Post by Kaijin "Quinn" Cole on Dec 29, 2017 16:55:46 GMT -5
Kaijin muffled through the gritting teeth as her body leaned on the railings. Who knew that walking would be such a gut wrenching task? Was this due to her lack of spiritual energy? Quite possibly as the circumstances now completely differ from when she was in spiritual form. Kaijin had spent some time in the hospital, over a month to be exact, mending her wounds and running through series of diagnosis' to analyze the extent of the damage she had sustained during her time of escape. Of course, the Doctors and their fellow Physicians could never understand how the woman came to suffer such harm and still live. They were baffled about the entire situation. Upon entry into the hospital, Kaijin suffered from near second degree burns, minor lacerations, and the obvious severed limb. Blood loss was of the most dangerous situations that she was in at that time. It was critical that the girl required immediate attention in order to be stabilized. That was the extent of Kaijin's understanding to what occurred after the Captain Commander's strike.
Much of that time became a blur, trying to recollect as to how she managed to reach an emergency care center. Patrons happened to pass by as she wandered aimlessly, her white robes stained by the redness of her own blood, and of that of the rain. Kaijin couldn't recall any of that. The very images as she aimed to recall become blurred and pain would strike her nerves. The pain vanished as soon as she ceased to learn what transpired before. Perhaps it was due to the shock of the whole circumstance that caused the pain in the first place. Nothing could have been done for it until she properly regained her strength to care for herself. Psychologically, that was as far as they knew at this point. Yet, there was still the physical portion of her examinations. And that meant her arm.
Missing a limb didn't seem to be at all that difficult to deal with at first. Kaijin recollected the few memories of those Shinigami who had to deal with the same impairment. How they operated and completed their tasks with their own strength, while others did require some assistance to do the same. They all made it seem as though that there wasn't much of a difference with having two arms. She couldn't have discover that to be any more naive than before. Much of the simple tasks that she could have done effortlessly now took some....refinement to take care of. Firstly, her clothes were annoying to put on. Even putting on a simple garment as a patient's robe was just horrid. Not to mention doing her hair now was something that made her fatigue mentally. How was it that those Shinigami were capable of caring for themselves with such an odd predicament?
Kaijin dealt with these rehabilitation courses with her hair loose, hanging over her back. It was so much that she lacked an arm now, but moving about in a physical body was much more troubling. The strength that is required now proved that she lost much of herself when her powers as a Shinigami faded away. For the woman to get out of bed, she often found herself rolling over the railing and falling onto the ground. The Nurses would overhear the commotion and rush to help her, often responding with, "Are you okay? Please call us if you need to move." It was embarrassment that she felt. She had done things that would emit such a response, since she does sleep in the nude a lot. But this wasn't it. It was shame that she felt.
The shame that she needed help to just move around in her own bed. Other people would come to check up on her to see if she was moving around, or trying to get out of bed. Kaijin couldn't move around as she use to as her body was still in the healing process. Was this what Marcus felt the time when he was injured? She couldn't stop them from falling. Just remembering that time and his struggles made her eyes water every time. But, at the same time, that helplessness also gave birth to strength. That sense of determination to grow, to be better. It was still there. Even with swelling tears, with the pain in her legs cracking her train of thoughts, Kaijin had to keep going. No matter how much it hurts. Her right leg caved, dropping the woman onto the support railing on the small catwalk. Her eyes cringed, seizing shut as she gasped for air. The pain overcame her will.
The Nurses to the woman's sides immediately sprang into action. Reaching out to hold and care for the woman, the nurses motioned to provide support to Kaijin. It felt as if her legs finally caved in from the weight of her own body, but it was really due to the lack of exercise, the strain of pushing her body past it's still fatigued state. Unlike before, the woman lacked the essence of her spirit to harden her natural abilities. Before, reiatsu surged throughout her body as a wealth spring that nourished her would be tired form. Her own body at that time was constructed by her own spirit. Just as all of the Shinigami consisted of, Kaijin too had her body as strong as her spirit. Thus, it was capable of withstanding much more than the typical flesh made body. Easily capable of being hurt, and vulnerable to the elements, and yet, those small sensations enabled them to live. A sense of life that a Shinigami wouldn't be able to understand. As vulnerable as they were, it also revealed a crucial fact to the French woman as life wasn't meant to be spent laying around. For them, time is short, and is required to be pursued.
She struggled, gripping the railings with the edge of her fingers coiling around their hard surface. Her arms trembled as much as her legs did. Kaijin's will was strong as a spirit, but here in the World of the Living, she had to relearn the basics of her own body. Constricted, chained, shackled to the conformity that was her flesh. This was what made humans weak. Yet, this was what made them strong, what makes Marcus as strong as he is. The obstacles that he must have to endure during times such as this must have been most difficult. The image of him straining himself, pushing himself to do more fueled Kaijin's own will. It didn't matter how much her legs screamed, or that of her arm, she had to try.
