Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2019 13:00:07 GMT -5
As Anthony sit in his bed the rays of the sun finally came into his room. Normally Anthony would have awoken in the barracks, albeit with some difficulty as getting himself up from the floor mats and into his wheelchair was easier said than done. Today though Anthony found himself in the main Kuchiki manor in his old room no less. He just didn’t feel comfortable staying at the squad 1 barracks given his decision. What decision could make him so uncomfortable in a barracks he’d been with since he joined the Soul society? A decision to transfer to another squad. Ever since his encounter with Zahra his own squad never looked at him the same. Hell none of them even showed up to visit him while he had been in the hospital, aside from his Vice Captain practically telling him to quit in not so gentle words. Anthony frowned as he thought back on that, the man was always such an asshat to begin with and to just hear that while he was still coming to terms with losing his legs and hearing just threw Anthony over the top. Thankfully his doctor had come in at that time and was more than easily able to diffuse the situation by politely demanding the other to leave.
But even still that moment alone had planted the seed. If his squad cared so little then why was he apart of them? Squads were meant to pick one another up when they were down and yet they just left him to the wolves. Granted. . . he had still been fairly new so he wasn’t super well known but even still there were enough that should have known him or even been somewhat concerned. Regardless the answer was simple in Anthony’s mind. He was weak. Pathetically so. And with a squad that wasn’t supposed to show weakness like Anthony had it made all the more sense that they just dropped him. Let alone tried to get rid of him. But why then was such a decision to leave so hard? It should have been easy right? He should have been able to cut ties without much difficulty and yet it ached and ate away at him mentally. The answer only came just a few hours prior that evening. It felt like he was giving up, giving into what they wanted. Which perhaps he was. It’s not like being asked to leave and then heading to a new squad was anything terribly different. The only major distinction was that he would be remaining a shinigami instead of returning to the rukongai or the kuchiki.
This resentment however wasn’t limited to his superiors or even his squadmates. In fact if he were honest most of it wasn’t even aimed at them it was much more internal. He was furious with himself for being as weak as he was. As he had been. He had large spiritual reserves for his age and rank but that was about it. He had no fine control of it prior and even now his control was only average. With no legs he couldn’t run so he became inherently far slower and physically much weaker. His only other noticeable gain was his ability to be mediocre at sensing other energies. Which eye opening yes was not something he could see being immensely helpful currently. So what did all this make him? Sub par at best compared to his peers with seemingly an impossible mountain to climb in order to even reach the average shinigami. Which brings us back to why Anthony had even considered trying for a squad transfer. If he was going to be at such a disadvantage from the get go then what was the best path to take? How could he improve and grow despite his current condition?
He had to learn. Learning was not something Anthony had ever been truly fond of. Hell he hadn’t even been a terribly smart person to start with, aside from a few niche subjects. Subjects that 9/10 didn’t aid anyone let alone himself. However despite his physical limitations his mind was not limited, at least not by anything outside his control. Anthony had to come to terms with the fact he needed more knowledge and his time with Kyomei in the hospital proved that. Kyomei’s power didn’t stem from simply being a raw force of nature, it stemmed from his mind that knew countless kido, knew how to apply various theories and ideas of kido, and even knew how to creatively create new techniques/strategies. Anthony already knew that he needed to follow Kyomei’s path, that he needed to train spiritually but it had only recently been dawned on him that he needed to also train his mind. If he was going to be abandoned by his squad then he needed to learn to stand. . . sit on his own merits. The kuchiki had a plentiful array of books, tomes, and many other archives for which Anthony could prowl around in. Hell he’d already started by just looking into the various memories of other prominent Kuchiki and trying to understand how they thought. Alongside a few books on general kido fundamentals that he found here and there. It was small but it was the best start he could get in his current situation.
