Asking the right questions( Closed Jtt)

[Wycliff]

(For CTP)

The first rays of light started to come in through the window. These rays of light would softly land on Wycliff's pillow. Yet Wycliff wouldn't wouldn't be sleeping in his bed. No instead of being  asleep in bed and having a pleasant dream and thinking about the beach or having fun with fellow squad members. No, there was something keeping him up in the middle of the night something that he had tried to push to the side and ignore it. Burying it deep away and forgetting about it wasn't working anymore. He was shocked as to how long it actually worked.

No Wycliff was sitting down in his room meditating with his zanpakuto standing upright. This pure white blade was the cause of his issues.  Ever since he got to the acadamy and found out the name of his zanpakuto t has caused him nothing but trouble. It was only due to his ability of being able to use kido so proficiently was he allowed to escape from being put into the maggots nest. He was thankful of his power only when he was able to use them when no one else was around, however that was so long ago and now there were things coming to light that he wasn't able to do alone.

He had fought with both espada and what appeared to be a twisted and malformed Vizard. In that last battle if he didn't have Chūdoku's help he wouldn't of been able to capture that man. It was clear that he lacked power when simply just using his own strength, however there was something that he experienced each time he used his power. The rage, the fear, the hate.... all of that wasn't him, or at least it's not who he was. He put that behind him when he joined the gotte and decided that he was going to march forward as a good person, he was a good person, he knew he was. Yet.... there would be times when he would lose control and lash out wildly... like that event at the beach.

More than anything Wycliff wanted answers, he wanted answers from Chūdoku. This entire time his spirit seemed more than happy to lend his power, but when confronted with anything he was forced to hear nothing but riddles or senseless words. So Wycliff was meditating trying to enter his inner world to try and understand why Chūdoku was like this. This wasn't something he liked to do, nor was it something that he did often. The last time he tried was with.... Rose, she had tried to help him, but instead got lost simply wandering around in the outside, he was able to pull her back, but that was something else. He couldn't let fear keep him from entering his inner world, he couldn't simply let things like this keep happening. With one final deep breath he calmed down enough and just like that he was in.

He was surrounded by a very familiar doctor's office, the leather chairs that he sat in had the scent of cigar smoke. The whole office seemed to be rather lived in with a half empty bottle of what he could assume is whiskey behind sitting on a short shelf. This whole place felt wrong to him however, just being in here felt as if something was wrong, however this was the only place where he could get some answers from Chūdoku. Being in here he knew that the spirit wouldn't take long to show up, each time he was in here Chūdoku always made a quick entrance without fail. Just like clockwork the door out of the office flung open and he saw his spirit limping in holding himself up with a cane.

Chūdoku was a rather interesting spirit, his steel blue eyes were furrowed at Wycliff as the spirit limped towards the chair behind the desk, not saying anything till he sat down. Wycliff knew better than to even bother given the last times he visited. The spirit sat down placing the cane down by his desk then looking at Wycliff. “So the prodigal son returns, what do I owe this visit to? Hmmmm? Do you want to talk and feel better? Or did you come to take a prescription back for a quick fix for another hundred years? Or maybe you'll try and leave me behind again and this time your giving me a warning about it? So what is it, why are you here?”

That was a silly question Wycliff knew that Chūdoku knew why he was here, he was here to talk to his spirit to get some answers. “You know why I'm here. Sto---” Chūdoku slammed his cane across the desk interrupting Wycliff's words. “No, that's not why you're here, I'm a doctor not a shoulder to cry on.” There would be a silence in the air before Chūdoku' spoke again. “Get out” Wycliff started to say something when Chūdoku simply repeated those words this time louder making the whole room shake before forcing Wycliff out of his own inner world and back into the real world.

As he was shaken from his mediation a knock would be heard on his door and someone came in telling him that Ludwig wanted to see him and it was urgent that he get there as soon as possible. Wycliff had an idea as to why his captain had called for him, it wasn't really that much of a surprise, the whole incident with a fullbringer on the beach had gotten a lot of publicity and he knew what was coming. He was a liability to the squad, it would be anther transfer order forcing him to join another squad. He was prepared for it, it wasn't like this would be his first time nor would it be his last.... at least he hoped.

Wycliff stood up and took a deep breath in, he looked around his room to see if there was anything he wanted to take with him from the barracks assuming that this would be the last time he would be really allowed back say for collecting the few things he kept in here. Sadly no, there wasn't anything that spoke out to him that he would really want to take along with him. With that said and done he walked over to Ludwig's office, the door was closed and he knocked on the door before entering. He was wearing his sunglasses and gave a lazy hello before sitting down in a chair waiting to hear he was getting transferred again.

