Post by Kaijin "Quinn" Cole on Jul 13, 2018 4:46:13 GMT -5
(OOC: Each section will have their own particular reason for training, such as CTP, SP, etc. They shall be stated in the beginning of a section when changed.)
CTP
"Drifting....Darknezz.... Nozhingnezz...... A place zhat can not be found. Feeling zhee open space of nozhing. Zhough, even zhough it iz nozhing...... I feel zhat....zhere should be zomezhing..... Buut what?" Alone, deep into the darkness. Laying a float in the sea of nothingness. Beyond the realm of reality. A dream? It could have been one but the feeling that it should have wasn't there. A sense of nostalgia. Familiarity. Something about the darkness that she resided in held some emotion that felt ...... similar. As though a part of something much larger than before. Even with her eyes closed, the atmosphere that it held embraced her. Silent, cold, and yet a lingering sense of warmth. The emotion was there in its embrace. A lingering line of compassion in the cold void. Just, what was this that she was feeling? "You know what it is..... Another voice beckoned from where the flow of emotions were leading her to. What was all this?
Her body remained aloof in the void that held nothing but emotions. They grew the closer she got to what would be the source. Fingers drifted in the sea of the darkness. Legs tethered by the flow of tugging energy. Every moment she could feel her body becoming heavier. In her mind, Kaijin felt it. The end to where all of these emotions were drawing her to. The voice called out to her were........her own thoughts? Thoughts and ideas that she pushed in the back of her head? Resentment? Doubts? "Anger..... Despair.... Regret........ The darkness played tricks on the mind. Passing on, she bore witness to such a darkness. Not knowing where to go, or to move on. Just trapped in whirpool of thoughts, emotions, both the past and the present. Two sides mixed as much as they collided with each other. Continuously shifting Kaijin was caught within the storm that remained invisible to the naked eye.
"Zhiz iz.....familiar....Zhiz place iz... As if waking from a long slumber, the void opened bare to the sapphire pearls that gazed out at it. A pitched roof made of cloth. Wooden support beams that were divided into three, each one holding its own shared weight of the covering over them. Safety nets decorated the center gap between each beam. A single rope knitted tightly from one platform to the next, linking them to that of a single pathway for the most daring of individuals. Her foot extended outwards, taking its place within the open space that the center ring occupied. What was this place? That very thought crossed her mind repeatedly with each detail that she touched with her fingers. Parts were old, already rusting along the seams and surfaces. The bark of the wood worn down as the very cracks splintered outwards to reflect their constant struggle against time. The dust here was thick as it portrayed itself to be like fog shrouding the distant images from plain view. Was this really a dream?
"You know zhiz place....... Her voice echoed once more from the distance. Herself, her own sense of self spoke with heavy discontent. Kaijin didn't know why she felt it. Something deep inside her felt as though she knew this place. A fragmented thought that sought out the remaining pieces to itself. They were looking to become complete. One being. Walking about the arena, what was stirring inside herself became that of anxiety, and guilt. Something she felt that she lost. An empty spot somewhere inside herself. The French girl couldn't focus on what it was. What could it be? Kaijin wondered as it continued to swell deep inside her heart. Something was missing. Something that was once there. "You know what it izz. Zhiz pain. Zhiz sadnessszz..... Zhiz despaa-ration....... Being abandoned.."
Kaijin treaded slowly, only seemingly to become more and more dull with each step. She felt heavy as gravity itself seemed to take its toll on her body. The more she walked, the weaker she felt. "Why? Why? Why was she feeling like this? The place that surrounded her appeared to close in on her. A step forward, or a step back. It didn't matter where she advanced as the world around her drew closer and closer to her. And with each step, the echos did as well. "You are foregetting, Madame............ All zhat was here before iz now gone....... All zhat remainzz...... iz zhe void.... Zhe void zhat you have made." A void that she made? Abandoning and forgetting? Kaijin tried to recall the events the days before. She wandered around, looking for food, clothing, housing; any means to survive. Looking through trash and scavenging the bits of left over food. It wasn't ideal or clean, but a means to live on without causing trouble to others. She would be hunted, if not already.
