Bummed Out [Social Thread]

[Satoshi Fuuko]

"Don't worry about it." Fuuko said, waving her hand as Kaen tried to apologize again. Fuuko was rough around the edges, but she came from polite society where HOW you said something was just as important as WHAT you said. She was a bit surprised that Kaen didn't seem to have those same scruples. Fuuko was able to cross the line with her brash tones because she knew exactly  where they were. She knew how to be polite, but chose not to. It wasn't because she didn't care, it was because she didn't like being constrained and she was constantly fighting with her roots as a modern Japanese woman and whatever part of her was a rebellious punk. 

She had no clue where that streak had come from. She'd never really thought about it. It just always was. 

Fuuko rolled her eyes as Kaen continued to be dismissive and self deprecating. "No one deserves  ta get yelled at by an ornery bitch like me. Fuck!" Fuuko hissed. "Especially after saving said bitch's life and the life of her best friend and probably the life of her little brother." Fuuko's head dropped. "I should apologize. As good as a friend as I am ta Iroka, I ain't been nothin but a burden to you. A shit soldier and worse acquaintance." She couldn't even bring herself to call herself Kaen's friend. 

She listened to Kaen's story about why he wasn't the shichibantaichou and when he was finished, she [irsed her lips. Before she could even answer, He asked a question of his own and Fuuko scoffed. "Tch! If Kazu became captain ahead of me, then he would be going against my direct wishes!" Fuuko spat. "The whole reason I am in this squad and want to become Captain is so I can protect  him." Fuuko clenched a fist. "I don't think you understand what would happen if I lost Kazu again." Her injured arm clenched and she hissed, sucking up the pain as she felt tears welling up at the thought. "I have more than just him that I need to protect. I understand it. He's going to be a great Shinigami. Maybe he'll be stronger than me... but I am his oneechan. If he went against my wishes, then I failed him as a sister." Fuuko lowered her head, a wave of melancholy coming over her. Her body slackened and she shut her eyes. 

"But... what are you doing? You are depriving not just your squad, but the whole Court Guard of a valuable position!" Fuuko was fired up again. "If it was just about the best, then the positions would never be filled! Tch." Fuuko leered at Kaen. "We need a Shichibantaichou! Who is watching over the other squads? There's no checks and balances while there's no captain! I get it, I guess, that you want this person to have the spot they want but... where are they? It's time for them to shit or get off the pot!" Fuuko shook her head. "Taking it from them!? If she can kick your ass like you say she can, then when she's ready, she'll take it right from you! Or, is that the problem? You know you can't beat her and you're caught between yer pride and yer ego? You won't take the spot because the thought of one more loss is too much ta bear? Especially if you were put into the Captain's Seat?" 

Fuuko inhaled and pinched the bridge of her nose. "We need Captains. Just because I have my own ambitions doesn't mean I would refuse a Yonbantaitaichou. Perfection. The best. The strongest. It's a great thing to strive for, but last I checked, Soul Society ain't got the luxury of waitin around for it. How many assholes gotta show up and start wreckin the place- our place- before you decide to step the fuck up?! We need unity, Kaen. Or it's not gonna matter how great my brother ends up being. There won't be shit left for him to defy me over!" 

Damn tears. Fuuko could feel them welling up at the corners of her eyes again, but she wasn't going to cry. She was too busy yelling! 

[Kaen Youji]

Kaen shook his head. "Don't apologize." He replied. You and Iroka are the first people I've actually succeeded in protecting since I put on the mantle of a Shinigami. He added mentally, though not out loud. "You're wrong about that. You're not a burden, you're not a shit soldier, and you're not a worse friend." Kaen replied. "You got unlucky the other day. But you survived. And you have a chance to flip that luck on its head." He responded. "You know what's out there now, you know what you're up against, and you have an idea of what you need to do to prepare. You're only a shit soldier if you don't take advantage of that knowledge."

"And I think I can guess what would happen if something happened to Kazuhiko. I'm surprised about the whole Captain thing though. Maybe you and I are a bit more different than I thought." Kaen added, looking back over his shoulder to say it, then looking back out the window. "I never wanted to be Captain. I didn't even want to be Lieutenant. Third seat... I could have lived with. Honestly, after I met Rin, my ambition for the position died even more. My goal became to support her reaching her goals. To shine like I knew she could. Like I knew I can't." Kaen looked down contemplatively. "It feels wrong." He stated, and closed his eyes.

"It feels wrong." It wasn't a matter of failing to beat her, it wasn't a matter of pride (okay, maybe a little bit). It his heart, and in his mind, Kaen still saw himself as the third seat of the Seventh Division, under the division's golden era. And while Shizuyoko had given Kaen the confidence to pursue his goal to stand beside Rin, rather than beneath her, he still couldn't help but feel his skills were up to the task.

