Post by Deleted on Aug 19, 2018 18:02:10 GMT -5
Anthony yawned as he looked over himself in the mirror. It was early in the morning, about 6:30 am, and he was getting himself dressed and in uniform. Today wasn’t any different from his usual mornings. Wake up because Smokey was his personal alarm clock who’d smack him, fart on him, or just wake up somehow before Anthony did. Today Smokey was merciful and had just woken up because Anthony had rolled onto him. Smokey rolled his eyes some before wriggling his way out, waking up Anthony in the process. Anthony’s glare was only momentary as he was not the sort of person who enjoyed such early morning wake up calls. However his job was to be up and available so it wasn’t too bad an idea to be up anyway.
Smokey on the other hand went back asleep like the cheeky lil fuck he was. Anthony just mumbled about how he was a lucky dog to get to sleep before going to prepare himself for the day. Going into the bathing portion of the barracks he quickly stripped himself as he thought over what he’d need to do today. It was saturday and it wasn’t like he had a lot of duties to do because he wasn’t even on duty that day. So long as he didn’t make too much a ruckus he’d be able to go off and do whatever he wanted, he just had to make sure he was around and available so that if anyone called him he’d be there. Simple and easy, just how he liked his days. Especially those where he wouldn't have a higher up supervising him.
30 minutes later, cleaned, hair fixed, a fresh set of clothes, and his place in the barracks cleaned up and he was ready to go out and tackle the day. As he walked out the barracks though he quickly realized... he still didn’t have a plan of action. Nothing was going on so what WOULD he do? Looking over at Smokey who also just turned his head in equal confusion didn’t aid him any as he wasn’t certain what would really be a good answer aside from maybe running around or sleeping. Then it hit him. He could try and go into his inner world. Surely he had one right? I mean every shinigami had one, at least that was the vibe he got. So why not tackle that today? If he could make it in there maybe he’d learn at least a little bit about what his powers would be. Even if he couldn’t actually attain them.
With that in mind and literally nothing better to do Anthony just shrugged and headed over towards the training grounds of the squad 1 barracks. It was… dull. Floors shined and cleaned, a couple windows above near the ceilings, and no one else around considering how early it was in the morning. With a quick shrug Anthony went over to the corner of the room and sat down. Looking over his blade he was starting to grow uncertain as to if he could manage this. It wasn’t something he imagined as easy but certainly with enough effort someone could manage. Besides it was his own inner world. There was no reason he shouldn’t have access to it. But no matter how much he tried to convince himself he wasn’t really able to fully rid himself of his fears of failing.
Smokey in the meantime just sat down by him and glanced from his gladius back up to him. He didn’t make any sounds aside from his breathing and just moved to lay down by him. Anthony was going to have to handle this on his own, as there’d be no amount of help Smokey could give that would aid him. So with nothing else in mind Anthony brought his sword onto his knees, placing his hands over the ends of it and closed his eyes. He wasn’t certain what to focus on so he just tried to bring his thoughts from the squad, the work he’d be called to do, his family, Smokey even, and just tried to lull them out. Easier said than done however.
He didn’t have to worry over Smokey. He was here, they weren’t in danger and honestly Smokey would probably fall asleep sooner than anything. His squad was more a concern because all he kept thinking on was how he wasn’t doing anything for the squad. Sure he cleaned but he didn’t DO anything for it. He didn’t really work, he wasn’t terribly smart to help make things better, if anything he was just kinda leeching off them. And that alone wasn’t sitting well with him. He needed to do more than clean, than just exist. Hisano said he had potential so certainly he must’ve had more ability than he was giving himself credit for. But that was wasted if he didn’t use it. Didn’t try to own it.
But as he thought on this further he realized that was the goal right now. Sure his duties in the squad were minimal, he wasn’t doing a lot yet. But he was new. He hadn’t shown he was capable of anything else yet and he needed to take things one step at a time. Hell he hadn’t even joined the squad training sessions yet so he just needed to relax and realize he was still figuring his place out in this squad. He just had to give things time. The concerns with the family were small, smaller than Smokey even. He’d recently had his talk with Hotaru about how he would need to visit them sometime and try to keep them in the loop if anything happened. He also needed to just take a breather there also as he’d do well for the family and make them proud once he was finally able to start working for real. It’d just be a matter of time until then so that worry and concern just needed to ebb away.
By this point his mind had been lulled to a calm quiet. Not peace but quiet. Something was still hindering him and it was making it difficult for him to even try to get into the mindset that he needed to try and focus on his sword so he could attempt to enter his inner world. What was it though? If it wasn’t his family, Smokey’s well being, his job even, then what was hindering his ability to try and get into the meditative state necessary? Anthony couldn’t figure it out. There should be nothing else. So he just sat there, eyes still closed trying to bring himself to a calmer state than where he was at so he could try to meditate and interact with his zanpakuto. But that same something was just eating at him. Gnawing like a small rodent does when there’s too big a piece of food and it’s been starved up until this point. So it was no surprise that while Anthony gave mediation the old college try he was too frustrated to really get past whatever it was that continued to hinder his ability to meditate.
Anthony growled to himself, it was frustrating. He couldn’t figure it out, why wasn’t he able to force himself to calm down? Why was he struggling to really get into that state of mind so he could at least attempt to enter his inner world. He didn’t know and he didn’t have anyone around that would be able to help him out so he was pretty much solo’ing this thing alone. It was at this time however that Anthony remembered what Kyomei did. He’d train, but try to use all available methods of training. Mental, physical, and spiritual together. It.. wasn’t what Anthony inherently wanted to do but it would at least help him burn out some of that anger and frustration that was plaguing him. He looked over at Smokey who just glanced his way. “Ya wanna go for a run? Better than sitting around here eh?” At the word “run” Smokey got up, tail wagging about as fast as one could imagine. Guess the answer was yes. Without further delay the two head out to the training field then so that Anthony could try his hand at the 3 trainings in one.