The days blurred together. Day became night as it became day once more. The sense of time rolled through the cycles as the Sun met with the Moon at their meeting at twilight. Although she knew that time was passing, the concept of it became irrelevant. Her reality felt very much like a trap. At any moment she would found and killed. Karakura became a prison in it of itself without a sense of direction, or that of an idea. A place that she was suppose to protect, and become a haven for those among the living, became a relentless prison that had her twisting and turning without a care. Nothing seemed familiar in the dark alleyways. Nothing seemed to be inviting in the wastes of the sewers. All she knew that if she was hard to find, then she would be safe. If she couldn't be found, then he would be safe. So, she pushed onward.
In this world, the echoes continued. Calling out to her as if they held the force to keep pushing her. "Iz zhiz what zhey died fore? Zhe life zhat they gladly gave zheir own fore?" Her head was struck with pain. A lance through the side that dug only deeper as she struggled to pull herself back up onto her feet. Crunching forward, the sides of her skull throbbed endlessly as the screams of pain and struggle ensued. Their images still haunt her. Members of Squad 2, and that of Tsunami, fought to save her. Members of her party struggled bravely against those who they believed were in the wrong. While not the entire squad participated, only those that Kaijin had helped to train, to care for, fought. Others remained behind to protect those who knew nothing. While not as trusted as the others, they had to be kept safe. People like Kisala, she had no choice but to keep in the dark, and away from what could come. But still, it didn't stop the screaming and blood curdled cries from rising up from behind her. It didn't stop the pain and despair she felt that day.
"You could have saved zhem all............ But you didn't.... Zhey died because of you........... Because you were greedy.......... Imbecile............ Zhey died.......because you were weak....." Kaijins fingers dug into the hair and sides of her scalp, not knowing that they were causing pain of their own. She didn't realize it at all. In her mind, she felt fine to move forward, but in her heart, her soul, she knew that something was missing, and stirring because of it. "Zhey died........ because of what you are." The voice was more concentrated this time around. It had a direction. An origin. Kaijin could feel it. Her heart and soul felt it. The throbbing pain inside her that stirred constantly, endlessly. It was coming from behind her now. She gazed at it, turning away from position that kept her kneeling. Her eyes opened wide as she saw what stood there. She didn't recognize it, but the sensation that eminated from it caused her heart to stop, and sink lower into the darkness.
It was a face that she thought she recognized. A silhouette trapped within another. Shades differentiate from another that panned across its face. Some could have been made out where the eyes would be. Others helped to shape the curves and edges of the apparition's face. But how it stood was vaguely familiar. Kaijin took to her previous stance as she stood apart across from the shadow. It stood to mimic her own movements as the Fullbringer adjusted herself. It followed the subtle gestures, re-enacting postures and small signals that her natural instincts ordered her to do. She couldn't believe it. Something lingered in this dead world, and it knew who she was. "Are you really zhat zuprised? After all, you did leave zhem all behind.
The thoughts that lingered in her mind were being spoken back to her in the open. How.."How can I be one zhat knowz what you ar' zhinking about?.... Your past, what you zhink about, everyzhing zhat you try to hide......... the silhouette danced fluidly, rounding the woman with each step taken, carefree. ".... You leftz zhem to die....... You abandoned zhee people zhat relied on you......... And you have betrayed him azz well." She left them behind? Left them to die? Images of those in Squad 2 shook her brain stems. People of her squad, those that resided within Tsunami gave their lives to defend Kaijin from those who were to deliver justice against her crimes. Those who were positioned to carry out the sentence for what Kaijin had done unto Soul Society. Against the odds, Kaijin pitted herself against those odds, and she lost. And it was because of that others had to die for it. Instead of Kaijin having to pay the price for her crimes, others sought to fill in her stead.
"Zheey died because of you, Madame....... Because of what you did.... Because of what I did...." Looking into the silhouette, the image slowly took shape. The shades of shadow began to unveil itself, removing from the surface the facade that resided over it. It had a shape that refused to show itself to Kaijin. Hair that lost its original luster. Shortened as if it was to rid itself of its original design, breaking away to rebel against what was suppose to be. Its eyes dulled. What were pools of a glistening clear sea were nothing more but dulled pearls. Skin tone and life faded away from the surface. Everything about this entity was different from what she had seen before. The only distinct features about this being that stood before were two things; the gaping hole that rested over where the heart should be, and the face that reflected her image. It couldn't be.........