"As an officer of Squad Seven: you never stood a chance. Your pride and grandios notions of what Squad Seven should be robbed it of a valuable leader."

"You're trapped in the past by your own pathetic notions of loyalty."

"As I wanted this to go a bit longer, I know that we're not equal."

"“Befitting of a vice-captain… But that’s all you amount to…”

"Besides." He added. "Frankly, I don't think I'd be a great Captain. I think to be a Captain worthy of my division, I need the faith of the division, and... I have no reason to believe I have that." In his mind's eye, Kaen could see that darkness in the depths of his soul lurking. Leering at him. "...Squad 7 deserves the best. And I don't know that I could be the Captain that the division deserves. I understand what you're saying, but an incompetent leader, I think, is worse than no leader at all. I can do my part as lieutenant after-all." He added.

Besides, is it really a good idea for the leader of the law enforcement division to go hang out with a former Espada, and be covering for a Vizard?

[Satoshi Fuuko]

"Fer Fucks' sake." 

Fuuko hissed at Kaen as she listened to him run himself down. Between him, Iroka, and herself, there seemed to be a competition of who could make themselves seem the most worthless. "Have ya, I don't know, tried fuckin askin em?! These people are already  willin ta go fight and die  on yer command. Do ya think if they didn't believe in ya, they'd stay in yer division!? If there was no respect fer ya, then you would either have an empty squad or squad full a gutless cowards. Shit! Even I believe in ya and I ain't under yer command. Tch." 

Fuuko shook her head. Her free hand twitched. She couldn't help herself. She grabbed Kaen by the silky collar and pulled him close. "Besides! Even if I'm wrong, Squad 7 doesn't need the best they need ta be whole, asshole! What they don't need is a fuckin pencil pusher. They need a leader. They need someone they can look to when times are tough. Honestly, the ones who are there are pretty fucked up. They must be hanging on to some reaaal shit ta still be there after all this time." Fuuko narrowed her eyes. "The second ya joined the Gotei Thirteen, it really wasn't about what you want, it's about doing your fuckin duty!" 

Fuuko eshaled and lowered her head. "But... I get it... In some ways, Hollows are lucky. Everything they aren't, is literal. They have an empty spot that needs ta be filled. We all do, though. Unlike them, though, we spend our whole lives tryin ta find somethin that fills that hole. What makes us whole." Fuuko lifted up her head and her eyes were filled with a surprisingly soft and kind gaze. Her hand dropped from Kaen's collar and she reached out and took his hand. "Maybe it's not the Shichibantai that needs fixed. Maybe it's you. Maybe there's a hole inside ya that needs patched up." Fuuko closed her eyes. "Heh. Of course there is. Like I said, we all got it. It's always different and it can't always be filled but.." 

Fuuko closed her eyes. She lifted up their hands and pressed them against her chest. "Maybe if you started looking for what might do the trick, you and your squad could start ta finally heal. I don't know how ya ended up this way. Maybe it's this "Captain." Maybe it's somethin else. Maybe it's a lot of things, but..." Fuuko opened her eyes. "You are Captain material, and yer the only one who doesn't think you are. Squad 7 ain't the only squad who is hurtin right now. While you wait, we might be invaded again. We might lose more  captains. While you wait, we lose more hands that protect and lead Soul Society. How many more of our beacons have to fall? How many seats have to go empty until you feel the ache that the rest of us feel? That your own squad has had to live with?" 

Fuuko shook her head. "I don't know if yer the best, Kaen, but I know you are who is needed and sometimes that's even more important." Fuuko exhaled. Fuuko squeezed Kaen's hand tightly and stared at him with a mix of hope and defiance. Hope that he would take her words to heart and defiance that he wouldn't. Her golden eyes gleamed. "Go on. Say I'm wrong! So I can pull yer damn arm outta yer socket and beat yer dumb ass with it!" 

[Kaen Youji]

Kaen looked out the window. "That's not only a question for them though. It's a question for me as well. It's all well and good for people to believe in me, but I'm not going to saddle Rin's division with a leader that doesn't believe in themself!" He replied. "That... That's the worst quality a leader can have. A leader can't let themselves question themselves. Or at least they can't let their own self-doubt hold themselves back. ...Awhile back, I told Kimiko that an empty throne is better than a throne filled by an incompetent. Or something to that effect. ...I was way too harsh and stubborn about it when I said that. While I might take those words back with being addressed to her, I still think the general principle applies. An incompetent leader is worse than none at all. I'm a decent officer. I like to think I'm a good trainer. I can recognize talent, and cultivate it. But leading? That's not something I know how to do." He answered.