"Please Miss. It is best to stop now before you hurt yourself." A single Nurse posed her standing on the matter whilst Kaijin struggled back onto her trembling feet. She could feel her fingers slipping away from her sturdy support rail as her body inched up. Both legs were steadily shifting from being parallel to the ground to corresponding. "Please do not strain yourself. You are still recovering." Kaijin didn't want to listen to their words. The same words in which she had in her mind. But she couldn't. She couldn't allow herself to fall into weakness. She couldn't see herself becoming just like everyone else. "But, you ar' like everyone elze." Those thoughts rang, as if they were sounded to strike the life of her legs once more. The woman tumbled over, falling in between the narrow railed path onto her injury.
"DOCTOR," one of the Nurses called out as she bore witness to the red that spread across her newly wrapped bandages. The blonde strands of her hair overlapped her watering eyes. It cloaked the emptiness that was suppose to be her left arm. This she knew was her punishment. "Zhiz iz what you wanted. Zhiz iz zee path zhat you wizhed fo, no?" She found herself muttering to no one but herself. This was the price that she had to accept for the result of her crimes. This was the price she had to pay for her sins. What may have been her own physical weaknesses that drove her to the ground, but in all honesty, she could have thought it being the sins that she had piling on top of her that caused her to fall again. "Liar. Zheze ARE your zinz zhat are cauzing zhiz to happen. Zhiz iz what you wanted."
"No, zhiz izn't what I wan-ted." How many of her comrades died to insure that she survived? How many of them had to die for her selfishness? How many lives exactly? She didn't know. Kaijin only looked back once to see them fighting. But, to check to see if they had survived, then no. The ex-Captain didn't dare to look back, for if she did, then she would have wanted to fight and die beside them. She understood what it was that they wanted, their desire, but did it make it any easier for her? It didn't. When it came to leading others into a fight, towards war, to make a decision to throw lives away, or to have them spent with purpose, it was never an easy choice to make. As a leader, she had to make that decision when the time required it. Was it easy, never. Neither choice was the correct one as life would always be lost in either decision. All that could have been done with fulfill the wish in which they had given to her. And that was to live. Still, it wasn't easy for her to make that decision.
The Doctors arrived to help support the woman as a stretcher came shortly after. Pressured had been applied to Kaijin's wound, just as it was before to keep the blood settled. Kaijin had a few of the stitches that kept a corner of her wound sealed. It throbbed as warmth caressed her left side. Subtly at first, then grew cold. On instinct alone she reached to grasp that empty left side to only relearn that she didn't have an arm there no longer. Why must she continue to push away the fact that things will never be the same again? Why deny what was in front of her? She wasn't a Captain anymore. Not even a Shinigami either. She was just "Kaijin" now. Harle wasn't there to take the spotlight any longer. That persona, that mask died along with her Shinigami-self. All that remained now was Kaijin, the girl behind the mask.
Much of that time became a blur, trying to recollect as to how she managed to reach an emergency care center. Patrons happened to pass by as she wandered aimlessly, her white robes stained by the redness of her own blood, and of that of the rain. Kaijin couldn't recall any of that. The very images as she aimed to recall become blurred and pain would strike her nerves. The pain vanished as soon as she ceased to learn what transpired before. Perhaps it was due to the shock of the whole circumstance that caused the pain in the first place. Nothing could have been done for it until she properly regained her strength to care for herself. Psychologically, that was as far as they knew at this point. Yet, there was still the physical portion of her examinations. And that meant her arm.
Missing a limb didn't seem to be at all that difficult to deal with at first. Kaijin recollected the few memories of those Shinigami who had to deal with the same impairment. How they operated and completed their tasks with their own strength, while others did require some assistance to do the same. They all made it seem as though that there wasn't much of a difference with having two arms. She couldn't have discover that to be any more naive than before. Much of the simple tasks that she could have done effortlessly now took some....refinement to take care of. Firstly, her clothes were annoying to put on. Even putting on a simple garment as a patient's robe was just horrid. Not to mention doing her hair now was something that made her fatigue mentally. How was it that those Shinigami were capable of caring for themselves with such an odd predicament?
Kaijin dealt with these rehabilitation courses with her hair loose, hanging over her back. It was so much that she lacked an arm now, but moving about in a physical body was much more troubling. The strength that is required now proved that she lost much of herself when her powers as a Shinigami faded away. For the woman to get out of bed, she often found herself rolling over the railing and falling onto the ground. The Nurses would overhear the commotion and rush to help her, often responding with, "Are you okay? Please call us if you need to move." It was embarrassment that she felt. She had done things that would emit such a response, since she does sleep in the nude a lot. But this wasn't it. It was shame that she felt.