[Ludwig Verrlicht]

Today was the day. Ludwig had finally made the appropriate appointments and such necessary so that he would have ample time to talk to Wycliff. He sighed into his hand as he thought on Wycliff. He was torn in a number of ways due to his recent actions. He’d accomplished some feats that others found incredible such as bringing in two espada let alone defeating a monster of some sort. Details hadn’t been given on the latter only a vague letter had appeared on his desk the morning after Wycliff returned letting him know that he had been borrowed and that the squad would receive some compensation for Wycliff’s success. If Ludwig was honest he was impressed, from the report Wycliff hadn’t even needed to release his zanpakuto during the espada’s fight in the human world. He’d used his abilities with Kido to keep the damage minimal and actually bring the two back alive, albeit highly injured. The only negative from this was that Ludwig knew each of them but given his position and the realm they’d entered he could do nothing but direct them to Himitsu. Ludwig sighed again knowing that something less than pleasant would come from this, let alone a captains meeting but that wasn’t important now.

Instead what was important was considering how to handle his subordinate. As if Wycliff was trying to balance out the goods however he’d committed crimes, at least in Ludwig’s mind, that made the other two equal out if not dip into the negative overall. To start there was Yoko. He’d endangered humans nearby as well as Yoko herself, potentially painted himself AND the Soul society as an aggressor to all around, and to make it worse yet he’d made the squad as a whole down with him over something stupid. There had been monitors and they’d seen that Wycliff had started the assault, let alone in a gigai of all things. So even the humans realized he was trying to kill one of them. Sure the Soul Society was flashy more often than not but that flash was hidden by the good graces of many beings having no spiritual abilities to sense them with. In a gigai that wasn’t possible to hide.

Then to make matters worse after he’d been healed up there had been a hollow attack from inside the Seireitei. And what did Wycliff do? Release his shikai and launch hado #99. How his subordinate even KNEW that kido was beyond him. And though he was impressed he was livid that he clearly didn’t understand how dangerous a kido that was. There was a reason most beings could never learn that even amongst the spiritually gifted, and it’s because of the overwhelming destructive power. The same power which destroyed a large chunk of the wall surrounding the Seireitei as well as killed both shinigami and citizens of the Rukongai.

Just thinking of these acts with the prior two in mind made Ludwig want to pull out his hair. Wycliff had so much potential. He was capable of being an excellent vice captain let alone just an excellent squad member, which honestly Squad 13 needed. They deserved someone who could be an inspiration and a good leader to them. Hell they needed someone who could be that leader and be the middle ground between the captain and those beneath him as people’s interactions differed from their normal interactions when he was around. Which he understood would happen but he was trying to foster a family mentality. Sure Ludwig shouldn’t be bothered with EVERYTHING but he was still responsible for them and he wanted them to trust him.

But he needed others who could bridge any gaps he wasn’t able to and Wycliff could do this. But these actions of his. Especially the negative ones just destroyed confidence others had in him both inside and outside the squad. Squad 13 didn’t need this, not when their recovery was going so well which left one option. Ludwig would have to intervene and figure out with Wycliff how they’d fix these problems. As much as it may have been easier to let him go Ludwig for both personal and professional reasons wasn’t going to unless there was absolutely no other option. And currently there were many other doors to take. He just had to try and find the right one for Wycliff.

A knock brought Ludwig from his chaotic thoughts and directed his attention to the door. With a quick “enter” he saw the junior shinigami he’d sent off to find Wycliff. He still shook as though he were about to piss himself from having to talk with Ludwig. He couldn’t hide his small frown but he quickly wiped it away and nodded. “I understand, thank you for your work. Before you head out let the others in the nearby offices know that this meeting will be private. I’m authorizing the remaining squad members, aside from those currently on their duty day, get the remainder off.” Ludwig smiled softly at his junior member as said shinigami just nodded and quietly closed the door on his way out. At least he smiled some, so that was something.

Ludwig was fidgeting as he sat in his office, the foreboding silence eating at him some. With yet another sigh he started cleaning up. His office wasn’t massively dirty but if he was honest he preferred the controlled chaos. However currently he needed to act and look like his position demanded more than ever thus it needed to be cleaned and orderly. It took maybe a few minutes puting the easels to the side of the room, clearing his desk off of papers aside from a human world newspaper, the letter, and reports regarding the wall and the capture of Kazuna and Adolf. The remaining room had the pictures, paintings, and other various forms of media placed at either the sides or into the shelves he had at the sides of his office.

Once finished he could finally breathe a bit more. His mind already calming itself down some as he looked it over and nodded. Wycliff would be soon to enter, at least that’s what his gut was telling him. So the only thing he could do until then was wait patiently and pull out a soda as he waited. His choice of preference was a simple bottle of black raspberry soda, well really sparkling water but even he knew it was basically a soda. The carbonation relaxed him further as he opened it initially and while it went down his throat. At least his soda was good, something today had to be.

