Why am I here? (JT July, Himitsu, Senshi)

[Senshi Odayakama (Crimson.)]

“That’s it, Odayakama-Chan, that’s it!” Was Senshi correct? Had she appealed to July’s message he was showing her earlier? Senshi had opened her mouth but was quiet as she wanted to hear the rest of what July was going to say. It would be disrespectful to interrupt the words of anybody and July always had some interesting things to say. However, it seems that instead of saying anything else addressing her, he addressed Himitsu to hear his thoughts. Senshi had stood there silent as she sheathed her blade anyway. “You know Senshi, you really gotta learn how to use me better. I would think after having me so long you would figure out the best way to use my power.” Senshi couldn’t deny that, she had a lot to learn and definitely more experience needed. “Let’s meet up together later. For now...I need to see what’s going to happen.”

Senshi was worried, stressed, wondering what the result of this test was going to be seeing she was sure Himitsu was going to have some part in July’s decision. Boy was she wrong as Himitsu opened his mouths to say three words and then July approached her like a bullet. The captain had come to her and asked her of all things if this was a fun experience? Senshi thought for a second on that...and she found that she couldn’t deny this was the most alive she felt in a while. Senshi smiled brightly and nodded her head. “Hai Kasumi’Oji Taicho. I can’t deny that I had fun with you just like the last time. Although I gotta loosen up a little bit heh~” She seemed to gain some of her demeanor back...the old her. Maybe she was devaluing herself more than she should.

There was something that she realized now. It didn’t matter if she passed or failed because no matter what she had learned something from this endeavor as the two Bankai surrounded her. She would have to keep on training and learning on her own to reach that level. She would walk that road of isolation in order to become stronger and throw away these broken feelings of regret, disgust, anguish towards her lack of power. She waited for July to say something...anything as she would be at peace at the result. ”Welcome to the 8th Squad, Senshi Odayakama-chan. There’s no backing out now.” Senshi’s mouth opened and quivered before she attempted to envelop the charismatic July into a hug. She had done it...she had passed!

So many emotions were running through her head right now. Happiness, confidence, reinvigoration, excitement. She couldn’t believe that she had actually made it to the position she was looking for in her first choice and original squad. Her embrace was warm and in this moment she spoke to July. “Arigato July-Taicho.” Now that she was his second in command, she felt as if she should address him with something a little less formal. Besides, she didn’t think he was the kind of man that cared about formalities anyways. The cerulean eyes had looked into emerald green before she looked at her wire wrapped leg. “Can we u-umm...get this off? I think I am losing blood flow to my leg.”

She said that with a smile. For the first time in a long time, she had smiled and it was then her thoughts were pointed to Himitsu Kasumi’Oji. He still hadn’t spoken his thoughts and she released July from her hold before looking to the giant. She was still uncertain about her skills...and she was sure that Himitsu was going to tell her more about what she needed to do to succeed. How far she needed to be pushed. She felt as if he was going to tell her more than what July had to offer as of yet. The redheaded reaper had looked to Himitsu cautiously for his approval or disapproval. She needed to get stronger she knew, but everyone had to start from somewhere right? Well, what was he going to say? Senshi was eager and yet dreaded to find out! He...congratulated her.

He came up to her for a formal handshake and she took it firmly before pulling him in closer and giving him just as equally a big hug as she did with July. “Thank you. You helped me out more than I could have hoped for.” Senshi had clenched her hand shut as to prevent water from spilling out endlessly into the garden area once again. He told her to go out and celebrate and Senshi looked puzzled as she released the fellow Vice Captain. Celebrate? She hadn’t celebrated anything for two centuries because there was much more to mourn than to be thankful for. Senshi’s face and eyebrows scrunched into a face that said, “Why would I celebrate? I’m not worth celebrating yet.”

