Post by Shawn Rabuburēdo on Mar 2, 2023 22:02:02 GMT -5
The searing pain, it was impossible to describe. Like the suns radiance touching your skin? Like a vat of acid poured on your body, eating away at everything? The moments were fuzzy to say the least while Shawn tried to recollect the events of that day. Constantly rubbing the right side of his chest with his left hand, even periodically grasping his right arm as if to remind himself it was once again where it belonged. He couldn't help but break into cold sweats and shivers when he thought about how close he was to dying all over again.
Though death would have been sweeter to Shawn's mind than the reminder of how utterly useless he was in that fight. No, he can't even call it a fight, as that would be suggesting he did something. Slamming the closed fist of his right hand into the ground, sending a small surge of pain up his arm. At least he was even able to feel that pain now, if it wasn't for the miraculous work of Squad 4 then his arm wouldn't even exist right now. He couldn't help it, the tears started to flow from his eye's.
This feeling Shawn felt right now was all too familiar, the only time he felt this helpless and weak was the day he lost everything. If it weren't for Celes being there, who knows what kind of damage and death would have befallen the Academy. Once again he was reminded how utterly weak he was, the scene of his and his siblings death keept playing in his mind along with this new failure. How was someone like him, someone incapable of protecting even those close to him, be able to gain the strength required to protect?
Letting out a scream until his throat felt hoarse, Shawn was angry. Not at the world, or those teachers in charge of protecting the students. No, he was angry at himself, yet again he was to weak to stop a threat from causing harm. Yet again that threat tore him down as if he were nothing but paper. This feeling of helplessness kept surging, pushing into his mind whenever he stopped pushing it back. He needed strength, but how? The field he currently sat in was his normal practicing area located in the middle districts of the Rukongai.
For the past three days after being released from the Squad 4 barracks medical center, Shawn has done nothing put train. His muscles were exhausted, blood dripped from his palm after squeezing the pommel of Kami no Te for so long. Dirt and sweat crusted the back of his hands, his arms, even his face had an extra coating of dirt. The center of his heel was bruised from so much standing and balancing. Even the rock that sat there in the field was chipped in spots and coated in dirt.
It was only after those three days of intense nonstop training that Shawn finally sat down, thus why he's currently doing what he is now. The tears finally stopped, moving his filthy arms to wipe the tears away with the back of his right hand. His eyesight was blurry from the tears, but that didn't matter right now. He needed to become stronger, the power he gained during the Hell invasion wasn't enough. Memories of his sister and brothers face kept popping into his mind, urging him even more to find a way to gain power.
That's when it hit him, a faint memory Shawn finally recalled from his own time in the Academy. Bankai, that's what he needed to ensure he was strong enough to protect those he cared about. The stories he's heard of those who achieved Bankai proved all the more that was the power he needed. With this knew found information he quickly got up from where he sat, as fast as he could manage he Shunpo'd to his own Barracks. Washing up quickly before heading immediately to find his Sensei.
Unfortunately when Shawn arrived at the Squad 8 Barracks, his Sensei was nowhere to be found. Due to that unseen event he headed back to his own barracks, maybe his predecessor would have something on Bankai? Once at the Squad 13 Barracks he began searching through any scroll or tome he could find, looking for any hint about Bankai at all. That's when he spotted it, collecting dust in the corner of a bookshelf available to the entire Squad. A Scroll diving into the purpose of Bankai and ways to achieve it.
Shawn sat there for hours, studying the words meticulously. Maybe he'd spot the easiest way to achieve such a power as Bankai? Sadly nothing he read pointed him to an easy solution, however, it brought to light one vital piece of helpful information. Conversing with your Zanpakuto spirit was necessary to gain Bankai, maybe that meant he could ask Kami no Te to help him gain Bankai? With that learned he packed up the stuff he took out and went to his office, closing the door behind him he immediately headed to his seat where he sat down with Kami no Te laying on the desk in front of him.
Closing his eye's and placing his hands on the pommel and blade of Kami no Te, Shawn focused until he stood there in the middle of a flowery meadow. "I know why you came hear, but you're not ready for the power you seek. Your mind is to clouded with pride and anger." The voice that tickled the ears of the Shinigami was that of a male child's. Slightly high pitched but still soothing, this is the voice of Kami no Te.
"I have to learn how to use Bankai, that's that best way for me to gain the power required to protect those dear to me." Shawn was a bit agitated at how fast he was being turned down, before he even had a chance to ask at that. "I understand why you think that, but this doesn't change the fact you're not ready. You still act rashly, throwing caution to the wind wild acting rashly. You must first learn how to calm your mind, slow your thoughts and raise awareness of your surroundings." Even in a situation like this Kami no Te finds way's to teach the young Shinigami.
"Please, without it I'm helpless. That was proven the day of that attack." Shawn couldn't hold back the waver in his voice, a waver that showed the worry in his mind. Letting out a sigh Kami no Te spoke slowly, "Very well, I will help you learn how to wield Bankai, However, you aren't weak. In fact you're strong, but you think everything is on your shoulders. Unwilling to accept help from others. You're strong, but you don't see it the way you are now. If you're willing to change and grow, I will teach you. First and foremost you must learn how to calm that mind of yours."
When Shawn heard the words Kami no Te spoke he grew happy and almost relieved, unaware of the difficulty that lies ahead on this path. "I accept, if it allows me to gain the strength required to keep those dear to me safe, then I am willing to change for the better." The faces of his siblings yet again appeared in his mind, this time his parents stood over them holding their shoulders. With a smile Shawn thought to himself, I will find them mom, dad, but this time I'll keep them safe. Nothing will stop me from protecting me this time. With that thought he turned to face Kami no Te, before walking where his Zanpakuto spirit lead him.