It took not even 5 minutes later for a knock on his door to be heard. “C’mon in Wycliff. Take a seat, I can imagine you know what we need to talk about.” Wycliff just walking in gave Ludwig the response he asked for. Hell if anything Wycliff for once looked like shit. As though he were the puppy on the side of the street that got kicked by some asshole. Jesus talk about beating yourself up. He looks like I already delivered him his punishment and I haven’t even done more than asked him to sit down. I’ll need to be careful with what and how I say things then. By this point Ludwig was looking at Wycliff with an expression of neutrality. It was a facade as Ludwig was still confused and just uncertain of what to do with Wycliff. But he had to maintain the impression of being more resolute than he currently felt. So for the next couple minutes he just sat with his hands holding one another as he prepared himself to speak.

Once he was certain he was ready he took a deep breath and directed his attention to Wycliff specifically. “My apologies about making you wait I needed to collect my thoughts before we started. Let’s start out with the easy question shall we? Do you understand why I called you to talk with me?” Ludwig would wait a moment for a response. If he got none he’d continue on after a moment. If he received a response he’d patiently listen until Wycliff had finished. “We need to talk about what’s going on with you and about everything you’ve done lately. Let’s start with the negative that way we can address the elephant in the room. Your actions during your time in the human world and during the hollow attack in the Seireitei were… God how do I even describe it? Simply put they were unacceptable. In both you endangered the lives of everyone around yourself needlessly and in the case of the attack, you ended the lives of many present. Do you understand what our job as shinigami is Wycliff? We are guardians over the humans as well as those in the rukongai. We are supposed to defend them as best we can from hollows, arrancar, quincies or bount even if the latter two intend to kill needlessly.”

At this point Ludwig just sighed to himself before taking a drink of his soda. “You murdered people Wycliff. Thankfully those souls of the Rukongai will just go to the human world so it’s fortunate that they are not eradicated from existence but even still there wasn’t a need to slaughter them. The hollow hadn’t even really had a chance to harm the other shinigami or rukongai citizens as you and other shinigami had been dealing with the matter in a manner as best as was possible. Then there’s the incident with Yoko Kusanagi. I’ve looked over the reports from the incident as well as have talked to Yoko personally. At least your actions with the hollow in some far flung mentality make sense… but your actions in the human world? There was no reason. None. You released your zanpakuto and proceeded to assault one of the very humans we are meant to protect. You are fortunate she was able to defend herself let alone prevent further injuries to other humans.”

“Wycliff I want to hear your side in these matters. What is prompting you to make these decisions? What is it that makes you flip the mental switch from being a squad member our junior shinigami have come to respect and enjoy being around and turn into something that even members of other squads are terrified of? All I know is from reports from others, but you didn’t even make a report to me about these incidents. You just stayed away and I got to hear about all this from others. I am your captain, I understand you may not trust me given how new you are to my squad. Hell you may even dislike how I handle things. However your still a member of my squad, and the only way these kinds of incidents can be fixed or even prevented are by you communicating to me in advance about potential problems and letting me try to break any obstacles that exist. So before any punishment is meted out or whatever else you imagine may happen I want to know from you what happened. What were your thoughts during these events and why you had to take the course of action you did. I need you to be truthful with me. You may not want to but if you want me to have a complete understanding so we can figure out what the problem is exactly I’m going to need you to stop keeping me in the dark. That said take as long as you need. We are in no rush, as I’ve devoted the entirety of today to you and the matters involved with you.”

Once Ludwig was finished speaking he got up stretched for a moment, even going so far as to pop his back, and promptly sat down. His eyes were harder than diamonds and their entire focus was solely on Wycliff. Though Ludwig had no abilities to see his soul the fire behind them of frustration and determination to figure out what all was going on with him was clearly present. They were harsh but promised judgement only after hearing his side of the story. By this point even Ludwig’s soda was forgotten about and with the lack of anything to distract him on or around his office even Wycliff had to know they weren’t leaving until Ludwig was certain he’d heard everything from Wycliff.

[Wycliff]

The silence, that's what was always the worst part of something like this, it wasn't really getting the news that you were being forced to move out of a squad, that while bad was a quick thing. The silence that lead up to that conversation however was much worse, hearing bad news is uaually a quick thing that was over very fast. Silence however dragged on and hung heavy in the air. Wycliff could feel that dread in the air, making everything tense and heavy. He hated this part of these meetings, as they could drag on for a long time. It was as if you were trying to rip off a bandaid and you were too scared to do it fully so instead you're just slowly tugging at it instead of ripping it off.

While Wycliff wanted to break the silence, it wasn't his place to do so. He was here at his captain's request, Wycliff assuming that it was for his forced exit of this squad and to another squad. This conversation would be lead by Ludwig, not himself. So he really didn't have the drive to actually start the conversation. Even though he was hating just sitting in silence in front of his captain while his captain simply just sat there with his hands together. Even though there was this awkward silence in the room it gave him a chance to simply think about what had happened up into this day.

Then the silence was broken by Ludwig saying he's sorry about taking so long to gather his own thoughts. That was followed with a simple question.  Do you understand why I called you to talk with me? Those words echoed out to him. He knew why, he knew what the reasons were, but it wouldn't matter what answer he gave Wycliff already accepted his fate. Wycliff really didn't want to answer the question as it wouldn't really do anything or change his captains mind. He had been through this sort of talk so many times so he just remained silent and waited till Ludwig would speak again.

