In Her Wake [Social, Closed, R]

[Raion Souretsu]

“We are gathered here to mourn the loss of a young woman, Mrs. Tomoe Souretsu.”

The air in the room was heavy, the atmosphere thick with grief and sorrow. The room chosen for the funeral was a large meeting hall within the Squad 9 Barracks, the place that Tomoe had once called home. The event was called together by the Squad 9 Captain, Raion Souretsu, and all members of the squad were expected to attend. Attendance was not exclusive to them, however; Tomoe’s family had gathered as well, along with several friends who were close to Raion, there to offer him support in his grief as he sat at the front of the room, his expression stony, almost vacant. He stared with that empty gaze at the coffin placed at the front of the room, the one that held the body of his recently-wedded wife, the woman to whom he had finally confessed his love, even as she lay dying.

“Tomoe Souretsu was known for her dutiful nature, her discipline, and her devotion to her Squad. Through her efforts, she made these fine people what they are today, guiding them with a firm hand even as she stood by her Captain, providing him support as his assistant and adviser even before they were brought together in loving union.”

An old friend of Raion’s had come to speak at the funeral, to serve as the official in charge of it. Alice served in this role, but instead of her summery blues and whites, she now wore a long black dress, modest in nature, and a thick veil that hung from a black hat lined with darkened roses. The spymaster, having heard of Tomoe’s death and knowing of the tragic events that had led up to it, had been more than happy to step up in support for the Captain. As a mother who had nearly lost her own daughter, she knew some of the pain he was feeling right now, and had been chosen to be the one to speak over Tomoe, to be the one to turn the final page in this sad chapter.

Yet all eyes were on Raion as he sat in the front row, a bench kept all to himself. He was more gaunt than usual, anyone would realize that at a glance. For such a heavy eater and an alcoholic, it was normal for him to be a little overweight and well-fleshed, yet the toll of having not eaten in almost a week was showing. His cheeks looked slightly gaunt, his eyes sunken, the lines of worry on his face deeper than anyone had ever seen them before. He didn’t cry, didn’t show sorrow or pain or anger. All that he showed was an emptiness, as though the spirit had been drained out of him and had left him with nothing, an empty vessel with no desire to really live.

It was said that until he had organized the funeral, only a day prior, Raion had shut himself inside his room, and had not come to greet anyone at the door. No one dared invade his privacy in his time of grief, and as a result, the lion had simply disappeared from view for most of a week. The Squad did its best to keep operations running, but without one of its chief organizers and its Captain, they could only do so much. Documents and requests for verification began to pile up, and eventually, all ground to a halt. For the time being, all they could do was wait and see if Captain Souretsu was still fit for his position. If not, however, he’d have to be replaced until the time came that he was ready to lead his squad again. Thankfully, the lion had come out of his hermitage the day before, his face worn, his eyes tired. He hadn’t slept since then, and many suggested he hadn’t slept at all since returning from his hunt for the Arrancar that had slain his wife. Many attributed his pallor to that, but few believed that was all to it.

“And so, as this chapter closes on a beautiful life, cut short and before its time, I would ask that Tomoe’s loving husband, our Captain Raion Souretsu, would step forward to say a few words.”

Raion stood as Alice invited him up to the front, but his walk was almost mechanical, his posture stiff. Slowly he made his way up to the front of the room, though he had to put one hand on the podium and lean against it. He looked a wretched sight, his mane barely combed to decency, his fur ungroomed, yet no one said a thing. They all understood that the normally-jovial Captain was experiencing a state that he had probably never been in before, and his friends and subordinates all respected the grief that he was feeling. Slowly, Raion pulled himself forward until he was behind the podium, resting both hands on it as he stood over Tomoe’s coffin. He looked as if he were ready to collapse.