When Fuuko yanked Kaen, for once he wasn't pulled off balance, but stayed fairly steady in place. "You're right about that. It is about doing my duty. And I have a great many of them, including a duty to my division. That includes giving it the best leadership possible. And that includes assessing that if I'm even better than no leader at all. My judgement in that matter has been disgustingly terrible. I'm sure someone might say that if my judgement about that is so bad, then I should take the position, just because I think I can't, or something like that, but this..." Kaen grit his teeth.

"You're not wrong about a hole inside me. It's not as literal as a Hollows, but there is. More than a few. Maybe I am the person the 7th needs, but not like this. If I'm going to be the person the 7th needs, as you say... needs, even if not the one it deserves, then I need to close that hole." He sighed and shook his head.

"I'm not going to say you're wrong, because I don't know that you're wrong." He stared at his reflection in the window. But when I look into the mirror, I see what looks back and I hate[/b] it.[/color][/i] Kaen thought to himself. I don't want that to have that kind of power. Not anymore. Every day he could feel it inside of him. His hatred, his rage, his despair. A roiling ball of misery, anguish and wrath, deep in the recesses of his soul. It had once run free, and Rin had helped Kaen contain it once more. He understood it was a part of him, but he had no control over it. He feared it.

"But if I'm going to dare to take the position of Captain of the 7th, it's important that I answer that question one way or another first, isn't it? It's a question I need to answer. It's not one that anyone else can answer for me."

[Satoshi Fuuko]

"Yer dodgin it." Fuuko said as Kaen peered out the window. "Ya made up yer mind a long time ago and now nothin's gonna change it. That;'s what I think." Fuuko could feel anger annoyance boil up inside of her, but she fought to remain calm. "It ain't her division, Kaen. It's no one's division!" Fuuko sighed. "A leader ain't the best..." Fuuko said. "At least, that's not what makes a good leader. A good leader knows their faults and their limits and can fill in the cracks with good men and women who know how to do what needs to be done." 

Fuuko exhaled and looked away. She stepped behind Kaen and leaned against him. She rested a chin on his shoulder and brought her arms around his body. 'You ain't alone, ya know?" Fuuko said and gently squeezed Kaen. "It's tough when all you see is all the things you've done wrong, but... you gotta let it go..." Fuuko closed her eyes. "II know there ain't no one who would think yer not deservin of bein Captain and, I think yerself is included in that, but you've tied a stone around yer neck and convinced yerself you can't move on until ya find a way ta get rid of it..." 

Fuuko's fingers pushed into Kaen's chest. His words always pissed her off, but she was doing her best. She turned away. "Heh. For someone who controls fire, ya sure do a lot of naval gazin." Fuuko barked. "Not that I'm the best role model around here, but if it was me, I'd just do it and hoped it worked out for the best. Honestly, what is even the worst that could happen if it doesn't work out?" Fuuko shook her head. "And don't say people will get hurt or killed or any of thatbull shit, cause people are gonna get hurt and killed no matter what decision you make! Are ya protectin them any better or worse as the Fukutaichou? I don't think you are, honestly. Maybe with a new position comes a new perspective and a way to look at all the shit that's goin on in yer head a different way." 

Fuuko eased up on Kaen and pulled back enough so that she was standing away from him and her hands were on his shoulders. "Besides, yer gonna look like a damn fool if I become captain before you do!" She smirked. "Especially if I have ta become Shichibantaitaichou." She tapped her finger against Kaen's shoulder. "As much conviction as I have in the yonbantai, well, maybe I'd do it just ta see the look on yer face. And, ya know I would. Heh." Fuuko said, smiling at the window and looking at Kaen's reflection in it. 

[Kaen Youji]

Kaen listened to what Fuuko had to say. She wasn't wrong about a lot of things, and he wouldn't deny her that either. "But a good leader does need the confidence to know he's delegating the tasks correctly. A leader can't be paralyzed by indecision." "YOU forced your squad to LIMP with an inept Lieutenant, and you failed to adjust the flow of your squad's work to accomodate your own shortcomings. I may not have agreed with the direction that Kimiko took my squad, but I aknowledge that whatever direction she took it, it was taken at a brisk march." Kaen smirked a tiny bit.

"Besides, I am by all accounts absolute garbage at that skill too." He added. "If I've already made up my mind, doesn't that disqualify me? Shouldn't our third seat, or fourth seat, or fifth seat be a better candidate than I am? The only thing I have over the rest of my division is seniority, and the ability to take them all down if need be." He responded. "I don't lead teams, I don't coordinate. I shirk paperwork, train my ass off, and take as many field assignments as I can get. That's not a leader."