Instantly Wycliff regretted not saying anything to make this go by quicker and easier. Ludwig started to list off the mistakes he had made, the errors he had done in the recent months and all Wycliff could think of what was this all building up to? Yea he made mistakes, he wasn't the best person, but it's not as if he tried to lose control, each time he released he had to struggle with himself to try and keep control, it's why he never used his powers as much as he wanted to. However to hear all of his mistakes just listed towards him was just too much, why was it necessary to force him to listen to it all again if he was just going to be removed from the squad?

Still even as he listened to everything it wasn't as if Ludwig was wrong, everything that Ludwig had said was true. Everything had been done by his hands, but it wasn't as if he was in control of himself at that time. It was, it was the fault of his power, it forced him to do things, things he didn't want to do. Things that he regretted each time he released and it was all the fault of his power. It's why he didn't release unless it was needed, knowing that each time he did so he risked himself turning against those that he cares about and simply attack everyone that was around him.

Eventually something that Ludwig said shocked him, instead of simply blaming him for all these actions Ludwig wanted to know what was going on. Ludwig wanted to work with him to understand what had happened and what was going on with him. This shocked him, Wycliff had assumed that Ludwig had come here to simply tell him he was leaving this squad, not actually trying to help him. The only person who actually tried to help him last was...... Rose..... She understood, she had her own darkness inside of her, she understood what he was going through, but would Ludwig,... how could someone who seems so calm and collected even know what it's like to have something inside that forces you to lose control and go crazy.

Even if Wycliff didn't believe that Ludwig would even understand, however there were some things that he had to clear, some things that Ludwig got wrong about that hollow attack. “For the hollow, ya wrong about it harming others. By the time I got there, there had been plenty of death, even from where I was I could see bits of blood and clothing in it's teeth. Heck, former captain Grin was seen running away from that hollow. As I fought it I saw others.... simply run and die right to it. I couldn't just sit back, I had to act..... If even a captain ran from that hollow, well... my only option was that kido. It was running from me, trying to get away, running into the rukongai. If I had known.... if I had known that the wall was already weakened I wouldn't of used that kido. I didn't mean for the blast to catch some people to close to the wall. The wall should have contained the blast.”

Wycliff stopped speaking after that for a moment for that to hang in the air. He wanted to make it very clear that when it came to that hollow, he was really out of options, he had to try and stop it as quickly as he could. Everything he had thrown at that beast had been simply ignored, if he hadn't acted who knows how many people in the rukongai would have died, how many would be eaten and removed for the soul cycle for centuries all because of that hollow. However what he wanted Ludwig to understand was the fact that even a former captain had ran from that hollow. So what was some random shingami suppose to do to stop that monster that had already claimed lives.

Then came the Yoko incident, that was something that he really couldn't actually say much about. It was his fault, he lost control over himself over something and there really wasn't a way to actually make it seem like he wasn't crazy. Sure he knew he had a temper over his pop rocks, but that wasn't an excuse for him to do what he had done. He knew that if he even said the truth about that to Ludwig he would be seen as a crazy person or worse thrown into the maggot's nest for being a killer. So what could he even say about that incident to Ludwig.

Wycliff didn't like to lie, he hated the fact that people often did lie. He was the type of person who was too straight forward when it came to almost everything. This however, he couldn't really say the truth, so he had to lie, well not lie, just stretch the truth. “Just before I released, something had attacked me, didn't know what, I was relaxing, day off ya know. Something came my way, by the time I released that I had used my release it was too late. Things got outa hand and I had that fullbringer after me, that was my mistake.” A half truth, yes something did come his way, but he knew what it had been, a volleyball that ruined his poprocks and soda. That's why he released .

Finally it came down to why these things happened, he knew that Ludwig wouldn't believe him if he said the truth. “Not like it matters if I tell ya, ya won't believe me.” That was just it, Wycliff didn't believe that his captain would even believe that his captain would believe him. He sat there in silence waiting for his captain to say something about this whole situation. It would be something that Ludwig would say that eventually made Wycliff just stop trying to hide it and speak out. Even if he still wasn't one hundred percent sure that his captain would believe his words, after all he didn't have any proof of what he was claiming.

Wycliff held his hands together as he slowly started to speak. “It's.... it's when I release, something,,,, something dark comes out. I feel as if I'm on auto pilot, like someone else is driving. All I can do is just watch, watch as he attacks, watch as he uses kido. I can sometimes influence some things, what kido to use, maybe from what side to attack from, but for the most part all I can do is watch. That and listen to the whispers of my zan.....” That was the truth, it was out there, he still wasn't sure that Ludwig would understand or even believe, but it didn't matter.

