nature of his being of being a pacifist but there were times when that would not hold in this world. One could not simply drop their weapon and expect another to do the same... such was the nature of all things. Such was the nature of the world of living beings. 

[Kaen Youji]

"Oh, you're native to Soul Society! My bad!" Kaen replied-- good lord, it was probably a good thing Kaen's parents weren't present, or his easygoing, careless and casual attitude would have likely gotten him dragged clear away from the Academy, and resulted in him being locked in a room to study up on proper noble manners. ...Again.

"Well, I have some bad news, and some good news. The good news, is I have some general advice that's pretty applicable in most respects. The bad news, is I'll only be able to help you with your bladework so much. I'm not a terrible swordsman myself, but..." With an easy bump of his elbow and a sweep of his arm behind his head, Kaen drew his Zanpakuto from his back, revealing a short-bladed Zanpakuto, about two feet in length-- only around two thirds the length of the standard katana. "As you can see, my Zanpakuto is a little different than the standard. It works for me of course-- Zanpakuto often do, but it's not as good for teaching traditional bladework. Still... I can help with the basics."

Kaen let Taiyo say his piece on his own motives, and he shrugged. "I don't like hurting people either. I'm probably different than you though, because I like fighting. The thrill of battle, the challenge, the rush from dancing on a knife's edge, where a millimeter's difference separates life or death. I'm a thrill junkie like that. But actually injuring people? Hurting people? No. I don't enjoy that. You might think that's a paradox. Maybe it is. But I've found that just because you fight someone doesn't always mean you have to hurt them. I've made some good friends by fighting people. Nobody got more than a bruise or a scrape. As for your family... Well.... I'm sorry." Kaen said after a moment. "I don't know you all that well yet, and I'm still basically just a stranger to you, so I doubt my words are much comfort. But for what little they're worth I really am sorry. You and I are of the same mind then when it comes to why we took to Soul Society. To gain the strength to protect the people we love and care about. I don't think there's a better goal."

Kaen sighed, and gave Taiyo a moment to compose himself. "So. If that's your goal, you're not allowed to slack. Not allowed to fall behind. Your strength and speed are well beyond that of a normal Academy student, but your technique is, frankly, terrible. So we're going to drill that, and we're going to drill it hard. And the first trick for drilling techniques is this: Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast." Kaen walked up to one of the undamaged training dummies. He grasped his weapon in two hands-- as despite its shorter blade, the hilt was still the same length as a conventional katana. He flipped the blade, so that the blunt edge faced the dummy, so as to avoid damaging it. Then Kaen simply raised his arms and cut down in an almost slothful manner. In terms of speed, even a completely ordinary human would have little difficulty dodging the movement, but it was controlled, and easy. Kaen struck the dummy with practically no force, his weapon connecting on the side of the dummy's head. Just as easily, Kaen drew back the blade from the point of impact, and delivered a second cut to the opposite side of the head, and then one to the torso, and finished with a short rising cut on the same side to the torso again.

"Now that wasn't very flashy. It probably didn't even look very impressive to you. But it was technical, and it was smooth, and it allowed me to keep my attention on every part of my technique. I've been drilling those motions for over a century now. So--" Kaen unleashed the same four strokes again, this time at a speed of 250, slightly faster than Taiyo. "--as you can see--" Again, now at 500 speed, Kaen's arms nearly imperceptible to the naked eye. "--I still maintain my technique even as I ramp up the speed. Moving slowly teaches your body the motions-- muscle memory. You drill that until your body knows the movement by heart, and then you can execute the moves naturally at higher, and higher speed." He suggested.

"Try if you want, or we can jump right into the technical aspects. Proper stance, proper swings, and all that stuff, huh?"

[Taiyo]

Taiyo was glad he was at least not alone in the not wanting to hurt anyone, but he still didn't like the idea of fighting. Such notions were beyond his concept for now, as if trying to explain the color red to a blind person. He had no way to measure such ideals or understandings as he did not actively engage in conflict. So he simply nodded, trying to measure this man's vibe with his own gut. Taiyo was... decent at at least using his instincts to measure someone else's inner feelings. It wasn't completely accurate but the man could tell this guy wasn't evil... or at least he didn't get that slimy feeling from him. He was by no means a good man, but... Taiyo felt he was genuine about not wanting to hurt others.

