Confront Yourself [SOLO/all for ttp]

[Raphael Laurent]

How often had Raphael gone training for real on his own? How often had he been trying to work on his own personal abilities? But the problem was that there was really no one that he could train WITH. Everyone was either too powerful or didn’t have anything that they wanted to practice. Raphael scratched his head. Several times when he’d watched anime he knew what they called about, so called, “mental image training”, and it was something that he’d always wanted to try, but he had no idea HOW that even worked. Or, if such a thing was even possible. Regardless, he thought he might as well try to do a little bit of training on his own.



“How do I do it, though… Of course, if I’m going to go do any kind of physical training then I definitely need to go far out into the forest… Maybe, I should do some meditation?” He sighed and continued walking through the streets of Karakura. He knew that the act of appearing to meditate was easy, but actual meditation, clearing one’s mind and focusing on nothing but the world around oneself, was extremely difficult. Getting rid of external thoughts and distractions was difficult. Maybe that was how one did such mental training???



That was why he was headed far out and away from both Tokyo and Karakura Town, deep into the woods so that he could get some good training done. It was necessary, sometimes to actually be serious about this spirit stuff, he supposed and it wasn’t like he was planning on doing any heavy duty reiatsu work, yet. He still had a little bit to go before he could do that. If he had someone that could teach him how to fight a bit better, and seriously, then he’d probably attempt to learn some weapon skills or something like that. Instead…



He had gotten quite a bit stronger, enough to the point where he felt, mostly, confident enough to head far out into the woods on his own. He’d gone scouting for a place to relax a while ago. It wasn’t a bad place; it had a few rocks arranged in a nice pattern, with one flat one for sitting or resting, several trees and a large pond. It was odd how peaceful Raphael found looking at the water, but it was the easiest way to put his mind at ease. That was what he usually did when he felt overwhelmed: head towards the ocean and just sit on the beach for a while watching the waves crash against it.



He’d taken a cab all the way out to the edge of town and from there he’d hoofed it, heading faar out into the center of the woods where no one would find him, to his special spot. It was hardly quiet, birds chirped, bugs made clicking and chirping sounds of all kinds. He heard a few animals jumping around from time to time. But he sat on the rock anyways, watching the pond in front of him, trying to force everything and anything out of his mind. He’d never paid attention to those lessons that his mom had always been giving Brian and now he was really wishing that he had. She’d told him that one day they’d be important, even for him but he hadn’t believed her cuz he hadn’t had any powers like she and Brian had had. Why should he have cared? Well, this was why.



Nothing was happening, though. He wasn’t entirely sure what exactly, should be happening, considering that he was almost entirely new to this whole…spiritual thing. Sure, his abilities had evolved faster than he’d originally thought, though he was still no further along than he had been. He now possessed the capacity to use soul command which, while not exactly impressive, was certainly a wonderful power to be able to call upon.



Still there were things that he didn’t know, didn’t understand and thus he was struggling to do so. He needed assistance with the energy aspect, with knowing what exactly to do. That’s why he was out here… There was a lot to work on and not much time to do it in. He needed to get stronger. He continued trying to meditate, closing his eyes tightly.



“What are you doing?” a voice suddenly asked, shattering what little concentration he’d managed to accrue. “Why’re you sittin’ on this rock, kid?”



Opening his eyes, he saw a spirit. “Meditating. Or at least, I was trying to. And, if you don’t mind, I’d like to try and get back to it.” He stared at the ghost. He was an older man with a white beard, wearing a Hawaiian shirt and brown cargo pants. It seemed to be wearing hiking boots, but kept fading between floating, which changed his legs to an odd tail to having them again. The man nodded, but stayed. “…like I said, I’m wanting to meditate… alone, preferably.” The man watched him a second longer before suddenly opening his eyes wide and nodding.



“Ah! I see. Well, whippersnapper, if you wanted me to leave ya shoulda said so.” He started floating away, muttering something about kids not having any manners nowadays. Raphael sighed, shaking his head and started to meditate once more, hoping that the guy didn’t get found by a hollow or that he got farther away before a Shinigami found him. The last thing that he wanted to deal with today was a Shinigami asking him any kinds of questions, especially ones about why do you have x, y and z.



He focused again, this time focusing on the push and pull of the water that had been in front of him. The push and pull, the in and out, the continuous movement… Slowly he could finally feel his thoughts, the sounds and the sights of the world around him fading away. The world became black, and silent, thoughts were the water and vanished as soon as they appeared and he could feel himself at the center of everything around him.