Once there Anthony took a second to stretch out so he’d be a bit more limber. His initial training with Kyomei made him sore in many venues, the most prominent being the physical as he hadn’t stretched prior to their run. So Anthony having learned from last time made certain that he stretched out for a few minutes, just to make sure he’d be marginally less sore. A few squats, leg stretches, and light workouts to get his heart rate up and he was ready. He motioned for Smokey to join him as he started running at full speed, uncaring that he’d probably burn himself out of stamina more quickly than if he’d built up into it. Smokey caught up in a matter of moments and proceeded to match his pace with ease, tongue out and with a happy bark towards Anthony. Anthony in turn could only chuckle as he always enjoyed the antics of his dog however he still needed the spiritual aspect of his training, Anthony wasn’t entirely sure how to proceed with that as he really ONLY had one kido. And he didn’t really know how else to try and use his reiatsu in a way that would train him. So to start with he casted Sazanami, doing his best with the incantation and managing it but finding the slow burn from stamina being used a bit harder to deal with because while running he had gotten less air to use.
The waves shot out from his hand with it being the center of the reiatsu pulses. It was honestly crazy how much this spell did and it was such a basic spell. He could feel everything around him within 50 feet. The ants on the ground, the blades of grass, Smokey, and just the ground itself. It never ceased to amaze him at just what all it allowed him to feel. He could only imagine how many places this kido would be applicable in given it let him “see” the field around him and know where anything was at a given point and time. That did not mean that though small the strain wouldn’t slowly build as he had used yet more stamina to use this kido while he was already running around as fast as he could. Yet he still wasn’t done he needed to figure out what to do for the mental part of the training. Then it hit him about as hard as a bag of cement bricks hitting the floor. He could continue to think over the current problem at hand. Really try to get to the root of the problem. Sure it was a cop out mental training BUT it was a problem that was in his way. And he’d need to learn how to get into his inner world anyway. So if nothing else it was good enough for Anthony.
Alright so let’s start simple. What is my goal? To enter into my inner world. Good so we’ve got the goal in mind. So what do we need to do to accomplish this goal? We need to figure out what the roadblock is that we need to overcome. Currently the roadblocks that I was able to think on were handled well enough. I can honestly say I’m not really being super burdened by them when I try to enter into the inner world. However something else is holding me back. And I don’t think it’s a sort of “I can’t enter because I’m too weak” sort of thing. If anything I’m almost certain anyone can enter their inner world if they focus enough. Which is what confuses me, why can’t I enter in if I’m focusing on it? I suppose the honest answer is I’m not “focusing” on it per say if my mind is distracted by some other problem at hand. So then what is the problem? Is it some outside influence, let’s think on that for a few minutes and see what we come up with.
He looked out into the building as he continued to run on the edges of the fields. Honestly his gaze was more looking into the horizon that was beyond a good deal of the seireitei. As he continued running he started losing himself so that any soreness in his legs or difficulty breathing just faded to background noise while the usage of his reiatsu wasn’t nearly as easy to push away. Still he managed to calm it down some so his thoughts wouldn’t be interrupted so long as he didn’t focus on the strain of his reiatsu. So outside forces. His job was a bit of a stressful deal but nothing his being around Smokey couldn’t handle. His family wasn’t actually pressuring him honestly so that was surprisingly not a problem. His squad mates were probably the most stressful influence external of him as he wasn’t really allowed to do a whole hell of a lot currently. In all fairness though the days were a little bland he was fairly stress free assuming his squad mates didn’t say or start something that involved him. So the answer in some way was no then? He couldn’t actively put his finger on anything outside of himself that was causing him a blockage.
By the time he realized this his kido had run out so he took a moment to do two casts. One without the incantation to give a momentary gauge of where his reiatsu was and another with the incantation to allow him more use of his reiatsu and more time to think. However getting back to that state of mind where he could push away everything but his thoughts was considerably harder this time. Unbeknownst to Anthony he’d actually managed to run about 2 miles already and he hadn’t been paying attention due to where his thoughts were directed at. Needless to say getting back into that groove was not going to be the easiest thing he’d ever done but with a bit more focus on his thoughts and a bit of willpower to push away the physical “soreness” he eventually managed. It wasn’t nearly as gone as he’d have liked but on a scale of 1-10 it was at a 2 currently. Similar to the kido he was using though it managed at 4 on the same scale just due to his lack of real training in general with kido or reiatsu at all.
Alright alright focus. Let’s bring this back to where we were prior. So we can safely say anything that’s outside of ourself isn’t actually causing the problem. So we need to look inward then. So what am I doing or what is going on with me that’s stopping/hindering me from getting into a meditative state? Well I was a bit wound up earlier. But if nothing else this training will burn through some of that and a good deal of stamina so I should be a little more apt to meditate...or fall asleep. Ok… so what else then? Was it something as simple as I was hungry? I mean I’m sure it didn’t help but I wasn’t feeling hungry. Nor thirsty. So then if there’s nothing physically getting in the way was this then due to my mental state?
Anthony had to give that some serious consideration. He underestimated how his attitude and thought process would affect him let alone his ability to achieve his goal. Perhaps force wasn’t the correct answer? Anthony had been attempting to kinda barrel his way in because it was his inner world. Why shouldn’t he be able to enter it at will? Perhaps it just wasn’t fully formed and that alone was blocking him. If it didn’t exist he couldn’t enter however that just seemed...unlikely. Anthony had learned at the academy that EVERYONE had an inner world. Regardless of race. For some it was less important and maybe even empty unless someone placed something in there to begin with. But for Shinigami that was the realm of his zanpakuto spirit. So perhaps it wasn’t allowing him in? I mean that was possible but he wasn’t certain when or how they formed. Really that went above his head so to actually understand if that was the case would take FAR more than one training session to really figure out.
So that idea to the side what else could be hindering him? Honestly maybe it was his inner spirit because he wasn’t ready. But maybe it didn’t matter and the summoning of them was the part that they’d either show or not show themselves. Either way he didn’t fully know nor was he going to dwell too deeply on it. Right now he wanted to figure out a means of how to get into his inner world and he had to consider if he was potentially stopping himself. That actually caused Anthony to almost trip as he ran. He did if he was honest and he wasn’t going to be able to run nearly as fast afterwards because though he didn’t notice it as much he was physically exhausted. His spiritual side had also been getting taxed and he wasn’t really using it so much anymore as he’d let the kido end without reusing it.
