Ryuuki Kaido [WIP]

[silvermt]

-Basic Information-

Password 1: [Wish Bug]

Password 2: [Pied Piper's Goose]

Type: [WIP]

Name: [Ryuuki Kaido]

Age of Death: [13]

Age of Appearance: [19]

Real Age: [170]

Blood Type: [AB+]

Fighting Style: [Ryuuki trained in the Shinigami Academy and has witnessed many moves by high-level Shinigami, such as liutenants and Captains. Ryuuki has concerns over those charging forward at their foes directly while in their sights, which gives them the chance to block or evade the attack anyway. Even then, Ryuuki at first failed to prove anyone wrong due to his lack of agility, but he quickly learns shunpo in one week. Afterwards, he is able to use his knowledge of the environment and exposed points of his opponent as his advantage in battles.
Although Ryuuki excels in swordsmanship, his physical strength itself is terrible. Ryuuki hates excercises that involves lifting weights, and so his muscles are hardly developed. Ryuuki focuses primarily on his agility and strategies on how to defeat his opponent, rather than beating them down with brute force until one falls.
In general, Ryuuki rarely goes on the offense and would rather dodge or block incoming attacks until his foe is drained from strength and reiatsu. However, this means he relies heavily on his zanpakuto to weaken his foes before he will strike.]

-Appearance-

Height: [5' 9"]

Weight: [70lb]

Eye Color: [Green]

Overall Appearance: [Ryuuki wears a standard Shinigami Garb. His skin colour is normal pink and his hair is yellow and dishevelled, which he only gels the front to the side to keep them away from his eyes. Ryuuki wears an amulet, which is just a small but long piece of rope with a small, fake ruby piece attached to it. He gained the fake ruby from a friend in Rukongai, which is his first and only present and a good luck charm (cliched xP) before his training in Academy. Due to his time in the poorer districts of Rukongai, he is quite skinny.] [WIP]

-Personality-

Dislikes:

1. Alcohol - Hates drunk people, and therefore hates alcoholic drinks
2. Fighting - Ryuuki doesn't want any break-up of friendships or relationships and tends to settle disputes by dragging their anger towards him.
3. Bitter foods - Tastes horrible
4. Exercises that improves physical strength - Ryuuki barely has any muscles and therefore carrying anything heavy will give him back pains in addition to weary arms.
5. Ignorant people - Those who tends to dismiss issues annoys Ryuuki, especially if they are serious.

Likes:

1. Sweet foods - No questions asked.
2. Nature - Ryuuki loves exposing his four senses (excluding taste) to exotic nature. This helps him find a suitable place to meditate and speak with his zanpakuto.
3. Being Alone - Although he also doesn't like feeling isolated, Ryuuki sometimes want to clarify his head and remember his past experiences. This also helps him find solutions to problems.
4. Helping others with their training - Ryuuki knows there will a lot of problems if one person continues to excell in strength while others fall even further behind. He often meets people in training grounds and will happily help them train. Ryuuki rarely spars though.
5. Taking a walk around Sereitei - Not only it's physical exercise for his legs, it allows him to meet other people and become more familiar with the vast environment Sereitei is.

Flaws:

Shy - Ryuuki tends to avoid taking leadership. However, he is sometimes open in discussions.
Curious - Many unusual events or sights will get the better of him, dragging him to investigate and putting his life in danger.

Habits:

Optimistic - Ryuuki rather sees the bright side of things and it makes others happy and confident. However, this can make him forget warnings.
Fiddling with the fake ruby - Ryuuki believes he is able to rub some of its 'good luck aura' on him.

Fears:

Isolation - Ryuuki's mind easily becomes clouded with thoughts of abandonment and rejection.
Heights - Ryuuki doesn't like having to stand on thin air as it means he must maintain his reiatsu in order to stay up or risk taking the plunge and break a few bones.