[Ludwig Verrlicht]

Ludwig watched quietly as Wycliff took a moment to think over his response. It wasn’t long but the change from kicked puppy to genuinely surprised was obvious. It seemed like words he wanted but hadn’t been told. Which if Ludwig was honest surprised him, captains were in charge of their subordinates. Thus their problems were his so if Wycliff was struggling with something he needed to address and fix the issue. So we are starting at square one it seems. Welp no one said leading was easy, lets hope this is something I can handle. When Wycliff finally did speak it was to correct the report the captain had read over about the incident with the hollow. Ludwig’s turn to be surprised came when Wycliff mentioned Grin as having run away from it. Ludwig hardly knew of Grin but the fact a captain level shinigami did this was inexcusable. Worse yet it wasn’t even mentioned in the report, this fact alone gave a great deal more insight as to why Wycliff would use that kido. If he really had nothing else and he was the man in charge at the time then he needed to make sure he cut his losses.



Ludwig’s eyes narrowed as he thought about this but quickly returned his focus to Wycliff. There was more to be said and Wycliff seemed like for once he was picking his words carefully. Very distinct change considering more often than not he’d just say what came to his mind and be more carefree about it. Then again the situation didn’t warrant it but Ludwig imagined most “serious” situations would still have him acting in tune with his normal relaxed demeanor. When Wycliff finally talked about the incident with Yoko something was off. It wasn’t the story he’d heard from Yoko and it damn well didn’t make sense. “Just before I released, something had attacked me, didn't know what, I was relaxing, day off ya know. Something came my way, by the time I released that I had used my release it was too late. Things got outa hand and I had that fullbringer after me, that was my mistake.” He was lying. Not about the entire thing but what sparked the entire incident, the video’s showed he wasn’t attacked by anything and Yoko wasn’t one to outright attack someone. He’d learned that from their interaction very easily.



If Ludwig’s emotions while sealed were compared to little bottles each with their own respective emotion then the one titled anger just started to boil a bit. Ludwig hated liars. Liars would kill entire organizations or even smaller groups of people and though he knew sometimes things had to be hidden lying about it wasn’t the correct answer. One could simply say it wasn’t something worth talking about and leave it there. Still there had to be a reason. Wycliff wouldn’t care about what he said. That’s just him. So in this odd situation that was made by, Ludwig himself, he needed to take that into account. Besides it looked like there was more Wycliff had to say on the matter. He’d started off mentioning that he’d never understand and eventually just burst out the answer like an overflowing dam. “It's.... it's when I release, something,,,, something dark comes out. I feel as if I'm on autopilot, like someone else is driving. All I can do is just watch, watch as he attacks, watch as he uses kido. I can sometimes influence some things, what kido to use, maybe from what side to attack from, but for the most part all I can do is watch. That and listen to the whispers of my zan.....”



This stopped Ludwig, that boiling was gone. Anything that wasn’t surprise and at least some level of understanding was thrown to the side. And it took only a few moments for Ludwig to realize something. In every report that Ludwig had read Wycliff had a personality swap. He knew the normal carefree lazy bum he had as a 3rd seat. But in the reports he was arrogant, aggressive, he was honestly any number of things that wasn’t the normal. Which was eerily similar to himself. Ludwig had a personality shift also except from being full of emotions that he couldn’t control they were gone normally. His shift wasn’t as violent so much as it was his goal of never having them to begin with so was it possible Wycliff had a similar manner of release? Did something in his past tie or something else entirely hold sway over him so that for his release it held precedence? It certainly sounded like it. Which meant that Ludwig and his subordinate were actually far closer in how their souls acted than he realized. Which made sense as to why Wycliff thought he didn’t have the capability to understand. It wasn’t normal and there was maybe only one other currently documented case of that. Ludwig hadn’t had his documented because his was such a passive change considering all that he did to basically lock away things prior. Wycliff didn’t get that luxury. However there was one detail that Ludwig had to know to make certain that his thoughts were on the money and that was if Wycliff experienced barriers being broken during his fights.



“So help me to understand something about your zanpakuto and what occurs when you release. When you utilize its power you are no longer in control? If not you then who? Someone has to be as even you described that there is something else taking charge. Also how does this shifting of control work when you release? What all changes aside from who is taking the reins? Hopefully that would get the answer he was looking for. If Wycliff mentioned anything at all similar to getting other barriers broken or having himself grow over time, even if it was more negative Ludwig could be certain about what was going on. And ironically enough actually be the best person around to help him out as he’d dealt with similar problems. However each person was different and as such he was certain that his method of dealing with the problem wasn’t going to 100% apply to Wycliff’s.



However there was one thing that needed to be addressed first and that was lying. He wasn’t going to allow his subordinate to lie to him again. He understand, or thought he did why he would lie about it so he’d allow the one. But a second would not be allowed. “Before you answer let's set one thing straight. I don’t like liars Wycliff. Your not one, so why you would try to feed me one is beyond me. I’m not your enemy here but if you continue to skirt around why you attacked Yoko then I’m going to start looking far more like one. So why? I know Yoko didn’t attack you and I’m almost 100% certain there was no Hollow or any other entity around you and Yoko at the time you released and attacked her. What sparked it?”