She assumingly freed would step back as he asked if she had family or friends to celebrate with and she understood. She smiled as she lowered her head but it was not one of happiness. It was sadness as she turned her back to both Himitsu and July. “I never had any family...and my friends. Well, they are all dead. If you umm...excuse me, I’ll be coming by later tonight with some of my belongings and I will report first thing in the morning for duty July-Taicho. Jane.” She stopped there as her appearance was rather grim. She remembered how all of her friends died. She remembered her crazy adventures ever since she came to the Soul Society. She remembered her life in the living oddly enough as well. Funny how she was talking about all this madness as if it were casual.

The Kuroi Invasion, Col the Arrancar, The Vandenreich Invasion right after that all had taken many lives and her comrades lives were included. She didn't know why she was spared but yet here she was living and breathing right now. She wondered if Himitsu understood how she was feeling or July. They were far older and experienced as compared to she was, so perhaps they understood her dismay. "Anyways, I don't really need a celebration. Getting accepted is good enough, I'm not worth it anyways." The redheaded reaper had stood to full height before looking to July and to Himitsu. "Permission to be excused to get my things from the Barracks of Squad Nine?" Senshi would await consent before leaving to the barracks. She was going to have a busy time surely with her new duties in squad nine. Well...that would come tomorrow.

[July Kasumi'Oji]

”Oh, Odayakama-chan! Where do you think you’re going?”

She was trying to leave? Why would she do that now, why here? She had just won - got what she wanted? Why was she leeeeaving? That was silly. Silly, silly, silly. Silly, silly, silly. Silly, silly - Wait. Who had said she could leave? Where was she going without asking for dismissal from her commanding officer? What a degree of overfamiliarity? She thought she could zip away like she owned the place? How impertinent. Very sad, very sad, very sad.

”Attention, Odayakama-chan! You do not have my permission to leave!”

The call to arms was absolute. If she ignored it - she would find her path blocked by several marionettes. July’s Bankai had never been deactivated after all. Did she think she would escape so easily? How naive. July had many plans for her. And none of them involved her running away. And Himitsu had plans for her too, right? How rude to just leave… July turned sharply on his heel to his cousin-in-arms, a wicked smile growing on his face.

”Well, Himitsu-kun, I believe you had something else to say to her?”

All uses of July’s Bankai are cinematic from this point onwards (Also, sorry for the short post, but July didn’t have a whole lot to do here).

[Himitsu Kasumi'Oji]

No friends and family? This girl is as much of a loner as you are.

Hey, I did have friends, right? I mean, there was Kazuko, before he went mia. And Souza and I kinda talked that one time on th-

"Permission to be excused to get my things from the Barracks of Squad Nine?" Senshi said, cutting off Himitsu’s defense in his telepathic argument with his zanpakuto spirit. Good job, doofus. Now the kid’s running away before you could ‘help.’ Do something. Flex’s laughter rang out in the Lieutenant’s head as Senshi began to leave. Himitsu, frustrated with Flex’s obvious teasing, was about to block off Senshi’s escape when July came to the rescue. The string mannequins were certainly kinder than what Himitsu had planned.

”Well, Himitsu-kun, I believe you had something else to say to her?” The large Shinigami flashed a sheepish smile in thanks at cousin. “Yes, I did. I do. Um, there’s one more thing I want to say to you, Senshi.” Very interesting, Himitsu. Care to beat around the bush any longer? Give me a break, Flex. I haven’t really done this before.

“Senshi, I was thinking that, instead of bringing your things back to Squad 8, would you rather bring them to the Kasumi’Oji Manor? We have a lot of spare rooms that you can stay in for a while, and if you’re enjoying things, you can stay for a while. It could be a long-term arrangement. What do you think?”

[Senshi Odayakama (Crimson.)]

Apparently, Senshi wasn't going to be allowed to leave. That was evident as July vocally had said it out loud before two string marionettes had stood in front of her preventing her from leaving. "I apologize, I suppose I had forgotten that Himitsu-San had some thoughts he hadn't said to me. Please do share with me what it is that you are thinking. I'm rather nervous on what you've analyzed from me... The redheaded reaper had turned to the other Kasumi'Oji wondering what he was thinking. What he was going to analyze and tell her. She was sure it wasn't going to be anything positive, it never was from any Shinigami she's known. She took a deep breath preparing for criticism, chastisement, or an insult thrown her way. She would be forced to swallow it as she always had.