Goals: [Create a list below.] [WIP]

Alignment: Passive Good

Overall Personality: Ryuuki is an optimistic Shinigami who tries to find ways of uplifting depressed spirits, however he doesn't feel the same happiness inside if things went out of hand. If no one out of a group of Shinigami will take the risk of doing something that may cost them, Ryuuki will often volunteer to do so if he finds the job to be "not difficult". [WIP]

-Powers-

Zanpakutou Spirit Appearance(Optional):[/b] Hakumei Hebihime is a brown western red-eyed dragon with silver streaks winding all over her body. As part of the Zanpakutou Spirit, two large silver pythons coil their tails around the dragon's body.

Inner World(Optional):[/b] Sunset sky with raining Sakura petals and the orange sea as the ground.

Zanpakutou Sealed Appearance: A sword with a plain hilt and guard but a longer blade (170cm). It looks like Sephiroth's Masamune from FFVII, but shorter so Ryuuki can carry it on his back without having to bump through corridors or people. Due to Ryuuki's struggles to contain his reiatsu, it follows that once he achieved his zanpakuto, he also has to deal with its size. The best he can do is maintaining it to a standard weapon with very long blade. Attached to both sides of the guard is two long, translucent lavender ribbons. Their purpose is to act as a sheath by wrapping around the blade until the tip is covered.

Zanpakutou Release Appearance:
Shikai:Ryuuki's blade splits into two. The blades are much shorter than the sealed state, but still longer than an average katana. The blades become translucent red, the same colour as Hakumei hebihime's eyes. Each blade has a translucent, lavender ribbon now attached to the butt of the hilt. Despite their frail appearance, the ribbons are strong. This allows Ryuuki to hurl his blades at enemies and pull them back (although sometimes he has difficulties catching them).
Bankai: The two blades becomes transparent. Ryuuki can freely manipulate the length of the blades (70cm - 1000cm) by using up his reiatsu. The more reiatsu he uses, the more longer the blades become. and due to their invisibility, the foes must keep guessing how long the blades are.

Zanapkutou Release Names(Include both Shikai and Bankai names, and call out phrases)
Shikai: Defy all Reality, strike upon the falling sun, when heaven rises once more, let nothing stand in thy way. Hakumei-hebihime (Twilight Serpent Princess).
Bankai: Ryuumegami, hebiseishin (Awaken Dragon, Serpent Spirit)

Overall Ability: Hakumei hebihime continuously absorbs the reiatsu and spiritual pressure of her opponent with increasing speed with longer exposure or closer distance until she stores enough to release a devastating blast of energy that destroys remaining reiatsu. The backfire of this is that Hakumei hebihime also absorbs her wielder's reiatsu but at a slower rate (half the rate of absorption against opponent). Hakumei hebihime will cease to absorb any reiatsu if the opponent is too far away (2km) or the wielder's reiatsu falls below 25% of his limit (e.g. if Ryuuki starts with 100 reiatsu, his zanpakutou will stop absorbing at 24 reiatsu or lower).

Rate of absorption from opponent: 5 (+2 per post)
Rate of absorption from wielder: 3 (+1 per post)

How Absorption Works: Simply Hakumei hebihime needs a specific "DNA" that is unique to the one Ryuuki intends to absorb e.g. blood, hair, spiritual pressure, presence of reiatsu etc. Ryuuki must expose his blade to any one of these. The opponent must be close by or in sight of Ryuuki in order to commence absorption. Once an opponent has been identified and close-by, Hakumei hebihime will pull and "suck out" both the opponent's and Ryuuki's reiatsu.

Shikai Overall Ability: Increases the rate at which reiatsu is absorbed from the opponent and reduces the cap limit of 25% reiatsu required to 10%. However, the rate at which the wielder's reiatsu is absorbed increases as well. Hakumei hebihime can absorb at most 500 reiatsu from opponents in the Shikai-form. Exceeding this amount will "burn" Ryuuki's organs due to excess reiatsu and will force him to use up the absorbed reiatsu before suffering from any further organ damage.