So was Anthony stopping himself from going into his inner world? Was that even possible? By this point Anthony had to stop from running. He’d managed 4 miles and if he was honest his legs were killing him. His reiatsu wasn’t spent but he was definitely tired that much was for certain. Casting a quick glance at Smokey he saw he too was tired, tongue out and he was walking a bit slow even for him. Funny, it had felt like it was only a 30 min event and yet he’d been running for about 2 hours. Lordy how time flies. Anthony plopped down by Smokey, taking a small break from his run and reiatsu usage. And just continued to think on if he’d actually been hindering himself. It...wasn’t impossible actually considering how often Anthony did tend to ride that negative line let alone how things had been. Honestly he’d admit he beat himself up more often and more harshly than anyone else ever could. It was a flaw of his.
But the real question was if this was limiting him to enter his inner world. Anthony wanted to say that it couldn’t possibly. That it would be silly to consider that ever being a possibility...but was it? Certainly life was far more bland and...honestly full of closed doors if you limited yourself. Hurting yourself, mental closing off things, distancing from people they all didn’t help things out. So was it really that hard to believe his mental state or just Anthony himself was actually the cause for why he couldn’t enter? And if he was then why? What was he thinking or doing that would stop him from entering his inner world?Because from where he was standing he wasn’t doing anything but accepting that there would be barriers and he needed to bash his way through them to enter. It was at that moment however that Anthony realized that was probably it right there. He set up some if not all the barriers he was dealing with. He at his core didn’t think he could enter or that he’d meet some resistance.
So small revelation in hand the next question became how to overcome it? There was always just forcing yourself into the situation and thriving. There had been many times where that was the case. Such as talking with people. If you didn’t go out of your way to talk to them then you didn’t make progress. But what about going to your inner world? Was that the same way this would work? Probably not. He considered himself weak, weak enough that he couldn’t enter his inner world. If anything he needed to show himself he was powerful enough to do that. But how? He didn’t have any accomplishments to speak of so he had to think back perhaps things from his time at the academy or even just recent events. He’d met and trained with Kyomei. That was actually kinda big. Even if he didn’t have a lot of strength it meant he could grow into something better. And honestly was it impossible to consider he’d grown since? What about with the academy? He was 3rd in his class not because he was super smart or just did that well on his own. He had made friends at the academy and had managed to get so high in his class because he had others help.
Funny though how that reminded him of Hotaru. He and Hotaru had gotten help as younger versions of themselves. And look where Hotaru ended up. Captain of a squad. Same as Kyomei and technically his equal. To say that was honestly something else. So if he and Hotaru were following similar paths then he should easily be able to get to his goal of vice captain. Let alone be able to enter his inner world. And taking it a step further...did it really need power to do that? If your inner world is IN YOU and normally you just have to meditate did it really require power? Probably not. In fact it probably just required you taking the time of day to say “Hey I wanna go here for a bit.” And just do it. It’s not like Anthony’s inner world had gotten ripped out of him after all. So there realistically should be no reason why he couldn’t enter it. One more step further and from a necromantic point of view there were abilities that could use the soul. The soul of others even to just store things or enter inside where there was something. Potentially layers even. Though that was occasionally a more forced entry because it WASN’T your inner world but still to the self just allowing your consciousness to enter really shouldn’t be that hard.
Anthony looked at his Zanpakuto. A blackened gladius with a mahogany handle and sheath. Was now a good time to try again? Was this the place that he should try? Anthony would have thought that he’d need a good place to do this at. Let alone in a public area. He frowned some but shook his head as he felt the thoughts coming around. He was limiting himself again. He took a deep breath and picked up his zanpakuto, with a quick motion Smokey also got up. They both went to a tree and sat under it so that if Anthony tried this and it worked he wouldn’t be sunburnt. Last thing he wanted was to try and allow himself to get burned because he was basically a sheet of paper.
With a deep breath and a look to make sure Smokey was around he set his blade upon his knees. Hands on top of it and closed his eyes. His breathing quickly mellowed out and his thoughts gradually dulled until he was back in the same spot prior. The barrier that had been blocking him though was present but it felt marginally weaker. Like it had cracks in it now. If one were to imagine it’d be Anthony standing akin a dark space, the floor being water that only vibrated as he walked on its surface. And amongst this darkness was a small crack of white light. Anthony quickly fell into this trance and approached it. It propelled him back a bit but only his arm. He’d inspect it only to find it as an out of place crack. There was no reason for it to exist but here it was. Unlike last time where he’d been unable to really even reach this state. Was it right to just force his way past the crack? Probably not given he’d not made it this far by force. He’d gotten this far simply by trying to address the problem that the he felt himself too weak to accomplish.
Anthony sat on the water’s surface, surprised that he was neither wet nor sinking. Hell it was sorta comfortable even. Looking back at the crack he needed to figure out how he was going to enter. Though he couldn’t say why he was certain on the other side of that crack WAS his inner world. So how to enter it. Perhaps he needed to further its propagation. Good luck with that though given he didn’t even have his sword here with him. But he was determined, he’d made it this far so why would he give up now? If this was the barrier he thought about earlier then it must be the barrier about him being too weak. And from where he was sitting it certainly seemed that way. It would expel reiatsu or some kinda energy and push him away. Plus it was also kinda small. He’d never fit through it to start with. So what was the answer? What did he need to do? Maybe he needed to ask for help? But who was around? It was a dark space with only him here. He didn’t even have Smokey around. Which made sense he was in his inner world. Smokey couldn’t enter it. Not normally anyway.
He sat for some indescribable amount of time, there was nothing to really give him a good idea of how long he sat there but eventually he just decided on an answer. Couldn’t he just imagine his family were with him? I mean in away family always was and the Kuchiki’s should be no different. Sure Anthony wasn’t a kuchiki by blood but he was a member of the family and with people as powerful as Kyomei and Hotaru at his side even this barrier would be meaningless. Without really doing much of anything Hotaru and Kyomei actually started to appear in some capacity. They were smiling and glanced at the barrier only to laugh at it. Though their appearance was a bit off just due to their being see through. Kyomei walked up to the crack and inspected it. He didn’t say anything but simply laughed at it not even being repelled. Hotaru on the other hand just pushed Anthony forward some giving him a look like “C’mon you seriously gonna let a crack beat you?” Though Anthony hadn’t realized it the crack had grown in size a bit. The large center streak of it had now grown to be about half of Anthony’s full body. Kyomei motioned him over though when he started stepping towards it the crack seemingly lashed out some as it expelled reiatsu before he even took a single step.