This was how Anthony had been for the past few weeks. Attempting to learn how to become a sponge when it came to knowledge. Trying to spend as much time as he could reading, sometimes searching for spaces to try basic kido. Most of which he had to keep the book in front of him for since his memory wasn’t super strong either. Try as he might though there were still several significant problems he gradually became aware of. First and foremost his duties to his squad were coming between him and the knowledge he desired. Sure he couldn’t be the cleaning boy for everything anymore but he still got random and time consuming tasks such as being a human messenger for the various different officers of his squad. This only compounded his second problem that he had no real time or space to try and apply these fundamental knowledge. And all the while he was still looked down upon. He could feel it from all around him when he rolled himself from one place to the next. He tried to live with it for several weeks assuming it was just jarring to see a crippled shinigami around. It definitely wasn’t the “ideal” form by any stretch of the imagination. The pressure however eventually came to a tipping point when he was trying to help a seated officer and someone even newer than himself arrived to replace him almost immediately under said officers orders. To be so incredibly useless and worthless to his division that they’d take someone even more junior than himself shattered what little pride he had left.
Thus Anthony grew more distant and finally came to terms with the idea that he needed to leave. Not the seireitei and definitely not the soul society but his squad. For the next couple weeks Anthony spent his time learning about the different squads to figure out where he would best fit in and where he could grow best. The choices came to 2 squads. Squad 6 and squad 12. Squad 6 was his families squad and currently held by his rival and family head. To be honest it made the most sense logically to go there. He knew being a kuchiki let alone having Kyomei be his captain would allow him the freedom he needed to learn and adjust to his new way of life. And better yet his family would support it. Something he had to admit might come in handy given the Kuchiki had their hands in at least a little bit of everything. But the major problem as well as boon was Kyomei. Anthony while he admired him never wanted to remain in his shadow. He was his rival out of pure respect and admiration and as such it would go against a lot of what Anthony stood for if he gave in and let Kyomei or his squad be his crutch. There was no recognition that could be gained for himself while he remained within Kyomei’s squad. And while it’s vast records could serve to be immensely helpful at the end of the day Anthony had availability to said tomes at his leisure. He didn’t need to join them simply for that.
The choice then was obvious. Squad 12 was the only squad that Anthony could transfer to in good conscience. Though it held many dubious rumors and even more perhaps morally questionable people there could be no doubt in their results. Every member in that squad, save for any of the younger recruits, had achieved something. Something that could stand them out from the rest amongst nearly anyone else in the soul society. But the real reason, the honest reason, Anthony felt this squad was where he needed to go was because it solved the problems he currently faced. Anthony needed knowledge and even though he had an extensive amount of knowledge at his beck and call the knowledge procured by squad 12 was kept within its confines. Only their members, and with permission other captains, could access the knowledge they had. And as if that wasn’t enough there were rumors about the various different labs where one could apply what they’ve learned. Seemingly infinite according to the rumor granted that aspect was false. But even while false it was a testament to just how much space there was to test any number of theories or ideas at.
With a groan Anthony shook all the thoughts plaguing his mind at that moment and put them to the side. He needed to get a move on lest he spend yet another day lost in his thoughts and regrets. And today of all days he couldn’t do that. He needed to overcome his prior failings and take a serious step in the right direction. He needed to start the process and see if squad 12 would even be willing to take him. And that required him to get out of his bed and into his wheelchair, let alone be at least somewhat presentable. He was a mess currently with his hair all over the place, sloppily dressed clothes and if he was honest he even smelled a bit. Enough that even he had to frown at himself internally. First thing’s first that smell HAS to go. Thank god I have all day to go talk with them because this will take a hot minute. With a a struggle and a few groans, moans, and colorful commentary Anthony managed to get himself to his wheelchair and ultimately out the bedroom to get himself cleaned up.
A couple hours later and Anthony was about as ready as he could be. His shikasho as properly worn as was possible considering he dressed himself and his features far more lively than earlier. And even better he’d managed to wheel himself straight up to squad 12’s gatehouse. In truth it was a bit surprising due to how normal it was given a lot of rumors talked about how odd the squad was in design even. Looking around Anthony spied no guards in particular aside from those which were walking on the second floor. Guess I’ll just keep moving on since the front door’s been left open. One more look around just to make sure he didn’t have to identify himself and with no one stopping him he simply continued on. The interior layout past the gate seemed pretty typical also. A couple training rings, a barracks with a hole in the roof- Is that a damn hole in their sleeping quarters?? Alright scratch that there’s a literal chunk of the damn thing missing. Anthony’s face showed visible surprise as he knew there was no attacks on the Soul Society so why on god’s green earth was there a large hole in the building? Relax Anthony, just because they have a hole in the roof doesn’t mean you need to lose your resolve. It’s not as though things can’t happen. Besides it’ll be repaired soon anyway. Let’s move on.