Rate of absorption from opponent: 40 (+5 per post)
Rate of absorption from wielder: 15 (+3 per post)

Shikai Techniques:

Reiatsu Ken (Reiatsu sphere) - The most basic way for Ryuuki to remove the absorbed reiatsu from his zanpakutou. Simply Ryuuki scrapes off the blunt edge of a blade with his other blade and this creates a white orb of reiatsu. Reiatsu Ken doesn't do much except floats around in mid-air being the only storage of reiatsu Hakumei hebihime cannot absorb. But because it decreases the amount of stored reiatsu in the zanpakutou, it enables Hakumei hebihime to absorb more reiatsu.

Drawback: Due to the increasing rate at which reiatsu is absorbed from opponents, it means Ryuuki has to throw off more Reiatsu Ken more frequently as time progresses, which in turn, costs his own reiatsu, hence not only weakens his foe but weakens himself as well.

Cost: 1 reiatsu per 2 of opponent reiatsu absorbed.

Uzu (Vortex) - Created in a similar manner to Reiatsu Ken, but the sphere is black instead. Uzu absorbs opponent's reiatsu at a faster rate but at a short range and has a limit depending on how much reiatsu Ryuuki used, which also influences on the amount of enemy reiatsu Hakumei hebihime uses. (E.g. if Ryuuki uses 50 reiatsu, Hakumei hebihime will also use 50 reiatsu. Uzu limit= 50 + 50 = 100). Once the limit is reached, Uzu will implode and sends out a shockwave. Uzu lasts for 3 posts before disappearing into thin air if it does not reach its limit.

Drawback: Uzu absorbs ANY reiatsu. Once Ryuuki creates one, he has only a little more than a second to escape its range. Also, the implosion can cause Ryuuki physical injuries if he strayed too close.

Cost: Half of intended reiatsu limit from Ryuuki and Hakumei hebihime.
Range: 3m - 4m
Rate of absorption: Always half of its limit

Bankai Overall Ability:

Bankai Techniques:

-History-

Birthplace: Karakura Town (Classic xD)

Current Residence: 13th Squad Barracks.

Squad: 13th Division

History:

Rank: 6th Seat - 3rd Seat

RP Sample: [Insert Here]

Known Techniques: [Insert Below. App must be high quality to have high level start techniques, or lots of start techniques.]

[Zou ۞]

Frankly, thus far, this app is not nearly worth a seated rank. You barely match the bare minimums of any of the sections, and your descriptions in each section are weak in detail. Your history is also boring, lacking in detail, lacks characterization, and overall just not an enjoyable read.

However, the main problem stems from your powers. Bare with me. I fear there's a chance that this grading will in fact become longer than your actual app.

Due to Ryuuki's struggles to contain his reiatsu, it follows that once he achieved his zanpakuto, he also has to deal with its size. The best he can do is maintaining it to a standard weapon with very long blade.

What is the length of this blade, exactly? Be specific about how long the blade actually is.

Shikai:Ryuuki's blade splits into two. The blades are much shorter than the sealed state, but still longer than an average katana. The blades become translucent red, the same colour as Hakumei hebihime's eyes. The significance of this is explained in the shikai overal ability. Each blade has a translucent, lavender ribbon now attached to the butt of the hilt. A silver needle is threaded at the other ends of both ribbons, each secreting poison to paralyse opponents. The ribbons seem to have minds of its own, striking the foe with the needles if they get too close.

Not only do you STILL need to specify blade length, but you also should note, why on earth is there poison in a power that has nothing to do with it? Thus far, I highly doubt your ability has even the slightest to do with poison, though I have yet to get to overall. Then again, it should be noted that not only should you not have that poison, but you should also not have random ribbons that can move around of their own free will. That just makes no sense at all. Hell, even if you were allowed to have poison, you did not specify what kind of poison or what it actually does. Oh, also note that Masamune is a sword smith. Any blade can be a Masamune if forged by that sword smith, for any blade forged by him is called a Masamune.