”Yeesh talk about an annoying crack. Literally the only thing in his way to seeing his inner world and it was retaliating like an injured animal. So how to get close to it. He had the other two Kuchiki watching him but they looked more patient than rushing. He thought on it. There was no way the crack wouldn’t react. Yet it had grown from having these two here. Perhaps he needed to bring in more family? No he was certain even before Kyomei and Hotaru’s appearance he would have been able to get in. These two apparitions weren’t doing much in and of themselves, more than anything they were simple guides he had inadvertently made. Wait if Kyomei was already there and Hotaru was nudging him to it then was the reiatsu even a real presence? Or was it like the barrier yet another construct he’d made? Did he still hold a doubt in his ability to enter even though the crack had appeared? Absolutely he did.This was an attempt not him walking into his inner world. He was trying to enter it as he had never done so prior.
But if the crack came from him realizing he didn’t need power then his entering now by forcing his way in was wrong. He didn’t need power. He needed to know where he wanted to go and trust in himself to actually make it there. He didn’t need some special ability or power as he’d already had the key himself. He was himself, silly as that sounded. Only he was allowed to enter or leave into his inner world unless he allowed another. But this wasn’t about others this was about him. He took another deep breath looking over the crack yet again. If that was his inner world he wanted to enter it, not as a conqueror who forced their way in, but as the lord of his own area. Unobstructed and as easily as he would walk into his own barracks. Because it was part of where he belonged. And as every shinigami has their own inner world so did he and he did belong in his when he so desired.
With this in mind Anthony did his best to withhold any intent of force. His mind wanted to force, his personality said “Where there’s a will there’s a way!”. But his heart answered them both saying not everything needed force. And he knew this was one of those times. So slowly and calmly he walked up towards the crack. He could tell the crack was trying to flail in it’s own way and exert force on him again. But at this point Anthony didn’t feel it. And apparently neither did the two apparitions but at this point they were fading back as their job had been done apparently. And by the time Anthony looked away both had fully disappeared. Without even realizing it however he’d managed to grab a hold of the crack. He could fit both hands on either side of it due to how much it had opened. He smiled to himself mostly at this point and looked at the crack itself speaking softly. “Just so you know in advance. I am sorry I have to break you. But as it stands I don’t think I ever really needed you. Thank you for what you’ve done thus far, I’ll be certain to remember the lesson you’ve taught me.” Without another moment he promptly pulled apart the crack and like it was tissue paper it ripped apart and shattered the world he was in.
The white light shone over the entire area of where he could see and when his eyes had finally adjusted to it he could see where he’d been prior. He was on the edge of a broken bridge. Water quite like what he had been standing on prior existed beneath except it was still as a mirror. When he looked at where the bridge headed he noticed several things, first off it was snowing incredibly lightly. The mood was out behind some clouds, full and bright despite the soft light emanating from it. When he directed his gaze down he’d noticed the actual realm of his inner world. It was a city, massive and sprawling, more akin to a citadel than anything. There were so many levels to it that it seemed to try and reach up to the moon itself, especially from what was either a clocktower or perhaps the topmost part of a cathedral on the upper most circle. His eyes widened however as he focused on it and realized it was neither but a single tower from an imposing castle that loomed over everything beneath it.
Anthony was speechless. He couldn’t even understand what he felt. Was he happy? Relieved? Maybe even just ecstatic that he’d finally reached his inner world. And the inner world he had was… beautiful. So silent and quiet and yet it spoke volumes. He didn’t even have to enter it to know there were so many nooks and crannies, so many little houses and just other buildings that he could easily spend an immeasurable amount of time exploring and STILL never see everything. Anthony started walking towards the gate that held the citadel of his inner world but his vision started to fade. He then fell to his knees. The exhaustion from earlier now with the added exhaustion of having finally made it here caught up with him. Anthony couldn’t do anything but smile as he started to see the ever creeping darkness at the edge of his vision. He knew he’d made it and that he’d be back to see it more thoroughly. As he finally fell to his chest and continued to look forward right before his eyesight entirely faded he swore he could see something.
It was...impossible to tell what but it moved forward some. And stopped. It just watched as he slowly faded back to the spiritual realm. But even as the darkness consumed his sight entirely he knew there was a small blot that wasn’t the darkness of unconsciousness. It was darkness or energy that belonged to whatever stood off in the distance. To add to things he felt a sense of peace. A comfort almost. And before he realized it he’d jumped up form where he was sitting under the tree and realized he was back in the Soul Society. He was surprisingly calm and despite the exhaustion he felt it was only physical. His spiritual reserves were full again. Somehow. And in his mind he held a sense peace, not unlike the black waters beneath his citadel. HIS. He just started chuckling before smiling and flopping down next to Smokey. Smokey who had been currently sleeping flipped his shit as Anthony just suddenly was upon him and hugging him like he’d not seen him in an eternity. To say his dog was confused was something but he very quickly picked up on Anthony’s mood and realized nothing was wrong.
Taking a moment to breath himself he just watched as Anthony hugged him, staying still until Anthony had enough. A few minutes later Anthony pulled back and just smiled wide. “Hehe Smokey you’ll never believe what happened. I-” Anthony was interrupted completely by his stomach all but roaring at him. Turning red Anthony just scratched the back of his head and motioned for Smokey to get up so they could leave. “I’ll tell you about it while we are eating. I’m certain you could also use some food yea? Hehe we did a lot of working out after all. Without further delay Anthony and Smokey made their way to the barracks to grab some food, Anthony smiling the entire way as they did thinking quietly to himself. Just wait… I’ll be back soon. And you my mysterious friend I’ll find you next time I enter. That much I promise. Wait for me until then.
Anthony had almost made it to the door into the galley for his meal with Smokey when ever so quietly, almost impossible to hear there was a voice that responded. "I shall indeed. I look forward to such time where we will meet face to face." The voice stopped Anthony dead in his tracks. He looked around and saw no one. Smokey couldn't talk and even still Smokey wouldn't be able to read minds. This voice was responding in turn to Anthony's promise that he'd made to the area, and the being he vaguely saw. Anthony chuckled again his smile even wider as there was only one conclusion, the being that spoke to him was in fact his zanpakuto spirit. He didn't see it really, he didn't know it's name, but he knew one thing. it existed. And that meant he'd be able to find it and have an actual conversation with it when next they would be able to meet. Anthony as if he wasn't already on a high was absolutely giddy and all but skipped into the galley for Squad 1 letting his mind wander about every little detail his zanpakuto spirit would have with it. Not even realizing the being itself was still listening in and smiling, in his own way.