He felt Fuuko leaning into his back and putting her arms around him. "You're probably right. I do have to let it go. But that's not the sort of thing I can do in the course of one conversation. I can say "yeah, sure, okay" until I'm blue in the face, but if it feels wrong at my core, my heart's not in any of that assenting. You're right about the stone around my neck, but one way or another, I have to lose it before I dare try and take Captaincy." Whether by accomplishing his aims, or getting over them. Or finding a third option. Either way...

Kaen did grin at her joke about his ability and his nature. "It's been a weird couple of months. I'll be back to my normal self before long. I haven't had a fight that's made me feel alive in awhile." He replied. "That's where I can forget everything and just live. At the point of an enemy's sword. The world shrunk down to just myself and them, and nothing but the skills I've accumulated to that point to ensure I see the next sunrise. When I don't just see but feel who I really am, and to experience everything it means to feel alive." It was becoming clear why Kaen was on a first name basis with so much of Fuuko's division. "End of the day though, I think it's because I care too much that I can't just go and hope it works out for the best. This feels too important to just roll the dice without forethought."

He let Fuuko finish up what she was saying, then chuckled. "My personal pride isn't worth much. You'd be surprised how many people have risen from the Academy to Captaincy while I've been a Vice Captain. In fact, I believe Captain Nakajima graduated from the Academy while I was still a Vice Captain. Same as Captain Shindazu." He commented. "And Captain Odayakama before her too, though on that one, to be fair, I was demoted down the Third Seat for awhile, and then promoted after Rin took her extended leave of absence."

[Satoshi Fuuko]

"I don't think ya would be. I think yer fishin fer excuses." Fuuko said and crossed her arms under her chest. Whatever demons Kaen was wrestling with were plentiful and been around for a while. Fuuko was a fool to think she could just show up in his life and begin to untangle that knot. Inwardly, though, she smiled. Fuuko had a strong belief in herself. why waste time untangling a knot when you could cut right through it? 

"No. But if ya feel that way, then promote them! Then step down or move to a division where none of that shit matters!" Fuuko clenched her good hand. "Go to Squad Eleven! I'm sure they would love ta send ya out over and over again ta go fuck shit up and work through yer shit!" Fuuko tilted her head. "But ya won't, will ya? So.. .don't give me that bullshit, Kaen!" Fuuko grabbed his silky collar again with one hand and leered at him with a wide grin. "I'll take that as permission to show up every day and have a nice conversation until yer shit's fixed then." Fuuko breathed, partly a soft laugh. "I know I already rankle yer ass, so I bet you'll get real  sicka me." She declared. 

Fuuko lowered her head. Her grip eased off his collar and her fingers pressed against his chest and traced part of his muscles. "I understand that. I wish that I could just forget everythin and just fight. The feel of flesh against flesh, steel against steel. That feeling when the searing pain of a cut runs down your body and the smell of iron invades your nose. it wakes ya up. If I could just fight... then I wouldn't have to worry about things like where Kazu is and how weak I am." Fuuko shook her head. Her ponytail wagged in the background. "You have been thinkin about it, though. What I'm sayin is it's time ta shit or get off the fuckin pot!" Fuuko nodded. 

'All those people comin and goin. Yer just lettin everythin pass ya by while ya, what?" Fuuko raised an eyebrow. "And since the life you live here is in total stasis, you only have the fights to remind you that everythin else and everyone else keeps movin forward." Fuuko poked Kaen's chest. "Everyone." She reiterated. Fuuko inhaled and looked Kaen in the eye. "So?" Fuuko asked, squaring up. "Why did ya get demoted? And," more importantly in Fuuko's mind. "where is she?" 

[Kaen Youji]

Kaen smirked. "I get the feeling we could argue on that all day and still be disagreeing by the day's end." He responded. "Besides, there's more to it than that, but those conundrums are for me to disentangle. That's my war, and mine alone." He added. The dark inside of him. The cruel, thing he'd become. Not merely a broken sword, but a jagged shard, digging into the enemy's heart even as it cut the wielder's hand on its edge.

"I want you to fully understand what you've accomplished when I tell you that what is about to happen to you? It's entirely personal." A pair of kicks shattered the knees of the Mod Soul. Kaen could feel the blood pulsing through the wretched creature's carotid artery as his hand seized around his neck. "I'm not going to kill you, because that would be a mercy. And I am not feeling particularly merciful right now."

Kaen could not accept the mantle of Captain until that horrid thing was expunged from him.