Senshi had a very negative and pessimistic attitude, but after all she's been through could anyone blame her? She has experienced many failures but this was her one major accomplishment. She wasn't going to take any more verbal abuse from anyone no matter who it was. She would try to show she was worthy of the title no matter what Himitsu had to sa-...He wanted her to move in to the Kasumi'Oji manor as compared to staying within the barracks of Squad 8. That was something entirely unexpected. Opening her mouth for a moment, she gaped before shutting her mouth confused. She tried to think about why he would do such a thing such as inviting her to stay in the Kasumi'Oji lodgings but then stopped. Was this some sort of joke? Or was there some sort of ulterior motive?

"Himitsu-San. I don't understand why you would offer me such an offer? Can you please explain why you would want to do such a thing? I hardly know you, and you hardly know me. We don't know anything about each other. Is there some reason that you are suggesting this in the first place?" Senshi tilted her redhead looking adorable puzzled as her cerulean blue eyes looked at him. She was trying to piece together why in the world he would invite her like this. It didn't make any sense to her. The redheaded reaper had given up as she couldn't find any logical reason why Himitsu would offer her to come and stay at the family manor. She wasn't part of the family. Speaking of family, that made her think back to her past...she had a family once.

She remembered the world of the living and how she had a mother and father. She never met up to their expectations and eventually they gave up on their hopes for her. She was never good enough even back then. They died when she was only just done with highschool. There was no longer any need for something like that. She was self dependent and that was all she needed. She didn't see or understand what Himitsu was saying. However, she could sense something happening. "You know red, he might have a thing for you and is trying to get you into his bedroom. I totally approve of this. Over 200 something years and you are still a virgin. That's pretty damn sad." Senshi blushed crimson red at the thought, but that was scandalous. There was no way he was thinking something like that.

Why had this come out all of a sudden? What in Himitsu's mind compelled her to come to the Kasumi'Oji manor? Something wasn't right. Looking to Himitsu, she had decided to at least hear him out first before making any decisions. "Actually. Look, we've been out here and working for quite some time. Would you perhaps be willing to talk with me about this during lunch or something like that? I haven't eaten all day other than the candy that July-Taicho gave me. It just seems a little bit odd to me that you came to me with the offer of staying in your residence. It doesn't sound very proper or polite to be asking a lady out of the blue like that without providing any context as to why you are making such an offer. What do you say?" Now...to hear his response. Senshi was definitely surprised by this, so now to see what else Himitsu was going to surprise her with. 

[Himitsu Kasumi'Oji]

"Himitsu-San. I don't understand why you would offer me such an offer? Can you please explain why you would want to do such a thing? I hardly know you, and you hardly know me. We don't know anything about each other. Is there some reason that you are suggesting this in the first place?" That was a pretty fair question. Himitsu’s invitation did come out of the blue, so while he was a little surprised with the immense curiosity behind Senshi’s response and her failure to accept or decline his invitation, she did deserve an answer from him.

“That's not completely accurate, Senshi. I think I know a little bit about you. I know that you feel very alone, like it’s you versus the world. I know that you keep fighting up hill battles that always seem to end in loss. I know that you’re sad and struggling to maintain your faith in yourself and your goals. I’ve been in your shoes before, and I want to help you.” Himitsu spoke to Senshi more like a friend than a superior or comrade. He even kneeled down a bit to overcome the height difference and speak to Senshi at her eye level.

"Actually. Look, we've been out here and working for quite some time. Would you perhaps be willing to talk with me about this during lunch or something like that?” Maybe he had made a mistake. She didn’t take very kindly to the offer at first. Himitsu couldn’t tell if she was simply taken aback or if she were actually offended. Still, if she wanted to talk about things over a meal, perhaps she was interested.

