Selling a Character

[Kyomei Kuchiki]

I am currently selling a character to the best bidder. I have no use for him, but he's all accepted and what not, and the org needs him, so I won't be just killing him.

His app is Here

You could also use his Change it up App instead found There

Whichever powers you prefer.

Either way, the person who tells the best joke in the next three days buys the character for whatever nefarious purposes they have.

As a special request, please spoiler all jokes without names, just [ spoiler] please. So I can read them all in three days knowing nothing going into it and be a more impartial judge.

[Douma]

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler - Click to View}What did the cannible do after he dumped his girlfriend? He wiped his butt :3

[Caesar]

SPOILER: Click to show

A friend was taking care of another one who had just sprained his ankle. He is laying on the bed when he looks at his friend and says "paddy. Go upstairs and fetch my slippers. My feet are getting a fully cold"

So he goes upstairs and passes by his friends twin, stunning, 18 year old twin daughters room. The man stops by the door way and says "Evening ladies, your father sent me up to shag you both." "you're fucking lying." They yell. In response he holds up a finger and leans back, yelling "HEY JOHNNY. BOTH OF EM RIGHT?!" In which he replied "OF COURSE. WHATS THE POINT IN FUKING ONE"

[Shade Kawada]

Wait... you can sell characters?! Whaaaat?! Out of curiosity, what brought this on?

[Hadrian J. Ryan Ⅻ]

SPOILER: Click to show

{I hope you know your Science for this one}
A Higgs Boson walks into a church and proclaims: "I AM THE GOD PARTICLE!". The priest, who is naturally upset by this blasphemous subatomic particle, says: "There is only one God, now please leave my Church", to which the Higgs Boson slyly replied:

"If I left, how could you have mass?"

[Jun Genshi]

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler - Click To View}What do you call a black man on the moon? -An astronaut you racist bastard.

[Deleted]

SPOILER: Click to show

{Here you go}
So there's this guy, and throughout most of his life he's been a complete asshole to people. So, in order to regain the respect and love of his family and friends he decides to change. For the past two years of his life he's been a completely nice and awesome guy. So, while out for groceries one day he spies a really fat girl crying on the curb. He goes up to her and asks her whats wrong. He learns her boyfriend just broke up with her because she was fat and ugly. He, being the nice guy, decided to chat with her and get to know her.

He ends up getting her number and decides to take her out on a few dates to help raise her spirits. So they date, nothing serious happens and one night he decides he wants to meet her family. He learns she only lives with her grandma. So the night arrives to meet her and the girl is all nervous so he decides to give her a little kiss on the cheek to help calm her down.

They meet the grandma and she's the nicest thing in the world right. They tell jokes, funny stories and just have a good time. At the end of the night and after a couple glasses of wine they decide to retire upstairs. Needless to say they fucked like crazy and all over the room. After it was done and they lay in bed, she said "I need to go back downstairs, I can hear my granddaughter crying"

[slace]

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler - Click To View}Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned it had 18 daughters

so the first man went up to they’re father and said "can I sleep with your 18 daughters?" the father said "no but you can sleep with the pigs."

the second man went to the father and said "can I sleep with your 18 daughters?" the father said " no but you can sleep with the cows."

the third man said "can I sleep with your 18 daughters?" the father said "yes."

so in the morning the three men and the father had a conversation over breakfast the first man said "I slept like a pig" the second man said "I slept like a cow"

the third man said "I felt like a golfer" the father asked why? he said "cause I got my balls in 18 holes"

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler - Click To View}What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? Both of them make men start talking nonsense!

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler - Click To View}Boy: "I love you so much, I could never live without you." Girl: "Is that you or the beer talking?" Boy: "It's me talking to the beer."

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler - Click To View}WHY I AM SO TIRED
For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. Now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work.
Of this, there are 29 million employed by the federal government.
This leaves 19 million to do the work.
Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me . . . and you're sitting there reading jokes.

[Amagai Kuchiki]

It's much more funny to imagine these being told by the characters in question.

[Kyomei Kuchiki]

None of these made me laugh. Most of them made me smile, but none of them made me laugh. So it's a tough decision. I'd like Slace and Kagami to submit one more joke as a tie breaker.

[slace]

SPOILER: Click to show

I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I kinda liked it.

[Marcus Cole]

Slace's latest joke made me laugh too hard to compete against it, so I'm gonna forfeit. Congratulations!

[slace]

cool. victory.

[Kyomei Kuchiki]

Fair enough. Do you want the code for pre-Ciu Gilles or post?

[slace]

I would prefer the pre CIU gilles if you dont mind.