"I... see... I am afraid I do not understand that yet. To be a hairs breath from death is... it is not something I can understand because I've never been there before..."

Taiyo stated feeling a little saddened that he could not understand what Kaen meant, as if he was... missing something. But perhaps in battle someday, he will be able to gain a new measure of people and himself... a scary thought. What if he doesn't like what he found? The idea turned his stomach a little and fear gripped him again. Yet he shook it off for now, deciding he would think on it later. For now was not the time to be afraid. Yet as he continued the subject of protecting people, Taiyo felt a small bit of pride in himself then. A good feeling when he had been plagued by doubt and he cherished that little sensation while he could.

As for the blade Taiyo made no comment on the previous inclusion of the teachings, as any help was better than none. He didn't want to let even a drop of knowledge slip by him, else he be even more at a disadvantage later on. Yet when he went to strike the dummy, Taiyo was confused by his slow motion movement. Why was he...? Thankfully Kaen then went on to explain it, and that opened to the clarity Taiyo needed. He had used slow motion to memorize the technique before delivering on a much more fast paced display. This left Taiyo shocked as his eyes went wide at the man's speed, but it was a pleasing sight. He wasn't as fast as this guy, nor did he feel as strong. Taiyo's heart was a little more at ease.... and for a moment he felt his conviction waver. If there were others this strong then...

NO he had to slap his cheeks then. An audible slap of his hands on each side of his face as he tried to psych himself up. No way would he let someone else do the work for him! Even if every fiber of his soul was wanting to give up on this endeavor, he had to push on! He was going to become a shinigami! He was going to protect others! 

"YES! OK!"

Taiyo shouted to himself before grabbing another wooden sword, and stood before the training dummy. He held his sword still, watching the dummy carefully but in his mind he was trying to replicate the motions he saw before. He stood still for a full minute, not moving an inch save for the occasional sigh to release the tension in his body. He was stiff, but much more... relaxed than before. Not completely a wooden statue but damn close to it. He would slowly do the strike, but the sword turned in his hands on the first hit. He wasn't holding it tightly enough, afraid to break it again. A grunt of frustration before trying again... and again and again. Each time, a new mistake, each time a new failure but he was learning slowly. Footing wrong, angling wrong or just awkward movements. Yet he was slowly refining it.

[Kaen Youji]

Kaen shrugged at Taiyo's comment. "If you're lucky, it won't happen for a long time. I'm not gonna pretend that it's a good thing that I enjoy that. But it's a part of who I am. And if nothing else, it means I get a lot of experience. Battle... changes you. That much, you will need to prepare yourself for. Not that there's much you can do to prepare for it." If Taiyo had expressed his innermost thoughts to Kaen, regarding finding himself in battle, Kaen might have had a few things to say on that-- he was well acquainted with delving into his innermost thoughts, and despairing at what he was at his core. But he was better than that now. Nothing like falling to rock bottom, to help you find the strength to stand on your own two feet and decide to get better than that.

Kaen then let Taiyo take some time to practice, and after a few attempts.... "It's looking better. Remember that you drive your cut with your whole body, not just your arm. Your arms only guide the swing, your body powers it." He provided a gentle reminder. "Of course... all of this is just the fundamentals of swordsmanship. The baseline on which you'll build everything else-- some of which you're going to have to teach yourself. Only you will know how you fight best. You'll learn your own preferences, and you'll use your fundamentals to build into that." He coached.