“I don’t have a lot to say, I’m afraid.” Even Raion’s speech was cold and mechanical, the words stiff and formal enough to even drown out his normal accentuation. “There are no words to describe what I’ve lost. Nothing to express the sorrow of parting in a way that can be fully understood. All I can say is that Tomoe has brought me both the greatest happiness, and the most painful sorrow. She gave me the bright light and warmth of her love, and then it was snatched away, leaving nothing. I just...” For a moment he paused, looking for words, yet when he spoke, his voice was unshaken, the tears that should have been there did not exist. The expression that should have held sorrow at that moment lacked anything as his eyes continued to remain on the coffin before him.

“...I loved her, and I never will stop. There’s nothing else I can say. Thank you.” With that same stiff gait, Raion carefully stumbled his way back to his seat, where he sat down heavily and slumped, his expression looking even more dismal than before. No one said anything, unsure of how to react to his almost robotic speech, and for a few moments there was nothing but an awkward silence. Then Alice stepped to the podium, raising her voice once more.

“Thank you, all of you. Please, come pay your respects; we will be departing shortly.” Alice didn’t need to say it; they all knew that the hardest part of this experience was yet to come. The funeral march to take Tomoe’s body to the Shinigami graveyard, where she would be interred in a place of honor, a grave erected in her name to mark her bravery and dedication. Raion had already arranged the details, and all that was left was the walk and the burial. They all dreaded the burial, worried that it might be the snapping point that tore away the hollow facade that the Captain wore, leaving his grief to explode out in all its fury.

While others went to go pay their respects, Raion remained in his seat, apart yet in sight of the coffin. In this time, people would be able to approach him, yet none did; no one knew what to say, how to begin to console him. So instead, they said their prayers over Tomoe, and then went to wait out in the main hall of the Barracks for the funeral march to begin. Surely someone, anyone would step over to speak to Raion, to try and ease his pain, but not even Alice would approach. Even she kept a respectful distance, unable to comfort her close friend, though she remained as near as she dared, her eyes always on him. It was in this time that Raion sat alone. After all, who would dare to come to break the silence?

[Shizuyoko Toraumi]

Funerals... a strange strange concept.... Had those that she'd eaten gotten funerals? It was something to think about for certain. She didn't even know how to dress for the occassion. She had considered using her omnitsukido uniform, but it didn't seem quite appropriate. She could have worn something... nicer, but what would she wear? In the end she had the surprisingly sober assistance of Ricky to thank for her choice in garb. It was an outfit that he had picked up from the human world, a short black dress. Sure it showed leg, but the outfit itself was so clean cut, so very formal (military dressings in fact, old as they were) that it seemed jarringly asexual. At least to Shizuyoko. Obviously some men had severe enjoyments of such things, but that was not a concern here.

It was strict, stringent, and somehow, she felt that Tomoe would have been glad of her use of the attire at the funeral. So with her outfit picked, she joined the various other black-clad women and men at the funeral. Of course, in her usual fashion. She hid. Even in the wake of the dead, she could not help but hide. Those long black tails did not.... conceal well in her new outfit, so she hid herself almost in entirety. The shadows cast in the room, the arrangement of people, all went into account so that she was the least visible. And in this virtual solitude... she mourned. A woman who, while they had only known her for a... very short time. Had struck Shizuyoko. Tomoe had been startlingly strange for a shinigami. She had been driven, proper, yes. But not in the way most shinigami were. She was firm but it was almost like a concern, not an assertion of dominance.

As the shinigami began to step up, ready to pay their respects, Shizuyoko chose to slide herself in beside the Captain, masking herself by virtue of her speed and ability to keep herself hidden, choosing a spot right beside Raion where she would still remain hidden, though in honestly, so very few would be looking for anything around him. She remained silent, her tails curled in her lap as she watched the proceedings. She waited. As she had so come to learn to do. She considered a few things she might have said. She still considered them, the thoughts ran through her head. She should say something... she SHOULD say something...

