Itami Tsuuzoku (Squad 2, Fourth Seat)

[Itami Tsuuzoku]

-Opening-

Password 1: [Kuroi’s Shoes]

Password 2: [Kento and Rin Can’t Dunk]

Type: [Support]

Squad: [2]

Rank: [4th Seat]

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-Basic Information-

Name: [Itami Tsuuzoku]

Age of Death: [18]

Real Age/Age of Appearance: [321 / 19]

Birthday (Month/Day): [4/1]

Blood Type: [B-]

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-Appearance-

Height/Weight: [6’1” / 185 lbs]

Physical Description: [Here’s usually where the asshole who writes the profile boringly describes what their creation looks like. Well this is MY profile, so I’m gonna do it myself. I’m a pretty awesome guy and I just so happen to look exactly like Araragi Koyomi from the Monogatari series. The guy who made me hasn’t exactly seen it, but he thought the guy looked cool and appeared to visually fit the personality he had in mind for me, so that’s why I look like him. Maybe some day he’ll get around to watching the show and he’ll likely go back and edit this part when he does (If he even remembers) but until then, he’s just kind of using that guy as my face claim.

SPOILER: Click to show

{This is what I look like}

SPOILER: Click to show

{OMG, look how sexy I am}

SPOILER: Click to show

{Holy shit, the guy typing this can use google images}

SPOILER: Click to show

{One more of me looking like a badass}

Alright, so apparently I have to keep explaining how I look because good profiles have like, at least a few paragraphs in this section. Anyway, I have pretty sexy black hair as you can see. It’s fairly shaggy and covers my left eye most of the time and hangs down over most my neck. However, the most unique part of my hair is the prominent ahoge on the top of my head. For those of you anime casuals, an ahoge is the little part of hair that sticks out and seems to have a mind of its own. I even got you a link! So besides my awesome ahoge, I have what all you white people might consider yellow skin since I’m supposed to be asian.

My eyes are grayish brown? I guess? I’m trying to decide what color his eyes are in the first picture. What the fuck, eyes aren’t that color in real life. I guess my eyes are gray, thanks a fucking lot, Kid, first section and you’ve already made me a freak of nature. Oh well, at least you didn’t name me something retarded like Shade or Rave. Anyway, I’m pretty fit but not like super buff like Shade. I’m pretty slender and my body type isn’t that special. If you ever get the privilege of seeing me in the nude, you would see a well-toned body without any real indication of being out of shape. Also I am extremely well-endowed and since I said it on my profile, that makes it canon, right?

I need to do another paragraph? Lame. Well, I guess I still have to talk about my clothes. Alright, you ready for this? I wear, drumroll please, I wear... SHINIGAMI ROBES. Whoa!!! Didn’t expect that, right? They’re mostly black with a white sash and white lining inside of them. Also, Kid just looked up the names of the parts of the shinigami uniform from Bleach so now I can tell you more about it! I wear a black hakama over a white shitagi. On my feet I wear white tabi and have my zanpakutou equipped on my left side cause I’m right handed like anyone that isn’t retarded. Alright, now on to the essentials. I have two ears, two eyes, one nose, four limbs, and a machine that gives me endless ryo in my pocket. (I said it in my profile, so it’s totally canon, right?)

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-Personality-

Dislikes:

• Soccer - Looks like the guy that’s making me is using my dislikes as an outlet to express his distaste for everything he doesn’t like. Soccer sucks because it’s boring and uneventful. It also encourages its pussy players to pretend to be injured to pull a flag. How lame can you get?
  
  
• Avocados - Well, I like Guacamole just fine, but just avocados are disgusting. They’re way too mushy and that texture bugs me.
  
  
• Hitler - That guy was an asshole. Though this is kindof a weird thing to be in my dislikes. The guy writing this is probably just looking to have a deceptively long list by just adding in random stuff.
  
  
• Scissors - Seriously? You’re not even trying now... Why the fuck don’t I like scissors? You’re the laziest rper I’ve ever had the displeasure of being created by.
  
  
• Beer - HEY! Fuck you, I love beer! Remove this from my dislikes this instant! FOR ANYONE READING THIS, I LOVE BEER. KID DOESN’T KNOW SHIT. DON’T LISTEN TO HIS LIES!!!
  
  
• People without secrets - Well, I guess it’s no fun if they have nothing for me to expose. Nothing gives me more joy than peeling back a person’s psychological layers like an onion to get to the nice juicy secrets inside.
  
  
• Country music - People who listen to country music are dumb. I can’t stand the twangy, low-IQ sound of this disgrace to music.
  
  
• Roleplayers - Fuck all of you. Especially Kid... And especially anyone Kid doesn’t like too. Fuck you, yeah! YA’LL BITCHES KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
  
  
• Spiders - Yeah, they’re disgusting and gross and they should all just go die in a hole. The eight legs thing bugs me, the eight eyes thing bugs me, and their hair is probably the worst. For once this is an actual good dislike. Fuck spiders.
  
  
• Hard work - Working sucks, and having fun is fun. Who doesn’t like just relaxing and having a drink of delicious beer? (See? I like it.) The worst kind of work is physical work that makes me all sweaty and tired and out-of-breath. You know, like leg day in the gym. Leg day is the worst.

Likes:

• Getting TP - It’s like leveling up! I get to spend this on new abilities or making myself stronger as a whole. It’s just a shame I can only get 1,600 SP or I’d be stacking SP like no other.
  
  
• Shade, Rave, Cierro, Aimo, Zeruel, and Noroi - They’re all my brothers! Why wouldn’t I like them? They’re all made by the same guy (Who is way better than anyone else I might add) at making awesome people. Someday we will all become a big family and spend all of Shade’s money on hookers and beer and live happily ever after.
  
  
• Women - Admittedly I’m not as perverted as Cierro (that’s his gimmick) I do appreciate girls as much as the next bro.
  
  
• Football - Holy shit, this sports is like the opposite of Soccer on the awesome scale. The strategy and aggression that goes into every play is enough to make you want to yell “FOOTBALL” at the top of your lungs. Also, the Seahawks are my favorite team mostly cause Kid’s from Washington probably.
  
  
• Not drinking beer - HOLY FUCK, THIS AGAIN?!?! I LOVE BEER AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY, SHUT THE FUCK UP, KID. Heineken is probably my favorite mainstream beer so I guess you could peg me as a lager guy instead of someone who drinks ale. Budweiser and Coors is disgusting though.
  
  
• Praising Kid-Sama and worshipping obeying everything he has me do - ... Fuck you, Kid...
  
  
• Sleeping - Are you trying to take this seriously now? Are you done being an asshole?
  
  
• Puppies and Kittens - ... Alright, as long as you’re done... Well, who doesn’t like puppies and kittens? I mean, they’re pretty cute.
  
  
• Industrial, Metal, Techno, and Dance music - Well, I have a bit wider of taste in music, but these are all very good genres. I probably like whatever Kid likes at the moment, so I guess you could say my musical tastes are identical to Kid’s.
  
  
• Spelling or grammar mistakes - Holy shit, when I see this in people’s posts it irks me to no end. The ones in my own posts aren’t so bad since they’re only there because Kid didn’t notice them and therefore I don’t either.
  
  
• NPCs - They’re way easier to permanently kill than RPCs and having them around makes me feel way more important since I’m an RPC and we’re like the alpha race of people in this world.

Flaws:

• Considered insane - Well, I’m pretty sure that this isn’t THAT bad of a flaw. People treat me weird because I know all bout you rpers controlling everything from the great internet in the sky. It’s more of a social flaw than a flaw that really hurts me in combat. But we both know that it’s actually me that’s right and everyone else that’s ignorant, right?
  
  
• Terrible with women - Whoa whoa whoa, I thought we were done with this shit. I’m COMPLETELY fine around women, I ain’t no Noroi or Cierro. Kid is just being an ass and putting shit like this on my profile. I assure you that I like beer and that I am completely composed around the opposite sex. You’ll see once this profile actually gets approved.
  
  
• Allergic to beer - HOLY FUCK!!! LIES!!! THIS ISN’T TRUE AT ALL. WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. GO EAT A DICK, KID. For the record, I love beer and most certainly do not suffer any ill effects from drinking it.
  