"...Honestly, that's not an awful idea." Kaen admitted in response to Fuuko's statement of promoting one of his subordinates. "Though I don't have that authority, it's something I could get rolling with the other Captains-- individuals who do have the authority, and my vote would probably carry a lot of weight. I wasn't intending to suggest that idea, but it's something I might consider." He seemed to already be searching his mind for any candidates in the division he considered promising. "That being said, I'm not about to leave the 7th. Only one force in all three worlds could convince me to do that, and I'm sorry to say, this time, it isn't you." He grinned at Fuuko. "So you can come and argue with me every day, if you want to. Until the Empress of Squad 7 returns to either kick me out, or moves her own butt to another division, I intend to make sure her division stays the way she left it." He replied.

The talk of battle calmed him down though, strangely enough. His eyes were closed as if he was lost in thoughts again, and the description Fuuko gave he could almost feel the battle once more. More than what Fuuko said, it was the challenge, and the game-- yes. The game. The only game that mattered. The intricate game of the highest speed chess, where his wits were tested as much as his body. Among all the Shinigami in Soul Society, Kaen was not the fastest, nor the strongest. He was not the most spiritually attuned, nor was he the smartest. He believed he found his strength in being adaptive. To mold himself to match his enemy, and to come out stronger with every fight, every battle an experience to learn from.

But then Fuuko had to bring it back to reality. "I have been. But I've reached a very different conclusion than you." He didn't resist her grasp on his collar, though as Fuuko traced over the muscles she'd feel something. A difference in texture, that as a medic in Squad 4, she'd know well. Kaen's chest was covered in scar tissue. And these weren't from the recent bout with Rizer-- indeed his chest had been more or less unscathed from that. These were old wounds, a few years now at least.

"You know not everything has to be at a breakneck pace." Kaen added. "I'm barely into my second century, by Shinigami standards, I'm still green as grass. I'm allowed to stay still if I think there's something better waiting if I don't rush." As Fuuko jabbed him at last in the chest and looked him in the eye, forcing him to confront her, Kaen gave a small sigh.

"I got demoted, because I chose to be demoted." He replied. "I'd only ever been a placeholder for her. She returned and there was no question. The only reason she wasn't restored to her rightful place the first day she returned, was because I was so... so...." Kaen shook his head. "Overjoyed understates it. I took her to all her favorite places in the Seireitei. We ate together, drank together, battled one another, caught up.... And then the next day I marched into Captain Himitsu's office and told him I was stepping down to third seat, so that Rin could take the position of Vice-Captain again." He replied. There was more to that story-- much more, but Kaen didn't feel like sharing that part yet.

"As for where she is now... That's between Rin and myself. Sorry. That one you won't get out of me today Fuuko." Kaen replied.

[Satoshi Fuuko]

"Yeah! Well, if ya stopped bein a dummy about it we wouldn't be arguin, now would we!?" Fuuko huffed. "I don't think ya really understand how stubborn I am." She added and smirked at Kaen. Fuuko wasn't sure she was really getting through to Kaen, but maybe  she was. At the very least he seemed to acknowledge that there needed to be authority in his squad. Fuuko didn't care if Kaen threw a pity party for himself so much if there was someone in his division willing to do the actual job as the captain. Whatever he was doing was incredibly  selfish. As a soldier, if she was in charge, she would have sent him somewhere else. Right now she only had some authority. Definitely not enough to protest to the Soutaichou. Even if she did, if Fuuko considered Kaen a friend, which she still wasn't sure about for a lot of reasons, then that would be a huge dick move. 

Still, Kaen's words hit Fuuko in a way she wasn't expecting. "Empress of the Seventh!?" Fuuko's cheeks reddened deeply and she turned away from Kaen and stared at anything else. "Whay kinda crap is that?" She hissed and crossed her arms over her chest. She hugged herself and looked down. "This is my fuckin point!" She said to the ground. "Yer a fuckin puppy dog waitin fer yer master ta come back!" Fuuko shook her head and walked away. Whatever else Kaen was saying almost bounced off if her, but she stopped when she heard him talk about his age. 

"I don't run cool, Kaen!" Fuuko snapped. "Patience in the moment is fine, but I don't like  ta sit around and wait. The things you want won't ever come to you! You have to find the things you want, smash whatever is in the way and drag it back home!" Fuuko gesticulated with her good hand. "I'm sorry that this princess ran off on you, but shit! You aren't the only one this is affecting!" Fuuko closed her eyes and rubbed her temple with one hand, squeezing and punching the skin. She was trying very hard not to have a particular emotion, she just wasn't sure which emotion that was. 

