Post by Kaen Youji on Dec 2, 2023 14:01:00 GMT -5
"Really? Huh. I dunno if that's necessarily accurate for me then. I'm just not someone who... ergh. What's the phrase? "Puts out"? On the first date." He replied. Or the second or third most likely. As far as her comments about his family, Kaen gave a sigh and shook his head. "I mean... I'm glad that's the talk, because that is what I aim to try and be." He started, thinking closely about his next words.
"But I don't share my family values about that sort of thing." He finally stated. "The Youji family's like most noble houses. Very focused on their status, making good appearances, pushing for higher status within the courts of the Seireitei.... and looks down on those who aren't nobles. Like many of the noble houses I've seen, they're convinced of their own superiority by virtue of bloodline." He sighed. "And as such they expect any union within the family to be from equally good bloodlines. Put another way, other nobles, or at the very least, individuals that will raise the status of the household." He pursed his lips in minor annoyance.
"I don't agree with them. But they are still my family, and I do still care about them. We fight a lot on that subject, but I never doubt that they care about me, and I them." The tangles of noble politics were a nightmare to Kaen. He'd been forced to learn the basics of course, and he could go through a noble court without embarrassing his family if he needed to but it was not at all natural to him. He preferred to be casual, and laidback in most things not related to getting stronger and fighting. Honestly, even Kaen's nature as a brawler was probably seen as a blemish on the Youji family records. Well. Then again... He did get that particular trait from his father.
Mizu did however, hit the nail on the head as to why Kaen had been erroneously considering her offer and he gave a quiet chuckle. "Honestly? Yeah, that about sums it up. I wasn't thinking my answer through at all. I just wanted to help someone who was asking for it." He replied. His step faltered as Mizu stepped in front of him, and his eyes widened in surprise at the quick kiss to his cheek. "I uhh...." He cleared his throat slightly to try and overcome the surprise. "You didn't have to do that you know."
He wasn't sure how to progress from there so he settled for letting Mizu take the lead again. Once they'd fully taken their seats, she did exactly that. Kaen folded his hands in front of him as he thought about it. It was a strange subject for him to discuss. On the one hand, he wouldn't dream of putting the struggles he faced on the same level as those that many in the Rukongai faced. He'd seen both firsthand, and while his lifestyle had been restrictive, for many in the Rukongai it was a completely different sort of discomfort, and one that could end in death. Kaen had never wanted for anything material. Food, entertainment, clothes, a roof over his head. It was something that he knew that was an alien concept to the Rukongai citizens. And as much as he personally had broken the rules, the difference was in the expectations. He had been expected to behave a certain way. There were indulgences that he was not to partake in, and vices that he was expected to partake in. The right words to say, the right way to stand, to sit, to bow. When it was appropriate to start a meal, and end a meal. When to wear this outfit or that, how to speak to one of equal status, how to speak to one of "lesser" status. His day regimented to the minute, and deviation from any of this was met with harsh disciplinary punishment. From the beginning of his life, Kaen was expected to shoulder the duties of the entire family, and to carry them with the distinction, deference and dignity that his family believed themselves to be worthy of.
Still, he had to answer her question somehow. "...It's certainly different than what you know. I'm not so arrogant as to ignore that there were a lot of benefits to be said for living as a noble in the Seireitei. With very few exceptions if child me saw something I wanted, it was mine. Foods, clothes, toys. As long as they met the family standards, it was fine. It was... restrictive though. Everything I did had to align with the family values. Who I talked to. What I said. How I said things. How I carried myself. It was like wearing a mask at all times, that I wasn't allowed to take off. Ever. Kaen Youji, the noble. Not Kaen the person. Encouraged every day, being told: "You are better than other people, so act like it." He shook his head.
"Honestly, the one thing that I wanted growing up that I couldn't have was the freedom to make my own choices and mistakes. Even something like this conversation we're having now. The things I'm saying to you now, would have been forbidden to me when I was growing up." He stated. "It's not that the family couldn't be warm. My mom and dad loved me. Dad was stricter and pushed me towards joining the Gotei 13 like he did. And for that I'm grateful. He found the best teachers to work with me, so that by the time I entered the Academy, I was already a prodigy at hand to hand combat, skilled with a blade and knew the academics to the letter." He tapped a finger pensively.
"For all that they gave me, for all I'm grateful for though, the one thing I've always wanted to do was just spread my wings and fly free." He concluded. "I know living in the Rukongai without someone to protect you like I had isn't easy. And dangerous. But in that one aspect, I was always envious. That the people of the Rukongai have that freedom to live their lives like they choose to. It's something I've been fighting for most of my life. To be known as Kaen the person, not Kaen Youji the noble." He smiled. "I'm grateful to the Gotei 13, because it's afforded me a chance to find and meet people who can see it like that. Even if they hate me for it, at least they're hating me for who I am, not because of the blood running in my veins."
Kaen shook his head. "Sorry, I went off on a tangent there, that wasn't really what you were asking was it? Growing up with a family huh? I mean... for everything I just said about it though... It's nice to know that there's people looking out for you. Even if they do so in ways you'd rather they not. It's nice to have someone that you know loves you unconditionally. That even if you make mistakes, even if they're angry or disappointed in you, you know they'll still have your back regardless." An image flashed through Kaen's mind of his father standing between him and an assailant... and not an hour after a huge argument between them. His father had given up his career as a Shinigami, and his right arm to protect his son, and a family servant even while still seething at the boy for the earlier argument. Because petty disagreements like that fundamentally did not get in the way of family. If nothing else, the Youji family had given Kaen that.