  
• Impulsive - I guess I’ll concede to this one. I act without thinking things 100% through a lot of times, but if it’s serious enough of a situation you can bet I’ll have my guard up.

Habits:

• Singing along with background music - Sometimes I listen to songs people post as background music, and if it’s good, maybe I’ll tap my feet or sing along with it. I mean, what would YOU do if you started hearing a song you liked? I don’t think it’s that weird of a habit, right?
  
  
• Talking to people no one else can see - Yeah, I make comments to all you assholes reading this profile. Sure your characters don’t know bout you all controlling their every action, but I do and instead of talking shit to these avatars ya’ll are using, I’ll go straight to the source! YEAH!

Fears:

• I fear not being used in threads. I just want to be used, man. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?! What happens to us when they’re not writing about us? You ever think about that? What if we cease to exist when no one is reading about us? What if... hear me out here... what if the world doesn’t actually take place on some website, but instead there is a separate universe for each and every person reading the words on the site. Are we really just living in people’s minds? Trippy...

Goals:

• One goal I have is to have as much fun while I’m alive as possible. I want to, someday, ascend into the real world and not just be a figment of someone’s imagination. Though I realize that’s pretty impossible, I guess I’ll just have fun where I am for as long as I can.
  
  
• I want to be Character of the Month someday. It is the most esteemed honor that only the masterpieces like myself ever have a chance at attaining. ZOU PLEASE MAKE ME CHARACTER OF THE MONTH. I WILL LITERALLY RUN TO LAS NOCHES AND GIVE KUROI A HIGH-FIVE IF YOU DO.

Alignment: [Chaotic Neutral]

Overall Personality:
Well, as you’ve undoubtedly notice I break the fourth wall. Though, since technically speaking there is no actual fourth wall in the world of the site to break, you can just attribute everything to insanity or something. It’s a convenient enough excuse to get by, don’t you think? Yup, that’s right, all my antics and yelling at specific people are just the eerily accurate, lucky ramblings of some deranged lunatic! That’s at least how essentially every other character is going to treat it, but we’ll know the truth won’t we? I’M ON TO YOU, OUTSIDE WORLD!

I’m a pretty chill guy and actually look forward to getting to know each and every one of you. Your characters are a bunch of bunk though, I don’t really consider them on par with the likes of you and me. I mean, they don’t even know the truth of the world they live in! It’s like if you’re watching a movie, and then everyone else in the theater thinks that what’s going on the movie is reality and you’re the only one who knows it’s just a film. That’s what every day feels like for me. I mean, it kind of sucks that I can’t really form any deep, meaningful relationships with people that I meet due to fundamental differences in our ideologies... and well, them thinking I’m insane.

I’ll often dare people to kill me in NDE threads since there’s really no repercussions for dying in those, however you can bet that in a DE thread I’m going to be clawing and fighting just to stay alive. Unfortunately, even though the world I live in is a figment of someone’s imagination, if I die in it, I’m kind of screwed. The food is good, so I can’t really complain about that. Also, it’s easy to get laid. NPC girls are pretty much the easiest ever, like, easier than Amaya easy. It’s just a shame there’s a shortage of female RPCs, though I suppose that’s to be expected in the sausage-fest that is Bleach: Online World.

Kid says I have to talk about myself for a few more paragraphs so, I guess I can tell you what I do for fun. I like jumping in people’s threads and doing things to MY background music which the other rpers are then forced to listen to. Sometimes, to annoy people I also talk in the same color as they do. Unfortunately I can’t look on their profiles and find out about anyone’s history cause that would be failure to firewall properly on Kid’s part. Oh yeah, that pisses me off. Kid purposefully withholds information from me that would be REALLY useful in a thread for the sake of firewalling. I THINK FIREWALLING IS BULLSHIT!!! GOD COULD HAVE PREVENTED 9/11 FROM HAPPENING IF HE DIDN’T FIREWALL!!! Fuck you, rules!

You know, despite not thinking much of your guys’ characters, they’re really all I have to interact with. I do care for their company and friendship, which is why I support them the way I do in combat. It’s kind of like how you realize that puppies and kittens aren’t exactly as self-aware as you are, but you still love the shit out of them and want to snuggle with them and wub der widdle behwees. Well, maybe not those last parts, but you get the picture. People are a social creature and I’m no exception. Yeah, sure there’s your loners like Shade and Kuroi, but let’s be honest, people like that don’t exist in real life. Friends are a necessity.

Okay, so in conclusion, what have we learned about me? I break the fourth wall like a mofo, I’m Kid’s third comedy relief character, and I’m actually pretty cool when you get to know me. I like having a good time and I like drinking beer! HA! You can’t tell me I don’t like beer here, THIS SECTION IS MY DOMAIN!!! Anyway, Kid and I sometimes have little back-and-forths. Unfortunately you’ll probably only get to see my side of things since, well, technically no one is supposed to know about the people writing everything who live in the great internet in the sky.

[Itami Tsuuzoku]

-Powers-

Fighting Style: I’m pretty much the best fighter in Soul Society. Yup. No one kicks as much ass as I do. I think I’d peg myself as a better swordfighter than Shade or Sozen and a better hand-to-hand fighter than Kenryoku. So I guess you could say I’m pretty hot stuff. No, but seriously, as a support type I’m not the best at fighting. I can hold my own, sure, but someone who’s dedicated their life to fighting over other stuff like I have will probably beat me. I’m proficient with my zanpakutou and good enough for a fourth seat at swordplay. I excelled in what they taught you in the academy, but after discovering my release was more support-based, I didn’t extensively pursue sword fighting like other people and focused more on teamwork.

Teamwork is actually where I excel most of all. If I’m in charge of directing groups of 2 or more you can really start to see me shine. Adventures and canons? Yeah, those things are my bread and butter. I prefer to take a more backseat role, supporting my teammates with my array of helpful abilities. If you ever played an MMORPG, I’m basically like a cleric, healer, or white mage, so protect me or I won’t give you any heals!

If I am attacked or forced to fight someone by myself, I can hold my own. By throwing questions at them fairly often and using the information they feed me to modify my own strategy I can go toe to toe with even some of the better fighters. My advantage is in information gathering and I know how to utilize it well. I can also typically outlast my opponent using all the awesome healing stuff I have as well as a few little stamina boosting stuff thrown into my abilities. Donuts n’ Coffee are OP. But yeah, when you can’t beat them, just let them tire themselves out by beating you over and over again, not the best strategy, but it can work against some opponents.

The curved form that my zanpakutou takes in release is excellent for getting past people’s guards and hooking limbs or heads. Occasionally if a thread doesn’t seem all that serious or Kid decides it needs a bit of mood lightening, he might have me use nearby objects to my advantage. I’m not talking about rocks or sticks either, mind you. I break the fourth wall so I’m not above grabbing Zou’s twitter box and smashing some heads with it. Just kidding, haha, or am I? Unfortunately though, aside from a decent amount of skill with my zanpakutou and the exceptional support I provide I don’t have very much to offer. Kidou has never really been my strong point, but I try and learn abilities that don’t scale well with reiatsu strength and can do their job with only a little bit.

I can utilize my healing reiatsu in many ways, for example, I don’t need Skill Points in poison resist because my blood filters out poison by itself! Woo! I can also create bubbles of green aura to heal people or extract all the nasty poison they acquire in battle. I’m so capable that I can even mend broken bones and dislocated limbs in myself and in other people assuming I have access to them. When I flare out my reiatsu, allies will feel a soothing aura wash over them, allowing me to actually keep tabs on their health and condition. Also, this last paragraph, ignore it until I have at least 800 SP in healing expertise. I’m under the impression whoever grades this is probably not going to grant a 4th Seat 1,600 SP off the bat, so I doubt Kid will be able to allocate my Skill Points exactly like he has planned until I do some training!

Anyway, let’s try to get one more paragraph in fighting style. Let’s see... I don’t prefer head on fighting if I can help it, and you’ll often find me using every little trick to my advantage in order to remain safe for the sake of the allies I’m helping. I’m totally willing to kick someone in the nuts or throw dirt in their face so I can have adequate time to escape. Preferably I participate in fights without enemies ever noticing me, though I prefer to remain back at base interrogating criminals and extracting important information from them. Well, I’m going to let Kid handle the rest of the “Powers” section, I’ll see you guys again in the “History” section. L8er.