As if he was opening his eyes, he could see a black void, from which ripples echoed from where he stood. Probably ten feet away from him was a second him, a doppleganger. He tilted his head and the other Raph did the same. They both approached each other, each step creating ripples on the surface they stood on. Then, when they’d gotten within five feet of the other, they stopped. Their ripples crashed into each other, cancelling each other out.



“Who, or what, in the hell are you?” He asked the apparition. The clone chuckled a bit.



“I’d say that’s pretty obvious, wouldn’t you? Hopefully we can go ahead and figure out all of this stuff. We’ve got some stuff to learn and not a lotta time to go ahead and learn it. Hopefully we can figure this out.”



“Definitely. I am something of a talker, huh?” The other Raph only smiled, which Raph returned. This was not what he’d been expecting.

[Raphael Laurent]

The thought that there was still a ton of work to do kept echoing in his head; and it wasn’t far off from the truth. Of all things, he knew that there were some things he needed to master: powers that none had taught him yet and that was up to him to learn. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. He knew that, if he felt like he needed it he could always turn to either Kazura or Shizuka for help in learning some of these things but… That wasn’t exactly his style. Luca might’ve been able to teach him more of the basics, but that felt like it would’ve been cheating since they were nearly the same as far as power was concerned.

That was why he’d gone far away from everyone else to train, to meditate; to do things the way that he knew best. The quiet was the good part. He could feel the deep meditation that he was in and smiled for it. Yet, as he once more awakened within his mind, he could feel the sensation of a powerful and long fall. As a matter of fact he was falling. The black void had been replaced by a city of onyx outlined in chalk, Karakura Town, and he was both nearing the ground and not at the same time. He looked to his left and there was the other him, falling just as fast. They were close now, so close and he could feel a rush of adrenaline.

“Well, this is odd. Why are we falling like this? Why are we headed towards the ground?” The other him, helpful as always, merely shrugged. There was no real point talking to this guy. He was just along for the ride. Raphael, though, he could feel something much bigger, a point to all of this and something to learn. “So, to tell you the truth, I don’t wanna find out of the old saying that you die if you don’t wake up is true.” The mirror Raphael turned his head to Raph and he swore he heard a chuckle from his apparition. It didn’t matter if he had or not. He would figure out why they were falling.

“Perhaps, you fear failing? Letting down those around you and leaving them to fend for themselves? Or, perhaps, it doesn’t really matter as to the why, but the fact that it is. You’re in the situation. Now, find a way out of it.” And with that, the apparition raise his arms and suddenly lifted into the air. But that was when Raphael realized, with horror, that he was actually approaching the ground EXTREMELY rapidly. He did his best not to panic, but he could most certainly heel his heart beating faster and faster.

“This was a bad idea, this was a bad idea, this was a bad idea… OH, this was a bad idea…” He couldn’t focus, no matter how hard he tried, and he was trying quite hard to focus on the task at hand: Stopping himself before he hit the ground. He kept thinking back to the past experiences that he’d had. Meeting Shizuka and the way that she’d manipulated the world around him, clothes and all, or Kazura when he’d manipulated the technology. Then came Lucien and something that the man had said to him at the end, as they were hobbling off to get Raph some first aid: Luftoben. No, that was the quincy name for it! FOCUS! Air-Ground…

Even in this illusory copy of the world, he could feel the air around him, could feel it beneath him, forming as he willed it to take a certain shape. Around him the air bent, and warped until suddenly, a platform beneath his feet stopped him. It lasted for a little while, not too long, and then suddenly he started going down again as it disappeared. Once more he was falling, heading down and was even closer to the ground. This time, though, he kept his focus and his cool, a platform appearing below his feet, allowing him to slide downwards and sideways as he did so, before finally coming to a stop safely on the ground.

Yet, the moment that his feet touched the ground, his eyes opened in the real world and he took in a deep breath. It felt like he’d been underwater for thirty minutes and he took in gulping breaths of air, trying to know what was going on. He looked around and couldn’t see anything. He hadn’t been dreaming, he knew that much, yet… Getting up he jumped up into the air, and focused as when he’d been falling during his meditation. He felt the same platform beneath his feet. It was sturdy and he could stand on it. He allowed the first one to fade and then made a second one that he jumped onto this time, then another and another, at 45 degree angles, as he kicked off of each one, landing after the third.