"Besides, this early in, it's alright that it's not perfect. It's starting to look halfway passable. Try to pick up the speed just a little bit. Just cut with whatever speed feels natural. Feel how your body remembers-- or doesn't remember the motions." Kaen advised. "And once you're a bit more comfortable with that... We'll try a little bit of resistance training. I know this is a bit of a crash course, but frankly, outside of your instructors, with that kind of strength and speed, I expect you'll struggle to find people that can keep up with you well enough to force you to require good technique-- that'll make you complacent, and if you get complacent it won't prepare you very well for when you graduate the Academy and start running into people you'll actually need that skill against. So once you're a little more used to this, and warmed up, I want you to try those movements out on me. Full force, full speed. I can almost guarantee you won't have the chance to do that often." Kaen offered.

[Taiyo]

Taiyo listened to Kaen's instructions with keen interest, trying to absorb every drop of knowledge he could. But he was more of a doer than a hearer, so as he experienced it with his own body, he began to feel it out more and more. Soon he was doing the strikes with much more precision after being told to strike with his body. He was loosening up very nicely and soon he felt comfortable doing the swings. Slowly moving his arms down, letting his body being carried forward with each swing only to retract as he needed to for the next swing. Still amateurish but it was a start, a clear cut beginning. His body and mind had united the image of his father's swings. He had managed to put the puzzle pieces of Kaen's movements to overlap his own and he could replicate it relatively well.

He was then told to pick up the speed, to find that middle ground for his senses and body. This was a little bit harder but he quickly found his groove at around 150 before he was able to move up and up in speed. It took him a few minutes of striking, but each minute that passed he was getting faster, striking the dummy more and more quickly. Before even ten minutes were up, he had followed the same motion well over a hundred times. Still far from perfect, but it was well on its way as he had finally grasped the straw that lead him to where he needed to be. The basic blocks of building a swordsman had been laid and he would not forget it.

After finally hitting that one hundred mile stone, Taiyo lowered his sword, and realized he was sweating a little. Not excessively nor was he breathing overly hard... but he begun to realize a new problem. He didn't possess the stamina, a problem he had never considered. He was already growing more weary with each passing moment than he had been in a long time. His body was not use to so much activity in this sort of environment and as such he was already a little bit tired. Taiyo looked to the ground then, trying to relax his muscles as he let out a long breath. This did feel nice, to see progression and FEEL it in his body. Granted it was only the basics but, he no longer was just working his arms but now his whole body felt it. Muscles he was not aware of were now echoing the sentiment of being tired. His mind roaming over this new muscles he had never used before and feeling them.

How could he not feel a tang of pride in that but... also a bit of disappointment. He had a LONG ways to go before he could be capable of truly being a shinigami. yet that did not deter him. As Kaen had said though, he was to try this warm up on him and Taiyo turned to the man full on now. But the moment he gazed upon him and realized he was about to strike another individual... he felt his stomach wrench and fear made his arms begin to shake. He... didn't know if he was ready to strike another being. His wooden sword rattling as his hands shook and Taiyo's eyes shown the apprehension he felt toward the idea of trying to strike Kaen. Never had he struck anyone, or anything aggressively. Not even a thief or an attacker.

Yet Taiyo had to force himself to raise his blade, arms feeling like lead and feet stuck to the ground like they had blocks of stone tied to them. His wooden blade shaking violently as he tried to bully his way through the fear, to brute force his own motivation through that dark corner of his mind. He had to be more than who he was, even if it cut at the very core of who he was.

[Kaen Youji]

While Kaen gave Taiyo tips and observations as he practiced, he mostly allowed Taiyo to his own devices. To let him feel what it felt like to swing a blade. He could see the sweat burning off of Taiyo and could see he was growing fatigued, but also the fierce determination that was driving him onwards. Good. He'd need that. Determination was important after-all. One of the most important qualities in a Shinigami, in Kaen's opinion. Stamina could be improved. Strength could be improved. Skill could be improved. But determination? That was something that was tougher to train altogether.

