Post by Shizuka Sanamizu ✮ on Dec 3, 2017 0:52:07 GMT -5
Since new ages and history updates and things like that are fairly arbitrary details, I'll go ahead and start grading your new powers!
Nanakiba Orochi:
- "As it is a piece of her soul, Shizuyoko wields the weapon effortlessly and as quickly as one would wield a wakizashi." - Obviously since it's your Zanpakutō it's supposed to be easy to wield, but make sure you have the appropriate skill points to actually use your weapon properly!
- "The blade itself having shattered into no less than 50 shards, however these shards are almost impossible to see." - They can't be impossible to see. Having anything close to an invisible weapon is highly unfair and not fun to play against. They can stay as 50 shards, but they cannot be difficult to see for anyone.
Tamashi No Orochi:
- "When swung, these blades can, at will, be separated and mentally manipulated, making them incredibly erratic and hard to track." - I also allow you to mentally and effortlessly control any of these shards without a significant per-post cost. I would say 50 Reiatsu a post to keep them going would be fair and 50 Reiatsu at the beginning just to release the shards into the open, but they need to be able to be dodged. Otherwise, it looks like something that can One-Hit-KO someone and that's against site rules.
Jōnetsu no Akai Ryōiki:
- "Under this Domain, her blade drinks in energy and aggression from all it comes into contact with. When in contact with the color red, or any bodily fluid (Sweat or blood specifically), this blade takes on a power equal to 250% of it's original value, and even other blades of other domains are able to effect with a force of 150% of their normal durability and cutting strength." - The increase in blade power should never be that high. That's ridiculous. It needs to be lowered to 75% at the highest. The 150% should also be lowered in that regard to maybe 50%.
Orenji-iro no shōten:
- "When in contact with the color orange, this blade takes on 200% of it's normal potency and durability." - Bring that 200% down to no more than 70%.
Yorokobi no Kin Ryōiki:
- "When connected to the matching color, this blade gains 200% of it's potency and durability" - No more than 70%.
Seichō no Hisui Ryōiki:
- "When in contact with the color green, this Blade takes on 200% of it's potency and durability, but still bows under the Doctrine of Heaven." - No more than 70%.
Kizoku no Murasakiiro Ryōiki:
- "In contact with the color purple, this blade holds 200% of it's durability and cutting power." - No more than 70%.
Higai no Gin Ryōiki:
- "This blade in contact with the color silver has a potency and durability of 200% of it's normal ammount, and generally is the blade that she uses against other shinigami when clashing." - No more than 70%.
Shi no Kuroi Ryōiki:
- "When in contact with the color black, this blade holds 200% of it's normal potency and durability." - No more than 70%.
"Whenever these blades come into contact with their matching color, they immediately begin drinking in the vibrancy of the color, this starts building up energy. Each time this occurs, energy is built up in increments of 50 (100 when something red is struck, 200 when the crimson blade strikes something red). This energy can then be stored and used in other attacks. This reservoir is called Iro Shokuji (Color Meal)" - These numbers are too high. I'd like to see increments of 10 or 20, and it can go up to 50 when something red is struck and 100 when it strikes the actual same color as the blade. The energy also can't be stored indefinitely. I'd like to see a post limit for how long before that energy is depleted. Maybe 2 posts? The two posts would be your own, so it'd be like two turns.
Daihachi-bi:
- "When released, the blade shatters and separates into fifty dark shards, impossible to see with the naked eye. They do however have a very distinct feel of malice coming from them, as if all of the evil that Shizuyoko lacks were put into it." - No invisible weapons. They absolutely must be visible to the naked eye. Having invisible weapons is unfair and against the rules.
Tengoku no Aoi Ryōiki:
- "Because she cannot attack the color blue specifically, these blades consume ANY ability to see or perceive at all. As a result of these dreadful scales, they are treated as if they had a 2 in stealth and completely invisible." No Stealth Skill applied to powers. Other mods are free to contest this, but I don't think it should pass. You cannot have invisible weapons. The entire point of a Release is to unleash spiritual power. Other characters use Stealth to their advantage, but your powers cannot be stealthed away.
- "They cannot ever be truly seen, and they can barely be heard as they slice through the air. However, they give off such a malignant aura of darkness that those with 100 dark aura or at least 85 Light Aura are able to sense their general direction as if they had 1 point in anti-stealth." - Again, no invisible weapons. Being barely heard is decent, but people who have high senses should be able to hear them regardless. Sensing general direction also coincides with Energy Sensory, but if you choose to link it to LA or DA, you still can't compare it to a character Skill. Skills are not meant to ever be part of powers. They are meant to aid in combat because they are simply skills that your characters have, not limiters by which to base your powers on. I suggest you remove that detail.