Smokey on the other hand went back asleep like the cheeky lil fuck he was. Anthony just mumbled about how he was a lucky dog to get to sleep before going to prepare himself for the day. Going into the bathing portion of the barracks he quickly stripped himself as he thought over what he’d need to do today. It was saturday and it wasn’t like he had a lot of duties to do because he wasn’t even on duty that day. So long as he didn’t make too much a ruckus he’d be able to go off and do whatever he wanted, he just had to make sure he was around and available so that if anyone called him he’d be there. Simple and easy, just how he liked his days. Especially those where he wouldn't have a higher up supervising him.
30 minutes later, cleaned, hair fixed, a fresh set of clothes, and his place in the barracks cleaned up and he was ready to go out and tackle the day. As he walked out the barracks though he quickly realized... he still didn’t have a plan of action. Nothing was going on so what WOULD he do? Looking over at Smokey who also just turned his head in equal confusion didn’t aid him any as he wasn’t certain what would really be a good answer aside from maybe running around or sleeping. Then it hit him. He could try and go into his inner world. Surely he had one right? I mean every shinigami had one, at least that was the vibe he got. So why not tackle that today? If he could make it in there maybe he’d learn at least a little bit about what his powers would be. Even if he couldn’t actually attain them.
With that in mind and literally nothing better to do Anthony just shrugged and headed over towards the training grounds of the squad 1 barracks. It was… dull. Floors shined and cleaned, a couple windows above near the ceilings, and no one else around considering how early it was in the morning. With a quick shrug Anthony went over to the corner of the room and sat down. Looking over his blade he was starting to grow uncertain as to if he could manage this. It wasn’t something he imagined as easy but certainly with enough effort someone could manage. Besides it was his own inner world. There was no reason he shouldn’t have access to it. But no matter how much he tried to convince himself he wasn’t really able to fully rid himself of his fears of failing.
Smokey in the meantime just sat down by him and glanced from his gladius back up to him. He didn’t make any sounds aside from his breathing and just moved to lay down by him. Anthony was going to have to handle this on his own, as there’d be no amount of help Smokey could give that would aid him. So with nothing else in mind Anthony brought his sword onto his knees, placing his hands over the ends of it and closed his eyes. He wasn’t certain what to focus on so he just tried to bring his thoughts from the squad, the work he’d be called to do, his family, Smokey even, and just tried to lull them out. Easier said than done however.
He didn’t have to worry over Smokey. He was here, they weren’t in danger and honestly Smokey would probably fall asleep sooner than anything. His squad was more a concern because all he kept thinking on was how he wasn’t doing anything for the squad. Sure he cleaned but he didn’t DO anything for it. He didn’t really work, he wasn’t terribly smart to help make things better, if anything he was just kinda leeching off them. And that alone wasn’t sitting well with him. He needed to do more than clean, than just exist. Hisano said he had potential so certainly he must’ve had more ability than he was giving himself credit for. But that was wasted if he didn’t use it. Didn’t try to own it.
But as he thought on this further he realized that was the goal right now. Sure his duties in the squad were minimal, he wasn’t doing a lot yet. But he was new. He hadn’t shown he was capable of anything else yet and he needed to take things one step at a time. Hell he hadn’t even joined the squad training sessions yet so he just needed to relax and realize he was still figuring his place out in this squad. He just had to give things time. The concerns with the family were small, smaller than Smokey even. He’d recently had his talk with Hotaru about how he would need to visit them sometime and try to keep them in the loop if anything happened. He also needed to just take a breather there also as he’d do well for the family and make them proud once he was finally able to start working for real. It’d just be a matter of time until then so that worry and concern just needed to ebb away.
By this point his mind had been lulled to a calm quiet. Not peace but quiet. Something was still hindering him and it was making it difficult for him to even try to get into the mindset that he needed to try and focus on his sword so he could attempt to enter his inner world. What was it though? If it wasn’t his family, Smokey’s well being, his job even, then what was hindering his ability to try and get into the meditative state necessary? Anthony couldn’t figure it out. There should be nothing else. So he just sat there, eyes still closed trying to bring himself to a calmer state than where he was at so he could try to meditate and interact with his zanpakuto. But that same something was just eating at him. Gnawing like a small rodent does when there’s too big a piece of food and it’s been starved up until this point. So it was no surprise that while Anthony gave mediation the old college try he was too frustrated to really get past whatever it was that continued to hinder his ability to meditate.
Anthony growled to himself, it was frustrating. He couldn’t figure it out, why wasn’t he able to force himself to calm down? Why was he struggling to really get into that state of mind so he could at least attempt to enter his inner world. He didn’t know and he didn’t have anyone around that would be able to help him out so he was pretty much solo’ing this thing alone. It was at this time however that Anthony remembered what Kyomei did. He’d train, but try to use all available methods of training. Mental, physical, and spiritual together. It.. wasn’t what Anthony inherently wanted to do but it would at least help him burn out some of that anger and frustration that was plaguing him. He looked over at Smokey who just glanced his way. “Ya wanna go for a run? Better than sitting around here eh?” At the word “run” Smokey got up, tail wagging about as fast as one could imagine. Guess the answer was yes. Without further delay the two head out to the training field then so that Anthony could try his hand at the 3 trainings in one.
Once there Anthony took a second to stretch out so he’d be a bit more limber. His initial training with Kyomei made him sore in many venues, the most prominent being the physical as he hadn’t stretched prior to their run. So Anthony having learned from last time made certain that he stretched out for a few minutes, just to make sure he’d be marginally less sore. A few squats, leg stretches, and light workouts to get his heart rate up and he was ready. He motioned for Smokey to join him as he started running at full speed, uncaring that he’d probably burn himself out of stamina more quickly than if he’d built up into it. Smokey caught up in a matter of moments and proceeded to match his pace with ease, tongue out and with a happy bark towards Anthony. Anthony in turn could only chuckle as he always enjoyed the antics of his dog however he still needed the spiritual aspect of his training, Anthony wasn’t entirely sure how to proceed with that as he really ONLY had one kido. And he didn’t really know how else to try and use his reiatsu in a way that would train him. So to start with he casted Sazanami, doing his best with the incantation and managing it but finding the slow burn from stamina being used a bit harder to deal with because while running he had gotten less air to use.