A deep breath and his mind putting that small detail on the backburner had Anthony on his way in only a few moments. It didn’t take but a moment for him to find the squads main entrance to a 3 story building. To be honest the size alone had Anthony impressed given only nobles had builds that big, with a few exceptions, and this particular building was NOT small in any sense. He was surprised again when he found their sliding doors to be made of glass and metal something Anthony had only vaguely seen in the human world. Given how behind the times the Seireitei normally was this alone already had him caught off guard. Strolling in further he found two desks only one of which had a person readily available to talk with. His surprise was evident yet again as he found himself staring on accident. Green hair. Surgical mask could be debated as necessary depending on what she did in particular but green hair? That also threw him for a loop. And here I thought we had a dress code as shinigami. Squad 1 always threw fits about being “in proper attire” and yet her hair cannot be in reqs. Stop it Anthony you’re staring. Ignore the curious green hair and lets go talk to her about where we need to go. The remaining curious interior was lost from here on with Anthony as he made his way over toward the unique female. Trying to not to stare at her hair which truthfully really suited her with that particular shade of green.
Once over he smiled softly and cleared his throat, mostly to remind him he did have a voice still. “Excuse me, umm. I’m not entirely sure where to go from here but would you be able to tell me who I need to talk to about a potential division transfer? I’ve. . well I’ve not started the process yet so I’m a bit of an unannounced show up. Hopefully that won’t be too much of a problem.” Anthony felt like he was rambling. His nerves were starting to get to him already as his guilt about trying to transfer was building up inside. He managed to push it down deeper inside himself but he could still feel it ache lightly. With that out the way he managed to give the rest of his focus to the female hopeful that their interaction would be brief. He really didn’t want to waste her time let alone become a nuisance, especially when he was a random shinigami that just strolled up with not even a single document to help the transferring process. He considered if he needed to bring anything but ultimately didn’t even know how he managed to get approved to join Squad 1. He’d simply showed interest while in the academy so he hoped that this was all he needed for Squad 12.
But even still that moment alone had planted the seed. If his squad cared so little then why was he apart of them? Squads were meant to pick one another up when they were down and yet they just left him to the wolves. Granted. . . he had still been fairly new so he wasn’t super well known but even still there were enough that should have known him or even been somewhat concerned. Regardless the answer was simple in Anthony’s mind. He was weak. Pathetically so. And with a squad that wasn’t supposed to show weakness like Anthony had it made all the more sense that they just dropped him. Let alone tried to get rid of him. But why then was such a decision to leave so hard? It should have been easy right? He should have been able to cut ties without much difficulty and yet it ached and ate away at him mentally. The answer only came just a few hours prior that evening. It felt like he was giving up, giving into what they wanted. Which perhaps he was. It’s not like being asked to leave and then heading to a new squad was anything terribly different. The only major distinction was that he would be remaining a shinigami instead of returning to the rukongai or the kuchiki.
This resentment however wasn’t limited to his superiors or even his squadmates. In fact if he were honest most of it wasn’t even aimed at them it was much more internal. He was furious with himself for being as weak as he was. As he had been. He had large spiritual reserves for his age and rank but that was about it. He had no fine control of it prior and even now his control was only average. With no legs he couldn’t run so he became inherently far slower and physically much weaker. His only other noticeable gain was his ability to be mediocre at sensing other energies. Which eye opening yes was not something he could see being immensely helpful currently. So what did all this make him? Sub par at best compared to his peers with seemingly an impossible mountain to climb in order to even reach the average shinigami. Which brings us back to why Anthony had even considered trying for a squad transfer. If he was going to be at such a disadvantage from the get go then what was the best path to take? How could he improve and grow despite his current condition?