The two blades disappear into thin air, leaving behind the hilts, guards and ribbons. Ryuuki can freely manipulate the length of the blades, and due to their invisibility, the foes must keep guessing how long the blades are.

I don't think invisibility has anything to do with your power as well. Neither does blade extension. Even if you did have a power like that, you didn't specify how long they can extend. You specified no viable limits for this.

Hakumei hebihime continuously absorbs the reiatsu and spiritual pressure of her opponent with increasing speed with longer exposure or closer distance until she stores enough to release a devastating blast of energy that destroys remaining reiatsu. The backfire of this is that Hakumei hebihime also absorbs her wielder's reiatsu but at a slower rate (half the rate of absorption against opponent).

What on earth does this have to do with invisibility, poison, or blade extension? No, unacceptable. There is no way any of those things correlate in any way, shape, or form. Not even Wonderland would deem that a thing that makes any form of sense. You also need to specify how the absorption occurs. How does it work? What is the speed of it for both the opponent and you? What is the limit?

Now we're on Shikai overall ability. Now, while I like to be polite and subtle about these things, being staff and all, unfortunately I can do no such thing for this app, as from Shikai overall ability alone, I may well be utterly horrified by that which I am witnessing. So, in simplest terms, I will give you my most blunt and dead on answer to Shikai overall ability.

Hypnosis. If the opponent stares or even glimpse at Hakumei hebihime's released form, they are immediately subjected to her hypnosis. The longer the opponent is under hypnosis and undergoes confusion between reality and illusion, the quicker their reiatsu is drained.

WAIT, WHAT THE F***?!

What does hypnosis have to do with stealing reiatsu?! Better yet, how does an ability that creates realistic illusions via hypnosis absorb reiatsu?! Where's the method?! ...Where's the sense? What do any of these things have to do with each other?!?! Oh, and by the way, that's obviously a COMPLETE CARBON COPY of Sosuke Aizen's Kyoka Suigetsu, though upgraded. Heads up, Kyoka Suigetsu is already overpowered god modd! So, it stands natural that if you UPGRADE IT, IT'S EVEN LESS ACCEPTABLE. You can't correlate absorbing reiatsu and complete hypnosis! That doesn't work at all!

Ryuuki can create illusions that completely distorts reality from illusions and manipulates the six senses of his opponents (including the ability to sense reiatsu) to his favour. Combining this, Ryuuki confuses his opponents to the point of madness as the illusions can last forever until Ryuuki gives the command "Close your eyes, Hakumei-hebihime". However, the opponent is hypnotised again if he sees the Shikai form again. If the foe is hypnotised, Hakumei-hebihime The illusions created by Hakumei-hebihime are so strong and realistic that even pain and focus alone cannot help them break free. Opponents may be aware they are hypnotised but this doesn't mean they can "escape Hakumei-Hebihime's eyes".

So, yeah. It copies Aizen. Except even in Kyoka Suigetsu, an enemy could sense that they are in an illusion if they tried. Meaning that you even take that away. This means it's even more OP. And this lasts forever? That's impossible. No ability does that. Totally OP. And, to my understanding, this is unbreakable? And there aren't even drawbacks or limits? Hell, even Kyoka Suigetsu had a way to escape. Your ability is basically Kyoka Suigetsu upgraded to be more OP and ridiculous, and without a drawback or limit. This is ghastly, horrific, just what the eff! By no stretch of the imagination can this ever make any sense at all! Forget that this is an even more overpowered version of Kyoka Suigetsu. This doesn't relate to your overall ability, either! What on EARTH does hypnosis have to do with absorbing and destroying reiatsu?! NOTHING!!!!! NOTHING AT ALL!!!!

Okay, onto your techniques for Shikai.