"......you? Iz zhat what you were zhinking about......" The woman beat Kaijin to it. What the situation was she couldn't believe. Kaijin's arm rose to cling to the missing part of herself. Feeling the darkness around her sink in. Bit by bit it consuming the warmth from her spirit, she felt... "...I'm cold... it said. What was suppose to come to mind instead came out from the phantom's being. Without moving its lips it spoke the very words in which she was feeling, close to uttering as it came about. Everything that she kept inside was being exposed as a separate form. An entity in which she did not know about, or assume as such. Such a thing was impossible.
Whatever it may be, the question remained; who did she betray? The woman announced Kaijin's betrayal to a particular person. "He." Who was "he" in which she spoke of? "....Marcuzz............ I'm sorry..." Kaijin's eyes widened once more as it uttered the name. How, how did she betray him? Why him? "I was zuupoze to protect him..... Keep him zafe.......... But now........Now.... I ......can not stay... whizz him.... Thinking about it now....... With her escape from Soul Society, knowing that she is alive, others will come looking for her. Because of her "Because of me... Marcuz will be hurt.. Hiz life will be in danger." Because of her others will be looking for a way to find her. It did not matter if her presence was hidden among the people of Karakura. She understood the methods in which the Gotei 13 will use to find a traitor, especially one that held the rank of Captain. She possessed classified information about the Seireitei's inner workings, and that of other workings. The Fullbringer's mind was dangerous if searched by the wrong individuals.
Those connections in which Soul Society had with the World of the Living varied, meaning that there were many to be utilized in scenarios such as this. Too many variables to truly take into consideration as Soul Society's network was massive. The Kuichikis she was aware had their fingers into many different aspects of the World of the Living, based on the activities of Souzen Kuichiki. Many would be deemed as an offense, but were easily set aside by Central 46. Could it really be that they were in league with the Kuichiki Head? How far did such corrupt go? But why did it matter to her now as she was no longer a Shinigami? It did not matter to her, it shouldn't matter......."....But it doez matter......... " She didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to hear none of it. Like her shadow, the woman clung to her presence as it continued to whisper what resided in the woman's mind.
"You tellz yourzelf zhat, but deep down inzide.... it iz ztill zhere.... Zhee anger fo zhoose zhat killed your squadmates.... Zhee hate.. Zhee hate of yourzelf zhat you could not do moore zhat you already did.......You felt cheated... Cheated because zheey are zo blind to zhee truth." She didn't want to hear it. Thoughts and emotions that reoccurred again, and again. Consistent in their attempts to draw her spirit into the pits of despair and darkness. A place where there was nothing but pain, sadness. It was a void where nothing else mattered, and all hope dies. In the manner that the entity spoke, it carried with it the aura of one who had lost everything. Every word uttered held the same tone as the atmosphere did.
"Tell yourzelf.... zhat if you do zhee right thing zhat everyzhing will be fine.... Live in zhee dream zhat you made foo-yerzelf. Becauze in zhee end, none of zhat will matter... All zhat will matter iz if you dezide to make zhee change whizz your own handz." These were the thoughts that came to her mind when Soul Society began falling apart around her. The imagery that the young girl painted on a flawless canvas started to stain horribly, creating the gaps that were needed to peer through to see the truth. Serving with the Shinigami, she painted over the stained to help recreate the flawless image she had before they were revealed to her. With effort and time, that just society in which she painted in her mind would come to fruition. But the more that she did, the more it became obvious that it was a fraud. ".... It waz all a lie..."