"She was very unique. Which.... given the number of shinigami I've met. Is something to say." She noted softly, staring straight ahead. She knew her voice probably didn't sound as.... sad as was polite.. but well... she had a reason for that particular.... detail. When the others had filed out, she would be able to speak more loudly, in a tone that wasn't specific so that only, hopefully, Riaon would hear it. But well.... for now....

"I wouldn't be so rude to say I understand how you feel. I've had a similar... but very different situation of my own. And well.. I had my means of coping..." She paused, gently resting her hand on where Daihachibi was concealed in her clothing. She wasn't sure if it even counted. A monster like her.... grieving. It was laughable. "My.... fiance... as we never really had the chance to get married... also left me. Or well... I lost him. I did not feel it right away but... eventually... I imagine I felt something similar." She noted softly, and paused, looking in his direction. And then gently, she would place a hand on his shoulder, in perhaps the most platonic gesture of physical affection the two had ever shared.

She did not say it. The touch did that for her.

She was sorry.

[Raion Souretsu]

A gentle touch, like a soft breeze blowing over him; Raion felt it, but hardly acknowledged it. He knew that someone was there, someone was whispering words of support in his ear, yet in the darkness of grief, empathy fell silent. A shared experience, the tragic link of loss that bound the two; another time, when he was more at peace with the pain he felt, the leonine Captain might have taken those words with a smile of thanks, a warm hug offered to the loyal friend who would stand by his side even as he ached. But right now, when the grief was fresh, the wounds cut deep again as he viewed his wife’s body on the altar, even in its coffin, it was like speaking to a corpse with one foot already in the grave.

It wasn’t that Shizu’s caring wasn’t appreciated; were Raion more cognizant of the events around him, less lost in the gloom and self-pity of his failure to protect the woman that was on her way to her final resting place, he would have been moved by his companion’s kindness. Her touch said it all, conveying sympathy for his suffering, empathy for his loss, and a desire to comfort and be there for him. Yet the numbness that overtook him kept that touch from reaching deep, leaving it as a whisper that barely touched at his shoulder. It wasn’t that he wouldn’t have appreciated it, had he the frame of mind to do so. It was just that right now, he didn’t care. He didn’t feel much of anything.

Still, some part of Raion told him that he had to respond, to show… something to acknowledge this kindness. Slowly his head rose, and those empty eyes fixed themselves on Shizu’s. It would be so strange, the contrast; since Shizu had met him, Raion had been so lively and energetic, so full of passion and spirit. He was a drunkard who loved to play things by ear and wear his heart on his sleeve. He was mischief and sincerity all mixed into some chaotic ball that simply existed by virtue of the joy that came with being alive. Yet now that gaze that locked onto hers was the opposite; it was like seeing all of that shrivel up and die like a seedling left in the dark, with no light to give it life.

“Ah… Shizu.” Even her nickname on his lips would sound hollow, with no hint of the flirtatious playfulness that he had displayed during their mission together. “Thanks fer coming… sorry I’m in a state. I just… I don’t know.” His words sounded scripted, like an apology he’d played over and over in his head to tell to anyone who tried to approach him in his melancholy. “It’s… gonna be hard. And I know… I know that Tomoe would… would want me to keep moving on. But I… I don’t know. I just don’t know.” His tone trailed off to a mumble, as though he weren’t quite coherent of what he was saying, or who he was speaking to. Odds were, he was only half-listening, only partially aware of what was going on around him. “...She’s really gone… isn’t she...”

[Shizuyoko Toraumi]

At first Shizu faltered, her hand removing from the Captain's shoulder as she did remember that well... the last time she had seen Tomoe, had been her decisively separating the two of them. She set her hand in her lap and stared forward, suddenly self conscious. She didn't know how to feel. Was it disrespectful to be so close to Raion? She was still so... new to these details. It was something that had hit her hard in the human realm. With her looks, she had been hissed at by a good number of women for being too friendly with their boyfriends.