Zanpakutou Spirit Appearance:

SPOILER: Click to show

{Jinmon’s Spirit Form}

Jinmon takes the form of a young man with black hair and fierce red eyes. He wears a white collared shirt underneath a black blazer which he wears completely unbuttoned. Jinmon wears black pants and a black tie as well. The zanpakutou spirit believes himself to be a master detective and keeps a book of all the information he deems important enough to write down.

Jinmon thinks himself to be very shrewd and considers himself the world’s greatest detective. Itami he considers his deputy and partner and combat for him involves extracting confessions from their opponents. Jinmon and Itami’s relationship is pretty casual and they’ll discuss things as two fellow officers would; usually over a cup of coffee and some donuts. Jinmon, unlike Itami, cannot break the fourth wall and is weirded out by his partner’s ramblings and claims sometimes, but he doesn’t let the shinigami’s apparent insanity get in the way of their relationship.

Inner World:
Jinmon’s inner world appears to be, you guessed it, an interrogation room complete with a one-way mirror with a dark room behind it. Itami can walk freely from the interrogation room to the dark room and often he has his conversations with Jinmon in the dark room as they peer through the one-way mirror at the empty interrogation room. The rest of the police station is open to travel to as well, but Itami and Jinmon spend most of their time in the familiar, comforting interrogation wing.

Zanpakutou Appearances:

Unreleased - Jinmon’s sealed form appears to be a rather plain looking zanpakutou. The blade is long as most katana and possesses a black ribbon grip with white ribbon interlaced creating a black and white checkered pattern down the handle. The katana possesses a cross-shaped guard which resembles the red-cross symbol. On the end of the katana’s handle, Itami has attached a phone charm to his zanpakutou’s hilt. A tiny hello kitty figure attached to a string can be found on the bottom of Itami’s zanpakutou. This is perhaps the most recognizable part of Itami’s zanpakutou when it’s unreleased. This is what his charm looks like

Shikai - Jinmon’s shikai form takes the appearance of a sickle. It has a short handle that still possesses the hello kitty charm on it. The blade, however, has become much more rounded and slightly longer. The inside of the rounded blade is sharp while the outside is dull. It is good at hooking enemies or getting around an opponent’s guard and can be swung quickly and easily as it doesn’t weigh too much. The entire thing is about four feet long and has a handle around 8 inches long.

SPOILER: Click to show

{Jinmon’s shikai appearance}

Bankai - To release his bankai, Itami will hold his zanpakutou upright at arm’s length so that the blade is pointing upwards. He will then rotate his zanpakutou 180 degrees so that his blade is pointing downwards while uttering his bankai release command. When this happens the sickle’s handle will lengthen considerable and the blade will attach differently to the handle, effectively transforming it into a scythe. The scythe’s staff is very plain and appears to be wooden, however it is just as durable as a bankai’s spiritual metal. The blade of the scythe is plain and slightly longer and less curved than its shikai counterpart. However, the scythe is not the only change from shikai to bankai.

Behind and above the soul reaper’s body, around 20 yards away from Itami, while in bankai floats a massive lamp. This gigantic spotlight-like apparatus will always float above and behind the shinigami and moves with him as he traverses the battlefield. The spotlight is around twenty feet thick from the front to the back with a diameter of fifteen feet. The lamp shines constantly but can be turned off if Itami actively concentrates on suppressing that part of his bankai. Itami is capable of directing this spotlight to shine wherever he desires, however it must remain floating in the air behind him. What’s an interrogation without a bright light to shine in the perpetrator's face? The light fixture is completely ethereal and can be passed through like a ghost. It cannot really be destroyed, but at the same time it can’t really do much.

Zanapkutou Release Names [Lay bare your secrets, Jinmon / Bankai, Saishū Jinmon]

Overall Ability:
The overall theme of Jinmon is “Interrogation.” Both the shikai and bankai excel at extracting information from Itami’s opponents through sometimes-forceful methods. The zanpakutou reflects many aspects of different methods of interrogation and uses it to break its opponents mentally as well as physically. However, where Jinmon shines is when Itami has an ally to fight alongside. The zanpakutou is primarily support-oriented and specializes in defense, buffs, and providing openings for allies rather then direct offensive capabilities. For this reason Itami prefers to fight with an ally rather than alone. He’s much more suited to interrogating already-defeated captives with his zanpakutou than taking it out on the field for direct combat. That being said, Itami is not completely useless in combat. He is still a seated officer and his power does demonstrate that. He can make his zanpakutou work for direct combat when necessary and it is quite scary when he does, but any good vice-captain or seated officer should be able to best him in direct combat simply due to his zanpakutou’s more passive nature.

Shikai Overall Ability:
Upon release of his shikai, Itami gains the ability to innately know whether any statement or phrase he hears or reads is the truth. He essentially becomes a living lie detector, able to see through anyone’s deception. This does not, however mean that Itami is able to see the truth. Itami is only able to hear a statement and tell whether that is a truth or a lie, nothing more. No one is free from Itami’s shikai’s influence. As long as the vice-captain’s shikai is released, he gains this power and it does not disappear until after it is sealed or destroyed. However, what constitutes a lie for Itami’s zanpakutou? Not telling the entire truth will register as a lie. For example, if Itami asked someone wearing a red jacket what color their jacket was, and they said “not blue,” it would still register as a lie. This is not because the jacket is blue, but instead because the person answering was trying to avoid giving the right answer, and it responded to that aversion just like a real polygraph test would. Essentially, unless the person in question knows that he is being 100% honest, Itami will be able to know something is amiss.

This can be fooled however if the person stating something thinks that what they’re saying is the truth. If someone from the 1200’s said “The earth is flat,” this would register as a truth since they are convinced of this fact and believe they’re being 100% honest. Essentially the best way to counter this effect of his shikai is to not know the truth, but believe that you do. If Itami ever asks someone a question to which they do not know the answer to, and they can respond honestly that they do not know, then that will also register as a truth. In a way, Itami’s zanpakutou does very well against intelligent opponents who are used to knowing the intricate details about things.

Bankai Overall Ability:
Itami gains both a scythe and a bright spotlight to utilize in bankai. The scythe portion doesn’t necessarily do much except what his shikai did, however the spotlight shines an incredibly bright light constantly which can serve to blind opponents at the cost of making it nearly impossible to hide for Itami. Though the light that Itami shines has a unique special property other than being unusually bright. Anyone besides Itami who has the light shone on them is incapable of telling a lie for as long as the light touches theme. If you’ve ever seen Liar Liar with Jim Carrey, it kind of has that effect, forcing the person trying to lie to tell the truth instead.

The floating spotlight, as mentioned before, is ethereal. Any attacks made against it will pass through it without any resistance, however this also means Itami cannot use it to defend himself with. It’s merely a source of light that serves no other purpose than to shine the light. It moves at the same speed as Itami, keeping up with him when he uses step techniques and rotating around his body at the same speed he can turn around. Itami can change where the light shines by thinking it, and the lamp portion will change at the same speed as Itami is capable of moving his head or something similar. The light is like a normal spotlight, meaning the range would be equal to that of a very powerful spotlight in the human world.

Zanpakuto Techniques:

Shikai:

Technique Name: Cross-Question

Technique Description and Effects: After spending the reiatsu, Itami is then capable of posing a question to anyone in the vicinity of his shikai. Upon asking his question, Itami’s sword will begin to glow an eerie green color to indicate that the technique has been used. At this point it is up to the person who has been asked the question whether to answer it or not. If the target answers Itami’s question truthfully and fully so that Itami can hear, then absolutely nothing happens to them. This is the way to escape any negative affects of this ability. However, if they lie to Itami, try to mislead him by not giving him the whole truth, purposefully make their answer vague, purposefully answer too quietly for him to hear, or just decide not to answer at all then they are subject to the negative affects of this ability.