“I can’t do lunch right now. I have a few business matters to attend to,” Himitsu told her, just now remembering that he had yet to resign from Squad 6. He came to July’s office for no reason other than to procrastinate, but that was no longer appropriate. The moment he resigned, it would be possible for him to officially challenge for the captaincy of squad 7. He had his work cut out for him that afternoon. “But if you’d like to come to the Kasumi’Oji Manor tonight for dinner, I can meet you then. How does that sound?”

[Senshi Odayakama (Crimson.)]

So...Himitsu felt like as if he understood her on the inside? He said that he knew her sadness, depression, and that he wanted to help her. Senshi’s eyes widened slightly at the call that Himitsu wanted to help her. Help her? Although he mentioned that he would be unable to do lunch due to some personal business matters. The redheaded reaper bowed her head low as she slowly raised her head with a slight flush on her cheeks and then with one hand behind her head. “Wow. I umm...w-would love to come I suppose. You’re the first person in my life to ever invite me anywhere. Thank you. What time shall I arrive?” She would wait for a response as well...she seemed a little bit nervous.

Senshi was slowly reverting to the vestiges of her shy personality that she had. One that July knew to be the shy girl that he hit on before. Turning to July, she bowed her head also. “Thank you so much for giving me this position July-Taicho. I promise you that you will not be disappointed. Farewell.” Using the Shunpo one last time, she had blipped out of the barracks. With her meager reserves, she made it to the squad nine barracks easily enough. Now...was there anyone she really had ties to say farewell? Not...really. She needed some time to rest though. She had exhausted everything she had before.

“So Crimson, looks like you got a date tonight? Lucky bastard.” With a deep sigh, she fell backwards onto her Futon. “Not now Shonin Joka...not now. I really need some rest. Then, I need to figure out what I’m going to do for tonight. Think about the offer he made. Himitsu said he wanted to help me. What do you think Shonin Joka?” There was a humming in her head before there was a snap. ”Well, in all honesty, there’s no reason for him to be lying. I think you should take the chance. You know? Great scenery, he might be willing to train you, and good food every night.”

There was a pause as the redhead looked to the ceiling. “You know I don’t like living the lavish lifestyle Shonin Joka. I try to live humble and well...I sort of am worried about some sort of ulterior motive. He’s a Kasumi’Oji...and well, I heard they aren’t the most honorable people.” Silence from her Zanpakutou spirit until she received a final response. “No knowing what’s ahead unless you go for it.” There was a nod as Senshi’s eyelids slowly began to close. She fell asleep for a few hours. It was the first peaceful sleep she’s had in a long time.

When she awoke, she felt tired still from the exhaustion of today. Two Bankai...and then getting a new rank. It was exhilarating. Taking a deep breath, Odayakama Senshi lugged herself around. She took a shower, switched to a clean uniform, and then made sure she was representable. “Mhm...is the traitor going somewhere tonight?” The redheaded reaper didn’t know that was directed at her until she suddenly felt herself twisted into the direction of another female. “Ahem. I’m talking to you.” It seemed that people couldn’t let bygones be bygones. No reply as she witnessed the woman in front of her give a snide look as if trying to intimidate her.

Holding her hand out and touching the fellow Shinigami on the shoulder, Senshi then quickly pulled her hand back for just a moment. “Sai.” There was a slight yell as the woman’s hands were locked behind her back. In this time, Senshi was rapidly reciting an incantation through her head before calling out. “Hainawa.” An expansive golden rope had wrapped itself around both the body and mouth of this woman making an efficient straight jacket. Finally, Senshi had called out briefly one more thing. “Sho.” With a slight push, Senshi pushed the bound Shinigami to the floor before shutting the door behind her.

She has had enough being pushed around by people like that. She had made a mistake. Yes...she almost cast Hado#91 in a highly populated area in a rage against a Vice Captain. However, she had been helped...by Kaen. She nearly blew her brains open, but it was interesting how one man could change her so much. Stepping outside into the night air, she took a deep breath and felt more invigorated than ever before. She vanished in the next exhale. Now, she approached the general location of the Kasumi’Oji manor. A little lost...but she was sure that she was in for a real treat. Hopefully, Himitsu was waiting for her in a place where he was easily visible.