- "Additionally, at least 200 in either senses or energy Senses will also count as 1 point against the stealth of these blades, allowing a general sense of the blade's direction from either their sound or their reiatsu signature. A combination of Aura and this level of senses/es will allow one to know the exact location of the blades as if they could be seen.
400 in Senses or ES will have the same effect, as would a 2 in Anti-stealth." - Again, remove the Skill linkage. Your powers should have no Skill comparisons whatsoever. I would also like to lower the number from 400 to 300. Not many people have 400 anyway, so it doesn't seem fair. Remove the details that relate to Skills. They have nothing to do with your powers.- "Not only does this allow the blades to attack relentlessly, but this is also ain infectious condition. When coming into contact with any of these small scale shards, an object loses it's color, and indeed any ability for a person to sense it without the proper aura, anti-stealth, senses, es. And by doing so, erases the target's ability to have any discernable color, and as such, any of Nanakiba's blades that come into contact with it, act as though the target is Red. Although even with the necessary skills/aura/stats an individual can sense and locate these scales and things infected by them, they cannot be seen. Only Shizuyoko, with her unique vision, can actually see the blades as well as objects infected in this manner. This is not an affliction to the object itself, but is simply the ability coating it, devouring the light around the object, and as such, a target with a 100% superiority to Shizuyoko's OS (Including Strength) is able to wipe the effect away by flexing their muscles/reiatsu and forcing it from the affected material. Those with 3x her OS(including strength) exude such a powerful aura that her ability goes completely inert when in contact with them." - Okay. I have a huge problem with this entire paragraph. The blades shouldn't be able to just attack relentlessly. There needs to be a limit on them. I also need you to explain the 'infectious condition,' because as it is now, I'm extremely unlikely to pass any of this. I will not allow invisible weapons, so take that out. People must be able to see them. Either add more details about how it can be avoided or just remove this ability entirely. But before you do that, please explain to me what you specifically mean for this ability to do.
Kuroi Ryōiki no Shokuji:
- "Any target within 10 meters of any of this fluid become nauseated, and unless they have at least a 4 points between Strength of Will and Battle Focus, they begin vomiting uncontrollably and suffer from internal organ pain." - I'm fine with this because it isn't something directly related to the power. It is genuinely a Skill that the character has that can help prevent physical effects.
- "but when attempting to execute a technique or ability that requires the use of their body and not simple mental control, the target does so at 50% Speed and OS.
A target with OS superiority to Shizuyoko's (Including strength) will be able to shrug off these affects for a single post by paying 300 reiatsu. Shizuyoko can pay for gallons of Ichor with Color meal instead of Reiatsu." - Nope. If someone has a superior OS, they can just shrug it off. You can put a specific amount for a superior OS, but there shouldn't be a payment on their part, and especially not that large of one. I also don't like the stat alterations, so I'd remove those.
Hisui Ryōiki no Shokuji:
- "The effect of the drink causes a boost of energy throughout Shizuyoko's body, allowing her to execute step techniques at an increase of 50% rounded down(10x boost becomes 15x (10+5), 13x boost becomes 19x (13 +6)) as well as allowing her to use physically straining techniques an extra time before sustaining damage from overuse. This drink can only be ingested twice per long rest, and each ingestion only lasts 2 posts.
Shizuyoko can use Color Meal to pay for producing a drink instead of reiatsu." - If you want it to increase Speed by a margin, that's one thing. But I don't approve of it having anything to do with a step technique. Those are pretty specific general techniques. Additionally, I think the usage should be twice per thread. I also think there should be a Reiatsu payment rather than Color Meal paying for it.
Gin Ryōiki no Shokuji:
- "filling the area around Shizuyoko in a radius of 5 meters around her. Anything that comes into contact with this mist is cursed to be Harmed. When using Os in a defensive way, or any way that is avoiding harm (resisting negative effects, defending from an attack), the person's Os is considered 1/3rd it's normal value (this does not effect their ability to use their OS offensively), so long as they are stained by this mist.The stain can be physically washed off with fluids that are not sweat or blood (as they fall within the Crimson Domain and thus lie within Shizuyoko's advantage).
Producing this mist costs 200 reiatsu and lasts for 3 posts. Shizuyoko can pay for this with Color Meal instead of Reiatsu." - I need a bit of explanation here, as well. I like to see numbers, so use as many as you can. 5 meters as a radius is too large for something like this to work. I also don't think Color Meal should be able to pay for it. But just explain this in a little more detail for me so we can discuss it.