The answer must be given by his opponent either next post or at the soonest possible opportunity for them. Upon identifying the answer as a lie with his shikai, Itami will slash the air in front of him, dispelling the glowing green aura and hitting his opponent with a free sword strike no matter where they may be. This attack can not be blocked or dodged once the victim has lied and can only be lessened with high enough innate defense such as Blut or Hierro.

Drawback: This technique costs 150 reiatsu for each use regardless of whether or not it results in a punishment. Being completely truthful with Itami makes this ability do absolutely nothing. It does not work if Itami’s target is unable to hear his question or they are unable to communicate for some reason. Itami is limited on what he can do with his sword strikes. For example, the first two times someone lies during Itami’s shikai, the shinigami can only slash the victim’s torso and cannot sever limbs or cause a fight-ending wound, but rather something that while damaging, will allow the fight to continue. Itami is only able to slash limbs off after the initial two, and it takes two more lies before Itami isn’t limited on where he can slash or how deep. This allows the opponent adequate time to understand exactly what the ability does and allows room for counter play. In bankai, this slash gains a 50% piercing bonus against innate defenses such as Hierro and Blut, but not against Envainar Guard.


Technique Name: Super Good Cop/Bad Cop Routine Technique

Technique Description and Effects: This technique pays homage to the famous Good Cop/Bad Cop method of interrogation. It requires two willing participants. Often Itami volunteers himself as one of the two participants, but at least one other ally is always required. To use this ability, Itami will bless one of the willing participants as the Good Cop and the other as the Bad Cop. Each role comes with its own distinct set of advantages and disadvantages.

The Bad Cop is the more aggressive role of the two and receives a black, ominous aura around their bodies for the duration of this technique. As long as this is active, the Bad Cop will receive a 50% (double in bankai) increase to their physical stats as well as a double (triple in bankai) their cutting strength. Not only that, but all damage and pain that the Bad Cop acquires during this time is reflected instead on to the Good Cop. They effectively become the frontline berserker of the party, flattening everyone in their way.

With all the Bad Cop’s damage being reflected on to the Good Cop, you might ask what the benefit to being the Good Cop is. Well, as the non-aggressor of the two, the Good Cop is aided by a constant healing aura that mends minor wounds in a post while more severe wounds such as third degree burns or cracked bones will take the entire technique to heal. This healing aura is not strong enough to fix broken bones, severed limbs, or anything of that magnitude though. All damage done to the Good Cop is also reduced by 50% and they are surrounded by a white glow that contrasts the Bad Cop’s black one. They are twice as hard to injure as a result of being the Good Cop since they discourage aggression on themselves.

Drawback: This technique costs Itami 600 reiatsu and lasts for a combined 12 posts total (6 for each of the participants). It is also completely unusable if Itami does not first have an ally with him. This technique has the possibility to kill the Good Cop if the Bad Cop takes too much damage. It also requires Itami to rest for 3 posts after its use because it wears him out quite significantly.


Technique Name: One-Way Barrier

Technique Description and Effects: Inspired by the one-way mirrors used in interrogation rooms, Itami is capable of erecting a barrier that can cover anywhere up to 40 feet squared. It must be a flat barrier, but is not necessarily limited to a square shape. It could, for example, fill a circular hallway if necessary. What exactly does this barrier do? Well, firstly it behaves much like a one-way mirror. One side of the barrier behaves like a mirror and doesn’t allow those looking at it to see through it. Instead, they will only see a reflection. The other side, however, behaves like a window, allowing anyone on that side of it to peer through the barrier without a problem.

However, there is one more aspect about the barrier that makes it quite unique. The mirror side reflects any attacks used against it. Cero, kidou, and even physical strikes will have their directions reversed upon coming into contact with the mirror side of it. The window side of the barrier is completely permeable. Someone is able to launch any amount of attacks through the barrier assuming they’re passing from the window side to the mirror side. This allows for people standing behind it to maintain very one-sided long-range fights. Even punches and kicks delivered from the window side can pass through the barrier without a problem. As long as the person remains standing safely behind it, they can withdraw their hand through it from a punch they threw.

Drawback: Each barrier costs 100 reiatsu to create, but cannot move after it has been placed. While there is no time limit on how long the barrier can remain in existence, there can only be one barrier out at a time, however this limit is increased to two in bankai. Because it cannot move and there can only be one of them, it is not hard for the enemy to simply fight around it. Also, a physical attack with strength that exceeds Itami’s attack stat by 75% bankai will shatter the barrier instead of being blocked by it. A reiatsu attack with reiatsu strength that exceeds Itami’s attack stat by 75% in bankai would shatter it. In shikai only 25% superiority in an attack stat is required to shatter the barrier. This technique cannot block Class 1 techniques unless it is used in bankai. This technique cannot reflect attacks with superior attack stats, however they will succeed in blocking them if they are not broken by the technique.


Technique Name: Donuts n’ Coffee

Technique Description and Effects: What interrogation is complete without donuts and coffee? Upon using this technique, Itami is able to spawn a box containing a baker’s dozen of donuts as well as a coffee carrier containing two paper cups full of coffee inside the curvature of his shikai. However, these foods are not exactly as they appear. While the donuts vary from glazed to jelly-filled, the coffee will always be straight black. They all taste and feel exactly like the kind of foods they are supposed to imitate, however eating the donuts and drinking the coffee gives anyone who does special benefits.

Each donut consumed will grant whoever eats it 100 reiatsu as well as heal them of any stamina issues they may be having. Genius types and Shadow types benefit from this as well as characters who have been consistently holding speeds higher than 300 or characters that simply need a rest. The post immediately after a person consumes a donut, they will gain a surge of energy that helps them avoid stamina restrictions for the following one post. Immediately after consumption of a donut, a person won’t need to worry about keeping their speed under check for the post after they’ve eaten it. They can freely use abilities that drain their stamina. Kenpachi types will be able to go all-out for a post without having it count against them.

Each of the two coffees when fully drunk, will cure whoever drank it of any poison or illusion affecting them. It is more potent than an antidote shot and will also increase their current release stage (or future release stage if they haven’t released yet) by two posts. If they have 10 posts of release, they will instead acquire 12. Because of its warmth, it also protects whoever drank it from cold-based attacks and weather for the next four posts. Besides that, it is full of caffeine, so whoever drinks it will likely feel a slight surge of energy as the coffee begins working.

Drawback: Donuts aren’t exactly healthy for you, and these especially are full of fats and sugars. Eating all 13 of them would be just as bad as eating 13 real donuts and would open yourself up for being made fun of as a fatty. That’s right, your PRIDE is on the line. You don’t want to be a donut-hogging fatty, do you? This technique costs Itami 400 reiatsu to use and he can only use it once every 8 posts. The effects of the donuts are lessened on Itami, as each of them only grant him 25 reiatsu instead of the 100 they grant others. Eating all of the donuts and both coffees will likely make a person feel too bloated to fight that well unless they are capable of eating a lot. If enemies get their hands on Itami’s scrumptious donuts n’ coffee then they can use them to their advantage as well. It is also difficult to find a time to stop and eat donuts and drink coffee in the middle of battle unless you have an ally to cover for you.

Bankai:

Technique Name: Qualified Immunity

Technique Description and Effects: Qualified immunity is what protects policemen and other public officials from experiencing possible repercussions from the law. However, Itami’s technique in bankai does not extend only to policemen, but to everyone within one mile that Itami considers an ally. This technique nullifies everything besides physical damage or change. A technique that would normally weaken an ally’s stats or affect one of their senses will be completely ignored. No allies can be put to sleep, feared, have reiatsu stolen or destroyed, or have artificial pain inflicted on them. Only physical damage can be done to allies and any debuffs his allies were experiencing beforehand are dispelled.

Below I have included a list of the kind of things this ability will nullify.

• Artificial pain
• Illusions
• Stat debuffs
• Reiatsu stealing/removal
• Denying or weakening the senses via non-physical methods
• Sleep inducing
• Psychological attacks
• Emotional attacks
• Other Debuffs or attacks that can be considered non-physical

Drawback: This technique costs Itami 600 reiatsu and lasts for 8 posts. It will not work on any abilities whose attack stats are more than double Itami’s attack stat or outclasses Itami. It can only be used twice per thread and wears Itami out significantly. Allies must remain within a mile of Itami at all times in order to benefit from this technique. Itami must also be able to sense the allies he's protecting with this ability in some way, meaning that if they suppress their reiatsu and then move to a place where Itami can't see, then they will lose this buff. If they are within a mile of Itami, but out of his energy sensory range, but he can still see or hear them, then they will receive the benefits.