As Taiyo rounded on Kaen, the Shinigami retrieved a practice sword of his own, sheathing his Zanpakuto on his back again. Alright, it was time to get in a light workout! But then Kaen saw it in Taiyo's eyes. The hesitation. The fear. He had said he didn't want to hurt someone, but Kaen had not anticipated it being this severe. Kaen smiled at Taiyo gently. "It's alright." He told Taiyo softly. "I'm quite tough. I've seen what you're capable of. I can take it. This is going to be a rare opportunity for you, for the foreseeable future. There will be few enough Academy Students with you that will be able to handle strength of this caliber. Before you grow complacent in that, you need to see how big the world is. So strike at me with everything you've got. If you must, then attempt to visualize. Visualize me as the thing you hate most. Visualize that the only thing standing between the person you're protecting and me is your blade, and do what you need to do. If you can't do that..."

Kaen raised his sword above his head in a stance that suggested he was about to strike. The high guard. Kaen would expect even a student with only a day of sword training to know this stance-- it was one of the most aggressive stances in classical kenjutsu. With the sword above the head, strikes came quickly, forcefully and readily, but defense was hampered due to the distance ones' weapon had to travel. "...You and your wards will die."

Kaen lunged forwards at Taiyo, moving at a speed of 250. Fast enough to be startling to Taiyo. Slow enough that, with the distance between them he'd have a moment to react. If Taiyo could not strike at him through rationality, maybe he would find the desire to strike back through instinct. Kaen's training sword darted down, and, if Taiyo didn't do something-- would stop a hairsbreadth from the man's neck before Kaen simply moved on past him, darting ten feet forwards before stopping. "You said that you wanted to be a protector. Then, in training or for real, you need to protect. You and I are different than Shinigami who fight for personal glory. The Shinigami who fights for glory only needs to answer to himself. He fights with nothing but his own pride and his own life on the line. You and I don't have that luxury. If we hesitate, if we stop, if we fail, then it is not only our lives that we are losing, but the lives of those we are protecting. You and I aren't allowed to hesitate. We aren't allowed to stop, and we aren't allowed to fail. There is too much that rests on our swords for that."

There was a frown on Kaen's face though his back was turned to Taiyo. It sounded like one thing when he said it, but always winning... that wasn't feasible. You couldn't always get the victory you wanted. Sometimes you won, but still failed. Sometimes you could lose, but still succeed. Life and battle was messy and oftentimes contradictory. Navigating the labyrinthine halls of personal philosophy, goals and what constituted victory and defeat was a challenging task for all but the dullest and most simpleminded of warriors.

[Taiyo]

Taiyo listened to Kaen speak as he talked about being able to take the blow... but it wasn't about being able to take it or not. It was the base principle of harming another, the very act of it, the prospect that he was hurting someone else for a gain to oneself. True he was trying to practice... but he had lived his whole life as a pacifist, refusing to hurt anyone himself. He loved life in all its forms, to the birds to the crickets that chirped at night. His feeling of frustrations, his anger, none of it override his desires to never harm. Even when his life was in danger he could not harm another being... Even when he watched his father die, he could not hate the rogue shinigami who did it. He even held his hand during his final moments to sooth the rogue shinigami.

Yet his mind recalled the hollow in its fury, the rage it gave off was like a boiling furnace to his senses and he couldn't win against it because he was to weak. His mind thought over this things in a flash but even as the blade came for him all he could do was lift his own... but to late. The wooden blade was inches from his neck and he felt the cold chill of death for a brief moment. The blade was fake but if it had been real... He would be dead by now. As Kaen moved away, Taiyo fell to one knee as he stabbed his blade into the ground. Panting heavily as he felt his nerves getting the better of him. He shook violently on the spot, staring at the ground as Kaen spoke.

To never lose because those he holds dear would die. His darling children flashing in his mind, each smiling happily. If Toki and Hyuki, the two of them sipping tea together in a small corner of the house. In that moment he was back in his yard, staring in surprise as his children ran past playing. It was a dream of the moment, of simplier times.... of when his family was whole. And on his back he felt the warm hand of his wife for that briefest moment. A single sentence echoing in his ears as he sat there in shock.

"Do your best."