In that time period, she came with her Zanpakutou at her side. It would be rude not to bring her partner to a dinner. Senshi mentioned she didn’t have friends or family to celebrate with, so it was a refreshing and new experience for her to be invited to someone’s home for dinner. Perhaps she and Himitsu could be friends. Perhaps not. She was still having a few issues with her self confidence, but she would get better in that area over time. As for now...well, she felt as if she went from worthless to...slightly less worthless. That was a good start. Now was the time to continue onward. Move forward and try to make her goals and ambitions come true.

[Himitsu Kasumi'Oji]

As Senshi drew near the Kasumi’Oji Manor, she’d be greeted by the sight of a beautiful Victorian mansion spread across several acres of land. To call it a mansion felt insufficient. The Kasumi’Oji Manor was more like a castle in its grandeur. It was layered with terraces, long windows, stair cases leading to the front entrance and side towers. It spanned across over 700,000 square feet. Furthermore, an elegant arrangement of trimmed hedges and bronze statues of various previous heads, including Himitsu’s nieces Taiho and Azumi, his father Oozuki, and even his younger brother Yoshihiro. The entire Kasumi’Oji grounds occupied about one and a half square miles, all of which was surrounded by tall silver gates.

Upon her arrival, Senshi would find a young boy around the age of 11 or 12 waiting for her. He had messy brown hair that contrasted with his formal clothes. “Hello, Miss Senshi,” he greeted her cheerfully as she neared. “I’ll be escorting you to your dinner with Himitsu. Please follow me.” He opened the large double doors of the silver gates, the only entrance into the manor. Expecting Senshi to follow, he began walking along the main path toward the front gates. Their walk would last for about than eight minutes, so Senshi would have time to strike up conversation if she wanted to.

The boy led her through the main guards, past the mammoth front doors of the mansion, down the primary hall underneath the twin staircases, and, finally, into the first level dining room. As she walked into the dining room, she’d find Himitsu already waiting for her. He was seated at the head of a very long table possessing over 30 seats. “Hello there, Senshi,” he said with a wave. “Please take a seat wherever you’d like. Kenji here can take our order when you’re ready.”

Himitsu motioned to the boy he addressed as Kenji as he spoke. The boy responded with a smile. He seemed quite relaxed in the room with Himitsu. There was still this difference in authority between the two, but it was more akin to the relationship between a mentor and student than that of a master and servant. “Feel free to make any request. I’m sure our chefs can make it for you.”

[Shizuka Sanamizu ✮]

Senshi dropped out, but I'm going to count those paragraphs towards the totals for July and Himitsu. 186 paragraphs total.

Himitsu (TTP Training) = 930 TTP

July (CTP Training) = 930 CTP

[Senshi Odayakama (Crimson.)]

Upon arriving at the Kasumi’Oji land...she was mislead to when it was called a manor. It was certainly a castle and there was little to no arguing this claim as she found herself suddenly approached by a young boy with a cheerful introduction. “Hai.” She was slightly slackjawed at the place as she took note of the grandeur statues, the intricate design. Never before had she seen a Victorian castle of the Europeans. However, it would be proper to ask this fellow his name seeing it seemed he already knew hers. “Gomena, but may I get your name young man?” She awaited a response as she was a little overwhelmed by how rich and extravagant everything looked. It almost seemed sinfully rich as compared to those of non nobility within the Soul Society. ‘Wow...this guy seems to be richer than a cheesecake don’t he Senbun?’ She wondered that herself as she just wondered what kind of man was Himitsu Kasumi’Oji. Why not ask?

“Also...what kind of man would you say Kasumi’Oji Dono would be?” It was important to ask in the perspective of his servant as to help guide her on the way he treats people. She already had a general dislike for nobility and their inherent corruption and misuse of power. Many times their arrogant behaviors holstered this. She would listen though for a solid opinion, taking words to heart before walking through the gargantuan doors and the guards placed at the front. Guards...guards meant possible enemies or intruders. If not, then just possible aesthetics.