The waves shot out from his hand with it being the center of the reiatsu pulses. It was honestly crazy how much this spell did and it was such a basic spell. He could feel everything around him within 50 feet. The ants on the ground, the blades of grass, Smokey, and just the ground itself. It never ceased to amaze him at just what all it allowed him to feel. He could only imagine how many places this kido would be applicable in given it let him “see” the field around him and know where anything was at a given point and time. That did not mean that though small the strain wouldn’t slowly build as he had used yet more stamina to use this kido while he was already running around as fast as he could. Yet he still wasn’t done he needed to figure out what to do for the mental part of the training. Then it hit him about as hard as a bag of cement bricks hitting the floor. He could continue to think over the current problem at hand. Really try to get to the root of the problem. Sure it was a cop out mental training BUT it was a problem that was in his way. And he’d need to learn how to get into his inner world anyway. So if nothing else it was good enough for Anthony.
Alright so let’s start simple. What is my goal? To enter into my inner world. Good so we’ve got the goal in mind. So what do we need to do to accomplish this goal? We need to figure out what the roadblock is that we need to overcome. Currently the roadblocks that I was able to think on were handled well enough. I can honestly say I’m not really being super burdened by them when I try to enter into the inner world. However something else is holding me back. And I don’t think it’s a sort of “I can’t enter because I’m too weak” sort of thing. If anything I’m almost certain anyone can enter their inner world if they focus enough. Which is what confuses me, why can’t I enter in if I’m focusing on it? I suppose the honest answer is I’m not “focusing” on it per say if my mind is distracted by some other problem at hand. So then what is the problem? Is it some outside influence, let’s think on that for a few minutes and see what we come up with.
He looked out into the building as he continued to run on the edges of the fields. Honestly his gaze was more looking into the horizon that was beyond a good deal of the seireitei. As he continued running he started losing himself so that any soreness in his legs or difficulty breathing just faded to background noise while the usage of his reiatsu wasn’t nearly as easy to push away. Still he managed to calm it down some so his thoughts wouldn’t be interrupted so long as he didn’t focus on the strain of his reiatsu. So outside forces. His job was a bit of a stressful deal but nothing his being around Smokey couldn’t handle. His family wasn’t actually pressuring him honestly so that was surprisingly not a problem. His squad mates were probably the most stressful influence external of him as he wasn’t really allowed to do a whole hell of a lot currently. In all fairness though the days were a little bland he was fairly stress free assuming his squad mates didn’t say or start something that involved him. So the answer in some way was no then? He couldn’t actively put his finger on anything outside of himself that was causing him a blockage.
By the time he realized this his kido had run out so he took a moment to do two casts. One without the incantation to give a momentary gauge of where his reiatsu was and another with the incantation to allow him more use of his reiatsu and more time to think. However getting back to that state of mind where he could push away everything but his thoughts was considerably harder this time. Unbeknownst to Anthony he’d actually managed to run about 2 miles already and he hadn’t been paying attention due to where his thoughts were directed at. Needless to say getting back into that groove was not going to be the easiest thing he’d ever done but with a bit more focus on his thoughts and a bit of willpower to push away the physical “soreness” he eventually managed. It wasn’t nearly as gone as he’d have liked but on a scale of 1-10 it was at a 2 currently. Similar to the kido he was using though it managed at 4 on the same scale just due to his lack of real training in general with kido or reiatsu at all.
Alright alright focus. Let’s bring this back to where we were prior. So we can safely say anything that’s outside of ourself isn’t actually causing the problem. So we need to look inward then. So what am I doing or what is going on with me that’s stopping/hindering me from getting into a meditative state? Well I was a bit wound up earlier. But if nothing else this training will burn through some of that and a good deal of stamina so I should be a little more apt to meditate...or fall asleep. Ok… so what else then? Was it something as simple as I was hungry? I mean I’m sure it didn’t help but I wasn’t feeling hungry. Nor thirsty. So then if there’s nothing physically getting in the way was this then due to my mental state?
Anthony had to give that some serious consideration. He underestimated how his attitude and thought process would affect him let alone his ability to achieve his goal. Perhaps force wasn’t the correct answer? Anthony had been attempting to kinda barrel his way in because it was his inner world. Why shouldn’t he be able to enter it at will? Perhaps it just wasn’t fully formed and that alone was blocking him. If it didn’t exist he couldn’t enter however that just seemed...unlikely. Anthony had learned at the academy that EVERYONE had an inner world. Regardless of race. For some it was less important and maybe even empty unless someone placed something in there to begin with. But for Shinigami that was the realm of his zanpakuto spirit. So perhaps it wasn’t allowing him in? I mean that was possible but he wasn’t certain when or how they formed. Really that went above his head so to actually understand if that was the case would take FAR more than one training session to really figure out.
So that idea to the side what else could be hindering him? Honestly maybe it was his inner spirit because he wasn’t ready. But maybe it didn’t matter and the summoning of them was the part that they’d either show or not show themselves. Either way he didn’t fully know nor was he going to dwell too deeply on it. Right now he wanted to figure out a means of how to get into his inner world and he had to consider if he was potentially stopping himself. That actually caused Anthony to almost trip as he ran. He did if he was honest and he wasn’t going to be able to run nearly as fast afterwards because though he didn’t notice it as much he was physically exhausted. His spiritual side had also been getting taxed and he wasn’t really using it so much anymore as he’d let the kido end without reusing it.
So was Anthony stopping himself from going into his inner world? Was that even possible? By this point Anthony had to stop from running. He’d managed 4 miles and if he was honest his legs were killing him. His reiatsu wasn’t spent but he was definitely tired that much was for certain. Casting a quick glance at Smokey he saw he too was tired, tongue out and he was walking a bit slow even for him. Funny, it had felt like it was only a 30 min event and yet he’d been running for about 2 hours. Lordy how time flies. Anthony plopped down by Smokey, taking a small break from his run and reiatsu usage. And just continued to think on if he’d actually been hindering himself. It...wasn’t impossible actually considering how often Anthony did tend to ride that negative line let alone how things had been. Honestly he’d admit he beat himself up more often and more harshly than anyone else ever could. It was a flaw of his.