Her heart was struck. Skewered through by the pins and needles that were the emotions she kept inside. Each one running her through from the depths of her soul, piercing through the frame that was her body. Spikes in which she could not grab and remove from her body. The realization was there. And was the thought....."You want to deztroy zhee Soul Society.....do you not?" the shadow uttered. No. It wasn't what she wanted. The time of service, those who she got to know, those that served along side her and became.. "...friendzzz?....Iz zhat what you thought of zhem? Do not be naivee, Madame. Zhey betrayed you zhee time zhat zhey were needed most." That wasn't true. Those of her squad, of Tsunami, came to her rescue despite not being told, or ordered. They didn't have a reason to do so, to risk their own lives in order to protect hers.
There was no reason to feel guilty about it. She had friends, but they had to do what was necessary for them to carry out their duties. Each member of the Gotei was a full fledged Shinigami. What such a title holds is the responsibility of maintaining order and balance of the spiritual entities that remained in the worlds around them. It was their duty to police themselves according to their stations. Kaijin could not fault them for such a thing as arresting her. ".....But.....zhey could have liztened. Zhey could have investigated zhee matter.... But they didn't. No investigation. No other arrests. No interrogations or a desire to hear her story. The only fact that was there that was played off was a Captain attacking a noble estate for her own pursuit of power. That was the bottom line of the entire situation. An easy summary as to what resided behind the scenes of Soul Society. Corruption was everywhere, and no one knew about it. That, and the possible dangers that would come in the near future them all. This was what upset her most.
The Kawadas. The Kuichikis. Central 46. All of them were dangers to the future of the World of the Living. Kaijin was the only one who knew this. She was the only one who could make the difference. Because, if she didn't then........ "..Zhen Marcuz will..." NO! It won't come to such a state as Kaijin wouldn't allow it to be. It didn't involve them. "... zo you zay... It didn't involve them. It didn't involve her anymore. She wasn't a Shinigami.
The phantom that took on her image giggled softly almost amused at the fact that Kaijin was attempting to cover up the truth. A truth that she felt inside was more true than anything that she ever believed in. Her smile wide, but her eyes telling a different story. Shame? Sorrow? Pity? Whatever it was annoyed the Fullbringer. Her hand balled into a stern fist. And before she knew it, that single fist was thrown outwards at the shadow. It stepped back, missing the collision between two spiritual entities. Kaijin wanted nothing more but to erase that smile. But most of all, what Kaijin wanted to remove from her sight was a copy of her face looking down at her.
CTP
"Drifting....Darknezz.... Nozhingnezz...... A place zhat can not be found. Feeling zhee open space of nozhing. Zhough, even zhough it iz nozhing...... I feel zhat....zhere should be zomezhing..... Buut what?" Alone, deep into the darkness. Laying a float in the sea of nothingness. Beyond the realm of reality. A dream? It could have been one but the feeling that it should have wasn't there. A sense of nostalgia. Familiarity. Something about the darkness that she resided in held some emotion that felt ...... similar. As though a part of something much larger than before. Even with her eyes closed, the atmosphere that it held embraced her. Silent, cold, and yet a lingering sense of warmth. The emotion was there in its embrace. A lingering line of compassion in the cold void. Just, what was this that she was feeling? "You know what it is..... Another voice beckoned from where the flow of emotions were leading her to. What was all this?
Her body remained aloof in the void that held nothing but emotions. They grew the closer she got to what would be the source. Fingers drifted in the sea of the darkness. Legs tethered by the flow of tugging energy. Every moment she could feel her body becoming heavier. In her mind, Kaijin felt it. The end to where all of these emotions were drawing her to. The voice called out to her were........her own thoughts? Thoughts and ideas that she pushed in the back of her head? Resentment? Doubts? "Anger..... Despair.... Regret........ The darkness played tricks on the mind. Passing on, she bore witness to such a darkness. Not knowing where to go, or to move on. Just trapped in whirpool of thoughts, emotions, both the past and the present. Two sides mixed as much as they collided with each other. Continuously shifting Kaijin was caught within the storm that remained invisible to the naked eye.