Upon being introduced into the dining room of the Kasumi’Oji, she saw it was a long table adorning many chairs, assumably for the rest of the family. Although she found this odd on why Himitsu adorned the Victorian style rather than traditional Japanese culture/heritage. However, when she was given the opportunity to sit wherever she would like as well as the greeting, Senshi bowed her head in respect before looking at the choices. Where would be the ethical place to sit in front of a man like Himitsu? He was likely observing her mannerisms. Would it make sense to sit farthest from him considering likely more close family would be sitting next to him? Would it be more logical to sit next to him so that they might converse? What was he looking for? In the end, she ended up making a bold choice. Sitting to Himitsu’s left side.

“Arigato Himitsu-Kun.” She said it in a cheerful tone before thinking briefly what she would like to eat. “Curry sounds good right now...with Udon noodles in it and a side of rice. Thank you Kenji-Kun for leading me here.” As Kenji would take his leave, Senshi decided to start off with some casual conversation to begin their meeting. “I don’t quite remember if I mentioned before, but your Bankai is rather spectacular. Although...what is it’s power? I didn’t understand it...how it healed me and gave me the power to use water.” The redhead looked at Himitsu closer with her cerulean eyes. This man was to be respected not only for his position or Bankai...but for the will she saw in him. There was something special, and she wanted to know more. More about the offer. Although she also wanted to get to know him more as an individual as it would be detrimental of her opinion of him.

She had a small smile on her face, although she wondered herself nowadays if it was really genui-. No, she was able to accomplish a major milestep that many other Shinigami couldn't. She had just went from being a no name unseated officer to a Vice Captain in one day. That was something that was boastable, but what with her lacking in many areas, she wondered if she was truly fit for the position. It seemed Himitsu was contemplating that at her training session. However, he didn't seem to be the person who would pull out of saying something just to be nice. Well, whatever the case, if he wanted to say something, he had the opportune chance at this moment to spill his heart. More self confidence, more drive to improve, this was what Senshi needed for her success in the future. Himitsu offered to help her. He wanted to be her friend, and so she would accept that. She needed more of that. 

[Himitsu Kasumi'Oji]

“I’m Kenji,” the boy responded as he lead Senshi through the Kasumi’Oji manor. He took on her questions casually, not minding the conversation at all. “The Kasumi’Oji Dono? You mean Himitsu? I like him. He’s been nice to me and the rest of the kids in the worker’s quarters. Of course we have to do some work and take care of some chores, but he pays us and gives us a place to sleep so it’s a fair trade. It’s way nicer in the Kasumi’Oji manor than the Rukongai districts we used to live in.”

Once Senshi sat down across from Himitsu and made her dinner request, Himitsu looked to the boy that brought Senshi in. “You heard her, Kenji. An order of curry, if you will. Make that two. I’m a little hungry.” The boy nodded in acklowedgement and scurried behind a set of doors that undoubtedly lead to a kitchen, leaving Himitsu and Senshi to their conversation. It seemed that the newly-appointed lieutenant was interested in Himitsu’s bankai. No one had yet seen all of the abilities Himitsu’s bankai contained, but the Kasumi’Oji didn’t see the harm in explaining the attributes that Senshi already witnessed.

“The thing I did with the water isn’t actually part of bankai. That stems from my shikai’s ability, which prolongs the duration of all my spells. Normally, Gouzen Demizu is a single wave of water. However, by causing the wave to rise from your hand, I turned it into a continuous water canon. As for the healing, one of the properties of my bankai alters attacks so that the damage they’d normally cause instead heals the target. That’s why, by cutting through your wounds, I was able to heal you.

“But I don’t think you requested this dinner to ask about my powers. You wanted to discuss something with me. What’s on your mind?”

[Senshi Odayakama (Crimson.)]