'I don't think you know where she is. A missing captain is a big, fuckin deal. If you do know and didn't say, then you'd be in big trouble." Fuuko touched her chest. "It only bothers me because of how much it fucked you up." Fuuko marched back over to Kaen and stared him in the eyes. "I'm sorry. I really  am. I know it's probably hard for you to believe, but I am. I don't know what I would do if I was in the same position, so, here I am spouting garbage at you. Heh." Fuuko blushed. 

[Kaen Youji]

Kaen snickered at Fuuko's reaction to Rin's title. "Well self-styled Empress." Kaen replied with a small smirk. "Rin called herself as such, and as far as I'm concerned, she's more deserving of the title than most nobles I've actually met." He replied. "Personally, that drive and commitment was one of the qualities I find endearing about her. She named herself Empress, and worked her ass off to be worthy of the title." Fuuko's comment about Kaen being a puppy dog waiting for his master to return, got Kaen to actually laugh. "You know, you're the third person to say that, in almost those exact words." He replied. "Kimiko was one of the others, incidentally." He added. He didn't argue against it either, in fact Kaen hadn't fought all that hard against any of Fuuko's less than charitable comments thus far.

Fuuko's comment about that caused Kaen to nod. "You're right, you certainly don't." He replied, and bit back a snarkier response that perhaps would have been too unkind. And running hot in this case almost got you and Iroka killed... He thought, but did not say it. "Though as a quick aside, that was a different Shinigami in Squad 7 that tried for the moniker "Princess". Same name though, ironically enough." Kaen understood the burning, the desire to not sit still. In a sense. Kaen did aspire to push onwards and push forwards, but his trials were inwardly directed of late, not externally. The battle and conquest of the self, rather than any exterior rewards or platitudes.

Because the fact of the matter, was that Kaen had never been one of great ambitions. He'd been happy as the Division's fifth seat once upon a time, and then happy again as it's third seat. The range of position where the responsibility and authority balanced into an equilibrium wherein he could delegate or dodge most work and pursue the tasks he was most interested in. The responsibility of lieutenant and de facto head of the 7th had been an ultimately unwelcome surprise to him, and he found his life rapidly spiraling out of control the more responsibility and authority he collected now. Momentarily absolved when Rin had returned.

“You don’t have to carry the burden anymore. You can finally be my favorite, lazy third seat again, ne~”

That offer had been the best gift Kaen had ever been given, frankly.

But when Fuuko pressed on the matter of the missing Rin, Kaen shook his head. "Like I said. That's between her and I. This is a matter that is deeply personal to me, and I can't say anything more on the matter." Ultimately, Kaen did know where the former lieutenant of Squad 7 was. Hell, he'd been out to see her not that long ago-- though his extended stay at Squad 4 had probably cut into that a bit. He'd been privy to a number of her secrets that she wouldn't have dared shared with most, and he took that responsibility seriously. He didn't know how many others knew how deeply Enma's betrayal had cut, nor that when she had last returned to Soul Society, it had been bereft of the ability to perform Bankai that she once had known. In some ways, not unlike Kaen, it seemed to him that she also need to re-evaluate and study herself before returning and Kaen considered it his duty to her to hold down the fort in her absence.

Besides. Even if Fuuko was correct, it wouldn't have changed much. Kaen was privy to personal secrets that would have made the situation with Rin little more than a footnote on a bucketlist of the things he was doing now or had been prepared to do. Like his plan to murder the former Captain of Squad 7, Enma, on the grounds of his believed role in Rin's death-- a course Kaen had mercifully been pushed away from when Rin had returned to the Seireitei alive, thus negating any need to avenge her. Or the fact that he was currently covering up the existence of a Vizard in Soul Society (and had a very good idea where a second one currently was). To say nothing of his friendship that he'd recently kicked up with the leader of XCution Shizuka, and his brief friendship with known traitor to the Seireitei (and Vizard), Camila. There was also the time he'd covered for the Septima Espada, Myza Synderfell one the occasion she'd come to the Rukongai and the two had even had lunch together. Also that time he went to the Human World to hang out with the then-Sixth Espada (and although Kaen didn't know about it, promoted to Second Espada) Asuka Hitotoki. Hell, Enma wasn't even the only Captain he'd tried to kill, Kimiko Shihoin had also been on that list, albeit a bit less committedly. There was also the attempt by Fullbringers Luca Castabella and Raphael Laurent to break into the Seireitei, that Kaen had intercepted but failed to put into any report (and he'd gone to hang out with both Fullbringers since that instance). Oh! Oh! And his attempt at making a secret deal with Uzaki Enterprises to transfer a Vandenreich prisoner to Soul Society, without Soul Society's knowledge, which, regrettably, hadn't ultimately worked out.