He had to learn. Learning was not something Anthony had ever been truly fond of. Hell he hadn’t even been a terribly smart person to start with, aside from a few niche subjects. Subjects that 9/10 didn’t aid anyone let alone himself. However despite his physical limitations his mind was not limited, at least not by anything outside his control. Anthony had to come to terms with the fact he needed more knowledge and his time with Kyomei in the hospital proved that. Kyomei’s power didn’t stem from simply being a raw force of nature, it stemmed from his mind that knew countless kido, knew how to apply various theories and ideas of kido, and even knew how to creatively create new techniques/strategies. Anthony already knew that he needed to follow Kyomei’s path, that he needed to train spiritually but it had only recently been dawned on him that he needed to also train his mind. If he was going to be abandoned by his squad then he needed to learn to stand. . . sit on his own merits. The kuchiki had a plentiful array of books, tomes, and many other archives for which Anthony could prowl around in. Hell he’d already started by just looking into the various memories of other prominent Kuchiki and trying to understand how they thought. Alongside a few books on general kido fundamentals that he found here and there. It was small but it was the best start he could get in his current situation.
This was how Anthony had been for the past few weeks. Attempting to learn how to become a sponge when it came to knowledge. Trying to spend as much time as he could reading, sometimes searching for spaces to try basic kido. Most of which he had to keep the book in front of him for since his memory wasn’t super strong either. Try as he might though there were still several significant problems he gradually became aware of. First and foremost his duties to his squad were coming between him and the knowledge he desired. Sure he couldn’t be the cleaning boy for everything anymore but he still got random and time consuming tasks such as being a human messenger for the various different officers of his squad. This only compounded his second problem that he had no real time or space to try and apply these fundamental knowledge. And all the while he was still looked down upon. He could feel it from all around him when he rolled himself from one place to the next. He tried to live with it for several weeks assuming it was just jarring to see a crippled shinigami around. It definitely wasn’t the “ideal” form by any stretch of the imagination. The pressure however eventually came to a tipping point when he was trying to help a seated officer and someone even newer than himself arrived to replace him almost immediately under said officers orders. To be so incredibly useless and worthless to his division that they’d take someone even more junior than himself shattered what little pride he had left.
Thus Anthony grew more distant and finally came to terms with the idea that he needed to leave. Not the seireitei and definitely not the soul society but his squad. For the next couple weeks Anthony spent his time learning about the different squads to figure out where he would best fit in and where he could grow best. The choices came to 2 squads. Squad 6 and squad 12. Squad 6 was his families squad and currently held by his rival and family head. To be honest it made the most sense logically to go there. He knew being a kuchiki let alone having Kyomei be his captain would allow him the freedom he needed to learn and adjust to his new way of life. And better yet his family would support it. Something he had to admit might come in handy given the Kuchiki had their hands in at least a little bit of everything. But the major problem as well as boon was Kyomei. Anthony while he admired him never wanted to remain in his shadow. He was his rival out of pure respect and admiration and as such it would go against a lot of what Anthony stood for if he gave in and let Kyomei or his squad be his crutch. There was no recognition that could be gained for himself while he remained within Kyomei’s squad. And while it’s vast records could serve to be immensely helpful at the end of the day Anthony had availability to said tomes at his leisure. He didn’t need to join them simply for that.
The choice then was obvious. Squad 12 was the only squad that Anthony could transfer to in good conscience. Though it held many dubious rumors and even more perhaps morally questionable people there could be no doubt in their results. Every member in that squad, save for any of the younger recruits, had achieved something. Something that could stand them out from the rest amongst nearly anyone else in the soul society. But the real reason, the honest reason, Anthony felt this squad was where he needed to go was because it solved the problems he currently faced. Anthony needed knowledge and even though he had an extensive amount of knowledge at his beck and call the knowledge procured by squad 12 was kept within its confines. Only their members, and with permission other captains, could access the knowledge they had. And as if that wasn’t enough there were rumors about the various different labs where one could apply what they’ve learned. Seemingly infinite according to the rumor granted that aspect was false. But even while false it was a testament to just how much space there was to test any number of theories or ideas at.