"But I don't share my family values about that sort of thing." He finally stated. "The Youji family's like most noble houses. Very focused on their status, making good appearances, pushing for higher status within the courts of the Seireitei.... and looks down on those who aren't nobles. Like many of the noble houses I've seen, they're convinced of their own superiority by virtue of bloodline." He sighed. "And as such they expect any union within the family to be from equally good bloodlines. Put another way, other nobles, or at the very least, individuals that will raise the status of the household." He pursed his lips in minor annoyance.
"I don't agree with them. But they are still my family, and I do still care about them. We fight a lot on that subject, but I never doubt that they care about me, and I them." The tangles of noble politics were a nightmare to Kaen. He'd been forced to learn the basics of course, and he could go through a noble court without embarrassing his family if he needed to but it was not at all natural to him. He preferred to be casual, and laidback in most things not related to getting stronger and fighting. Honestly, even Kaen's nature as a brawler was probably seen as a blemish on the Youji family records. Well. Then again... He did get that particular trait from his father.
Mizu did however, hit the nail on the head as to why Kaen had been erroneously considering her offer and he gave a quiet chuckle. "Honestly? Yeah, that about sums it up. I wasn't thinking my answer through at all. I just wanted to help someone who was asking for it." He replied. His step faltered as Mizu stepped in front of him, and his eyes widened in surprise at the quick kiss to his cheek. "I uhh...." He cleared his throat slightly to try and overcome the surprise. "You didn't have to do that you know."
He wasn't sure how to progress from there so he settled for letting Mizu take the lead again. Once they'd fully taken their seats, she did exactly that. Kaen folded his hands in front of him as he thought about it. It was a strange subject for him to discuss. On the one hand, he wouldn't dream of putting the struggles he faced on the same level as those that many in the Rukongai faced. He'd seen both firsthand, and while his lifestyle had been restrictive, for many in the Rukongai it was a completely different sort of discomfort, and one that could end in death. Kaen had never wanted for anything material. Food, entertainment, clothes, a roof over his head. It was something that he knew that was an alien concept to the Rukongai citizens. And as much as he personally had broken the rules, the difference was in the expectations. He had been expected to behave a certain way. There were indulgences that he was not to partake in, and vices that he was expected to partake in. The right words to say, the right way to stand, to sit, to bow. When it was appropriate to start a meal, and end a meal. When to wear this outfit or that, how to speak to one of equal status, how to speak to one of "lesser" status. His day regimented to the minute, and deviation from any of this was met with harsh disciplinary punishment. From the beginning of his life, Kaen was expected to shoulder the duties of the entire family, and to carry them with the distinction, deference and dignity that his family believed themselves to be worthy of.
Still, he had to answer her question somehow. "...It's certainly different than what you know. I'm not so arrogant as to ignore that there were a lot of benefits to be said for living as a noble in the Seireitei. With very few exceptions if child me saw something I wanted, it was mine. Foods, clothes, toys. As long as they met the family standards, it was fine. It was... restrictive though. Everything I did had to align with the family values. Who I talked to. What I said. How I said things. How I carried myself. It was like wearing a mask at all times, that I wasn't allowed to take off. Ever. Kaen Youji, the noble. Not Kaen the person. Encouraged every day, being told: "You are better than other people, so act like it." He shook his head.
"Honestly, the one thing that I wanted growing up that I couldn't have was the freedom to make my own choices and mistakes. Even something like this conversation we're having now. The things I'm saying to you now, would have been forbidden to me when I was growing up." He stated. "It's not that the family couldn't be warm. My mom and dad loved me. Dad was stricter and pushed me towards joining the Gotei 13 like he did. And for that I'm grateful. He found the best teachers to work with me, so that by the time I entered the Academy, I was already a prodigy at hand to hand combat, skilled with a blade and knew the academics to the letter." He tapped a finger pensively.
"For all that they gave me, for all I'm grateful for though, the one thing I've always wanted to do was just spread my wings and fly free." He concluded. "I know living in the Rukongai without someone to protect you like I had isn't easy. And dangerous. But in that one aspect, I was always envious. That the people of the Rukongai have that freedom to live their lives like they choose to. It's something I've been fighting for most of my life. To be known as Kaen the person, not Kaen Youji the noble." He smiled. "I'm grateful to the Gotei 13, because it's afforded me a chance to find and meet people who can see it like that. Even if they hate me for it, at least they're hating me for who I am, not because of the blood running in my veins."
Kaen shook his head. "Sorry, I went off on a tangent there, that wasn't really what you were asking was it? Growing up with a family huh? I mean... for everything I just said about it though... It's nice to know that there's people looking out for you. Even if they do so in ways you'd rather they not. It's nice to have someone that you know loves you unconditionally. That even if you make mistakes, even if they're angry or disappointed in you, you know they'll still have your back regardless." An image flashed through Kaen's mind of his father standing between him and an assailant... and not an hour after a huge argument between them. His father had given up his career as a Shinigami, and his right arm to protect his son, and a family servant even while still seething at the boy for the earlier argument. Because petty disagreements like that fundamentally did not get in the way of family. If nothing else, the Youji family had given Kaen that.