Finally, as his elation faded, he looked around. It was…dark and much later than he thought. He could, and probably should, return home for some rest, but at the same time, he wanted so badly to get back into his own mind, and meditate some more. Finally, his own desire to push his understanding of techniques and the spirit world even further. There were a few more things that he wanted to try, and so, once more he sat on the rock, closing his eyes and allowing himself to drop back into deep meditation.

[Raphael Laurent]

“You returned.” As Raphael awoke within his mindspace, the other him greeted him for a second time, the white ripples crashing into each other once more. “Why, though? Rest would do you better than continuing to work yourself to death, wouldn’t it? What good would all of this work do you, if you died from doing it?” Raphael started walking around the other him, circling him as a predator would cornered prey, staring him down all the while. “Well? What’s the matter?”

“What in the hell do you mean by die? Just meditation could kill me? How long did Buddha sit meditating on a rock for? Or all of the zen masters throughout history? No, if you know me as you claim, then you know that we work ourselves to the bone when something is bothering us this badly.” The apparitional Raphael watched the real him with half closed eyes, as though nothing bothered him with what was going on. “Well?!”

“Think back to some of your earliest lessons, back to the times when your mother was training your brother and told you to remember what she told you because it would be important one day.” Raphael relaxed, somewhat, and allowed his arms to dangle at his sides. He blinked, not entirely sure why this other him would tell him to think back to such times. They were long done, and gone, the memory a faded candle practically extinguished. But, regardless he tried. “What did your mother tell you about Shinigami? They reside in a world called the soul society, and you thought that was pretentious, they all wore black robes, which you thought was idiotic and finally they all had swords with souls inside of them, which you thought was pointless. But why did you think it was pointless?”

“Because you always have that stupid sword with you and it talks to you and gives you lessons. Sure you have to figure out the lessons on your own but it always gives you some kind of damn hint, so you’re constantly cheating on any lesson that you learn! That’s why I thought it was pointless! What kind of idiotic system is it that allows something like that, huh? Why would anything like that be a thing at all?!” The ripples below Raphael began to increase in frequency and the other him began to hold up an arm as if to shield itself from an invisible force. Slowly, Raphael brought himself back under control and the other him stopped shielding itself. “Maybe I was jealous and just didn’t want to admit it, I think that’s fascinating since you’re never really alone, also. I mean you are, in a way, cuz its part of you but at the same time…” He sighed and looked to the sky. Or, rather, at the void above him.

“Perhaps. But having a weapon with you at all times would be useful, don’t you think?” The other Raphael held out his hands and the scenery suddenly shifted, the whole thing was a black silhouette of a scene, outlined in red, but he could clearly make out the face of his mother, explaining something to Brian. It was a technique that his mother had wanted him to sit in and hear so that when the time came he’d be able to use it, but he couldn’t remember how she’d done it. He couldn’t hear her either, with how faded the memory was. Yet the apparitional Raphael was still there. “Another trip down memory lane, and this one was important, so important that she had you sit in on Brian’s lessons and yet you didn’t pay attention…” Holding one palm open and slamming his fist down into it, the apparition pulled the hand out and a longsword, sanguine in color, formed. It was similar to what Taka had done, but how had she done it? How had his doppelganger just done it? “Perhaps this is too difficult? Or…maybe it’s the wrong setting… You seem to learn better from practical applications of skills…” And the apparition gestured to where Brian had been sitting. He saw his brother’s dark silhouette get to his feet and form a spear.

He could feel his body was smaller, or the room had gotten larger, either one, but it still felt surreal. It was like he was a kid again. He’d never had any talent for this kinda thing as a kid so now he was screwed! His brother thrust the spear at him and Raph leapt to the side, moving out of the way. Yet, as he landed, his brother had already pirouetted forward, spun the spear and smacked him with the shaft, sending him flying back and slamming him up against the nearby wall. Raph coughed and struggled to his feet. Brian would never kill him, but he could hear his brother mocking him for being weak and not being a quincy.