Ludwig would wait the answers to what he asked. Part of his mind completely dedicated to the conversation currently and the other part dedicated to thinking over the incident with the hollow. For what it was worth Wycliff’s actions made a great deal more sense. It was seen that he been attacking the hollow, that most attacks hadn’t actually been terribly effective against it. With the new information about Grin having run off it made sense that he took drastic measures. It wasn’t preferable but if he thought about it from Wycliff’s stance it was something he normally shouldn’t have been able to handle. So there was only one kido that could work then. The damage was done and from what it sounded like he’d managed to hit the hollow in some capacity which for the most part took it out of the fight so while there would need to be some reprimand in light of events he’d need to be far more lenient. At least one of the two problems was now taken care of. Once Wycliff would admit to the reason behind his incident in the human world he could start making progress on how to handle that. And on top of that if he mentioned anything else about his release functioning similarly to Ludwig’s he could start helping him regain some modicum of control over himself. Which would solve that problem for the most part given what little he understood currently.

[Wycliff]

A lie, Wycliff really didn't want to admit that he was lying to Ludwig, but the truth was that a white hot rage came over him the moment that ball splashed sand all over his poprocks. Still was this going to be an accurate response to what had happened? No it didn't matter if it was, it was the truth and that was more important than anything else. He took in a deep breath and looked over at the files on Ludwig's desk. He knew that somewhere in there there was that report about that poor squad four team member who decided to steal his pop rocks.

“Pop rocks..... it had to do with the last of the ones I had, if ya have my files ya should know the incident in squad four a few years back. It's sorta like that, just rage, came over me. Don't know what else to say, but all I can remember is sand then rage.” Honestly that was the truth, the moment his pop rocks were ruined Wycliff wasn't in control anymore, the sand had been the last thing he had remembered, that and the rage towards where the sand came from. With that out of the way and hopefully Ludwig having read or will read that report and understand more of what happened.

Now came the really hard part, talking about what happened when Wycliff released and who was in control. In all honesty Wycliff wasn't sure, was it actually him? Was it someone else? Was it repressed feelings or was it chukudo's influence on him. Honestly each one felt right and yet none of them felt as if they were right. Wycliff always blamed chukudo for everything that had happened, it seemed the easiest thing to do as everything stemmed from, but now that didn't seem to be the case, he didn't feel right blaming his blade for everything.

“I really don't know. All I can tell is that when I release something happens, I feel like a part of me that I use to be comes out, ya know? Part of someone who I was, but it don't feel like it's all me, it seems different, like I'm sharing control, but at the same time I ain't driving the ship. Each time's different tho, sometimes, I know I can control it, at least a bit, other times, all I feel is rage, anger, and I'm stuck watching myself hurt others.”

Wycliff stopped speaking for a bit not really knowing how else to describe what happened when he was released, but there was one thing he did know he could tell Ludwig. “I thought at first it was him, him making me do these things, making me be this way for his own goal, but now I don't know anymore. Now I feel like just blaming him is partially wrong..... but he doesn't actually help either.I don't know what's going on, I ain't crazy, but this one here, he knows, he just won't tell me.” With that Wycliff held up his zan to show Ludwig.

Chukudo wasn't a common katana like most got, no chukudo even while sealed looked very different than others. While the typical katana that most shingami had, had black sheaths with some color around the guard Chukudo lacked all color, all say for one. White, his blade was pure white from the tip of the blade down to the pommel everything was a solid white color. That and while Wycliff couldn't tell, Chukudo was cold to the touch, something Wycliff had gotten use to over the years.

[Ludwig Verrlicht]

Poprocks. Jesus fucking Christ THAT was his reason for attacking someone was fucking poprocks?! Oh it made sense considering past problems with them but Ludwig’s little bottle of anger was boiling INCREDIBLY quick but he didn’t lash out at Wycliff. There were bigger things to deal with and his incredibly dumb reaction to his poprocks could be dealt with at a later date. For now he at least had told him the truth and reasonably shown why he didn’t want to mention it prior. Regardless of Ludwig letting this bit slide he still held his hand to his face and just sighed deeply. “Before we continue you and I are going to have to figure out something for you with poprocks. But compared to the latter part of this conversation that’s relatively minor so we won’t worry about it. Taking his hand off his face and recomposing himself he continued listening to Wycliff’s answer with regard to his release and the nature of his personality shift.

Once Wycliff had finished speaking his part about his release Ludwig merely nodded before pulling out his desk drawer. Wycliff by this point would know it’s the one he stored all his candy in so there should be no new “kicked puppy” look by this point. Without even letting Wycliff know he pulled out a few poprocks bags and threw them at his subordinate before closing the desk drawer. Ludwig chuckled as he pulled out his own Zanpakuto and laid it on the table. A simple combat knife. Not even Asian in any sense and literally looking like something the more European countries would wield but more modern in appearance. Without saying anything still Ludwig picked up his soda and finished it before throwing it into the trash. Finally once he’d finished dealing with his minor distractions he returned his focus on Wycliff. Serious all the same but far less intimidating or at least trying to be.