Nisshoku (Eclipse) - Ryuuki can copy another Zanpakuto's ability as long as Hakumei-Hebihime can detect the presence of another Zanpakuto or Shinigami/ Arrancar. With this, he can also negate an ability or power of his opponents, such as dissipating Cero blasts (similar to the ability of the sealed form, but with less difficulty). However, Nisshoku only lasts for either 5 seconds or after Ryuuki uses one of its abilities before he has to copy again. Even then, he has to use up more reiatsu every time he uses Nisshoku without resting for one day (x1.5 for 2nd time, x2.0 for 3rd time, x2.5 for 4th time etc.)

Uhhh...what? This has nothing to do with your shikai overall ability, or your overall ability in general. Hypnosis to zanpakuto copying? Wait, and we all got here from absorbing reiatsu?! THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL! YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A LIMIT OR DRAWBACK LISTED. WHAT KIND OF OP STUFF IS THIS?! Hell, how does copying a zanpakuto allow you to dissipate Cero? What is this "five second" thing you spliced into there?! It makes no sense! Hell, you say it uses up more reiatsu each time, but you didn't even list an initial cost! Not that you'd get away with this ability. It's overpowered to begin with, and it has nothing to do with your powers anyway! You can't just keep throwing in random abilities that make no sense in concern to your overall ability! We went from reiatsu absorption to hypnosis to copying. We are still on your first shikai technique. Frankly, I will be horrified to see the next few.

Eien Shiro Yuyami (Eternal White Dusk) - Space, time, matter manipulation (This counts as 3 techniques).

Okay, stop right there. Before I read any further into this obvious garbage, what on earth is this?! Space, time, and matter? What do ANY of these have to do with your power?! These have nothing to do with absorbing reiatsu. Guess what? They also have nothing to do with complete hypnosis anyway. Oh and guess what? YOU CAN'T CONTROL THOSE THINGS. THAT'S OVERPOWERED GOD MODD, FOOL!

Ryuuki manipulates time and can see things in very slow motion. He is able to dodge most attacks (attacks that are not light-based) and he can perform many slashes in a very short time frame. He can also multiply the number of slashes by repeating time over a specific dimension in space i.e. One swing can slash an object 1000 times. Ryuuki can also repeat the same slash he had done in a certain area once his foes appear at the same place where he had struck. Ryuuki can also manipulate Space, shifting the very dimension itself, which allows him to teleport and change the actual distance between objects.

Okay, no. Just no. You can't manipulate time to do any of that. To begin with, time control is overpowered. Nevermind that it has nothing to do with your overall ability or your shikai overall ability. No, you just can't even do it in general. Oh, this extends to space too. Not only does it have nothing at all to do to your power, not only does it have not a single relation in any way/shape/form, but it's overpowered. You can't just randomly shift around dimensions and teleport! What the hell is that?! No. It's unacceptable, overpowered, and there is no way you can do anything of the sort. There's just no way to accept this ability.

Finally, his manipulation of matter involves destroying matter (particles) into energy, or creating matter out of energy, as well as changing it from one form to another. With this, he can alter the nature of devastating attacks, shifting them to something he can evade without difficulty. However, his use of any one of these will result in Hakumei-hebihime accelerating the drainage of Ryuuki's reiatsu. If Ryuuki continues to use Eien Shiro Yuyami, he will lose reiatsu at an even quicker rate, his limbs become numb and will eventually paralyse his body. After recovering from paralysis (if anyone helps him) Hakumei-hebihime will revert to her sealed form and Ryuuki will be unable to release her Shikai form until the next day.