Technique Name: Confession

Technique Description and Effects: The most powerful and most important aspect of any interrogation is the eventual confession. One must not underestimate the power that a confession holds. However, this technique is not one to be used on enemies, but rather allies. Yes, even allies have secrets and confessions they prefer not to make. Before this technique can be used on an ally, they must first confess a secret to Itami. It must be something they would prefer not to tell him, not something they are indifferent about telling people and it must be true. The power of this confession fuels this technique and lightning will strike the ally wherever they may be immediately upon the expenditure of reiatsu and Itami hearing his ally’s confession.

Immediately upon being hit with the lightning, all of that ally’s wounds will be healed. Broken bones, severed limbs, internal bleeding, and even major organs will be mended to perfect condition. Their stamina will be replenished and all reiatsu they’ve spent will be refilled. They will be cured of all poisons or illusions affecting them and will have all debuffs removed. This is truly a max restore and can get someone in critical condition as fit as a fiddle assuming they have the capability to talk.

Drawback: As payment for this technique both parties must pay their dues. While this technique only costs Itami 500 reiatsu, it also costs the ally he’s using it on a single confession of a secret they do not want to tell. If they don’t have any secrets or confessions to make, this technique can not be used on them. If the ally has no way of communicating with Itami, then this ability can not be used due to not being able to confess to him. Itami can obviously not use this on himself. This can only be used once per ally per thread. It also has a cooldown of 5 posts and causes a severe stamina drain for Itami. If your character does not have a specific secret mentioned on their profile or backstory, you may give them a secret provided it’s embarrassing for them and considered canon by you.

Other Techniques:

SPOILER: Click to show

{Bakudo}

Technique Name: [Bakudo #11: Haihin (Waste)]

Class: 7

Technique Type: Kido

Technique Description and Effects:
This bakudo is unlike any other bakudo ever made. Instead of being used on another person, this bakudo is designed to be used on an enemy’s weapon. Once cast, this bakudo will create a small curse marking somewhere on the target’s weapon. Only in the instance of releases that merge the weapon with the body will this mark appear on a person. So, for example, this will appear on a released arrancar or akki since they lose their weapon in release. The seal appears to be a swastika, pitch black in color. But what does this kidou do and how does one go about breaking this spell? Well, it’s simple really. This bakudo is one that is designed to break. In fact, the whole point of this kidou is to be broken by the opponent.

The method that one takes to break this kidou spell is to simply use one of your weapon’s abilities. Basically any technique that isn’t listed in a character’s overall ability sections will shatter this bakudo. But how exactly does this bakudo hinder an opponent? Well, through the process of shattering the bakudo, the technique they used to break it will be nullified. Meaning that whatever reiatsu or energy they used to activate the ability that shattered the bakudo is lost. This bakudo essentially makes the next zanpakutou technique they use never happen. Other then that, this bakudo is useless. One could fight an entire battle without using a single zanpakutou or release technique and not even be aware they were being affected by this bakudo.

How to use technique:
Requires physical contact with the adversary's weapon.

Technique Drawbacks:
Can only be used once every five posts in addition to there being a reiatsu cost.

Incantation and Effect:
Creates two markings, to negate the next two techniques. ("Stun them all with your blinding deception. Bite the night with your unfailing jaws and cause your enemies to cower in fear.")



Technique Name: [Bakudo #21: Sekienton]

Class: [6]

Technique Type: Kido

Technique Element: [Smoke]

Technique Description and Effects:
In Tite Kubo's canon, this is the first revealed Bakudo which is not used primarily to ensnare opponents. This technique instead causes a sudden explosion of red smoke which obscures vision. It is used primarily as an escape method.

How to use technique:
Can be cast by aiming one's hand at the ground.

Incantation and Effect:
The incantation doubles the size of the smoke cloud, which is normally only large enough to contain about eight meters cubed. Incantation unknown.



Technique Name: [Bakudo #58: Kakushitsuijaku (Summoning of the Tracking Sparrows)]

Class: [4]

Technique Type: [Kido]

Technique Description and Effects:
Creates a glowing circle around the caster. While the caster is within the circle, it tracks and finds the location of any spiritual force within five miles that the user focuses on.

How to use technique:
The caster must be on one knee on the ground with at least one hand in contact with it.

Incantation and Effect:
The incantation allows not only a vague location to be discovered, but exact latitude and longitude. The incantation causes symbols to appear inside of the circle as it is being spoken, until at last these translate into the latitude and longitude. ("Heart of the south, eye of the north, finger of the west, foot of the east, arrive with the wind and depart with the rain.")

SPOILER: Click to show

{Reiatsu Abilities}

Technique Name: [Reiatsu Recovery]

Class: [4]

Technique Type: [Other]

Technique Description and Effects: [This basic technique allows a user to restore an ally's reiatsu through physical contact. During this physical contact, the user pools his/her reiatsu into the ally, giving them however much reiatsu is desired to give.]



Technique Name: [Reiatsu Orb]

Class: [8]

Technique Type: [Other]

Technique Element: [Light]

Technique Description and Effects:
An extremely basic use of reiatsu to create an orb. Any reiatsu aware being can do it once they have at least 1 in reiatsu strength. The more reiatsu strength, the larger the orb. It's glowing, so it can be used for candle-light level illumination.



Technique Name: [Reiatsu Flare]

Class: [5]

Technique Type: [Other]

Technique Element: [Light]

Technique Description and Effects:
This creates a reiatsu orb, and then propels it high into the sky, where it erupts into a fiery explosion of reiatsu fireworks for four and a half seconds. This has its strategic purposes.

How to use technique:
Requires user to know "reiatsu orb."



Technique Name: [Reiatsu Warmth]

Class: [4]

Technique Type: [Other]

Technique Description and Effects:
A more complex and concentrated use of reiatsu. This allows the user to create an orb of reiatsu which generates not light, but heat. It is in fact very dim, but it creates more heat than any fire. This means that in cold temperatures, this can be key for surviving in wilderness. It can also be used to cook food, but it will dispel if it impacts an enemy. It cannot be used to attack.

How to use technique:
Must know "reiatsu orb."

SPOILER: Click to show

{Anti-Kaido}Technique Name: [Anti-Kaido #34 Hakkuchin (Haxccine)]

Class: [4]

Technique Type: [Kido]

Technique Description and Effects: Using this technique creates a long needle-like projection made of the same-anti healing aura one acquires upon achieving the necessary healing is extended from the user’s wrist or hand. This red needle is approximately a foot long and un-heals everything it touches in addition to behaving as a normal needle would. This means that if the user hits his opponent on a place where they’ve been injured before, the wound they had will reopen regardless of how long it has been. This has to be very precise however, if they’ve been scratched on their arm, and the needle touches a different place on the same arm, it will not take effect. What are the effects of getting stuck with the needle though?

As the name implies, this Anti-Kaido is hax while still being a vaccine. But what does it vaccinate against? This OP piece of shit ability vaccinates one against their own bodies. This results in the direction of all healing abilities and techniques being reversed for a certain time. Instead of a wound scabbing up and the bleeding stopping, the blood rushes out even more. Instead of high speed regeneration kicking in and wounds being healed, they get high speed degeneration and their body eats away at itself. A body’s innate defenses against poisons and infections will aid the pathogen instead of combatting it. All healing in an individual is reversed for the next six of their posts after being hit with this ability.

How to use technique: Expend the reiatsu and concentrate on forming it into the desired form. This ability activates upon sticking another person with the needle.

Technique Drawbacks:
This technique requires the user to have at least 600 skill points in Healing Expertise to learn and perform. This is due to the fact it requires the user to be able to create the red anti-healing aura that comes with that many skill points in the category. The effects of this ability only last for six of the infected individual’s posts before disappearing. This ability does nothing if the user cannot hit anyone with it and costs as much as a class 4 technique to turn on. The needle portion of this anti-kaido lasts only 2 additional posts after hitting someone with it, however if no one is hit with the needle it can last until it is manually turned off. Assuming someone doesn’t try to heal themselves, this ability doesn’t do practically anything except act as a needle.