So, it seemed Himitsu was a man of generosity at least in terms of his servants. He didn’t treat them bad, he paid them, and gave them shelter in exchange for minor services. She would have asked more, but she was now close to Himitsu. He had ordered what she was having, and crossing her hands together, she listened as she spoke with general interest at what his power could do, but it seemed Himitsu knew this was all just small talk. He wanted the main point of what Senshi was asking. That was fair, Senshi would speak up on what her questions were. However, it wasn’t in her nature to be very blunt about things. Yet, there really was no beating around the bush was there? He wanted it straight and to the point.

“There’s a lot...but let’s start small. The first thing is, I am not expecting to stay here without any rules set for me. That’s a given, so what are the ground rules? Two, you said you relate to me and wanted to help me. Thing is, I’m no dummy. Surely there’s something that you want out of this in return right? If not, you’re a rarity. Good hearts are hard to find. Your empathy is what is allowing you to make this choice, but I want to know what kind of person you are Himitsu-Sama, before I do anything else.” The Kasumi’Oji in front of her was a bit of an enigma. She hardly knew anything about the Vice Captain but he said he knew exactly how she felt. Why? How?

She waited for a response before she took a small sigh. “Finally, I felt that while we were training, you likely felt a little restrained in telling me your true thoughts. While I'm glad that I met July Taicho’s expectations, I want to know what you think of me. I heard you say that you didn't think I fit the role when we were in the barracks earlier today.” Those blue eyes avoided eye contact before one looked up at his face. It was likely her lack of skills and experience in her mind. Or maybe it was because she told him of her marred record. The question ached on her as she felt as if Himitsu’s validation would confirm her worth as of now. She had taken from her experience today though. Just because she might not be worth much now didn't mean she wouldn't be able to raise her value for the future. Thus, she needed to know what he thought she needed to work on. Then it dawned on her that when she mentioned she felt suicidal and depressed, she was labeled as weak. She was weak. There was no shame in acknowledging the truth.

Her inexperience and lack of former leadership positioning within the Shinigami ranks was likely another thing Himitsu was talking about. Maybe it was her lack of confidence? There were so many things that could be the cause of his thoughts of doubt. She appreciated the fact that he said she deserved a chance to be tested though. Senshi needed honesty more than anything else. Going soft on her while she was in this position could be the death of her in the future. Did he feel she was ready?

[Himitsu Kasumi'Oji]

”The first thing is, I am not expecting to stay here without any rules set for me. That’s a given, so what are the ground rules? Two, you said you relate to me and wanted to help me. Thing is, I’m no dummy. Surely there’s something that you want out of this in return right? If not, you’re a rarity. Good hearts are hard to find. Your empathy is what is allowing you to make this choice, but I want to know what kind of person you are Himitsu-Sama, before I do anything else.”

Himitsu decided to take her questions one-at-a-time. ”The ground rules are pretty straight-forward. Just be courteous. I’ll have a room with a bathroom set-up for you. You’ll be able to request a meal from the kitchen whenever you’d like. If you want to borrow any family resources, you can ask for my approval and maybe get access to them. I hope that’s fair to you.

“As for your second question, the answer is pretty simple. I want you to succeed. If giving you a proper home and some tools to help you out makes that more possible, I’m happy to do so. You’ve had a rough past, Senshi, but you’re goal is a noble one, and I hope you can achieve it sometime.” Himitsu didn’t mention to her that he had the same aspirations, not yet at least. First, he wanted her to chase individual success before he’d decide she would be a useful collaborator.

Senshi waited a little bit before throwing a third question Himitsu’s way. “Finally, I felt that while we were training, you likely felt a little restrained in telling me your true thoughts. While I'm glad that I met July Taicho’s expectations, I want to know what you think of me. I heard you say that you didn't think I fit the role when we were in the barracks earlier today.” The Lieutenant sighed. “I didn’t mean to offend you, Senshi. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings in anyway.

