Post by Zou ۞ on May 15, 2013 0:45:01 GMT -5
OKUSA, CAUGHT WITH OREOS? THE SHAME OF SOUL SOCIETY!
Published by Miyon Sakuraba
Edited by Anastasia Solis
Witnesses on November 24 caught Squad 10 Captain, Okusa Shogen, violently shoveling oreos into his mouth one late Friday afternoon!
This allegation comes only days after Okusa pledged in a speech to his Squad to continue to hunt oreos to the end of his days, and to destroy them all.
"OREOS WILL FOREVER RUE THE DAY THAT I WAS BORN!" Okusa said, "WE WILL CUT THEM, FIGHT THEM, AND DESTROY THEM! THE CREAM WILL SPLATTER, THE COOKIE WILL BREAK. WE WILL PURGE THE WORLD OF EVIL."
The Squad 10 Captain has always been known to hate oreos, which is why it came as such a shock that he was caught shoveling dozens of them into his mouth by witnesses who shall remain anonymous.
"I just saw him eating oreos," one witness said, "It was seriously shocking. I couldn't believe my eyes. I begged him to stop, but he wouldn't. He just kept eating."
The integrity of this Captain has never before been challenged until this day, shown by the reaction of his comrades and underlings. Squad 10 members were shocked by these allegations.
"I never in all my life would have believed that my Captain was capable of such a thing," Squad 10 fifth seat Hokori Kawada said, "It's just baffling to me. I shiver when I think of my Captain licking that white, sugary cream off the cookie..."
This, coupled with last week's shocking photographs of Squad 13 Captain Shade Kawada in bed with Squad 9 Captain, sheep-man Raion Souretsu, has thrown a major wrench into both the credibility and integrity of the Gotei Thirteen.
"I'm seriously starting to lose faith in the Shinigami," Rukon West District 85 Citizen Cookie Monster said, "How can I believe that they'll protect me when they'll stoop so low as to eat oreo cookies? Guys that lick that white cream definitely cannot slay Hollows."
No word from either Okusa on the alleged eating of the oreos, nor from the Captain Commander on this horrendous breach in trust by the Gotei Thirteen, though the Strong Man has seemed to show not taking his job seriously.
"That question is a serious waste of time," Kyousou Ningen, 35th Captain Commander of the Gotei Thirteen and current Captain of Squad 1 was caught saying. "Get out of my face."
In closing, Soul Society is appalled by everything that has happened this week. It's safe to say that things will never be the same again. However, this reporter still has hope that we can be saved. We just all need to buy Hiro Kaname t-shirts, only 500 Ryo per.
"I LOVE HIRO KANAME T-SHIRTS," Squad 7 Captain Enma said, "YOU SHOULD ALL OWN ONE."
This allegation comes only days after Okusa pledged in a speech to his Squad to continue to hunt oreos to the end of his days, and to destroy them all.
"OREOS WILL FOREVER RUE THE DAY THAT I WAS BORN!" Okusa said, "WE WILL CUT THEM, FIGHT THEM, AND DESTROY THEM! THE CREAM WILL SPLATTER, THE COOKIE WILL BREAK. WE WILL PURGE THE WORLD OF EVIL."
The Squad 10 Captain has always been known to hate oreos, which is why it came as such a shock that he was caught shoveling dozens of them into his mouth by witnesses who shall remain anonymous.
"I just saw him eating oreos," one witness said, "It was seriously shocking. I couldn't believe my eyes. I begged him to stop, but he wouldn't. He just kept eating."
The integrity of this Captain has never before been challenged until this day, shown by the reaction of his comrades and underlings. Squad 10 members were shocked by these allegations.
"I never in all my life would have believed that my Captain was capable of such a thing," Squad 10 fifth seat Hokori Kawada said, "It's just baffling to me. I shiver when I think of my Captain licking that white, sugary cream off the cookie..."
This, coupled with last week's shocking photographs of Squad 13 Captain Shade Kawada in bed with Squad 9 Captain, sheep-man Raion Souretsu, has thrown a major wrench into both the credibility and integrity of the Gotei Thirteen.
"I'm seriously starting to lose faith in the Shinigami," Rukon West District 85 Citizen Cookie Monster said, "How can I believe that they'll protect me when they'll stoop so low as to eat oreo cookies? Guys that lick that white cream definitely cannot slay Hollows."
No word from either Okusa on the alleged eating of the oreos, nor from the Captain Commander on this horrendous breach in trust by the Gotei Thirteen, though the Strong Man has seemed to show not taking his job seriously.
"That question is a serious waste of time," Kyousou Ningen, 35th Captain Commander of the Gotei Thirteen and current Captain of Squad 1 was caught saying. "Get out of my face."
In closing, Soul Society is appalled by everything that has happened this week. It's safe to say that things will never be the same again. However, this reporter still has hope that we can be saved. We just all need to buy Hiro Kaname t-shirts, only 500 Ryo per.
"I LOVE HIRO KANAME T-SHIRTS," Squad 7 Captain Enma said, "YOU SHOULD ALL OWN ONE."
For more stories by Miyon Sakuraba, see our website!
NEXT WEEK! SOZEN KUCHIKI! SEX BOMB, OR COMMUNIST MOON TYRANT?