Incantation and Effect:
The incantation allows one additional post in the ability’s effects as well a the time it remains after hitting someone.

“Burn out and devour the moon, O child of man. Refresh your life among the finest rivers of Gaia and sip the delicious bounty of heaven. ”

Made By: Itami Tsuuzoku

Reserved: No



Technique Name: [Anti-Kaido #42 Sujikujo (Muscle De-pair]

Class: [3]

Technique Type: [Kido]

Technique Element: [Healing]

Technique Description and Effects:
Muscles become stronger by tearing and then healing to form additional muscle tissue. Everyone knows this, but this anti-kaido takes that healing process to the next level. In order to first use this ability, an opponent must tear their muscles through strenuous exercise not limited to, but including techniques whose drawbacks include muscle stress/tearing, maintaining speeds of over 300 for multiple posts, and being forced to use one’s full physical strength in at least five points in a thread. After someone has “torn” their muscles enough to the point it could be considered a good workout they are vulnerable to this ability.

To activate the ability, the user will fire a green projectile from their weapon or hands that travels at medium speed. This projectile is comprised of super-concentrated green healing aura and takes effect upon hitting an opponent. If hit by this ability, the target will initially find that they are healed of all minor wounds, however this also serves to repair the tears they’ve created in their muscles through strenuous exercise or abuse. Though the technique does not stop at merely repairing their muscles, it over-repairs them, creating too much additional muscle tissue. Initially this may sound like an advantage, but with so much additional tissue, the victim’s joints are inevitably coated with the overflow of muscle, leaving them unable to use any joints near the affected muscle.

While this technique requires a lot of setup to execute, the reward is certainly worth it. Bakudo can be broken with a superior attack stat, but the tissue created by this ability is literally a part of the victim and lasts until they receive proper medical attention. There is no way, short of cutting it out with a blade, to get rid of it, and doing so would render one utterly useless for the most part due to cutting out a chunk of one’s self. High speed regeneration can not even do anything, for there is nothing to regenerate. After this technique is used, the targeted muscles will swell many times their previous size to the point that that part of their body will swell to the point it appears they have large tumors where the affected muscle is.

How to use technique:
The user must simply channel their healing aura into a super-condensed projectile which they fire at their enemy.

Technique Drawbacks:
This technique requires the user to have at least 600 skill points in Healing Expertise to learn and perform. This is due to the fact it requires the user to be able to create the red anti-healing aura that comes with that many skill points in the category. Only the specific muscles that have been torn can be effected by this technique. While it has offensive purposes, it is still a healing technique and will heal whoever is hit by it of all cuts and burns before this a give-and-take ability when used against enemies. It cannot restore severed limbs or fix broken bones or anything of that magnitude, but injuries less serious than a cracked bone or a damaged minor organ can and will be healed by this ability.

Healing is not supposed to be used offensively, and this is shown in the fact that healing aura does not travel very fast or far when condensed into projectile form. With an absolute maximum range of only 50 yards and a speed that stays slow at all levels of play, this technique is avoidable, however not a terrible option. The speed as previously mentioned stays slow at all levels of play. When the user is class 4, this technique travels at 100 speed, at class 3 it is only 150, when the user is class 2, it bumps up to 225, and at class 1 this speed travels at 300 stat speed.

Incantation and Effect:
The incantation allows 50% of technique’s cost to return to the user if the user misses the technique and it dissipates after 50 yards or hits some inanimate object.

“Allow your soul to fade away and be burdened by your own sin. The anchor of your pride carries you down to hell and deceptively tempts you to enjoy your own downfall. Open your eyes and perish.”

Made By: Itami Tsuuzoku

Reserved: No



Technique Name: [Anti-Kaido #48 Shujutsushitsujin (Murdgery)]

Class: [3]

Technique Type: [Kido]

Technique Element: [Healing]

Technique Description and Effects:
By placing one’s hand against a target’s torso, Shujutsushitsujin can be used. What it does is instantly, and painfully preforms a nephrectomy, or a removal of the kidney. The user will be left with one of the target’s kidneys in their hand after this technique has been completed, and the enemy will not be left with any internal bleeding as the nephrectomy is preformed with the precision and expertise of a professional surgeon.

How to use technique:
The user must place their hand against the target’s torso and expend the required amount of reiatsu.

Technique Drawbacks:
This technique requires the user to have at least 600 skill points in Healing Expertise to learn and perform. This is due to the fact it requires the user to be able to create the red anti-healing aura that comes with that many skill points in the category. Other than the reiatsu cost, this technique requires physical contact with the target’s torso. It is not immediately fatal, even if both kidneys are removed. One can survive without any kidneys for awhile, but they will need to undergo dialysis treatments practically daily in order to live a normal life. Suffice to say, this has more surgical uses than combat uses.

Incantation and Effect:
Using the incantation for this technique will remove both kidneys instead of just one. Alternatively it will allow the caster to choose which kidney to remove instead of simply a random kidney.

“Purify the infection and stay the plague that rots your body. Surrender the knowledge and power and relinquish the chalice on which your cup is made clean. Whisper as you walk through the fog. The red wave. The iron sphere. The emotional conspiracy that deceives the masses.”

Made By: Itami Tsuuzoku

Reserved: No

[Itami Tsuuzoku]

-History-

Birthplace: [Tokyo... Osaka... Kyoto... I don’t care, take your pick. Oh wait... I’m supposed to be over 300 years old. Shit... Uhhh... I’m from Seoul, Korea then. That city’s old as fuck according to wikipedia. ]

Current Residence: [SOUL SOCIETY! YEAH!]

Memorable Figures:

MY MOMMY - She gave birth to me, I guess. Honestly she can’t be that important. Kid isn’t even giving her a name so she’s probably dead and buried.

MY DADDY - I guess I should thank him for having sex with my mom. Honestly I don’t even remember any of my history. I just kind of had one invented for the sake of filling this profile. The REAL me was born the instant this profile was accepted.

Kid - He is my creator, so I consider him my real father. Even though sometimes he likes messing with me, I guess I can owe my existence to him. I just pray he never gets bored with using me and when it’s my time to go, I can be written off as “retired to whore island.” KID PLS!!!

Jenny - Jenny, I got your number. I need to make you mine. Jenny, don’t change your number! EIGHT SIX SEVEN FIVE THREE OH NIIIIINE!!!

L - WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIIIIIEEEE?!?!?! OH GOD, WHY?!?! YOU WERE SUCH A GREAT CHARACTER!!! ;___;

History:

You’re going to let me make this shit up? But I don’t know the first thing abou- Okay okay okay, I’ll do it... Just don’t complain if you don’t like it. Alright, I was born in, um... what did I say? SEOUL! Right, that was it, I was born in Seoul, Korea over three hundred years ago. Life was hard because there was no electricity and there was no good music yet, so I spent my days alive playing with rocks and sticks like all the good little Korean boys and girls back then. I loved my mom and dad and everyday we would- What? No! How am I supposed to know what Korean kids did 300 years ago? I don’t know it if you don’t know it! Well, I don’t know, why don’t you fuckin’ google that shit!!! Look, I’m the one telling the story, if you don’t think they played with rocks and sticks, then google it, prove me wrong, and rewrite that part of the story. If you’re just too lazy, like I know you are, then just sit the fuck down and keep typing, no one reads this shit anyway.

Where was I? Oh, right, I loved my mom and my dad and life was awesome. My mom worked as a rice farmer on our farm and my father would leave during the day to go to the city to work. He worked as a doctor and that’s how I got so good at healing people! One day, when I was playing sticks and rocks with my friends out in the panda bear fields, my friend, I mean my best friend, uh, Hyung Ching came up to me and was all like “Hey, I like the same girl you like. We must fight for her!” and I was all like “Hey, fuck you, buddy! Let’s take this outside!” So we went outside an- Eh? What do you mean? What makes you think the fuckin’ panda bear fields were outside? They could be inside, YOU don’t know. YOU weren’t fuckin’ there. Shut up and let me tell the story, Kid!