Hushed and quiet, yet unmistakably Hyuki's voice. His mind snapped back then to the moment, eyes cast down onto the dirt. Wet spots scattered under his face as the sweat dripped onto the brown below, the earth swallowing it up. A moment of hesitation in his eyes before he stood up again, putting his sword forward once more. He was still shaking, still frightened but he was an utterly afraid little lamb at that moment. His stance was as good as it was going to get for the moment, and he could feel a light within his chest. A brightness, a feeling of soothing sun. He just... had to be the man his wife knew he could be. He didn't like hurting people true but... he knew that sometimes... life wasn't kind enough to give him a choice. He had to change who he was and so he got ready to begin again. He might fall a thousand times... but he would stand up a thousand and one times till he succeeded. 

"Understood! Lets go again!"

Taiyo shouted, hands still gripping his sword tightly and shaking ever so slightly, yet he was determined to get that fear beaten out of him!

"Even if I cower, do not stop! I will Succeed! Keep coming till I can't stand anymore Kaen!"

Taiyo's words were more scary to himself than anything else, he was ready to be struck, and if he couldn't strike back immediately... Eventually he would muster the courage to do so! He just needed to feel combat first!

[Kaen Youji]

Kaen looked at Taiyo sympathetically, but there was a hint of sternness in his gaze now. "Come at you until you can't stand anymore?" He inquired. "As you wish." Kaen darted in again, slightly slower than before, and a hairsbreadth slower than Taiyo, moving at a speed of 200. His practice sword cut forwards in a traditional vertical cut, aimed to crash down on Taiyo's shoulderblade. This time, Kaen didn't pull the blow, and struck Taiyo with a striking force of 200. Enough that it'd certainly sting, if Taiyo did not block it or avoid it, and Kaen would follow through, whirling around Taiyo. Dead again if it wasn't stopped, along with whoever he was protecting.

"What are you afraid of?" Kaen asked. "Are you only afraid of hurting? Are you afraid of getting hurt? Are you afraid of dying?" Kaen asked, as he came at Taiyo again, this time with a rising cut to the ribs. Kaen was, for the moment, deliberately telegraphing his blows, and deliberately moving in predictable patterns, coming straight on at Taiyo, and then driving past him-- emphasizing the idea of Taiyo being cut down and Kaen moving on after whoever he was protecting. Forcing Taiyo to stop him if he wanted his hypothetical ward to live.

"Normal fears. But you are aiming to become a Shinigami. Even if you can't eliminate the fear, you need to be able to conquer it. You can't freeze in the face of fear. And you in particular, with your goals, can't flee in the face of fear either. You have to face it down with defiance. Look at your sword and think about every life that's resting on it. How many people will get hurt, or even die if you drop it. Weigh that against the wellness of your opponent. If you want to look for a third, better option, by all means do so. You may find it. But if you can't even raise your blade in defense of yourself and your loved ones, you'll never have the opportunity to seek that better option."

Kaen came at Taiyo a third time, this time with a lunging thrust directly at his chest. Basic, simple attacks to get Taiyo used to the idea of defense. As much as Kaen had hoped otherwise, this wouldn't be a day for sparring. At this rate, it might be considered acceptable progress if he could simply get Taiyo to block a blow, and smack him back. For now, that's what Kaen would settle for. One successful parry, and one successful strike against him. Step two would come after that.

[Taiyo]

Taiyo was glad Kaen was willing to come at him with the intention to keep hitting him till he couldn't stand, he needed to understand that people like that existed. Sure he KNEW it, but to UNDERSTAND is different. Taiyo had faced death in the eyes of the hollow, that was not his fear... Even when asked what his fear was, he could not begin to explain the true meaning or the source of it all. He had come to believe that life as a whole was sacred, that to take a life was like committing a grave sin. One that was unforgivable, but he had never been faced with a true life or death scenario before. It was only when he had lost someone closest to him that he realized this.

The wooden sword would come into contact with Taiyo's, his sword finally able to block the first swing. But he felt the sting of his hands as the shock of blocking an attack for the first time rattled his defenses. This was enough time for Taiyo to be hit in the ribs by Kaen's blade which rattled him a little bit more, yet he quickly recovered. The third strike would be met with Taiyo managing to barely move out of the way, and as he raised his wooden blade... he froze. He had an opening to strike, whether it would hit or not didn't matter, he saw it... But he couldn't take the moment given to him. He slowly lowered his blade, and gripped it tightly, teeth clenched as he felt frustrations rise.

