Three Things.

[Xaifer Regneis]

Hello Mr. Hat-n-Clogs! Its me again. This time i have three things to ask you.

1. How fun is it to torture Ichigo Kurosaki during training? You always seem to have fun when you train him. Plus that one time when you were slashing at him, you were saying, "Im gonna kill ya!", quite happily. Plus you practically made fun of him when he crawled out of the Shattered Shaft. I just wanna know, why is it so fun to torture him?

2. What was your favorite part of being a Captain? What did you do besides work on the Hogyouku? What did you do to terrorize the other Captains? What kind of untold horrors did you manage to create when no one was looking? What kind of pranks did you pull on Old Man Yama? I want to know what kinds of stuff you did. If only because you are an inspiration and very interesting.

3. Where do you get your items!? Ive been to like 30 other stores and they dont have NEARLY as good a quality items as you do! Do you manufacture them yourself? Do you pay some really talented guy to make them? Do you steal them from someone else? I refuse to believe that it just randomly appears out of nowhere. Its just not possible with this kind of quality!

Your friend, Zanken Gairan - Sixth Seat of Third Division.

[Zou ۞]

Dear Customer,

Well, I don't know who this Ichigo Kurosaki you're talking about is! I absolutely know an Arashi Manako, who is a great hero to all of you, since he defeated Azeru Cho and the Hougyoku! And I do remember that scene you described, back when I first started training him! Well, I can't say it wasn't fun to torment him. The way he scurried around like a hamster was really interesting. I considered greasing up a gigantic wok and putting him in it so that he'd try to escape. But, then I realized that saving his friend, also a loyal customer of mine, was very important, so I just trained him.

Well, my favorite part of being a Captain was torturing my Vice Captain! She was always throwing a temper at me, but we did have some nice moments together. One time, I had her super glued to the wall by a secret formula that I made, and she was stuck there for ten hours. She kicked me in the face for it, but then I accidentally got her stuck in quick sand. Well, to be fair it wasn't quick sand! It was rice. It was rice with the same properties as quick sand. I tried lots of ways to get her out, but in the end it turned out that we had to dump mud on her, powder her with sugar, and forcefully yank her out. Well, I did actually create a gigantic BOOM BOT under the Squad 6 barracks. The idea is that every now and again, I can turn it on and have hip hop or disco music play very loudly, and annoy our favorite squad 6 Kuchikis. As for the old man, his name isn't Yama, but I did enjoy messing with his papers. I constantly had them swapped and altered since he signs while barely reading. Therefore, some ridiculous policies were enacted! At one point, Seireitei was almost drowned in bubbles.

As for my items, I make them all myself! Well, I make the originals myself anyway. I have a copy device I made so that I can quickly clone them once I've made the original, and therefore mass produce and manufacture everything! It's really quite awesome! Oh right, my vice captain is all grown up now, and she's also a Vizard. If you ever see her, her name is Haruko Tsuchin. Tell her I said hi. Also try giving her a bowl of rice. She's had a phobia of that particular food ever since the quicksand incident. Warning, she may kick you in the face!

~Urahara Kisuke