....Yeah no, covering for Rin and staying mum on the details of her whereabouts? That was probably the least of Kaen's bucketlist of things that the Central 46 might have taken issue with if they'd known.

[Satoshi Fuuko]

Fuuko's lip curled and her cheeks reddened as Kaen seemed to gush about this missing captain. She couldn't honestly believe that she was so great that Kaen was still  pining over her. No, it was her fault for even giving enough of a shit to be jealous in the first place. She felt like a fool and turned her head as Kaen continued. "Oh, yeah.. I'm sure it was really fuckin great..." Fuuuko muttered under her breath. The comment about her not being the first made Fuuko's eyebrow raise. "Yeah?" She smiled and glanced at the door. She was beginning to like Kimiko more and more. 

'After three times, maybe there's some truth to it." Fuuko said and crossed her arms. She just shook her head when he mentioned someone else claiming to be a princess. The last bit, though. Fuuko's lips pursed and he looked at Kaen. "I'm gonna take yer word for it. I'm gonna give ya the benefit of the doubt. Fer a lot of reasons, but I really hope that's the case. Because I want you to know how bad it looks that there's a missing captain that the Vice-Captain supposedly knows the whereabouts to but won't tell anyone." Fuuko turned her head. "And not just any Captain, but the captain of Internal Affairs." 

Fuuko raised a finger. "So, now you have a Squad, whose job it is to make sure everyone else is on the up and up, with no Captain and a Vice-Captain who refuses to let the seat be occupied. So, who is watching the rest of the divisions if there isn't anyone to watch Shichibantai?" Fuuko raised an eyebrow. "That's a pretty big fuckin gap in the chain o command, in the security of the Gotei Thirteen, and possibly all three worlds, if there's some hidden shit goin on." Fuuko's eyes narrowed. 

"I would hate for you to fuck the rest of us over, because you can't get over your girlfriend dumpin you. But!" Fuuko pushed a finger into Kaen's chest. "I understand emotions can be tough. I'd hate it, but I could get over it. It'd be shitty, but I can't say I wouldn't do the same. I just hope that's all  it is, because if there's more than that. Heh. Well, not like I could do anythin about it, but I'd be disappointed. In myself, for thinkin a piece of shit like that was a nice guy and not just a wolf in sheep's clothin." 

Fuuko closed her eyes. "I'm in the Yonbantai to save lives. I can't do my job if there are divisions that are compromised. Seems like I'm the only one around here that seems ta remember that we're soldiers first. As much as I like ta scrum an scrap, I still know what my obligation and duty are." Fuuko added.  

[Kaen Youji]

Kaen glanced over at Fuuko and smirked a little bit. "Hey, you asked." He responded in answer to the line she dropped under her breath. "You wanted my reasons, I'm telling you them. As for people telling me that so many times. You might be right. But a lot of people have also told me I'm not fit to lead Squad 7. If three people say that about myself and Rin, what does it say when a dozen say it about my aptitude to lead?" He asked. Okay, so to be fair, it hadn't been a dozen. It had been about five or six. Shizuyoko Toraumi, Kimiko Shihoin, Himitsu Kasumi'Oji, the mod soul Yuri, Katrina and Shade Kawada that he could immediately recall. Still, that was more than three!

At any rate, Fuuko was letting the talk about Kaen's former commanding officer slide for now, and Kaen was content to let that topic drop. "I never said I refused to let the seat be occupied. I have high standards, but I'm more than willing to let someone with the determination aim for it. I've at least grown that much." He stated. "If someone was appointed to the position of Captain of the 7th by the time I get out of here, I will assess, I'll judge. If they meet my expectations for the position, great. If they don't, then I'll build them up until they do. Whether they like it or not. You can take coal and crush it into diamonds with enough pressure after-all!" He chirped with a grin. "Or at least I think that's how it works?"

When Fuuko made that second comment though, Kaen couldn't help his face go flaming red as she jabbed him in the chest, bringing the discussion back to Rin just for a moment. "Th-that's not... Rin wasn't..." His eyes determinedly avoiding Fuuko's now. I hate you so much Shizuyoko... He thought to himself for a moment. It took him a moment to collect himself, unfortunately this time missing parts of Fuuko's argument.

"Our obligation and duty, huh?" He stated, and then chuckled. "Maybe. But do you think that our obligation is to find the duty we're best suited for? Or the one that needs us most?" He asked. "If it's the former, what if I'm already there? And if it's the latter, would you abandon your brother and Iroka for it? If your duty necessitated you leaving them behind? Would you be a soldier first, at the cost of your familial and personal goals?"