She glanced back at Raion, and watched the sullen man. However her worries did subside when he turned in her direction. But only in the wake of new concern. Those lifeless eyes that seemed to stare past her. Shizu paused, her mouth opening to speak before it simply sealed itself closed again. Hm... She almost felt comforted. How often she had seen that face. Of course, it wasn't usually attatched to a head that was still on a set of shoulders. Then again, if she had not seen him in such a jovial state before she would have never known the difference. But even on his feline visage she could see the pain and emptiness that besieged the man's heart.

But something did catch her attention... His mention of her being gone. Shizuyoko paused, staring forward as she curled her fingers into little fists. And she considered. Considered what sort of man he was. How he might react to certain things..... No.... there was no need for worry. Of the many men she'd met, Raion did not seem to be a man of fixations to THAT low depth. She had no worry of setting him down a thorny path. so she answered honestly.

"Not really. Just elsewhere. Another time. Another form. But even in a more literal respect...." she paused.. and she smiled. She had to. She put up that sudden warm aura, that brightness that so glaringly leaked from her every pore, filling herself with happy thoughts, happy feelings. And she pulled Daihachibi from it's hiding place, and set it on her lap, smothering the dark aura that it had as her fingers slowly slid across the blade. The blade forged by her own severed tail.

Itakhe's weapon.

Or at least the last one he'd used when he'd lost his powers.
A sword meant to swallow insecurities, negativity, horrid emotions. It dragged it all to the surface, and then it drank them down. Every time she held it, she could feel what Itakhe had left behind. "Traces of her remain. Her Zanpaku'to. Her living spaces. And of course you." She noted with a calm stare straight ahead. "Shinigami love leaving their fingerprints on everything. If they spend any sort of time around it, then their reiatsu clings like soot. So I imagine, with how long you were around one another. You likely have quite a bit of her on you." She noted and turned to look at him.

"The soul fades, but everything else lingers. In... my line of work. It's something we deal with often." She suddenly halted her speech, realizing that she had been about to go into how when certain people had to be killed that they sometimes had to kill those closest to them as well as means of insurance. Her instructor had called them 'ghosts for ghosts'. Kill a man, and his best friend inherits his will. "As for moving on. Well... she fell in love with you didn't she?" Shizuyoko reasoned, sitting up a little straighter and shifting her attention back to him.

"A man who lived for surplus and enjoyment. Personally I never much understod such fixations on 'moving on'. She loved the you that she spent her time with. Just make sure that the man she fell in love with doesn't die with-...." She paused. And suddenly she thought about it. she thought about her own advice. She thought about Itakhe. The way he had always... made her smile. Made her laugh. Made a horrid monster like her feel.... happy. And she still smiled to this day.... just like that. She had never really thought about it. But... she had been taking her own advice for a while. She had really been saying it to comfort him, but.... hadn't it helped her through the loss?

Her eyes stung... and the heat of a tear running down her cheek startled her. As she thought about how the woman Itahke had loved was still alive.

"Doesn't.... die with her..." she finished her sentence, staring off into space for just a bit, before she spotted that black blade, and narrowed her eyes. She'd forgotten that she'd been holding it. And so she tucked it back away. But even so.... it felt... better. Like something she'd been burying was suddenly gone. And the hole left behind bled salted drops.
She really shouldn't have pulled it out... she felt the tears trying to well up now.

" It's fine not to know. It'll take a while for everything to set in." She sniffled softly, immediately regretting opening her mouth as she took several slow, silent breaths to get her damn emotions under control. She was supposed to be comforting him, not starting to cry.

[Raion Souretsu]

Raion heard Shizu’s words, but it was like they were being spoken from across a vast canyon, echoing and fading from the distance. They reached him, but the emotion and feeling behind them did not reach. The empathy that the young woman was trying to extend to him could not touch a heart so ringed with tears and regrets, filled with the pain of loss and the ache that came with a vengeance that could not fill its place. Only a few weeks back, he had gone on a rampage to destroy Lucian De’Mont, the Arrancar that had killed Tomoe, and in that time, he had burned with anger, with hatred, with fury, with a desire to kill. Revenge had swallowed him whole, and now that it had gone, it left nothing but bitter ashes that served as no balm to the hurt he felt.