Another piercing thrust that Raphael barely moved aside for, and his brother once more struck him with the shaft, though this time it wasn’t as severe and it was on the back of the head, but still. He was just barely dancing away from the blade, but each time he did he was struck with the shaft of the weapon. Yet even as he evaded another close stab, he knew that he couldn’t keep it up forever. He was beginning to get tired. He could feel his limbs aching, screaming at him to stop and rest for a little while, but he knew that he couldn’t. But what else could he do? It was either get run through or try to fight back somehow, but he couldn’t! Unlike his brother he wasn’t strong in this reiatsu shit! “You also weren’t strong in air-ground, if you remember. But you learned that, as you will this. And you might think that was different because you were falling and might have died, if you had not. But do not forget that here you are fighting your brother who was never easy on you. If you do not fight back, then he will kill you. That is a fact.”

Squeezing his eyes shut, he evaded another thrust and reached back with a hand, grabbing his brother’s spear and tossing the boy about three feet away, though he landed perfectly on his feet and pointed the spear at Raph again, smirking. Raph hated that about his brother. Because he’d always been gifted with all manner of reiatsu techniques, being a quincy, he’d always had this smug sense of superiority. He slammed a fist into his open palm and concentrated, all while glaring at his brother. There was a sudden spark in his palms, an energy that he couldn’t quite explain. It crackled and burned his palms a bit, but as he began to pull his hand away from his open palm, there was a halberd in his hand that seemed to glow an eerie purple and would now and then stutter as though it was trying to keep itself alive through sheer willpower. Raphael reacted as his brother made to stab him, parrying the stab with the shaft of his odd new weapon and moving his brother’s weapon aside.

Instead of anger, as Raphael would’ve been expecting, had he done this to his brother in real life, his brother, the boy smiled, and dismissed the spear immediately before he began to clap. Raphael held the weapon in his hands, it wasn’t like it was heavy but it was unwieldy and he…didn’t really know how to use it. He’d never used a weapon before, to be honest, and the thought of summoning a weapon to protect himself had been the overwhelming thought when he’d done it. But he had no idea how to use this damn thing! Another thing to practice…

He raised it high and slammed the bottom of the shaft into the ground and suddenly he was back in the real world. Slowly, and on wobbly exhausted legs, Raphael got to his feet again and tried the same thing he’d done in his mind world. While not as quickly as in the dream world, his hands eventually mustered up the same energy and, in a few short seconds, Raphael was holding a halberd made of gleaming purple energy. While it disappeared shortly thereafter, it did prove to himself that he didn’t suck at it and that he could, with some more practice, become an expert as using reiatsu for combat. He was beginning to feel insanely weak, but he knew that he couldn’t stop yet. He still had a bit more to practice…a bit…more to learn. This would have to be the last time, though. He wouldn’t have any energy afterwards…

[Raphael Laurent]

The day was almost completely done, and he could feel it in his limbs and even with every breath that he took. Now he knew why his mother had wanted him to sit in on those lessons, to figure out the same things that she was teaching Brian. This kind of work was exhausting, the simple act of meditation, working on bettering himself, he’d never had a workout like this and he used to work out a lot! What kind of insane mental training did Shinigami have to go through, if communing with their special weapons was like this? He sighed and took a deep breath. He needed to work harder than they did, if he ever wanted to be nearly as strong. The biggest problem was that their entire job revolved around this kinda shit, while his did not. He had several hours every day to practice, but, would it be enough?

Once more he poured into his meditation, diving as far down into the world within his mind as he could. He was confronted with his doppelganger, yet again, who seemed even more agitated that Raphael had recklessly forged once more into his mind, without apparently any thought. “What is it with you? Why is it that you continue to push yourself into this world, like you don’t have anything better to do with your day? Why do you persist in doing this to yourself?! I just don’t understand why you keep coming back, even through you’re practically exhausted!!”

Raphael took a deep breath, a finger running over the ring that he wore on his left hand, yet he glared at this other him. “If you’re REALLY what I think you are, then you shouldn’t ask such a stupid question. What do you mean why do I persist in doing this to myself? What do you mean that you don’t understand?!” The ground below them, that they both practically levitated above began to suddenly splash around violently, as Raphael underwent his outburst. Once more the doppelganger shielded itself with a hand as the water erupted violently around it. “What I know isn’t enough! I need to know enough to be able to protect myself and other people!! I need to keep learning, keep improving or else I might as well just be an average person for the rest of my days, and you of all people know that I refuse to do that!!”