“Alright Wycliff so given what you’ve told me I’m almost entirely certain I can say our release operates very similarly. However mine in particular is a lot more subtle or passive about it. You described a personality shift that you don’t fully control and is possibly representative of another aspect to you as a whole. Lets use me as an example. I have little control over my emotions while sealed. I understand I may seem like I’ve got everything composed and well together but I simply have learned how to cope to a degree with hiding away the internal madness. When I release what gets changed is I don’t own any emotions. I’ll get frustrated or annoyed as much as anyone else will when they see something not work but I don’t get happy, I don’t get upset, and the internal madness leaves because of my spirits influence. This is partially, in her case, trying to help but also because it’s representative of what I’d like, to be in control or without emotions. I can’t say for certain but I’d argue this is both influenced via your spirit as well as tapping off from some aspect of yourself. In your case it’s a far darker side than you usually show.”

“The only difference in how our releases function as far as personality shifts are what they affect and what they bring out. I’ve managed to keep mine a secret due to how subtle it is. Yours on the other hand will not allow such a luxury. However I believe we can allow you far more control than you’ve been allotted because I didn’t initially have control either. I had to come to terms with what I became and had to interact heavily with my inner spirit to get some control. Though realize Wycliff you won’t get full control. This is a nature due to our souls, we can’t fully control it but we can manage it better. I’d like to try and help you with this but first things first I want to ask you something. Well a couple things. The first being how often do you communicate with your inner spirit? Given the negative tone you use when talking about it I’d hazard a guess at as minimally as possible. Correct me if I’m wrong of course.”

“Second question are you honest with it? I’m not going to go say you have trust issues Wycliff but you couldn’t tell me that you started a fight over poprocks. It’s not a good decision but realize what that means given that was your first response. Chances are you’re not being honest with the inner spirit either and it knows this. If you were in his shoes why would you help another that isn’t even trying to be honest? Let alone hates you. Disagreements aren’t uncommon but hatred is and the repercussions could go far. Especially when you consider that your inner spirit is a part of your soul to begin with. I can’t speak for yourself but I don’t want to be at odds with any part of myself the fact I am causes far more problems than solutions.” 

Ludwig at this point pulled out a coke for himself, glass bottle with a bottle opener. Though it might have been amusing to see him pull out a coke in the middle of this conversation or the fact that he’d basically told Wycliff to relax some via poprocks the air remained incredibly tense. Ludwig was entirely serious about trying to help but even he wasn’t certain Wycliff would allow him. Hell Wycliff might even call bullshit on him and without the ability to have the inner spirit herself tell Wycliff that he was being honest it was reasonable to assume he’d just flat out deny what he said. For starters Ludwig had only heard of one other person having similar problems but at least theirs were being somewhat resolved.

Wycliff’s was just starting and if he didn’t get hot on trying to fix it things more than likely weren’t going to get better before they got much much worse. At this point all he could hope for was that Wycliff would trust him on this and that he would at least take something meaningful out of this. In the meantime though Ludwig’s mind while predominantly listening and waiting for Wycliff to speak continued to gaze through his memories of any available methods to help out Wycliff. Short of just walking into his inner world which he wasn’t even sure was possible without some extremely potent techniques/rituals.

[Wycliff]

Wycliff caught the little bags of pop rocks that Ludwig had thrown at him. He appreciated the gesture and what Ludwig was trying to do, however he wasn't really in a mood to cheer up. He knew that this talk was far from done and they would be far from back to normal when it came to their working relationship. The air would stay tense as he knew what was coming next more questions about if he was honest with his spirit, if he spoke with it and if he actually harbored any hatred towards his zan spirit. It was all things he had heard before and things he tried to fix in the past with little result coming from any change he did with the damn thing.

"Listen Ludwig, I've tried that stuff before and it hasn't worked with him. I try talking to him all I get is him doing that damn laugh of his or silence. Maybe some words here and there, but nothing that you could really call talking with the guy. He shuts me out, only time he speaks is to taunt or say some things that don't make sense. That or ranting about the drug he makes. Really don't know how to talk with someone who doesn't communicate back, that or just forces you out and then goes silent." This is how the relationship between the two of them had been ever since Wycliff learned the name of his zan.

"As far as being honest with it, kinda hard to lie to someone when they're in your head, he knows what I think about what we can do together. I don't like using him, he knows why, I lose control and hurt others. I hurt those I wanna keep safe, but he, he just doesn't care. I hear him when I lose control I hear the joy in his voice, I hear the pleasure he takes when I hurt others with the cocaine. How can I not hate that about him? How can I just stand here and tell ya that naw it's ok with him doing the things he does when I'm out of control. When he's just egging on the me that's causing problems. Even when I got a bit of control I hear his whispers telling me to lose control, tellen me to just go crazy and hit everyone."