It was so frustrating to have this innate desire to protect those around him but not being able to lift a finger to do the defending. He had to recall the event of his wife's death, of his anger then and how he had actually lashed out at the hollow despite it being alive. If he cut it, the hollow would bleed and yet he attacked it without hesitation. If he just visualized Kaen as the hollow...

"D-Damn it!"

Taiyo muttered as he got ready again, he was getting there. Just a little more and he would breach this wall, it was so close he could feel it. All he had to do was visualize Kaen as the hollow, just look at the man not as a friend... but as an enemy! Surely he could do that much right?! 

[Kaen Youji]

Unlike Taiyo, the more Kaen worked with him, the more worried Kaen became. Technical failings were things that could be worked on. A poor swing of the sword could be adjusted. A weak defense could be improved. With every blow Kaen landed on Taiyo, every pass in which Taiyo failed to even take a swing at Kaen, all Kaen could sense was hesitation and fear. Kaen was beginning to worry that Taiyo lacked the resolve to follow through on his goals. Lacked the focus, and the determination to do what needed to be done. Kaen had hoped that laying things out for him would have helped galvanize his resolve. Kaen had worked with people who didn't love violence before of course, but Taiyo was unusual in his sheer aversion to it. Even Fourth Division officers, whom typically shared the greatest disdain for direct battle, would rarely hesitate about getting their hands dirty if it truly called for it. As it stood right now, Taiyo could be the strongest, fastest, most talented Shinigami Kaen had ever encountered, but as his resolve was now, Kaen would not entrust the lives of any of his officers to him.

Still, small steps. Taiyo was moving to parry his blows at least. They were clumsy, but at least he was making an attempt. "Good attempt. You blocked the first blow at least. That's progress." Kaen noted as he went in again with a wide horizontal cut, now keeping to the speed he knew Taiyo was capable of handling, and again moving in his predictable pattern to strike and try to pass Taiyo. "But Mr. Taiyo... Are you sure about this?" Kaen took a deep breath as he said this. Even he didn't like the words he was about to say, but they had to be said.

"You're stepping into a life of battle. A thousand Shinigami will have a thousand different philosophies. Some of them love battle and bloodshed, some of them despise it, but each and every one of us that have picked up the sword have accepted that sometimes we must endure and inflict violence. We've accepted that we will be hurt, and we may be called upon to hurt and even kill others." He stated. "You will see death. If you're fortunate, it will usually only be enemies and it will only be in small amounts. If you are unlucky, it may be your--" Kaen broke off for a moment, his own weapon wavering for a split second-- an opening for Taiyo to exploit if he so chose... No, if he could so will himself to take advantage of.

"--It may also be those close to you. Your friends. I've seen it happen, and I've had to endure it. It's not an easy life, nor one for those without the resolve to see it through. Your goals are noble. I completely agree with them, and I wish that more Shinigami would adopt such goals. But this isn't about other Shinigami. It's not about me. It's about you. Do you, have the resolve and determination to accept that life?" Kaen took a deep breath. "I apologize if I'm sounding cruel or dismissive. You've suffered a tremendous loss, and you're probably still grieving that. I want you to understand what you're going into. And what you'll need to survive that. Without resolve, without determination, you will never save anyone." Kaen brought his weapon back to bear. "Even with such things you might fail, but your failure is assured without them."

Kaen lunged forwards again. He wasn't going to burst past Taiyo this time. This time he was going to give Taiyo a last burst of incentive. Instead of charging past Taiyo, Kaen planted his feet in range of his opponent and unleashed a volley of blows. Still controlled, at that 200 speed, which he knew Taiyo could respond to, and making sure to telegraph them just enough that Taiyo would be able to see the blow coming. A direct cut downwards to the top of Taiyo's head, transitioning into a blow to Taiyo's left leg, then a blow to his right ribs, and then more blows still. Kaen intended to attack, attack, attack until Taiyo got out of reach or delivered a blow back. And that was the trick-- Kaen was deiberately neglecting his own defense. Giving Taiyo a clean shot.