Tengoku ni Taisuru Ekibyō:
- "In addition to rendering infected surfaces from sight, Shizuyoko's blades have the ability to defile that which they come into contact with beyond just turning them invisible." - No. No invisible things.
- "Additionally, when being sensed by others, their Dark Aura is considered 100, however they do not gaina ny other benefits that one would have from having 100 dark aura." - This doesn't even make sense, really. It's fairly pointless, so I'd remove them.
- "Individuals with 100 Dark Aura already are immune to this technique, as are those with 100% superiority to Shizuyoko's OS (Including strength). Activating this curse costs 100 reiatsu." - 50%
Stat superiority at maximum.
Kōhai Jikkō-en:
- "This technique allows Shizuyoko's invisible scales to unleash a powerful attack. Each shard scale becomes briefly visible, and any material infected with her zanpaku'to's invisibility becomes visibe as a black mass." - No invisible stuff.
- "After a brief delay (relative to Shizuyoko's speed, making this incredibly hard to react to for those with inferior speed)" - Then there's no delay? Be specific. Use numbers.
- "sending meter-long lances of Shizuyoko's bone into their surroundings with durability and piercing power equal to Shizuyoko's OS" - Does it use her literal bones? If it's her actual bone, this needs either a higher cost or a severe limitation.
- "In addition to making Daihachibi visible, this technique's delay also makes it possible for fast opponents to attack the shards during this technique, though if they have been infected by Daihachi-bi, this technique is incredibly dangerous for them. " - No invisible junk.
Tengoku ni Taisuru Hanran no Karada:
- "In addition to sacrificing 10 scales per tail, this technique costs 25 reiatsu per tail to accomplish." - If it takes on the abilities of your sword, it needs a higher cost. I think 100 per tail is fine. I'd be willing to drop to 50 if there was another significant drawback.
Tamashi No Orochi:
- "At this point her transformation is not complete. and unlike her tails, the scales on her body only have half the normal durability ( 325(Class 3), 425(Class 2), 525(Class 1), 625(Class 0) )." -
These values definitely need to come down.- "In this form ,she gains full durability of her scales, but at a Value equal to her strength rather than the flat values her tails once had." - I need numbers. With how the others looked, I'm thinking this will be entirely too high.
- "Because she cannot attack the color blue specifically, these blades consume ANY ability to see or perceive at all. As a result of these dreadful scales, they are treated as if they had a 2 in stealth and completely invisible. They cannot ever be truly seen, and they can barely be heard as they slice through the air." - I'm sure I made a comment about this somewhere before. No invisible stuff and no giving powers Skills. Skills are not meant for powers.
- "However, they give off such a malignant aura of darkness that those with 100 dark aura or at least 85 Light Aura are able to sense their general direction as if they had 1 point in anti-stealth. Additionally, at least 200 in either senses or energy Senses will also count as 1 point against the stealth of these blades, allowing a general sense of the blade's direction from either their sound or their reiatsu signature. A combination of Aura and this level of senses/es will allow one to know the exact location of the blades as if they could be seen.
400 in Senses or ES will have the same effect, as would a 2 in Anti-stealth." - I definitely already made comments about this before. Refer to those.- "Not only does this allow the blades to attack relentlessly, but this is also ain infectious condition. When coming into contact with any of these small scale shards, an object loses it's color, and indeed any ability for a person to sense it without the proper aura, anti-stealth, senses, es. And by doing so, erases the target's ability to have any discernable color, and as such, any of Nanakiba's blades that come into contact with it, act as though the target is Red. Although even with the necessary skills/aura/stats an individual can sense and locate these scales and things infected by them, they cannot be seen. Only Shizuyoko, with her unique vision, can actually see the blades as well as objects infected in this manner. This is not an affliction to the object itself, but is simply the ability coating it, devouring the light around the object, and as such, a target with a 100% superiority to Shizuyoko's OS (Including Strength) is able to wipe the effect away by flexing their muscles/reiatsu and forcing it from the affected material. Those with 3x her OS(including strength) exude such a powerful aura that her ability goes completely inert when in contact with them." - Also made comments about this exact thing, too. Refer to those.
- "Lastly, because of the physiology of her new form, Shizuyoko's Step techniques are reduced to 4x speed as their base." You should simply say she's physically slower rather than mentioning step techniques. If she's slower, it's only natural for her stepping techniques to also be slower.