This was the honest truth behind the relationship between Wyciff and his inner zan spirit. When Wycliff lost control Chokudo went wild and helped him go crazy, he drove on the destructive and wild nature of the two of them together causing things to spiral out of control quickly without any regard to the lives around him. It had been this since the first time he released in the academy up until he learned enough on how to achieve bankai in Brazil, that time also marked a change in his spirit, a reset of his power and damage to Chokudo given the stress of using it without being ready to actually wield that kind of power.

The only time he ever got a straight answer from his zan was with Rose. She had forced her way into his inner world. Well not really forced, but allowed in with his help. There the two were actually able to reach some sort of form of conversation. Wycliff figured that this was only possible because his zan spirit wasn't strong enough to actually force Rose out of the inner world. If only she hadn't left he could ask her to knock some sense into his damn spirit like she did last time. It's not like he didn't trust Ludwig it's just everything he's said so far hasn't worked because he's already tried it countless times, heck even this morning he tried speaking to it and it didn't work,all he got was a run around and then forced out.

He let out a sigh and then looked at the coke that Ludwig was drinking. There was one thing that they could try, if Ludwig was really trying to help him then it was worth a shot. He knew the risks was great tho and he knew the reason why Rose was able to do it without her having issues was due to her being able to heal away things without issue. He had only seen that kind of power from members of squad four and even then it was the higher up members of squad four that were able to do that sort of thing. "So Ludwig I got a crazy idea, but maybe ya could talk to him and try and get some answers out of him. I can invite ya into my inner world to help talk with him, not going to lie, it won't be entirely safe, but if ya don't leave the office ya shouldn't have anything to worry about."

[Ludwig Verrlicht]

Ludwig sat and listened to Wycliff as he spoke about his zanpakuto’s relationship with him. It was… surprising in a way but more than anything sad. Ludwig for the longest time hadn’t considered that a zanpakuto spirit could be just so negative towards their other half. Still with Ludwig’s own experiences hating different aspects and sides of himself. Let alone the countless mental battles he had with those very same sides it really wasn’t any surprise that a living embodiment of a person could do the same thing but in a more literal way. To make matters worse though the more that Wycliff talked about how Chudoku acted he was growing less certain he could have a serious impact on the other. Ludwig wasn’t incredibly charismatic nor was he the most knowledgeable on how to handle matters. He did the best he could do with what he had available to him and that was practically how he handled everything.

Once Wycliff had finished saying his part Ludwig nodded to him. “I understand. Given you’ve already been attempting to communicate and work with it in several ways already it seems like a more forceful approach is all that’s left. However I’m confused about one thing, why are you getting kicked out of your own inner world? That domain is just as much yours as it is your inner spirits, if not more so yours because it’s also a realm created by your soul. Perhaps this is where my lack of knowledge with Zanpakuto spirits shows itself but I’ve never heard of this. Usually it’s more so others not being able to communicate with their spirit because they don’t know how to enter their inner world.” Taking up his soda Ludwig quickly drained it of it’s carbonated contents. All the while though he couldn’t stop thinking over the idea Wycliff had.

Enter his inner world? Is this even possible? It must be if he’s directly asking me to enter but I can’t even imagine where one would begin to do this. Still given the aggressive secretive nature of his inner spirit there’s not much else I can do to help is there? Advice is going to fall on deaf ears when you’ve already tried so many avenues and honestly at this point it sounds like he needs an intervention or something more direct to actually make a difference. Ludwig hadn’t realized he had sighed audibly given he was lost in his thoughts. Wycliff by this point could probably tell when Ludwig had gone into his mind to think, it wasn’t something he hid well in his work place. He didn’t even try to as that would have taken too much effort. I guess there’s no other choice then. If he needs help and going into his inner world to talk or even fight against his inner spirit for him is the answer then that’s what I need to do. I can’t very well deny him help when I’ve been very forward to the entire squad about it, let alone Wycliff in just this short talk. Let’s get this started then, the sooner the better.

Looking over at Wycliff Ludwig would nod slowly. Pulling his zanpakuto from his desk onto his sash before he spoke up. “Seems like there’s not another route for us to follow is there? I’ll be honest I don’t know how to enter another’s inner world so I’ll need you to direct me in how to actually achieve this. But that aside I’ll do what I can. So how do we do this? Do we need to go to the kido corps? Do you know a technique or ritual in particular to allow this? Also will you be joining also or will I be talking to your spirit on your behalf? Most importantly what should I expect to see or hear from your spirit?” Despite the internal concern for actually stepping into Wycliff’s inner realm Ludwig remained as calm as he could manage on the surface. There was a lot at stake here for Wycliff so Ludwig couldn’t afford to mess up here, he needed to make headway for Wycliff if only because he needed him to stop turning into a psychopath. His ability was dangerous and left in the hands of a chaotic being the same cycle would continue. It needed to break and he needed to make certain he helped Wycliff take the first step in breaking it.

[Kitai Yoru]

64 paragraphs, 320 CTP awarded.