If he could overcome his fear of pain, both receiving and inflicting it, and take the shot.

[Taiyo]

Taiyo felt bad to be putting Kaen through this, as he must have looked utterly pathetic. Taiyo recognized that he was an complete fool, that he fought against the very nature he was born with. That to witness such a pathetic display from him must have seemed like he had no future. Even as he blocked the wide horizontal slash, the clank of wood hurting Taiyo's ears. He didn't like this sound, he didn't like the sound of conflict. It was a completely appalling thing... But it was not like one could avoid it if they walked this path. Even as Kaen went on to speak, Taiyo understood what lay a head. He would witness deaths of those who he had come to love dearly or possibly become friends with. Close comrades, dearest loved ones or simply innocent lives.

Taiyo's defenses were getting slowly better, but it was a clumsy climb to even this small hill. He was distracted with his own inner turmoil, he felt so frustrated, so aggravated by his own nature that it was welling up inside like a dam about to break. But no matter how much he put pressure on it, pushing and pushing that fear of swinging kept him from retaliating. What if he swung and hurt someone? What if Kaen was hurt badly... no even hurt a little bit. Flashes of Taiyo's mother clutching the back of her head before revealing a palm red with blood caused him to hesitate at the opening. He held his blade before Kaen, but it shook as he felt tears burn at the edges of his eyes.

All he had to do was swing, just swing the blade! It felt so heavy... All he had to do was swing though... But it wouldn't move... Just swing one time.... But it would hurt him... Mental pain coursed through his mind as he gritted his teeth so hard it could be heard. A blood vessel forming on his forehead as he felt his whole body tense up so much so even the blade creaked at the grip put on it. It was then that Kaen began to unleash a barrage of blows, Taiyo simply taking them as he tried to fight through the pain of not being able to swing his wooden sword. He visualized the real thing, visualized that ruthless hollow who had impaled his beloved. That bloody scene hanging in his mind like a wet carpet draped over him, weighing him down.

Tears streaming down his cheeks, Taiyo could do little more than bear it. The empty sockets of that hollow as it stared down his wife and child. A wack to his forehead before Taiyo let loose a long terrible shout, raising his sword over his head. His voice deafening all his other senses, dulling his mind long enough to finally break that last bit of resistance within. The wooden sword being brought down like a hammer to an anvil with both hands. He wasn't aware if he hit Kaen or not, only that the blade was splintered against a surface. His senses lost as he bite his back the sickening sensation of swinging, falling to his knees then as he started breathing again.

His breaths ragged, panting for air while his eyes stared bewildered at the ground. Never had he struck or aimed to strike another living being with the intention to injure before. Sure he had spanked his children, or hit an object with something... but never had he aimed ill will towards another individual. He felt sick to his stomach, but... He had done it. Even as tears streamed down his face, brown eyes lost in utter bewilderment of what had just happened. It was a heavy thing, even the hilt of the now broken wooden sword. It felt heavy unlike anything he had felt before. He could only hope that Kaen had gotten out of the way in time.

He didn't want to look, didn't want to see if he had hurt Kaen. He was scared, more terrified than he had been before. Yet... some part of him was relieved. This disgusting part of him felt like it was glad to finally be free. Such a terrible feeling he quickly pushed away, somewhere deep inside. He didn't want to confront that sensation right now, no.... he had more pressing concerns. Slowly rising to his feet, Taiyo with shaking knees stood. A fear had been conquered, having broken past that barrier and now... he could fight. Now he could finally do what he needed to do. One step was taken, and it had been the most difficult one so far.

"K-Kaen?"

Taiyo was still staring at the ground, unwilling or rather... unable to look at the shinigami in fear of he might have actually hit him. It had been a sloppy attack, but even Taiyo could see that in that barrage, Kaen was not going to defend himself considering all the openings he had seen.