But the real question was if this was limiting him to enter his inner world. Anthony wanted to say that it couldn’t possibly. That it would be silly to consider that ever being a possibility...but was it? Certainly life was far more bland and...honestly full of closed doors if you limited yourself. Hurting yourself, mental closing off things, distancing from people they all didn’t help things out. So was it really that hard to believe his mental state or just Anthony himself was actually the cause for why he couldn’t enter? And if he was then why? What was he thinking or doing that would stop him from entering his inner world?Because from where he was standing he wasn’t doing anything but accepting that there would be barriers and he needed to bash his way through them to enter. It was at that moment however that Anthony realized that was probably it right there. He set up some if not all the barriers he was dealing with. He at his core didn’t think he could enter or that he’d meet some resistance.
So small revelation in hand the next question became how to overcome it? There was always just forcing yourself into the situation and thriving. There had been many times where that was the case. Such as talking with people. If you didn’t go out of your way to talk to them then you didn’t make progress. But what about going to your inner world? Was that the same way this would work? Probably not. He considered himself weak, weak enough that he couldn’t enter his inner world. If anything he needed to show himself he was powerful enough to do that. But how? He didn’t have any accomplishments to speak of so he had to think back perhaps things from his time at the academy or even just recent events. He’d met and trained with Kyomei. That was actually kinda big. Even if he didn’t have a lot of strength it meant he could grow into something better. And honestly was it impossible to consider he’d grown since? What about with the academy? He was 3rd in his class not because he was super smart or just did that well on his own. He had made friends at the academy and had managed to get so high in his class because he had others help.
Funny though how that reminded him of Hotaru. He and Hotaru had gotten help as younger versions of themselves. And look where Hotaru ended up. Captain of a squad. Same as Kyomei and technically his equal. To say that was honestly something else. So if he and Hotaru were following similar paths then he should easily be able to get to his goal of vice captain. Let alone be able to enter his inner world. And taking it a step further...did it really need power to do that? If your inner world is IN YOU and normally you just have to meditate did it really require power? Probably not. In fact it probably just required you taking the time of day to say “Hey I wanna go here for a bit.” And just do it. It’s not like Anthony’s inner world had gotten ripped out of him after all. So there realistically should be no reason why he couldn’t enter it. One more step further and from a necromantic point of view there were abilities that could use the soul. The soul of others even to just store things or enter inside where there was something. Potentially layers even. Though that was occasionally a more forced entry because it WASN’T your inner world but still to the self just allowing your consciousness to enter really shouldn’t be that hard.
Anthony looked at his Zanpakuto. A blackened gladius with a mahogany handle and sheath. Was now a good time to try again? Was this the place that he should try? Anthony would have thought that he’d need a good place to do this at. Let alone in a public area. He frowned some but shook his head as he felt the thoughts coming around. He was limiting himself again. He took a deep breath and picked up his zanpakuto, with a quick motion Smokey also got up. They both went to a tree and sat under it so that if Anthony tried this and it worked he wouldn’t be sunburnt. Last thing he wanted was to try and allow himself to get burned because he was basically a sheet of paper.
With a deep breath and a look to make sure Smokey was around he set his blade upon his knees. Hands on top of it and closed his eyes. His breathing quickly mellowed out and his thoughts gradually dulled until he was back in the same spot prior. The barrier that had been blocking him though was present but it felt marginally weaker. Like it had cracks in it now. If one were to imagine it’d be Anthony standing akin a dark space, the floor being water that only vibrated as he walked on its surface. And amongst this darkness was a small crack of white light. Anthony quickly fell into this trance and approached it. It propelled him back a bit but only his arm. He’d inspect it only to find it as an out of place crack. There was no reason for it to exist but here it was. Unlike last time where he’d been unable to really even reach this state. Was it right to just force his way past the crack? Probably not given he’d not made it this far by force. He’d gotten this far simply by trying to address the problem that the he felt himself too weak to accomplish.
Anthony sat on the water’s surface, surprised that he was neither wet nor sinking. Hell it was sorta comfortable even. Looking back at the crack he needed to figure out how he was going to enter. Though he couldn’t say why he was certain on the other side of that crack WAS his inner world. So how to enter it. Perhaps he needed to further its propagation. Good luck with that though given he didn’t even have his sword here with him. But he was determined, he’d made it this far so why would he give up now? If this was the barrier he thought about earlier then it must be the barrier about him being too weak. And from where he was sitting it certainly seemed that way. It would expel reiatsu or some kinda energy and push him away. Plus it was also kinda small. He’d never fit through it to start with. So what was the answer? What did he need to do? Maybe he needed to ask for help? But who was around? It was a dark space with only him here. He didn’t even have Smokey around. Which made sense he was in his inner world. Smokey couldn’t enter it. Not normally anyway.
He sat for some indescribable amount of time, there was nothing to really give him a good idea of how long he sat there but eventually he just decided on an answer. Couldn’t he just imagine his family were with him? I mean in away family always was and the Kuchiki’s should be no different. Sure Anthony wasn’t a kuchiki by blood but he was a member of the family and with people as powerful as Kyomei and Hotaru at his side even this barrier would be meaningless. Without really doing much of anything Hotaru and Kyomei actually started to appear in some capacity. They were smiling and glanced at the barrier only to laugh at it. Though their appearance was a bit off just due to their being see through. Kyomei walked up to the crack and inspected it. He didn’t say anything but simply laughed at it not even being repelled. Hotaru on the other hand just pushed Anthony forward some giving him a look like “C’mon you seriously gonna let a crack beat you?” Though Anthony hadn’t realized it the crack had grown in size a bit. The large center streak of it had now grown to be about half of Anthony’s full body. Kyomei motioned him over though when he started stepping towards it the crack seemingly lashed out some as it expelled reiatsu before he even took a single step.