"Zhiz iz.....familiar....Zhiz place iz... As if waking from a long slumber, the void opened bare to the sapphire pearls that gazed out at it. A pitched roof made of cloth. Wooden support beams that were divided into three, each one holding its own shared weight of the covering over them. Safety nets decorated the center gap between each beam. A single rope knitted tightly from one platform to the next, linking them to that of a single pathway for the most daring of individuals. Her foot extended outwards, taking its place within the open space that the center ring occupied. What was this place? That very thought crossed her mind repeatedly with each detail that she touched with her fingers. Parts were old, already rusting along the seams and surfaces. The bark of the wood worn down as the very cracks splintered outwards to reflect their constant struggle against time. The dust here was thick as it portrayed itself to be like fog shrouding the distant images from plain view. Was this really a dream?
"You know zhiz place....... Her voice echoed once more from the distance. Herself, her own sense of self spoke with heavy discontent. Kaijin didn't know why she felt it. Something deep inside her felt as though she knew this place. A fragmented thought that sought out the remaining pieces to itself. They were looking to become complete. One being. Walking about the arena, what was stirring inside herself became that of anxiety, and guilt. Something she felt that she lost. An empty spot somewhere inside herself. The French girl couldn't focus on what it was. What could it be? Kaijin wondered as it continued to swell deep inside her heart. Something was missing. Something that was once there. "You know what it izz. Zhiz pain. Zhiz sadnessszz..... Zhiz despaa-ration....... Being abandoned.."
Kaijin treaded slowly, only seemingly to become more and more dull with each step. She felt heavy as gravity itself seemed to take its toll on her body. The more she walked, the weaker she felt. "Why? Why? Why was she feeling like this? The place that surrounded her appeared to close in on her. A step forward, or a step back. It didn't matter where she advanced as the world around her drew closer and closer to her. And with each step, the echos did as well. "You are foregetting, Madame............ All zhat was here before iz now gone....... All zhat remainzz...... iz zhe void.... Zhe void zhat you have made." A void that she made? Abandoning and forgetting? Kaijin tried to recall the events the days before. She wandered around, looking for food, clothing, housing; any means to survive. Looking through trash and scavenging the bits of left over food. It wasn't ideal or clean, but a means to live on without causing trouble to others. She would be hunted, if not already.
The days blurred together. Day became night as it became day once more. The sense of time rolled through the cycles as the Sun met with the Moon at their meeting at twilight. Although she knew that time was passing, the concept of it became irrelevant. Her reality felt very much like a trap. At any moment she would found and killed. Karakura became a prison in it of itself without a sense of direction, or that of an idea. A place that she was suppose to protect, and become a haven for those among the living, became a relentless prison that had her twisting and turning without a care. Nothing seemed familiar in the dark alleyways. Nothing seemed to be inviting in the wastes of the sewers. All she knew that if she was hard to find, then she would be safe. If she couldn't be found, then he would be safe. So, she pushed onward.
In this world, the echoes continued. Calling out to her as if they held the force to keep pushing her. "Iz zhiz what zhey died fore? Zhe life zhat they gladly gave zheir own fore?" Her head was struck with pain. A lance through the side that dug only deeper as she struggled to pull herself back up onto her feet. Crunching forward, the sides of her skull throbbed endlessly as the screams of pain and struggle ensued. Their images still haunt her. Members of Squad 2, and that of Tsunami, fought to save her. Members of her party struggled bravely against those who they believed were in the wrong. While not the entire squad participated, only those that Kaijin had helped to train, to care for, fought. Others remained behind to protect those who knew nothing. While not as trusted as the others, they had to be kept safe. People like Kisala, she had no choice but to keep in the dark, and away from what could come. But still, it didn't stop the screaming and blood curdled cries from rising up from behind her. It didn't stop the pain and despair she felt that day.
"You could have saved zhem all............ But you didn't.... Zhey died because of you........... Because you were greedy.......... Imbecile............ Zhey died.......because you were weak....." Kaijins fingers dug into the hair and sides of her scalp, not knowing that they were causing pain of their own. She didn't realize it at all. In her mind, she felt fine to move forward, but in her heart, her soul, she knew that something was missing, and stirring because of it. "Zhey died........ because of what you are." The voice was more concentrated this time around. It had a direction. An origin. Kaijin could feel it. Her heart and soul felt it. The throbbing pain inside her that stirred constantly, endlessly. It was coming from behind her now. She gazed at it, turning away from position that kept her kneeling. Her eyes opened wide as she saw what stood there. She didn't recognize it, but the sensation that eminated from it caused her heart to stop, and sink lower into the darkness.