The shame that she needed help to just move around in her own bed. Other people would come to check up on her to see if she was moving around, or trying to get out of bed. Kaijin couldn't move around as she use to as her body was still in the healing process. Was this what Marcus felt the time when he was injured? She couldn't stop them from falling. Just remembering that time and his struggles made her eyes water every time. But, at the same time, that helplessness also gave birth to strength. That sense of determination to grow, to be better. It was still there. Even with swelling tears, with the pain in her legs cracking her train of thoughts, Kaijin had to keep going. No matter how much it hurts. Her right leg caved, dropping the woman onto the support railing on the small catwalk. Her eyes cringed, seizing shut as she gasped for air. The pain overcame her will.
The Nurses to the woman's sides immediately sprang into action. Reaching out to hold and care for the woman, the nurses motioned to provide support to Kaijin. It felt as if her legs finally caved in from the weight of her own body, but it was really due to the lack of exercise, the strain of pushing her body past it's still fatigued state. Unlike before, the woman lacked the essence of her spirit to harden her natural abilities. Before, reiatsu surged throughout her body as a wealth spring that nourished her would be tired form. Her own body at that time was constructed by her own spirit. Just as all of the Shinigami consisted of, Kaijin too had her body as strong as her spirit. Thus, it was capable of withstanding much more than the typical flesh made body. Easily capable of being hurt, and vulnerable to the elements, and yet, those small sensations enabled them to live. A sense of life that a Shinigami wouldn't be able to understand. As vulnerable as they were, it also revealed a crucial fact to the French woman as life wasn't meant to be spent laying around. For them, time is short, and is required to be pursued.
She struggled, gripping the railings with the edge of her fingers coiling around their hard surface. Her arms trembled as much as her legs did. Kaijin's will was strong as a spirit, but here in the World of the Living, she had to relearn the basics of her own body. Constricted, chained, shackled to the conformity that was her flesh. This was what made humans weak. Yet, this was what made them strong, what makes Marcus as strong as he is. The obstacles that he must have to endure during times such as this must have been most difficult. The image of him straining himself, pushing himself to do more fueled Kaijin's own will. It didn't matter how much her legs screamed, or that of her arm, she had to try.
"Please Miss. It is best to stop now before you hurt yourself." A single Nurse posed her standing on the matter whilst Kaijin struggled back onto her trembling feet. She could feel her fingers slipping away from her sturdy support rail as her body inched up. Both legs were steadily shifting from being parallel to the ground to corresponding. "Please do not strain yourself. You are still recovering." Kaijin didn't want to listen to their words. The same words in which she had in her mind. But she couldn't. She couldn't allow herself to fall into weakness. She couldn't see herself becoming just like everyone else. "But, you ar' like everyone elze." Those thoughts rang, as if they were sounded to strike the life of her legs once more. The woman tumbled over, falling in between the narrow railed path onto her injury.
"DOCTOR," one of the Nurses called out as she bore witness to the red that spread across her newly wrapped bandages. The blonde strands of her hair overlapped her watering eyes. It cloaked the emptiness that was suppose to be her left arm. This she knew was her punishment. "Zhiz iz what you wanted. Zhiz iz zee path zhat you wizhed fo, no?" She found herself muttering to no one but herself. This was the price that she had to accept for the result of her crimes. This was the price she had to pay for her sins. What may have been her own physical weaknesses that drove her to the ground, but in all honesty, she could have thought it being the sins that she had piling on top of her that caused her to fall again. "Liar. Zheze ARE your zinz zhat are cauzing zhiz to happen. Zhiz iz what you wanted."
"No, zhiz izn't what I wan-ted." How many of her comrades died to insure that she survived? How many of them had to die for her selfishness? How many lives exactly? She didn't know. Kaijin only looked back once to see them fighting. But, to check to see if they had survived, then no. The ex-Captain didn't dare to look back, for if she did, then she would have wanted to fight and die beside them. She understood what it was that they wanted, their desire, but did it make it any easier for her? It didn't. When it came to leading others into a fight, towards war, to make a decision to throw lives away, or to have them spent with purpose, it was never an easy choice to make. As a leader, she had to make that decision when the time required it. Was it easy, never. Neither choice was the correct one as life would always be lost in either decision. All that could have been done with fulfill the wish in which they had given to her. And that was to live. Still, it wasn't easy for her to make that decision.
The Doctors arrived to help support the woman as a stretcher came shortly after. Pressured had been applied to Kaijin's wound, just as it was before to keep the blood settled. Kaijin had a few of the stitches that kept a corner of her wound sealed. It throbbed as warmth caressed her left side. Subtly at first, then grew cold. On instinct alone she reached to grasp that empty left side to only relearn that she didn't have an arm there no longer. Why must she continue to push away the fact that things will never be the same again? Why deny what was in front of her? She wasn't a Captain anymore. Not even a Shinigami either. She was just "Kaijin" now. Harle wasn't there to take the spotlight any longer. That persona, that mask died along with her Shinigami-self. All that remained now was Kaijin, the girl behind the mask.