”Yeesh talk about an annoying crack. Literally the only thing in his way to seeing his inner world and it was retaliating like an injured animal. So how to get close to it. He had the other two Kuchiki watching him but they looked more patient than rushing. He thought on it. There was no way the crack wouldn’t react. Yet it had grown from having these two here. Perhaps he needed to bring in more family? No he was certain even before Kyomei and Hotaru’s appearance he would have been able to get in. These two apparitions weren’t doing much in and of themselves, more than anything they were simple guides he had inadvertently made. Wait if Kyomei was already there and Hotaru was nudging him to it then was the reiatsu even a real presence? Or was it like the barrier yet another construct he’d made? Did he still hold a doubt in his ability to enter even though the crack had appeared? Absolutely he did.This was an attempt not him walking into his inner world. He was trying to enter it as he had never done so prior.
But if the crack came from him realizing he didn’t need power then his entering now by forcing his way in was wrong. He didn’t need power. He needed to know where he wanted to go and trust in himself to actually make it there. He didn’t need some special ability or power as he’d already had the key himself. He was himself, silly as that sounded. Only he was allowed to enter or leave into his inner world unless he allowed another. But this wasn’t about others this was about him. He took another deep breath looking over the crack yet again. If that was his inner world he wanted to enter it, not as a conqueror who forced their way in, but as the lord of his own area. Unobstructed and as easily as he would walk into his own barracks. Because it was part of where he belonged. And as every shinigami has their own inner world so did he and he did belong in his when he so desired.
With this in mind Anthony did his best to withhold any intent of force. His mind wanted to force, his personality said “Where there’s a will there’s a way!”. But his heart answered them both saying not everything needed force. And he knew this was one of those times. So slowly and calmly he walked up towards the crack. He could tell the crack was trying to flail in it’s own way and exert force on him again. But at this point Anthony didn’t feel it. And apparently neither did the two apparitions but at this point they were fading back as their job had been done apparently. And by the time Anthony looked away both had fully disappeared. Without even realizing it however he’d managed to grab a hold of the crack. He could fit both hands on either side of it due to how much it had opened. He smiled to himself mostly at this point and looked at the crack itself speaking softly. “Just so you know in advance. I am sorry I have to break you. But as it stands I don’t think I ever really needed you. Thank you for what you’ve done thus far, I’ll be certain to remember the lesson you’ve taught me.” Without another moment he promptly pulled apart the crack and like it was tissue paper it ripped apart and shattered the world he was in.
The white light shone over the entire area of where he could see and when his eyes had finally adjusted to it he could see where he’d been prior. He was on the edge of a broken bridge. Water quite like what he had been standing on prior existed beneath except it was still as a mirror. When he looked at where the bridge headed he noticed several things, first off it was snowing incredibly lightly. The mood was out behind some clouds, full and bright despite the soft light emanating from it. When he directed his gaze down he’d noticed the actual realm of his inner world. It was a city, massive and sprawling, more akin to a citadel than anything. There were so many levels to it that it seemed to try and reach up to the moon itself, especially from what was either a clocktower or perhaps the topmost part of a cathedral on the upper most circle. His eyes widened however as he focused on it and realized it was neither but a single tower from an imposing castle that loomed over everything beneath it.
Anthony was speechless. He couldn’t even understand what he felt. Was he happy? Relieved? Maybe even just ecstatic that he’d finally reached his inner world. And the inner world he had was… beautiful. So silent and quiet and yet it spoke volumes. He didn’t even have to enter it to know there were so many nooks and crannies, so many little houses and just other buildings that he could easily spend an immeasurable amount of time exploring and STILL never see everything. Anthony started walking towards the gate that held the citadel of his inner world but his vision started to fade. He then fell to his knees. The exhaustion from earlier now with the added exhaustion of having finally made it here caught up with him. Anthony couldn’t do anything but smile as he started to see the ever creeping darkness at the edge of his vision. He knew he’d made it and that he’d be back to see it more thoroughly. As he finally fell to his chest and continued to look forward right before his eyesight entirely faded he swore he could see something.
It was...impossible to tell what but it moved forward some. And stopped. It just watched as he slowly faded back to the spiritual realm. But even as the darkness consumed his sight entirely he knew there was a small blot that wasn’t the darkness of unconsciousness. It was darkness or energy that belonged to whatever stood off in the distance. To add to things he felt a sense of peace. A comfort almost. And before he realized it he’d jumped up form where he was sitting under the tree and realized he was back in the Soul Society. He was surprisingly calm and despite the exhaustion he felt it was only physical. His spiritual reserves were full again. Somehow. And in his mind he held a sense peace, not unlike the black waters beneath his citadel. HIS. He just started chuckling before smiling and flopping down next to Smokey. Smokey who had been currently sleeping flipped his shit as Anthony just suddenly was upon him and hugging him like he’d not seen him in an eternity. To say his dog was confused was something but he very quickly picked up on Anthony’s mood and realized nothing was wrong.
Taking a moment to breath himself he just watched as Anthony hugged him, staying still until Anthony had enough. A few minutes later Anthony pulled back and just smiled wide. “Hehe Smokey you’ll never believe what happened. I-” Anthony was interrupted completely by his stomach all but roaring at him. Turning red Anthony just scratched the back of his head and motioned for Smokey to get up so they could leave. “I’ll tell you about it while we are eating. I’m certain you could also use some food yea? Hehe we did a lot of working out after all. Without further delay Anthony and Smokey made their way to the barracks to grab some food, Anthony smiling the entire way as they did thinking quietly to himself. Just wait… I’ll be back soon. And you my mysterious friend I’ll find you next time I enter. That much I promise. Wait for me until then.
Anthony had almost made it to the door into the galley for his meal with Smokey when ever so quietly, almost impossible to hear there was a voice that responded. "I shall indeed. I look forward to such time where we will meet face to face." The voice stopped Anthony dead in his tracks. He looked around and saw no one. Smokey couldn't talk and even still Smokey wouldn't be able to read minds. This voice was responding in turn to Anthony's promise that he'd made to the area, and the being he vaguely saw. Anthony chuckled again his smile even wider as there was only one conclusion, the being that spoke to him was in fact his zanpakuto spirit. He didn't see it really, he didn't know it's name, but he knew one thing. it existed. And that meant he'd be able to find it and have an actual conversation with it when next they would be able to meet. Anthony as if he wasn't already on a high was absolutely giddy and all but skipped into the galley for Squad 1 letting his mind wander about every little detail his zanpakuto spirit would have with it. Not even realizing the being itself was still listening in and smiling, in his own way.