So we went outside, and Hyung Ching squared off with me. The girl we both liked happened to be there too so she was watching us fight. Oh, also, we were like 9 when this happened, I forgot to mention that. Anyway, so we square off and he’s raising his fists, but since my dad was a boxer I know a little more about fighting than he did. Unsurprisingly I knocked him out when he came at me with one blow. He laid on the ground, unconscious for a moment or two, then I looked over at the girl in hopes she’d come running to my arms, but she was in tears! Instead of running into my arms she ran to my fallen friend and started crying over him instead! I was so surprised that I went home and never talked to them again.

So that was when I learned to never trust anyone, even your best friends! They’re just looking to steal your crush by getting knocked out by you, but it wasn’t no big deal. I went home and had sex with like, all my other bitches until they were all pregnant. Needless to say, I was one badass 9 year old, though I partially owe it to my father who worked as a professional pimp and taught me a thing or two. I was living the life in Korea, playing with sticks and rocks, having sex, and knocking people the fuck out til I was around 18. That’s when it happened. Yo, Kid, grab a song. Epic scene coming up here and I want some background music deserving of being in this story.

SPOILER: Click to show

{...}

... Oh fuck you... the story isn’t THAT bad... Everyone reading this, please disregard the asshole writing all this. If you want good background music for this next part, please look up “Ghost Love Score” by Nightwish and skip to like, 4 minutes and 50 seconds. That’s what you should be listening to for this nex-

SPOILER: Click to show

{You}

SPOILER: Click to show

{Don’t}

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{Deserve}

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{That}

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{Song}

SHUT UUUUUUP!!! I’M TRYING TO TELL THE STORY OF MY LIFE AND YOU KEEP FUCKING IT UP WITH YOUR RETARD MUSIC. GO FUCK YOURSELF, CUNTMUNCH FAGGOT-FONDLER!!!

...

Okay, so anyway, you ready for this? I was 18, and now I’m basically the man of the house since my dad is gone so much because of his job as a politician. My mom’s rice farming business wasn’t turning a profit, because as it turns out rice farming is more of a Chinese thing than a Korean one. But my dad comes home one day and he’s beat up. Apparently some gangsters followed him home from the electronics factory he worked at and did what gangsters do. They beat him up and dragged him home to kill him in front of me and my mom. Then, shocker, they pulled the gun on my mom and I had to see her die. They killed both my parents in front of me before pausing to truly experience the horrors they just put me through. They laughed and waited for me to finish screaming “NOOOOOO” before killing me too. So now we’re all dead and that girl I liked when I was 9 came to my funeral and confessed that she liked me more all along and was only with my friend cause she was sorry for him.

Anyway, I went to Soul Society after that cause I was a spirit and a Soul Reaper showed up and did his little soul cleansing thing on me. It was pretty cool. It was at this point that I joined the academy because I had really strong spiritual powers or something. So I joined, vowing to avenge my parents and stop all crime because my parents were killed by gangsters, remember? The motivation pushed me to do really well in all my subjects and I passed the shinigami academy with decent grades which comprised themselves of straight A’s. After graduating I joined squad 2 because it was the coolest squad except for Squad 13 and 8, but it would be boring for Kid if he was playing his own captain, and I was kind of designed to obtain information, so it makes sense that I go into the squad that specializes in obtaining information.

Alright, THIS is bullshit, now I gotta add shit to my history? It was fine as it was, but okay! Here comes chapter 2 of the best history ever! Alright, so after joining Squad 2 I became interested in what Kenryoku was up to, probably because he’s a Kawada. You know the same guy who made me started that shit, right? Anyway, so he’s all being himself and acting all high and mighty when I joined his squad. First thing I said to Kenryoku was “What’s up, boss-guy?! Let’s be friends!” and do you know the first thing he said to me was? Do you?!.......... Because if you do, please tell me, I’d really like to know. I am of the belief he hasn’t even spoken to me yet which kind of sucks.

Anyway, I just realized I need to pick a font for my speech. Oh shit! Kid, you can do that shit in here, right? You can get like, at least three paragraphs out of that right? What? I have to do it? Yeah, I guess I am the one making the history. Uh... Oh right, it’s still my history. Okay, so one day I was walking through the barracks and I looked outside and I saw a RAINBOW! And I thought, “Gee, colors are really cool!” so from that moment on, whenever I spoke... Actually screw that, I’ll just talk in whatever color I want. Anyway, the rainbow turned to be created by a leprechaun hollow. So off I went to go defeat the hollow singlehandedly.

Eventually arriving at the end of the rainbow I saw him. He was dressed like a leprechaun and he was missing his hollow hole and mask, but I was pretty sure that he was a hollow. Strangely enough his skin was all flesh-colored and he had red hair. Anyway, he tried to trick me by offering me gold, but I knew better so I sliced him up! HAHA! The joke was that he was a real leprechaun all along! Did you like that story! Actually happened, swear to Soul King. Yup, leprechauns are now canon on this site because this fucking history got approved! It’s not like anyone will read it and use that info later for shit.

Next up, I was sent on a mission to “The Island Where Only True Men Go To Have Sex With Many Sexy Females” which is a little-known spirit island in the south Pacific. Needless to say, I finished my mission quickly and took down all the Menos Grande there singlehandedly with my zanpakutou. After that, I freed all the females from their prisons which the menos grande had built because they were being mind-controlled by the leprechaun overlords. You keeping up with the story? Alright, good. So anyway, with all the women freed, they all wanted to bare my children, so I proceeded to give them all my seed, except none of them ended up getting preggo so it was a win for me. And before ya’ll say “Haha, low sperm count” I thought of an explanation for that too! They had been rendered sterile by the evil leprechaun overlords. That was their plan from the very beginning, so... I guess you could say I failed my mission... Wait... that’s not good... ...Whatever, I had sex so it was all good. Also, they mentioned to me that neither the Segunda espada nor Sozen and Enma had ever stepped foot on their island. I wonder why that was.

After attaining my shikai I got moved up to fourth seat on account of the spot being open and no other RPCs taking it. My profile’s good enough for that, right? Wait what? I need how many more paragraphs in history? ... Blah blah blah, something about killing hollows, something about training, something about goals and something about loving beer. I uh, I once had a pet doggie too. He lived with me in the barracks and his name was Skippy, but he was just a dog so he died after like, 14 years. Okay, I’m done... This history is clearly going nowhere. I don’t want to hear it, shut up. YEAH, WHATEVER, LIKE YOU COULD HAVE DONE BETTER! This is my history, and I’m sticking to it. Fuck all ya’ll who don’t think my past kicks ass.

[Aeneas Tyrrhenus Armstrong]

Upon request, I'm grading this as my Gaston character. All grading will be from said character's point of view. This character will now be dubbed Aeneas Tyrrhenus Armstrong. Because that sounds plenty manly. He refers to himself by full name at all times. Note: Gimmick of this character is to be able to talk to the audience. For the purpose of the grading, he will completely break the fourth wall, because that's how some of the grading will get done. Otherwise there's no way to phrase it.

Greetings! It is I! AENEAS TYRRHENUS ARMSTRONG!

First, it is my duty as the most manly of men, the greatest of warriors and champions, the King of all warriors, to inform you that you are a whiny, insufferable cur, and should silence yourself! Your hair, of which you are so proud, has inadequate masculinity, and is more feminine than anything else. You are also too skinny to consider yourself a man, or describe yourself with the words "sexy" or "badass." Attractive? Impossible. You have no virtues of a man! How can you not even know your own eye color and be proud of it? Me, I know the exact hue of my eyes, let alone color, and I always boast of my beauty! You, on the other hand, have nothing to boast about! BOW DOWN TO YOUR KING!

Beer?! HOW CAN YOU DISLIKE BEER?! My creator does not dislike beer. I do not dislike beer. Your creator most likely does not dislike beer. FIE! A THOUSAND TIMES FIE! You most inelegant, unmasculine of men! To dislike beer is an abomination, and you will forever be deemed a fan of the Raiders, the most despicable and pathetic of all teams! As King of Warriors, I dub you this.

Also, silence yourself with your pesky prejudices! You dare to talk down to those who dwell above you in the world beyond, the "chat room"!? FOOL! Also, my creator refuses to allow you to publish the like below, particularly the last line of it.