"Traces of her remain. Her Zanpaku'to. Her living spaces. And of course you. Shinigami love leaving their fingerprints on everything. If they spend any sort of time around it, then their reiatsu clings like soot. So I imagine, with how long you were around one another. You likely have quite a bit of her on you."

As the words echoed hollowly, Raion faintly smiled inward. It wasn’t a positive smile, but one born of bitterness and directed only ironically at the statement given. Shizu didn’t know the half of it; in his room, the Captain kept Bachi, Tomoe’s Zanpaktou. It sat above his desk in his quarters, a symbol proclaiming to all what had been lost. Though the weapon had been used many times to prod Raion into action, to cut his laziness short in the interest of actual work, now it would forever be nothing but a mere blade. The sword would never again reflect the spirit of the woman whom it had belonged to. Yes, parts of Tomoe remained, but at the same time, those remnants were a thousand times more painful than the absence that existed where she was not.

Raion closed his eyes, and his breath escaped from between his lips in a slow, quiet hiss, seeming almost like the exhale of a dying man’s last breath. With his sunken eyes, his drawn features, and the slow stiffness that seemed to have overtaken him, he might have been mistaken for a corpse. But then another breath came forth, his chest rising again, and he let his glance slide across the room, settling on the coffin once more. For a moment, he completely forgot Shizu was right next to him, her presence lost as he took in the open casket, the woman inside visible for those who were paying their respects. His expression remained strangely impassive, without signs of tears, anger, or grief. Just that terrible, quiet emptiness. The only sign of agitation was miniscule, the fingers of his right hand light fiddling with a band of gold on his left. It was his wedding ring, the one that had been made to match the one he was going to give Tomoe; he had worn it since he had come home from his hunt.

Reality seeped back in after a minute or two of soft silence. In that time, it was as though he didn’t hear Shizu’s words, didn’t notice her presence. She had faded into the background of a grim and gray reality, another fixture in the dull world about him. Only after he heard her sniffle, heard that brief, small sound of pain that she allowed to slip through her strong, supportive facade, did she seem to stand out once more. For a moment, Raion’s eyes seemed to lock on her, but it was with that distant, vacant stare again. It was like he was puzzling out her tears, like her sadness was something almost foreign to him. Maybe it was, in this state of mind that he was in. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but then closed it, as though he didn’t know what to say.

Just then, a hand was placed on the Captain’s shoulder. “Raion, it’s about time for us to start the walk.” A man’s voice came from behind the two of them. “Remember that we’re on a schedule.” Raion seemed to come out of his trance for a moment, glancing back over his shoulder, and then giving a polite nod to the person behind him. “Yeah… you’re right, Kouen. I’ll be ready in a moment.”

A glance backwards would probably be startling for Shizu; there, standing behind Raion, was a man who bore an uncanny resemblance to the woman in the casket. Raven-black hair hung down to the back of his head, uncombed and arranged in messy spikes. Startlingly blue eyes stared out from behind a thin-framed pair of glasses with a stern gaze that was softened as the man looked upon Raion, pity in his expression at the sight of the depressed Captain. The man—Kouen, Raion had called him—was dressed in formal wear, as were many of the funeral-goers, yet his severe dress style seemed to suit him despite that, as though it were only natural for him to wear it. He looked very much like Tomoe, in that first impression; if the woman’s body weren’t in the coffin before them, one could almost assume that it was her in disguise.