With a groan Anthony shook all the thoughts plaguing his mind at that moment and put them to the side. He needed to get a move on lest he spend yet another day lost in his thoughts and regrets. And today of all days he couldn’t do that. He needed to overcome his prior failings and take a serious step in the right direction. He needed to start the process and see if squad 12 would even be willing to take him. And that required him to get out of his bed and into his wheelchair, let alone be at least somewhat presentable. He was a mess currently with his hair all over the place, sloppily dressed clothes and if he was honest he even smelled a bit. Enough that even he had to frown at himself internally. First thing’s first that smell HAS to go. Thank god I have all day to go talk with them because this will take a hot minute. With a a struggle and a few groans, moans, and colorful commentary Anthony managed to get himself to his wheelchair and ultimately out the bedroom to get himself cleaned up.
A couple hours later and Anthony was about as ready as he could be. His shikasho as properly worn as was possible considering he dressed himself and his features far more lively than earlier. And even better he’d managed to wheel himself straight up to squad 12’s gatehouse. In truth it was a bit surprising due to how normal it was given a lot of rumors talked about how odd the squad was in design even. Looking around Anthony spied no guards in particular aside from those which were walking on the second floor. Guess I’ll just keep moving on since the front door’s been left open. One more look around just to make sure he didn’t have to identify himself and with no one stopping him he simply continued on. The interior layout past the gate seemed pretty typical also. A couple training rings, a barracks with a hole in the roof- Is that a damn hole in their sleeping quarters?? Alright scratch that there’s a literal chunk of the damn thing missing. Anthony’s face showed visible surprise as he knew there was no attacks on the Soul Society so why on god’s green earth was there a large hole in the building? Relax Anthony, just because they have a hole in the roof doesn’t mean you need to lose your resolve. It’s not as though things can’t happen. Besides it’ll be repaired soon anyway. Let’s move on.
A deep breath and his mind putting that small detail on the backburner had Anthony on his way in only a few moments. It didn’t take but a moment for him to find the squads main entrance to a 3 story building. To be honest the size alone had Anthony impressed given only nobles had builds that big, with a few exceptions, and this particular building was NOT small in any sense. He was surprised again when he found their sliding doors to be made of glass and metal something Anthony had only vaguely seen in the human world. Given how behind the times the Seireitei normally was this alone already had him caught off guard. Strolling in further he found two desks only one of which had a person readily available to talk with. His surprise was evident yet again as he found himself staring on accident. Green hair. Surgical mask could be debated as necessary depending on what she did in particular but green hair? That also threw him for a loop. And here I thought we had a dress code as shinigami. Squad 1 always threw fits about being “in proper attire” and yet her hair cannot be in reqs. Stop it Anthony you’re staring. Ignore the curious green hair and lets go talk to her about where we need to go. The remaining curious interior was lost from here on with Anthony as he made his way over toward the unique female. Trying to not to stare at her hair which truthfully really suited her with that particular shade of green.
Once over he smiled softly and cleared his throat, mostly to remind him he did have a voice still. “Excuse me, umm. I’m not entirely sure where to go from here but would you be able to tell me who I need to talk to about a potential division transfer? I’ve. . well I’ve not started the process yet so I’m a bit of an unannounced show up. Hopefully that won’t be too much of a problem.” Anthony felt like he was rambling. His nerves were starting to get to him already as his guilt about trying to transfer was building up inside. He managed to push it down deeper inside himself but he could still feel it ache lightly. With that out the way he managed to give the rest of his focus to the female hopeful that their interaction would be brief. He really didn’t want to waste her time let alone become a nuisance, especially when he was a random shinigami that just strolled up with not even a single document to help the transferring process. He considered if he needed to bring anything but ultimately didn’t even know how he managed to get approved to join Squad 1. He’d simply showed interest while in the academy so he hoped that this was all he needed for Squad 12.