Shaking his head, the apparition of Raphael sighed. “You just do not understand, do you? Why do you think you come in here? You come here to learn and improve. I was more than happy to help you the first two times because you’re so new to all of this, but now? No more. If you really want to learn something, then FINE. You’ll learn to not push your limits beyond what’s acceptable. You’ll LEARN that the last thing you should do is constantly try to be more than what you should be!!” The apparition twisted its head and suddenly its shoulders seemed to explode with four black limbs, a dark ooze poured out of its mouth and eyes and before he knew it, Raphael was looking at a spider like creature of darkness. “IF YOU REALLY WANT A LESSON, THEN I’LL GIVE YOU ONE!!!” Raphael didn’t even have time to react before the creature swung an arm and batted him aside and as he flew, Raphael suddenly got the feeling that he was falling and looked around him. The world had grown, a city forming around him, and he really felt it when he slammed into a rock wall and coughed a bit.

“Ok… Ok. Fine. If you wanna dance, then let’s dance, asshole...” Raphael ran at the creature as it rushed at him, swinging its fists randomly, Raphael diving under it only for one of the other arms to grab him and toss him aside. He rolled a bit, but created a platform at an angle, allowing him to angle himself back onto his feet. “Yeah, unfortunately for you, I have been learning. I’ve figured out how to get back onto my feet and I’ve learned how to fight back.” He held out his hand and the halberd reformed in his left hand. I might not be the best at this, but believe me, I’m more than willing to duke it out with you.

The odd creature began swinging its different arms at Raphael, who quickly began batting away the fists with the halberd of reiatsu, as best as he could. It tried to punch his face and he leapt sideways, rolling as he did, and using the advanced air-ground, to make a platform leaning forty five degrees and used it to leap back to his feet. Once more it tried to swing at him with a fist and Raphael barely dodged, but used the axe-head of the halberd to slice into one of the creature’s hands. While it started to spurt blood from it, he hadn’t used enough strength and had only cut deeply into the wrist itself. Then with a sudden movement, it backhanded Raphael and once more sent him sprawling along the ground, weapon dispersing as he landed.

“You’re not even close to powerful enough to actual combat me! Yet you dare to try to fight time and time again! You’re spiritual power isn’t enough to even compete with what you’re fighting now!! What do you think that you could possibly do?!” It grabbed him, and began slamming him around the buildings a few times before finally tossing him back to the front of the alley from where they’d originally come. He was exhausted, he could feel at least bruised rib and he was coughing so much he felt as though he’d just stopped smoking for the first time in the last twenty years. All of that was pretty darn bad.

“I…don’t care what others…think about me…” He pulled himself to his feet, and coughed again. “I’m not going to be stopping, just because people should say I should. I’ve always been like this. I’ve always worked as hard as I could, well, try to work super hard. Why shouldn’t I try to be as good as I can be?!” He started to glow with a lavender light, energy pulling into him. “I know that I’m not the strongest, in terms of spiritual power, but I’m determined to become strong! I will protect people with this power!” The creature rushed at him one more time, but as Raphael glared at the creature he thrust both hands forward and a beam of energy suddenly rushed from his hands, crashing into the creature. It gave an unearthly shriek as he retreated. He held out his hand again and sent out another wave of energy that crashed into the creature that Raphael’s clone had become, damaging it further and sending it flying back out into the street. “I am going to protect the people of the living world!!”

For a second the creature stood there, watching him without eyes, and then suddenly there was a flash of light and standing there was the apparition of Raphael. “So…that’s how you feel about it, huh? No matter what stands in your way, you’re going to find some way around it? That’s…admirable, in its own stupid way, I suppose.” It took a step forward and held out its hand. “I guess that’s what we’ll have to go with for now, just don’t lose sight of what’s in front of you. You know we hate to lose, even to ourself, so try not to lose as you move forward and, if you do? Then just get back up and fix what happened. Get better, like we always do.” Raphael nodded and reached out, slowly taking the hand of his doppelganger.

Suddenly he opened his eyes again. It was morning. He’d slept out on the damned rock the whole night. “Oh man… my head is killing me… I’m…” He staggered to his feet, slowly and even more unsure. He felt like he’d been working out for days. The mental fatigue was definitely real… He was going to go home and sleep the entire day away so that he could recover. “I’m gonna go home… I’m gonna get some breakfast and I’m going to sleep away the rest of the day… I need so much rest…” He yawned, and made his way away from the woods, smiling tiredly at what he’d managed in that night.

[Col Arana]

I count a total of 39 decent paragraphs, for a total of 195 TP