[Satoshi Fuuko]

"Who knows what kinda motivation someone says fer sayin you don't cut it, but I bet there is a motivation behind it. What dog do I have in this fight to get ya to become a captain?" Fuuko asked. "Other than ta have a properly workin force. Without a full compliment a captains we're vulnerable. We might still be without it, so why take the risk?" Fuuko shook her head. "I'm pretty sure that you could be outvoted..." Fuuko added. "So, I guess someone else likes the idea of keepin the seat open too." 

The thought made Fuuko frown. In her mind that was strike number two. Squad Seven, the ones who were supposed to make sure all the gears ran smoothly was in disarray. She thought Kaen was putting all his baggage ahead of everyone else's safety, but he was still a man. He was probably too overworked to do his job properly, but it suddenly hit Fuuko. Why hadn't the Ichibantai just appointed  a captain? Surely if they wanted the position filled, Kaen's feelings on the matter wouldn't really be much of a concern. 

Fuuko's eyes raised. "I guess." She shrugged. "Iron sharpens iron is probably more accurate. I don't know shit about diamonds." Fuuko added. She stared at Kaen as he was caught. "Heh. Yeah, right." There was no way  she was going to believe otherwise now. 

"That's not my style." Fuuko said and crossed her arms. "I'm not the sort of person who likes to make choices. If it comes down to it, I'll find a way to make it work, but..." Fuuko inhaled. "I can only imagine what you might be implyin... If there's dirty business to be done for the sake of my duty, and it forces me to make a tough decision, well... I wouldn't want anyone else havin ta do that shit on my  behalf. My family. My hands." Fuuko said and lifted up her hands. She could see the blood on them. Kazu would say that he never wanted Fuuko to have to dirty her hands, but even after dying the blood never washed off completely. 

"I'm a tool, Kaen. I'm a sword to be pointed at a neck. I point towards anyone who would hurt those I love but that means I can never really turn and face them. I can only show them my back until I'm strong enough to slice through everything. That's the thing, though. we are all  tools. We exist to keep the worlds in balance and all that shit. If we don't do our duty, then saving the people we care for doesn't matter, because if we fuck up too badly, then we all lose and there's no world left." 

[Kaen Youji]

"Iron sharpens iron, huh?" Kaen considered that line. "Then I hope whoever it is can be called as such." But still.... damnit Kaen was mad at Shizuyoko over that! If not for him, he could have kept himself blissfully ignorant as to his feelings about his lieutenant. ...Even if apparently literally everyone except the two of them realized them. Now Kaen couldn't help but be thrown off, virtually anytime the Empress got brought up. Thanks a lot Shizuyoko.

Fuuko's answer to Kaen's question did surprise him though. "I never expected to hear that answer out of you, but you do sound committed to it. But.... I understand what you mean. As far back as I can remember I've wanted to be a shield. Then one day, I looked and found I'd been forged into a sword myself." He pondered his next words for a moment. "It's too early to surrender yourself to that Fuuko. We're not all tools. Becoming a tool is a choice. You can still be a human being first. Just because we have responsibilities doesn't mean we can't fulfill them while still being ourselves. ...And it doesn't mean we can't re-examine those responsibilities either. I'm over two centuries old and I've spent the last year or two re-examining myself for the first time in a long time. You have plenty of time to figure that out. However, if you're set on being a sword, I'm not going to dissuade you. I just hope you won't come to regret it. Like I have."

Kaen was quiet for a moment and took a deep breath. "Even though I should be resting and recovering I'm probably gonna go do some light exercise, and then go crash for a bit longer. I appreciate the talk. And I'm really, truly glad you and Iroka are alright." He turned and clapped a hand on Fuuko's shoulder.

"We'll save your brother." And then Kaen went to follow the path Kimiko and Iroka had, stepping out the door and closing it behind him.

[Satoshi Fuuko]

"Yeah..." Fuuko said with a soft shrug to Kaen's words about a next captain.

Fuuko closed her eyes when Kaen examined her answer. "Bein hard keeps people off my back.I deserve what I'm forgin myself into, but I ain't lokin fer commentary on it either. Heh." Fuuko smiled suddenly. "You'll have ta tell me what you thought I was gonna say sometime. Everyone's got some idea of who I am when they see me." Fuuko shook her head. "It's not as much of a choice as ya think  it is, but..." Fuuko waved her good hand at Kaen. 'Go run off and get hurt again, idiot." 

Fuuko went back to her bed and sat down. "And, thanks. I know we will. I guess I'll take a nap or some shit. I'd like ta get back out in the wild too. If ya see Iroka-chan, you can send her back in, but ya ain't gotta look for her if she wandered off." Fuuko exhaled and flopped onto her bed. "See ya." Fuuko said before pullin a blanket over her and closing her eyes.