“However, I have to be honest. You need to do more for yourself than just train your body. Based on your performance in July’s challenge, I don’t believe that you have the best judgement under pressure. While I admire your courage as you jumped in front of me to defend against July, I am confident that self-sacrifice was not your only option at the moment. You could not properly analyze the situation, and if that were a real battle, you would have left your men leader-less against a stronger enemy, dooming them to almost certain death.

“I used to be like you, thinking that dying in duty was the ultimate honor. I was wrong. Living to see your goal through is infinitely more important. Regardless of what I say, you’re a Vice Captain now, but I’m being honest with you because I want you to be the best Vice Captain you can be. I’m on your team, Senshi.”

[Senshi Odayakama (Crimson.)]

It was almost hard to believe how fair these ground rules were. He didn’t expect anything from her other than what one would expect from a proper house guest. On top of that, he was perhaps willing to offer her resources too? There was no catch. The only answer to that was her mouth agape for a moment before a nod upon realizing how rude she was by staring with like some sort of dumbfound idiot. He wanted her to succeed, and that was the only reason why he wanted to help her. Closing her mouth, she felt conflicted on the inside. He just...wanted her to be the very best she could possibly be. “I-I...just. Thank you.” There was no other possible way to express her words than that. 

“I’m not offended...I was being an idiot today and I realize that if I killed myself without accomplishing anything, I guess that really would make me useless...wouldn’t it?” Looking to the ceiling for a moment, she thought back to when things were better. That was how she wanted it to be. It was bizarre how things were going in her life nowadays. She was being bold in even applying for Vice Captain with no former officer experience either. Yet, she now had the spot and she had to prove that she was worth the spot. She wanted to be somebody...and now she was. Thing is, could she keep up the expectations needed to hold it? No, no more questions. No what ifs. She WOULD meet those expectations.

Himitsu as a vice captain to another wanted her to be successful because they shared very similar experiences. That...touched her. It hit her deep as she looked at Himitsu with a newfound sense of respect. “I’m thankful.” Her eyesight went blurry and her chest felt lighter, yet the feeling that came with it was so foreign and yet oh so familiar. Standing, she wanted to wrap him from a hug...and yet refrained herself. No. It wouldn’t be proper. She pulled back last moment seemingly too hesitant on doing such a basic sign of affection, yet she’d be willing to jump in front of a knife that was launched at Himitsu. How odd she was.

Shaking her head, her hand went to her face and was held there a moment before she swallowed it. She bottled it. What reason was there for her to cry? Senshi had become Vice Captain of Squad 8 that was no sad reason for her to be crying. However, these were not tears of sadness that she had experienced many times in her time here as a Shinigami. These were the few tears of happiness upon solidifying her value and being told by that rare someone that she wasn’t going to be something that was easily replaced. She wasn’t going to be forgotten if killed.

“Someday...I promise I’ll change the Soul Society and make my dreams come true. I-I want to thank you for…” She ground her teeth before she spoke in a gritted tone. “Supporting me!” The tear well couldn’t keep the dam held back, and she released it, silently weeping into her sleeve, twin trails of tears escaping from her. Her free hand clenched at the table cloth that was spread across the area...and again she’d exclaim her gratitude. “THANK YOU SO MUCH!” Almost suffocating, she took time to breath, deep breaths. Compose herself in front of Himitsu. How could she cry and show him her weakness and such emotion? It was wrong to cry. It was wrong to feel. It yet felt so good. So good and bad. So bad but good.

This was a different feeling as compared to when she hugged July earlier today. This feeling was something deeper than what she felt with him. Himitsu hadn't just expressed that he was there to support her, but had told her that he wanted her to be the best she could possibly be. That was something that didn't come so easily from anyone. Out of everyone she's met, she'd only heard that from Kaen once before. That he would be there for her. Now she heard it a second time from Himitsu. July she was sure would be there, but this was going to be something that would change her life forever. She would change for the better hopefully...and she'd be someone that would be here to stay for a long, long time. 

[☾ Aevus | Umbra ☽]

Senshi- 110 CTP

Himitsu- 110 TTP