It was a face that she thought she recognized. A silhouette trapped within another. Shades differentiate from another that panned across its face. Some could have been made out where the eyes would be. Others helped to shape the curves and edges of the apparition's face. But how it stood was vaguely familiar. Kaijin took to her previous stance as she stood apart across from the shadow. It stood to mimic her own movements as the Fullbringer adjusted herself. It followed the subtle gestures, re-enacting postures and small signals that her natural instincts ordered her to do. She couldn't believe it. Something lingered in this dead world, and it knew who she was. "Are you really zhat zuprised? After all, you did leave zhem all behind.
The thoughts that lingered in her mind were being spoken back to her in the open. How.."How can I be one zhat knowz what you ar' zhinking about?.... Your past, what you zhink about, everyzhing zhat you try to hide......... the silhouette danced fluidly, rounding the woman with each step taken, carefree. ".... You leftz zhem to die....... You abandoned zhee people zhat relied on you......... And you have betrayed him azz well." She left them behind? Left them to die? Images of those in Squad 2 shook her brain stems. People of her squad, those that resided within Tsunami gave their lives to defend Kaijin from those who were to deliver justice against her crimes. Those who were positioned to carry out the sentence for what Kaijin had done unto Soul Society. Against the odds, Kaijin pitted herself against those odds, and she lost. And it was because of that others had to die for it. Instead of Kaijin having to pay the price for her crimes, others sought to fill in her stead.
"Zheey died because of you, Madame....... Because of what you did.... Because of what I did...." Looking into the silhouette, the image slowly took shape. The shades of shadow began to unveil itself, removing from the surface the facade that resided over it. It had a shape that refused to show itself to Kaijin. Hair that lost its original luster. Shortened as if it was to rid itself of its original design, breaking away to rebel against what was suppose to be. Its eyes dulled. What were pools of a glistening clear sea were nothing more but dulled pearls. Skin tone and life faded away from the surface. Everything about this entity was different from what she had seen before. The only distinct features about this being that stood before were two things; the gaping hole that rested over where the heart should be, and the face that reflected her image. It couldn't be.........
"......you? Iz zhat what you were zhinking about......" The woman beat Kaijin to it. What the situation was she couldn't believe. Kaijin's arm rose to cling to the missing part of herself. Feeling the darkness around her sink in. Bit by bit it consuming the warmth from her spirit, she felt... "...I'm cold... it said. What was suppose to come to mind instead came out from the phantom's being. Without moving its lips it spoke the very words in which she was feeling, close to uttering as it came about. Everything that she kept inside was being exposed as a separate form. An entity in which she did not know about, or assume as such. Such a thing was impossible.
Whatever it may be, the question remained; who did she betray? The woman announced Kaijin's betrayal to a particular person. "He." Who was "he" in which she spoke of? "....Marcuzz............ I'm sorry..." Kaijin's eyes widened once more as it uttered the name. How, how did she betray him? Why him? "I was zuupoze to protect him..... Keep him zafe.......... But now........Now.... I ......can not stay... whizz him.... Thinking about it now....... With her escape from Soul Society, knowing that she is alive, others will come looking for her. Because of her "Because of me... Marcuz will be hurt.. Hiz life will be in danger." Because of her others will be looking for a way to find her. It did not matter if her presence was hidden among the people of Karakura. She understood the methods in which the Gotei 13 will use to find a traitor, especially one that held the rank of Captain. She possessed classified information about the Seireitei's inner workings, and that of other workings. The Fullbringer's mind was dangerous if searched by the wrong individuals.
Those connections in which Soul Society had with the World of the Living varied, meaning that there were many to be utilized in scenarios such as this. Too many variables to truly take into consideration as Soul Society's network was massive. The Kuichikis she was aware had their fingers into many different aspects of the World of the Living, based on the activities of Souzen Kuichiki. Many would be deemed as an offense, but were easily set aside by Central 46. Could it really be that they were in league with the Kuichiki Head? How far did such corrupt go? But why did it matter to her now as she was no longer a Shinigami? It did not matter to her, it shouldn't matter......."....But it doez matter......... " She didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to hear none of it. Like her shadow, the woman clung to her presence as it continued to whisper what resided in the woman's mind.