Tucking one arm under Raion’s and helping the Captain stand up, Kouen finally took notice of Shizu himself. “A friend of yours, Raion?” Raion just nodded, but gave no explanation beyond that. Kouen seemed unfazed, and gave a half nod towards Shizu. “Thank you for sitting with him, miss. Most people don’t know how to handle this sort of condition, and most won’t even try. I’m sure he really appreciated your company.” With that, the two of them were heading towards the coffin, Raion keeping one hand on Kouen’s shoulder the entire way as he walked unsteadily.

One thing was odd, though; though Shizu had only had slight exposure to Raion thus far, he had never once mentioned Kouen, nor had the man been present during their meetings. That, and the fact that the man bore such a striking resemblance to Tomoe, would probably be enough to draw some suspicion. Who was Kouen, and what was his relationship to the deceased?

[Shizuyoko Toraumi]

shizu really wasn't sure how to take that blank stare that Raion kept giving her, the way he just....droned on. The way he just kept going and allowed himself to be led around like a mule. And when at long last someone actually turned to talk to her, it wasn't raion, but somebody else, giving polite words to try and comfort her, assuring her that her presence had been felt, if only a little, but no doubt significantly, by the big insensate lug.

And deep down... Shizu felt the twist. That dark wakizashi didn't HAVE to instill dark thoughts in her. They sprang up all on their own, and she felt a sick pit in her belly as she thought.....she thought he had been different. How many years had it been now? Trying.....trying to carry out her fiance's work. Trying to live the life Itahke SHOULD have been able to live himself. And she just......couldn't take it. She hated them. She hated every damn one of them. Even this one, with his warm voice and his kind words, the fact of the matter was that she felt he was lying to her. And somehow...that bothered her. That....sincere lying. The little white lies that soul reapers told eachother. She was comforting yes, but at the very least she was true to herself. She never told people it would be alright, never told people that it was fine.

But shinigami..... even the good ones were just so insufferable. She had no love for her former race, but they had all, at the VERY least been either honest, or obviously sarcastic. There was no deception beyond survival, a brand of lying she at the very least could respect. But this? She hated it so much. She had thought that Raion had been....well...separate. But as she watched him.... she couldn't help but be disgusted. Disgusted with the sick, dead face that he put on. Hiding his anger, his sadness, all behind a dead, cloying, maggoty mask called 'manners'.
And that HADN'T been what Tomoe had loved had it?!
Had she LOVED him for how polite he was?!
Had she LOVED him for how well he could put on a face?!

She KNEW the man, at least at face value, that Tomoe had fallen in love with.
And this wasn't him.
She knew he was grieving, she knew all of it. But it still disgusted her. And even if not a single mote of that disgust showed on her face, she said nothing. She did not return those kind words to Tomoe's kin. She simply nodded, and turned her back on it all. Taking a slow, deep breath as she stared down at her hands. And of course.... it hit her.

What was it that Itakhe had fallen in love with about her? To be frank she hadn't been a monster when it happened. It had been her as a human. And she wondered. Was she being the woman he had fallen in love with? She'd tried all of this...stomached all of these....shinigami...in an effort to try and keep on his legacy. But..... she'd left behind their children in the world of the living. The Flesh and blood they had made together. Well...not abandoned. It was only by becoming a soul reaper that shed even attained the means to be reunited with them. But still...isn't THAT where she belonged?

What was more... wasn't she doing the same thing? Wasn't she just putting on a smile for all these disgusting soul reapers? Pretending to be one of them? when So very deep down, she relished killing them. She GOT to kill them too. It was her job. One they supported. She got to murder as many shinigami as did bend the rules, and frankly that number grew every day. But in the end, she was still just a tool. and she wondered... if he were here...

Could Itahke stand the sight of her?

She didn't know. And in a way, that scared her.

Nobody probably would notice her sudden leave. Nobody would be looking at the strange blonde, nobody would spot the sudden swish of wind before she vanished. Before Shizuyoko ditched on this entire affair and headed out to the bamboo thickets. where she could hide.

But most importantly: where she could think.