What? Destroying or creating matter? Did you fail science? Matter can neither be created nor destroyed. It's god modding and overpowered to even consider that you could defy such a simple and principle law. And don't forget that on top of this, it has nothing at all to do with your powers. Manipulating matter has nothing to do with the rest of the technique, which was space and time. It also has nothing to do with complete hypnosis, which is overpowered anyway. And it has nothing to do with your just in-general overall ability, which is to absorb reiatsu. What the hell am I grading? Did you purposely make this app to troll? Oh, by the way. A lot of damned good your limits and drawbacks do. You didn't even specify to begin with a normal absorption rate. None of these balance out how overpowered this is, either.

Now for Bankai.

Ryuuki's foes are absolutely hypnotised and their minds bring them slowly away from reality to the world Ryuuki creates. Ryuuki can manipulate his foes into believing the vast number of abilities of his Zanpakuto when they are actually fake. The more his foes struggle to define reality from illusions, the quicker their reiatsu are absorbed and the further their minds pull them from the real world. The absorption is much quicker (x3) than the Shikai ability. However, the rate at which Ryuuki's reiatsu is absorbed is also increased (x2), which means he can't maintain Bankai for long.

Not only is this overpowered and not only does it make no sense, but once again, you never gave a rate of absorption to begin with. There is just no way that this Bankai ability can even be considered for acceptance. It's just an even more overpowered copy of Kyoka Suigetsu, just like your Shikai was. Except now you're directly stating that you can just make up and generate countless random abilities as you go along because of some reality illusion world mesh. No, that's not acceptable. Hell, that's not even failing. If there is anything lower than garbage, it is this power, which is horrifying me more and more as I continue to read through your app. Oh, while I'm ranting, your amount of detail is in no way good enough for a seated officer. My grading is bigger than your app. Then again, that would be because your powers are just generally very very bad, so it takes a lot to grade them.

Seishin Rokku (Spirit Lock) - Hakumei-hebihime seals off opponent's ability to access their reiatsu, preventing them from using their ability and power (if Ryuuki's opponent happens to be a Shinigami/ Vizard/ Arrancar, their zanpakuto reverts back to its sealed form). Ryuuki can also choose to seal a Zanpakuto's ability for a specific time period. However, he must choose a specific body part to which will be the "reiatsu prison", which means if foes struck and damage that particular organ, the opponent can access his reiatsu again. Upon sealing the reiatsu in an organ/ body part, that organ or body part will cease to function until the seal is broken.

This...frankly...has nothing to do with your powers. It has nothing to do with absorbing or destroying reiatsu. It's a completely separate ability, locking it. It also has no drawbacks or limits, making it just absolutely overpowered. You don't even give a method as to how you go about using this technique. It's just barbaric and horrible. Oh, and not only does it have nothing to do with your overall ability, but it has nothing to do with your shikai or bankai either, which are both complete hypnosis, AKA a rip off of Kyoka Suigetsu. Yeah, this is just basically a load of grade F garbage.

By the way, your history sucks too. It's a boring, generic story with no development or characterization. It also doesn't make any sense, and has horrible grammar. It's a throw together of the most random things.

This app has been a horror experience for me to grade.

This is absolutely failing. You've set a record today. First, for a grading longer than the actual app itself. Second, this is even worse than what was previously known as the worst app ever submitted to this site and rejected, Hiro Hajime. In all honesty, the only plausible reason why this grading won't completely tower over your app is because my template gives you enough characters for it not to do so. It also spaces it out so much that the app will look bigger. However, take away my template sections, and stop a lot of the spacing, and you will find this grading to be larger than your app. Frankly, that's pitiful. Your powers are also the lowest level of grade F garbage, and there is no way that they can be accepted. I cannot think of a single possible legitimate roleplay forum that would ever accept your powers. The only ones who would accept it are people from Yugioh Card Maker dot net.

This app's grade is obviously just...absolutely...

F

[silvermt]

Yes, I am already aware how awful this is. This is created just from my head, and coming back to already makes me go "wtf is this?" It is a good thing this is still under Working in Progress, so I can go back and fix the things I found to be surprisingly bad. It is no surprise you call this 'worse than garbage', but you did add a few tips to how my character should be created.