"You tellz yourzelf zhat, but deep down inzide.... it iz ztill zhere.... Zhee anger fo zhoose zhat killed your squadmates.... Zhee hate.. Zhee hate of yourzelf zhat you could not do moore zhat you already did.......You felt cheated... Cheated because zheey are zo blind to zhee truth." She didn't want to hear it. Thoughts and emotions that reoccurred again, and again. Consistent in their attempts to draw her spirit into the pits of despair and darkness. A place where there was nothing but pain, sadness. It was a void where nothing else mattered, and all hope dies. In the manner that the entity spoke, it carried with it the aura of one who had lost everything. Every word uttered held the same tone as the atmosphere did.
"Tell yourzelf.... zhat if you do zhee right thing zhat everyzhing will be fine.... Live in zhee dream zhat you made foo-yerzelf. Becauze in zhee end, none of zhat will matter... All zhat will matter iz if you dezide to make zhee change whizz your own handz." These were the thoughts that came to her mind when Soul Society began falling apart around her. The imagery that the young girl painted on a flawless canvas started to stain horribly, creating the gaps that were needed to peer through to see the truth. Serving with the Shinigami, she painted over the stained to help recreate the flawless image she had before they were revealed to her. With effort and time, that just society in which she painted in her mind would come to fruition. But the more that she did, the more it became obvious that it was a fraud. ".... It waz all a lie..."
Her heart was struck. Skewered through by the pins and needles that were the emotions she kept inside. Each one running her through from the depths of her soul, piercing through the frame that was her body. Spikes in which she could not grab and remove from her body. The realization was there. And was the thought....."You want to deztroy zhee Soul Society.....do you not?" the shadow uttered. No. It wasn't what she wanted. The time of service, those who she got to know, those that served along side her and became.. "...friendzzz?....Iz zhat what you thought of zhem? Do not be naivee, Madame. Zhey betrayed you zhee time zhat zhey were needed most." That wasn't true. Those of her squad, of Tsunami, came to her rescue despite not being told, or ordered. They didn't have a reason to do so, to risk their own lives in order to protect hers.
There was no reason to feel guilty about it. She had friends, but they had to do what was necessary for them to carry out their duties. Each member of the Gotei was a full fledged Shinigami. What such a title holds is the responsibility of maintaining order and balance of the spiritual entities that remained in the worlds around them. It was their duty to police themselves according to their stations. Kaijin could not fault them for such a thing as arresting her. ".....But.....zhey could have liztened. Zhey could have investigated zhee matter.... But they didn't. No investigation. No other arrests. No interrogations or a desire to hear her story. The only fact that was there that was played off was a Captain attacking a noble estate for her own pursuit of power. That was the bottom line of the entire situation. An easy summary as to what resided behind the scenes of Soul Society. Corruption was everywhere, and no one knew about it. That, and the possible dangers that would come in the near future them all. This was what upset her most.
The Kawadas. The Kuichikis. Central 46. All of them were dangers to the future of the World of the Living. Kaijin was the only one who knew this. She was the only one who could make the difference. Because, if she didn't then........ "..Zhen Marcuz will..." NO! It won't come to such a state as Kaijin wouldn't allow it to be. It didn't involve them. "... zo you zay... It didn't involve them. It didn't involve her anymore. She wasn't a Shinigami.
The phantom that took on her image giggled softly almost amused at the fact that Kaijin was attempting to cover up the truth. A truth that she felt inside was more true than anything that she ever believed in. Her smile wide, but her eyes telling a different story. Shame? Sorrow? Pity? Whatever it was annoyed the Fullbringer. Her hand balled into a stern fist. And before she knew it, that single fist was thrown outwards at the shadow. It stepped back, missing the collision between two spiritual entities. Kaijin wanted nothing more but to erase that smile. But most of all, what Kaijin wanted to remove from her sight was a copy of her face looking down at her.