Roleplayers - Most of you are complete bearsnakes who have no regard to the feelings of your characters. EQUAL RIGHTS!!! Even though ya’ll just invented us, we have rights too!!! IF FAGGOTS AND WOMEN DESERVE RIGHTS THEN WE DO TOO!

WHAT?! YOU LIKE NOT DRINKING BEER?! I am done with you already. Forget it. You do not deserve to come into existence. You must be written off the books, your character sheet erased, ALL OF YOUR PUNY LETTERS ANNIHILATED! And how can RAINBOW DASH not be on your list?! IMPOSSIBLE. You...are not a man. How dare you claim to be.

WHAT?! Allergic to beer?! Kill yourself.

My creator desires that if you are to publish the below fear, you should expand on it, but also that you should ensure others are fine with this inclusion in your app. If they are not, it must be removed, the same as character references.

I fear being beaten by anyone of inferior rp skill to Kid. People rped by Taka, Slace, Pie, Raygin would fit this category. If I ever lose a fight to like, Zwolf, Beyond, Jason (heaven forbid) or Baja I think I’ll just go be depressed for like a week. No offense... actually, a little offense. COME AT ME, SCRUBS!!! BEAT ZERUEL IF YOU WANT TO PROVE YOURSELF WORTHY TO FIGHT ME.

Fourth wall breaking? FOOL! Don't try this at home, kids...

Your fighting style...isn't manly. Support without retort? Cur! You are looked down upon by Aeneas Tyrrhenus Armstrong.

Your Zanpakuto spirit's hair looks even stupider than yours. How implausible is this?! Ah, now we must venture into your powers. YOUR POWERS?! Your powers. Soon, we will see what you hold...

First, I must say that your Bankai is inadequately sized. Pathetic...tiny...small...You know what the ladies say about a man with a small Bankai, don't you?

Your Shikai overall ability lacks balance! You must state that you need to hold your weapon in order to make it work! Your naked weapon must be out if you are to be able to discern lies or truth! WHAT HO! NOW WE MUST PROCEED TO YOUR BANKAI OVERALL.

Itami can make it so that the spotlight shines wherever he looks at the same speed as his eye movements.

By all rulings, this must be removed, unmasculine one! It negates your previously established domain of the light moving at your speed. It must start where you originally stated, five yards away from you, and move from there. However, what is the range maximum of it? As far as your eye can see? That is a debatable point! It must be examined...

This sword strike gains double its normal cutting strength against every defense except Envainar Guard

Nay! You shan't be allowed this, least of all in a Shikai! EXPEL IT THIS ONCE.

Your mirrors, nay, shan't be overcome by 50% superiority, but rather by superiority alone in Shikai! Perhaps 50% in Bankai, but in Shikai there is no such thing!

Donuts and coffee?! Share them with me. Now. You un-masculine cur.

Nay, Qualified Immunity. TO affect allies is positive, but on a support type, it shan't affect you yourself, un-masculine cur! Now give me those donuts!

Anti-Kaido #29, un-masculine cur, must conform to the limitation of being unable to bypass defenses such as Hierro or Blut! Be a man. It must not be that easy to bypass those...if you wish to do so, use your release!

AND, un-masculine cur, the remaining of your two anti-Kaido must each be classed up by one! WHAT HO!

GUNG HO!

Your history? HA! I barf at it. Of course you would reference L! YET HE IS FAR MORE OF A MAN THAN YOU ARE. Despite the unmanly hair, a trait which you share, L was a man! FOR HE WENT THROUGH STRENUOUS EXERCISE AT ALL TIMES, WHICH YOU DO NOT. CAPOEIRA, FIGHTING, AND WHATEVER HE DID TO KEEP HIM SKINNY DESPITE ALL OF THOSE SWEETS. He was a man. You...you are not.

...Was that first part of your history...a Slace story? NAY! IT MUST BE CHANGED. YOU ARE NOT A MAN IF YOU KEEP IT THERE.

AND NOW MAKE IT LONGER. MAKE THIS HISTORY AT LEAST TWICE THAT LENGTH. IT IS...INADEQUATE...I DESIRE SEATED OFFICER MATERIAL IN HE WHO WILL BE MY COMEDIC TWIN, AND MY CREATOR VIEWS THIS AS INADEQUATE FOR THE RANK. NOW WRITE. SLAVE AWAY. WRITE LIKE YOU HAVE NO LIFE AND NOTHING BETTER TO DO.

Until round 2, un-masculine cur.

Oh, and my creator has stated that you are banned from being derogatory in a prejudiced way, because you are an un-masculine cur. Well, that was not the reasoning. I believe it is because you are an un-masculine cur. However, you will most likely receive complaint if you use words such as "faggot" or "nigger" and so you must tone these words down.

THAT IS ALL, UN-MASCULINE CUR.

[Itami Tsuuzoku]

Muahahahahaha! Aeneas?! I’m totally going to be pronouncing that as “Anus” and you cannot stop me! You talk like a faggot, using words like “fie” and “curr”! Anyway, I looked your post over and wait what? I can’t have “faggot” in my app? That’s some bullshit right there. Well you aren’t gonna stop me from sayin’ it at least. I SAY WHAT I WANT, MANG! So I removed that part of my likes.


Anyway, next thing I removed is the fear with all those mentions of all those people Kid considers inferior to him. Man, I personally think that was just added in there because he was trying to make people try and target me. That would certainly make things more fun, don’cha think?!

AND I’M NOT ALLERGIC TO BEER, YOU DISNEY FUCK! IT’S LIES!!! ALL OF IT IS LIES, I LOVE BEER! KID IS JUST A CUNT!

I’m not changing my fighting style, fuck you if you think it’s unmanly. IT’S PEOPLE LIKE ME THAT KEEPS YOUR DUMBASS ALIVE!

I just realized, you’re not even people. I should be talking directly to Zou. OI! APPROVE ME, BITCH!!! I’m done being unapproved! 

I FIXED ALL THE SHIT! I made my spotlight thingy just have the same speed as me, so that makes everything a lot easier since I think that’s the speed it would have had anyway if I didn’t mention speed. I moved the defense piercing into bankai-only for Cross-Question and I even lowered it. That sounds fair right? considering I probably won’t ever even get bankai... and won’t be able to ever use “Confession” on someone... sadface...

Oh, and I made some balance changes to the mirrors too since it would defeat the purpose of having barriers that only block the shit that is around my power. They have to at least help with stuff a LITTLE stronger than me, so I gave them 25% superiority to break through. However, to make up for this, I took away the reflection property for attacks superior to me in my attack stat. Sound fair?

The donuts and coffee are mine. I share them with only those who are worthy. The person your faceclaim is from could not even defeat a mere beast... prince... thing... You must feel embarrassed for Gaston’s failure!

Changes to qualified immunity were easy. Just removed the benefits to me... because you don’t like me being strong I guess...

I changed Anti-Kaido 29 completely. So it’s in need of you to read it over again. It’s called “Haxccine” now which is like, a play on Hax and vaccine combined. Isn’t that cool? All of the Anti-Kaido are puns!

AND I EVEN THREW MORE BULLSHIT IN MY HISTORY FOR YOUR PICKY ASS! NOW GRADE ME, GIVE ME ALL THE CLASSES AND ALL THE SP AND ALL THE RYO AND LET ME WIN AT CANONS!

[Sozen Kuchiki]

Class 2, 1400 SP.

[Itami Tsuuzoku]

Stats

Strength - [50] Points

Speed - [150] Points

Spiritual Pressure - [400 (x2)] = 800 Points

Reiatsu Strength - [100 (-50%)] 50 Points

Light Aura - [50] Points

Dark Aura - [50] Points

Instinct - [100] Points

Senses - [150 (-50%)] 75 Points

Energy sensory - [50] Points

Healing Expertise - [400 (x2)] = 800 Points


Total SP: [1,400] Points

Skills

• [Illusion Resist] {3}
  
  
• [War Strategy] {3}
  
  
• [Weapons: Scythes] {2}
  
  
• [Stealth] {3}
  
  
• [Battle Analysis] {3}
  
  
• [Lack of Fear] {1}